Dearest Father,

I went to see Anders today, mostly because he's been really reclusive lately. He comes out when I ask him to, but he doesn't bother to come visit me like he used to when I lived at Gamlen's. Now I have to hunt him down, and more and more I noticed his clinic was closed. I didn't want to pry, because according to Varric he's still harboring feelings for me so I didn't want to give him the wrong idea. But I finally caught up with him and found out what he's been up to.

He softened my heart when I first entered the clinic, putting out milk for any stray cats that may be thirsty. It was a gentler side I hadn't seen before; no Justice, no vengeance, just the kind hearted man that heals refugees from Ferelden for no coin and offers treats to the local strays. I wish he were like this all the time Father, so gentle and sweet. Of course it didn't take long for our conversation to turn unpleasant.

Anders began by thanking me, for making a name for myself in Kirkwall. He claims it's done a lot for mages, me up in Hightown having come from the streets of Lowtown. Sure I worked hard at it, and sacrificed a lot to get to where I am now, but that had nothing to do with me being a mage and everything to do with giving Mother back what she had lost. I don't think Anders sees it that way though.

He said I was the type of leader his circle of apostates needed, that I was some kind of spokesperson that could tell the world we won't be punished any longer for our Maker given gifts. That's when I realized the depth of what he was up to, why he had begun hiding himself away.

I told him there was no way I was going to volunteer to lead his revolution. Is it strange that as a mage I say I don't agree with his plight that all mages should be free? Look at all the free mages I've come across in the last 4 years? Not one of them has been innocent of any wrong doing. Are there good mages in the world? Maker I hope so, but I've seen more bad than good, so no, I don't want freedom for all mages.

Anders pleaded with me. Told me that the mages he's associated with look up to me, that they want what I have. Honestly Father I have no idea why I am allowed to walk free, and in the public eye no less. I don't know if it's Carver or Cullen protecting me behind the Gallows walls. Or maybe it's just dumb luck. Or maybe the knight-commander is using me as an example as much as Anders wants to; that she's counting on me doing something so horrific one day that she can say, "See? I tried to give a mage her freedom, and look what happened!"

I made the mistake of asking him if the Circle was so bad. That didn't go over well at all. He brought up you and Mother, asking me why I thought you both had fought so hard to keep Bethany and I out of the Circle. He said you are tormented, told every day that you were born with sin, that the Maker hated you. Anders said he saw more mages die from suicide than demons.

There was similar talk from Grace about the Starkhaven Circle. Are they all corrupt Father? Are none of them assisting the mages as they should? While Anders wanting to free the mages I can support and get behind, only because of what he's told me, I can not lead them. If they are truly good, and I hope they are for Anders to be consorting with them, then they deserve a chance to try I suppose as much as I have been given the opportunity. If only this was all Anders wanted.

When he began going on about how the Chantry itself must be overturned, that there was in fact a revolution forming, I had to take a step back. Mages are born mages, Templars are created by man. That's what he said, and he's right, but again I have seen too many bad things happen because of mages that have used their gifts to hurt people. As the guard polices the citizens, the Templars need to police the mages.

It's something he and I will never agree on, and I have a feeling you and I wouldn't either Father.

Thankfully I ended our talk on a positive note, asking him why none of my friends can ever strive to be the best wallop player or something. That got him to laugh, and it was nice to see him smile again, even if only for a moment. Then he said he wouldn't be doing what he was doing without my support, that there was no way he could keep Justice from surfacing without me. "I know you won't let me lose myself to him," he had said.

No pressure there, right? I feel like I can barely keep control of myself these days, and now Anders has willingly placed his sanity in my hands. With all that he's involved in, I can't be with him every day and night. What if something happens while they are attempting to free mages from the Gallows? What if he gets caught, and Justice reveals himself to the Templars? They'll run their blades through him without hesitation, thinking he's an abomination!

I love that he trusts me this much, and I hate it all the same. He's unknowingly put this weight upon my shoulders that I just don't know if I can carry. His faith in me, in my ability to protect him from the spirit that possesses him... I can't do it Father. I don't even know how, or if, I could do it again.

Maker, please don't let me fail my friend. I don't think I could live with myself if something were to happen to him. To any of them. They have all become my family now, and the thought of losing them terrifies me.

Sorry to lay all this on you Father, but my vow to avoid the Chantry has left me with few options to turn to in my need for comfort. At least I have you, somewhere, looking out for me. I will do what I can for Anders, and if that means assisting him with the freeing of mages I will. I must protect my friends as they have done for me. Maybe if I keep an eye on who he is letting go free, I can make sure nothing bad happens.

Or at least try.