Leliana led the way down to the great hall where the ball was to be held. She informed Adriana of all the important people who would be there, including Alistair and Anora.
Adriana feared Alistair might laugh out loud when he saw her. They hadn't seen each other since he had arrived with Fereldan troops to help her at the siege of Vigils Keep.
The room gasped as she entered, she could see some of her Wardens whisper in disbelief when they saw her.
She could understand their whispers, she looked nothing like their practical tomboy of a commander. She felt beautiful.
Cullen was staring, standing to the right of the Inquisitor. Alistair grinned from his place next to Anora.
It felt like a dream, and even more so when Cullen after a few conversations with others came up to her and somewhat embarrassed mumbled;
"Would you honour me with a dance, Warden-Commander?"
She couldn't help but smile and gave him a nod, offering him her hand.
"It would be an honour, Commander,"
She could hear the room gasp and whisper as he took her out on the floor, but that all soon faded as she lost herself to the moment.
He was a much better dancer than she had thought he would be, and he felt as strong and safe as she remembered. For the first time in years she relinquished her command and let him sweep her away across the dancefloor, losing herself to his deep brown eyes.
"You look well," he said as they danced away.
She didn't know what to answer, so said a bit foolishly;
"Thanks. As do you. Do you like it here? With the Inquisition?"
"I guess," he replied "I mean... I do the Makers work here, and protect the innocent from evil. That is good,"
"It is," Adriana agreed, amazed with how muscular his back felt to her hand and over how handsome he was "I am glad to see you do so well,"
He smiled, that small almost hidden smile she remembered so well. It disappeared for a moment when she stepped on his toe. She felt her face grow red and she mumbled;
"I am sorry.. I am a terrible dancer...I don't...go to many parties,"
"It's nothing," he assured her and she noticed he was blushing too "You look magnificent tonight,"
"It is Lelianas doing. She got me all of this. I don't think I own another dress. Darkspawn seldom stop just because you look pretty, and dresses are very impractical when fighting. I do not get how mages still stick to robes when outside of a Circle. Really it is insane. I dropped my as soon as I could for some light armour with enchantments. Do you Templars have the same problem? I mean you have a kind of robe like attire too, but then again you aren't a templar any more are you? Was that insensitive of me? Gosh I am bad at this.. I am ranting am I? Was that your foot I stepped on again? I am so sorry Cullen, I really am. I do not mean to embarrass you in front of everybody, I am am I not? Maker save me..."
He smiled again and softly said;
"Do you want to step outside?"
"Yes!"
She didn't mean to sound that desperate, but it made him laugh at least. He just smiled and led her out into the garden.
It had stopped raining.
She felt his warm hand holding hers and her heart was pounding.
He wasn't a templar any more, it wasn't forbidden for them to care about each other.
She saw him turn his eyes up towards the sky, where the scars of the Breach were still shimmering.
"It feels like it was a lifetime ago," he mumbled
"I can understand. It was really just about a year ago though?" she said standing right next to him, not letting go of his hand.
His head jerked her way, looking confused and then he laughed softly;
"Oh you meant the Breach. I was... thinking about the Circle. Those days when we saw each other every day. It seems like it was another life now. All that routine, the same faces everyday. Nothing new really, until... well... until your Harrowing and Duncans arrival I guess,"
She nodded.
It had been another life. So much had changed since. She had changed so much since. He had changed.
"Well... I guess the Maker didn't have such ordinary plans for either of us," she said with a sigh "I miss it sometimes. The comforting stability of it. I never had to fear what would come next there. The rules were set, and I knew them well,"
"It was an illusion though," Cullen sighed "I... I am glad that they forced you to leave when they did,"
Her heart froze. What did he mean by that? Had he not wanted her there, next to him?
"I don't know what would have become of me if they had slaughtered you during the uprising," he continued, his face growing dark and tormented by the memories.
"Cullen..." she mumbled, squeezing his hand and stepping closer.
"It tortured me with the memory of you," he said in a broken tone "I didn't... It still haunts me,"
"It wasn't real," she mumbled and put her hand on his cheek, turning his face towards her catching his eyes "Cullen. It wasn't real. You stood strong against the demon, and we saved them. You did everything right,"
"I wanted to kill them," he mumbled "I still worry that maybe there is a blood mage hiding there, among those you saved. Or that... I am sorry... I should not burden you. We haven't met in 10 years and I dump all of this on you. I am sorry,"
"Do not apologies" she whispered "I... I care. I want you to feel free to talk to me. I understand. It was my home too. I saw what happened. I... I wasn't there to prevent it, and for that I will always feel guilty. I am so... I just want you to be happy and safe,"
His hidden smile returned. His hand clasped hers as it rested on his cheek, and he smiled.
"You still are the Adriana Amell I remember," he whispered as if he was in awe "Still the kindest, sweetest girl in Thedas,"
She blushed and turned away her gazed mumbling;
"I... I hardly count as a girl any more. I just... I'm just glad to see you doing well and that you have found your place. Leliana speaks highly of you. I've... missed you, and worried,"
"Worried?"
"Well... yes... when they told me you had gone to Kirkwall...and what happened there. I was afraid you would... break. You had every reason to hate mages after that. To... hate us all,"
"I did. For a while, it is not something I am proud of. I could never really commit myself to the hate though, because of you,"
"Because of me?" she glanced at him, a bit confused.
He nodded and looked uncomfortable. Biting his lips and eyes dancing all over the place.
"No matter how dark my mind got I... I always remembered our time together," he stuttered "How kind and loving you were. Like the time when I got a cracked rib from training and you secretly healed me so Greagoir wouldn't find out... or..." he blushed and fell silent.
She smiled.
They had been so young back then. So innocent.
It truly had been another life.
"Well.." she mumbled a bit unsure of what to say "I..I guess you don't have any cracked ribs now?"
A genuine, surprised laugh bubbled out of him and he stared at her shaking his head as he continued to chuckle and she turned into a brighter tone of red.
"No. No I am fine, thank you," he chuckled "It is.. it is truly good to speak to you again,"
She smiled, felt a bit awkward and looked out over the garden. It was a nice garden. She had no idea on what to do next.
It had gone ten years and she still had no idea what to do.
Maybe she had been lucky to be brought into the Grey Wardens and to have spent the last 10 years being in constant peril instead of being expected to become some kind of socialite or leader in a context where leaders weren't appointed by how much damage they could do to their enemy.
She squirmed for a bit and chewed on her bottom lip, trying not to look at him.
She was sure she looked foolish when she did look at him. It wasn't her fault though, it was his fault. He was just too darn handsome.
"So... Good job on closing the Breach," she finally said, feeling like a fool as soon as the words left her mouth.
"Thanks,"
"That Inquisitor. She seems... good. Like she get things done,"
"She does. She is very competent,"
"Good. It is always good when leaders are competent,"
"It is,"
"Yes,"
They fell silent again.
"So... do you like being a Warden?"
He seemed to be grasping for a topic as well.
"I guess. I mean.. It gives me purpose. I..get to see the world. That is good I guess. Meet a lot of interesting people,"
"That is good,"
"Yes... It is. Sometimes it is a bit hard. With all the death and horror but... I manage. I mean, they know to appreciate a healer at least,"
"I bet they do, and you always were a very good healer,"
"Thank you,"
"So... That Nathaniel guy... He is handsome?"
"Is he? I guess... Have never really looked at him like that,"
She was confused by his comment. Nathaniel? Why did he bring up Nathaniel?
"...I see... anyone else that... you know... you keep company with?"
Keep company? What was he talking about?
Oh by the Maker... She finally understood and felt her face burning.
"No! No no no! Nobody. I am all alone. No man at all!" she blurted out in a panic.
Maybe she could set fire to herself? That might distract him from the train-wreck of a person she was?
"I mean.. I .. I have never looked for another man... A man. Like... I mean.."
She was falling over her own words at this moment and took a deep breath and said what she had wanted to say all along;
"I have never wanted anyone but you,"
Dead silence. He didn't even move, she was not sure he even breathed. She panicked, loosened her hand from his and started walking out into the garden. Away from him. She could surely climb the wall or something. Jump from it. If she died she would not have to face him again and she would stop blushing. Maybe turn into a bird and never ever assume human form again? Run inside and make her Wardens kill her? Anything.
She could hear him come after her, he surely said her name but she was to panicked to notice.
She almost fell when he grabbed a hold of her hand and pulled her towards him, then everything disappeared from her mind.
It was as if the world stopped. Time seized, and nothing existed but them.
His kiss was not forceful, but longing. Tender and yearning.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and couldn't help but squeal a little when he lifted her a few inches of the ground never letting the kiss go.
He tasted of sweet breads and wine. His stubble rubbed against her skin and there was nothing she had ever wanted more then that to continue forever. She pulled closer, renewed the kiss with more vigor and rested her forehead against his when it ended, giving him smaller shorter kisses. His lips felt just as perfect against hers as they had 12 years ago.
"...There could never be anyone but you," he whispered, returning her small kisses softly, stroking her cheek in awe "Not one day has passed since you left that tower to fight the Blight that I have not thought about you. Wished for just one more kiss, one more chance to tell you that I love you. I had given up on realizing that dream when I heard that you had disappeared with the other Wardens,"
She smiled, still in a euphoric daze and mumbled;
"Never give up on an Amell, Cullen. We are notoriously hard to kill,"
"That much I have gathered," he replied with a chuckle "Leliana told me you had cured the Calling?"
"Yes," she mumbled "I did... Cullen... I don't know if I could stay. The Wardens still need me, and I don't want to... chain you down,"
"If my love to you are chains, I will gladly bare them," he answered kissing her forehead "And I understand your duty to the Wardens. Just... maybe we could try to see each other more often then every 12th year?"
She nodded. Uncertain what to say or what to expect. It felt so unreal.
"We need to work it out, logistically," she mumbled fingering on his collar, "But we can make it work, I'm sure,"
"Otherwise, lets savour tonight," he mumbled and kissed her again.
A statement she agreed on, and they did by ignoring the rest of the party and sneaking up to his quarters. Not to be seen before noon the next day.