When Hawke didn't get a response from her rapid knocking on Merrill's door, she opened it to see if the mage was home, and if she was alright. She found Merrill sitting at her table, apparently deep in thought. Hawke cleared her throat to announce her presence, and Merrill finally looked up at her.

"Oh, Hawke!" Merrill exclaimed. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."

"Or hear me, apparently," Hawke said as she sat opposite Merrill. "I was knocking, but you didn't answer. I was concerned."

Merrill looked away. "I'm sorry, I was just...thinking. Am I crazy?"

"Is this a trick question?" Hawke asked lightly. When she saw the serious look on the mage's face, she continued. "No, of course not Merrill. What brought this on?"

Merrill sighed, her expression full of despair. "I thought the Arulin'Holm would fix everything. The mirror would work, and everything would be right again."

"Meaning your clan would accept you," Hawke said.

"Yes," Merrill confirmed. "But lately I haven't been able to do anything except remember Pol's face, dreaming about him. The way he looked at me, the way the others do. Everyone I care for thinks I'm a monster."

"I don't think that way Merrill," Hawke stated. "I know Varric doesn't see you as a monster either. Even Isabela adores you. Do our opinions not matter? Only the Dalish?"

Merrill's face flushed with embarrassment. "No, no of course not, that's not what I meant. It's just, oh, I don't know. The way the clan sees me now, I'm sure the stories they tell about me scared Pol enough to run from me in those caves. One look at me and he just took off. I wish he would've listened, given me a chance to explain."

"Tell me about him," Hawke asked. "What was he like?"

"He was with the clan for a long time, found us when he fled from the Denerim Alienage. When we were in Ferelden, Junar taught him the basics of a bow, but he was a fast learner. Soon he was helping Junar train the others in the clan." Merrill thought for a moment. "He was always a bit shy, but I think he may have been involved with Radha. Either that, or she was really bad at archery since they had many private lessons together alone and away from camp. Maybe she should've tried daggers instead?"

"I agree, sounds like Pol was more than just her trainer," Hawke said. "Wasn't Radha one of the hunters we found near the Varterral hunting grounds?"

Merrill nodded. "Pol probably went looking for her and the others when they went missing."

"Her death must have had an impact on him if he cared for her," Hawke offered. "Perhaps it was his grief that drove him toward the Varterral."

"Maybe," Merrill shrugged. "Or a combination. I still wish there was some way we could've saved him. At least we were able to return the amulets of the other hunters that went missing to the Keeper. I carved their names into the frame of the Eluvian. Wanna see?"

"Sure." Hawke stood and followed Merrill into her bedroom where the broken Eluvian stood in the corner. Carved into the wood on the left side was Radha's name. On the right was Harshal, on the bottom Chandan, and at the top, newly etched from the looks of it, was Pol.

"I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do," Merrill said, brushing away the shavings of wood around Pol's name. "I wanted to honor them too, but Marethari would never permit me to attend the tree planting ceremony, so this is all I could think of."

Hawke studied the broken glass within the frame, the reflection of herself distorted from the cracked shards. Though Merrill insisted it didn't work, Hawke thought she heard faint whispers coming from the object, and the hair on the back of her neck rose as a chill rippled over her skin. She took a step back and shook her head. "So the the Arulin'Holm hasn't been a help to you yet?" she asked, hoping what she had just experienced was just her imagination.

Merrill sat in front of the mirror. "No, not yet. So far its only use was to carve the names of my clanmates. I'll figure it out. Maybe then their deaths will mean something then."

Dearest Father,

I'm still at a loss when it comes to understanding Merrill. Sometimes she's so sweet, innocent, lost in the world she lives in now, and other times I have to remind myself that she has made deals with demons. When you look at her, all wide-eyed and curious, she's no different than a child lost in the wonderment of it all. To think that she has the ability to split her skin and use her own blood for power...I can't imagine ever going that far with magic.

We talked a bit today about her clan, and that is something else that puzzles me. To have lived your entire life with a group of people that have turned their backs on you, why would you insist on travelling down the road that you know they disapprove of? She's lonely, she misses them, that is easy to see and hear when you speak with her, but yet she still daydreams over making that mirror work, regaining her people's history somehow, and thinks that would make it all better.

The clan has been very clear about not wanting her to pursue this course she is on, and it's the only way they'd take her back, so why does she do it? I try to imagine defying you and Mother over something, anything, but I suppose I can't think of anything that would be worth losing the both of you or your respect. I fear the Keeper was right, I fear that Merrill will only find more darkness on this path, and I have been supportive and helpful in her cause.

Am I assisting her in losing everyone she has loved forever? Am I enabling her to fall further into the thralls of blood magic and demons? Should I have taken the Keeper's word and not helped her when I did, turned my back on her as they did and hope it was enough of a lesson? Foolish to think this way, I know, since she didn't listen to her own family, why would she listen to me?

I wish you were here to advise me, to maybe tell me a better way to handle this. You were always so adamant that Bethany and I never even get near the thought of blood magic, so you must have known more about it than we did. I wish you could talk to Merrill, make her see as you made us see that this is just not the way.

She's lost Father. And when it comes to her and how to help her, so am I.