Dearest Father,
For a while now I was putting off visiting Arianni in the alienage. Mostly because I usually have Fenris with me, and he despises the place, but also because the letter she had sent me was worrisome. She said that Feynriel's nightmares had returned, and neither the Keeper nor the first enchanter knew how to help. What good would I be when those two didn't have the answers? But something told me I should go and look into it, now rather than later, so I went.
Varric, Fenris, and Aveline joined me in visiting the lowest corner of Lowtown. We met with Arianni, who was heartbroken when I spoke with her. Feynriel refused to see her, sent her away, and she just got word that two days ago Feynriel fell into a nightmare and has yet to return.
If only I had gone sooner, maybe I could've prevented this. But I was too wrapped up in my own business, and didn't want to face what I knew I would have to, so I avoided her.
Arianni said Feynriel was near death, according to the Keeper. My guilt in delaying the inevitable had me agreeing to anything, so when Arianni told me that Keeper Marethari had an idea for a ritual to go after Feynriel in the Fade, I volunteered. Aveline immediately disagreed with me, stating that what we were going to attempt was best left for the Circle. But if only someone Feynriel trusts could reach him, it would have to be me, and it would have to be today.
Marethari arrived, and filled us in on what exactly was we were dealing with. Feynriel is what's called a Dreamer, someone who has the ability to manipulate the Fade. A very rare talent because of the demons they attract. If a demon was successful in inhabiting one of these Dreamers, they very well could be unstoppable. I tried not to think about it, people out there with the power to manipulate dreams. It's frightening to imagine, as Marethari explained that Tevinter Dreamers used to enter the minds of the enemy just to kill them in their sleep.
The Keeper gave me one more bit of news, one that did not sit well with me. She told me that if we can not stop the demons from possessing Feynriel, then it was up to me to kill him, thus making him Tranquil. I was honest with her when I told her that becoming Tranquil was Feynriel's greatest fear, and it was not something I was prepared to do. She seemed reluctant to send me after that, but what other choice was there?
We have one hour before Marethari is ready to perform the ritual. Aveline didn't want to come; said she wouldn't be of any use in a realm of dreams and magic. Fenris was hesitant, but said he'd go if I asked him to, which I did. Of course Varric was fascinated, and had no problem jumping into the Fade. As a dwarf, it's probably one of the few opportunities he'll get to visit, and then no doubt will have a million stories from it I'm sure.
With Aveline out, I needed to choose one more person. Marethari warned me to choose carefully, that temptation may be too great for some. That immediately counted Isabela out in my mind; she'd probably give up a leg for a ship or something, so I opted not to even bother asking her. Between you and I Father, I would never trust Merrill in the Fade. Maker knows what other deals with demons she'd agree to. I also wouldn't think to ask Sebastian; crossing the Veil would go against everything he believes in. Which only left me Anders.
He was hesitant at first. His main concern, and rightly so, is Justice. How would a trip to the Fade effect the spirit within? Anders isn't sure, and neither am I, but I guess we'll find out. I don't know if there's any chance of you finding a way to me while I'm there, but if it's possible, well, you know where I'll be.
"It is good to feel the breath of the Fade again, not the empty air of your world."
As they feared, Justice was the dominant one in the Fade. Hawke tried to reach out to Anders, but her efforts were met with nothing but resistance. The spirit was almost annoyed at Hawke for her attempts, but seemed a willing companion in the hunt for Feynriel.
"Come," Justice called. "I sense Feynriel's mind straining. We will not have much time."
Justice led the way, and Hawke was more than willing to give up the leadership role. She hated to admit it, but having the spirit with them seemed to be beneficial. He seemed to somehow feel his way around the large complex of distorted hazed halls that they were dropped into. Varric and Fenris followed Hawke, both unusually silent given the circumstances.
The first demon to approach them was a sloth demon. Justice warned about relaxing around it, but Hawke had no intention of even opening a discussion. Destroying the demon seemed almost too easy; as quickly as it appeared, it diminished back into whatever realm it came from.
After the battle, Justice proceeded down a long hallway, where Hawke finally saw Feynriel. The others in her group were cut off from her as she entered some strange recollection from Feynriel's mind. It was the boy and his father, a loving, tender scene, and Hawke understood now how easy the temptations must be in this place. What she wouldn't give to have the opportunity, though now she kept that thought furthest from her mind.
From all Arianni had told them about Feynriel's father, Hawke knew this vision was false. It was only a demon in disguise, preying on Feynriel's hope that his father had been in his life growing up. Hawke managed to convince the boy, prodded his true memories that did not involve the man, and Feynriel ran from the dream.
A desire demon shifted from the form of Feynriel's father, and the barrier was dropped, allowing Hawke's companions to join her once more. They quickly destroyed the desire demon, and Justice wasted no time leading them to the next area of the Fade where Feynriel had gone to. The only obstacle in their way was a few rage demons.
"This is the dreamer's power," Justice explained. "In his anger over his father, he unknowingly summoned these creatures. He is a danger Hawke - to himself and others."
Hawke wasn't interested in the spirit's opinion, but after another scenario played out before her, she was beginning to think Justice was right; Feynriel still had no control over his power, and would not have survived if it weren't for them. This time it was Marethari telling Feynriel how his magic will save the Dalish, casting him as a hero to his people.
The pride demon didn't go away as easily as the desire, sloth, or rage demons. And Hawke realized now what Marethari warned against: temptation. Justice could not be tempted, and being a dwarf , the demon didn't know what to make of Varric. Hawke kept her mind as focused as possible to prevent the demon's intrusion into her thoughts. So Fenris became the demon's target.
"Those who are free to choose, always want power," the demon said. "You think your friends are different? You think this slave would choose you over his freedom?"
Hawke turned to look at Fenris, knowing his past had always haunted him. She was relieved when he responded defiantly to the demon. "Cast your eyes elsewhere, demon. I won my freedom from the magisters long ago."
It wasn't enough. The demon kept at him, promising power to destroy Danarius and any who would harm him again. It was a gift too tempting to resist, and Fenris accepted.
Dearest Father,
I can not shake the image of Fenris fighting me in the Fade. My best friend, my ever strong rock of support throughout these last few years, turned on me for a promise of power. The one thing he always feared I'd do if given the chance, accept a demon's offer, and he did it while standing beside me. Ignored us all for a chance at revenge against Danarius.
I can't really blame him. It's a torment that he has been living with for as long as he can remember, literally. But being put in the position of having to kill him, even if it was only his image in the Fade, still will haunt my dreams, I am certain. He apologized for his weakness, not realizing he was susceptible to such influence, but didn't say anything more on the walk home. I'm glad he didn't, for right now I have no idea what I would say to him.
As for Feynriel, that didn't end as I had planned either. After the fight with Fenris, Justice took us to another room where the boy was waiting for us. Feynriel thanked me for saving his life, claimed the Fade felt different to him now, and that he knew he could wake himself up. He seemed so proud of himself in that moment Father, so certain that he had a grasp on his powers.
I was almost convinced that he had. I was ready to walk away, leave the Fade and let him continue his life with the Dalish mastering his new ability. Even Varric said he may be ready.
But something stirred within me, something that Feynriel said had my stomach in knots and my heart pounding. He said he wasn't staying with the Dalish, that he wanted to instead go to Tevinter, find someone there to study under, and all I kept thinking about was Fenris, Danarius, and what the mages are like in Tevinter. If Feynriel ended up confiding in the wrong person, in a blood mage...
I wonder if it was because we were in the Fade that Justice was able to read my thoughts. He knew my intentions I think before I did, as he positioned himself in front of the boy. If we hadn't gone to the Fade, if I hadn't talked Feynriel out of both scenarios where he was tempted, he may have given in. And I couldn't let him go to Tevinter. Marethari was right. Feynriel is a danger, no matter how successful we were in getting through to him.
I could not take that risk, Father. And so I killed Feynriel in the Fade, ending life as he knew it.
Maker why, why did I have to do this? Why was I the one who willingly ran to the Fade and was forced to practically murder this boy, who like me, had no control in being born with the power he possessed? He is Tranquil now because of me. A walking statue as his mother had said. Arianni ran to him; Maker knows what she will find when she reaches him. A shadow of the son she once knew.
And all because of me.