2. Lost and Found

In which Hatter buys himself a world of trouble.

Hatter was sitting with his back to the door, wondering how exactly the Queen harvested Clear Conscience, when he heard them come in.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" he asked, before turning to give "Alice" a good, long look. She certainly didn't seem heroic. No, this must be Alice from the beginning of the story — small, wet, and utterly lost.

"No, thank you. Who are you?" she challenged, like she was daring him to put one over on her. Curious.

"A friend, I hope," he said. "I run the Tea Shop."

Ratty untied a rag on her arm to reveal what looked like a Glow, at least from a distance. "See?" he said.

Hatter waited for her to spin her tale, but she just stood there dripping and watching him warily. He wondered who had sent her. Gryphon, maybe? Magpie? His reputation must be slipping. Only a complete softy would be expected to fall for the damsel in distress routine.

"How'd you break out of the scarab?" he prompted.

"What, the beetle thing? Well, I used my hairpin and–" she gestured to her clothes.

"Fell."

"As you can see, I'm drenched," she said. He nodded, smiling despite himself. She certainly was nice to look at. Nevertheless, Alice was supposed to be blond, which this Oyster wasn't. And the dress was all wrong, blue or not. Whoever Hatter was dealing with had seriously overestimated his susceptibility to a pretty face.

"Look, this place–" She faltered. "Where… what is it?"

"Oh, Wonderland," he said.

"That's a story in a kid's book."

What kind of idiotic— "Does this look like a kids' story to you?" he snapped.

"No," she admitted, looking slightly embarrassed, but still not giving an inch.

Hatter didn't know what to make of her. Maybe she is an Oyster. About time Ratty got something right.

Like most Wonderlanders, Hatter had never actually met an Oyster. He'd seen some at a distance during a Casino tour and dinner for the Queen's Tea Shop proprietors, but that was it. (The tour had also included a look at the beheading room and a charming meet-and-greet with March, her favorite assassin. She certainly knew how to make a point.)

But despite what the Resistance had taught him about Oysters and their world, Hatter had always pictured them as docile and not too bright, liked they'd looked in the Casino, like... well, like cattle, actually. He knew it wasn't logical, but it made his job easier.

This Oyster was something else, though. She was alert, self-possessed, and seemed pretty savvy. She was also deep-down terrified — he could practically feel it — but she wasn't going to admit it. It was possible that she was just a really good actress, but Hatter doubted it.

Oyster or not, she wasn't being very forthcoming, and that just wouldn't do. Fortunately, reading people was Hatter's specialty. It was just good business: don't make a deal until you know more about them than they do about you.

And if somebody doesn't want to be read, you just have to find their buttons. And push them.

"It's changed a lot since then," he said, coming over to get a better look at her.

"So you're saying that it was real?" she asked.

"You Oysters don't know how to find us, so — excuse me." He took her arm and inspected the Glow. "You tell yourselves we don't exist. And quite frankly, we'd like to keep it that way."

The mark looked real enough. Dodo would know.

Of course, maybe finding the Great Library is what this is all about, he thought. Nah, the Queen's not that sly. If she thought I was in the Resistance, I'd be in the Truth Room already.

"Why am I an 'Oyster?' Wh– this?" She gestured to her arm.

"That's not going to come off. Sorry." He gave her a mischievous grin, which she failed to appreciate.

"Only people from your world turn green when burnt by the light," he explained. "It's the Suits' way of branding their catch. And they call you Oysters because of the shiny little pearls that you all carry inside."

"What do you mean, pearls?"

As she dropped her arms to her sides, Hatter noticed her fiddling with something, a golden ring with a large stone. Well, he thought, that adds a new piece to the puzzle.

"She's Alice!" Ratty interrupted. "Tell him who you are!"

"Wow! Really?" Hatter asked with mock excitement. He circled her, leaning in closely. "Ooooooo."

It seemed to make her nervous, and she glared daggers at him. Excellent.

"Ratty here," he said, "thinks you're Alice… of Legend." If she was going to play the hero card, now would be the time.

"Who?" she asked.

"The last time a girl called Alice came here from your world," Hatter explained, "she brought down the whole house of cards." He leaned in again, deliberately invading her space. "Oh, yeah. Made quite an impression."

He was definitely getting to her, but still all she did was glare. This Oyster was fierce like the legendary Alice, that was for sure. No nonsense and all that. Looked like she'd spit in the Queen's face if she wanted to.

Now, wouldn't that be something, Hatter thought. The real Alice come back. Shuffle the whole damn lot of them, eh? Wonderland—

Then he did the math, and came swiftly back to reality. "Although that was 150 years ago," he said, mentally kicking himself. "It can't be the same girl. Oysters don't even live that long." You romantic idiot. Next it'll be the White Knights, eh? Just like Granddad always said.

"I still want a good price," Ratty insisted.

For some reason, this pushed her over the edge. "Wait a minute!" she shouted. "I am not for sale."

Hatter gestured for her to wait, gave her a look that said, "Can you believe this guy?" and went to find a suitable reward for Ratty.

He browsed his private stock for something that would get Ratty out the door and out of commission for a while. Serenity? No. Excitement would do it, but it was an awfully valuable trade for one little Oyster, even if she did have a ring to bargain with.

Did he trust her? Mostly, he decided. He was willing to bet she was an Oyster, so unless she'd been really sneaky (and she didn't seem the type), the White Rabbit had noticed she was gone and would be out looking for her. At the moment she seriously needed a friend, and Ratty wasn't it. And if this was a con after all, Dodo could take care of her, and he'd still get his cut of the ring. Either way, it was worth the gamble.

Now, to make Ratty forget all about the boring old Oyster, even if her name was Alice.

"Here we are," Hatter announced, displaying the bottle. He brought it slowly toward Ratty, crafting his pitch. "Pink nectar. Filled with the thrill of human Excitement. Fifty Oysters were drained of every last drop of hullabaloo so that you, Ratty, could taste what it feels like to win…just…this…once."

He held it out, but snatched it back again at the last moment. "Warning! Don't take it on an empty stomach, and only one tiny drop at a time, or the experience might burst your shriveled-up little heart. Got it?"

"Got it," Ratty nodded.

"Good. Go." Ratty scurried out, clutching the bottle. I still got it, Hatter thought with a smile.

"Oysters were drained?" she asked, jarring him back. "What do you mean drained?"

Right. She'd heard that, hadn't she. Hatter really didn't want to talk about this. Best to change the subject. "Ratty tells me you're looking for someone."

"His name is Jack Chase. He was taken by a man with a white rabbit on his lapel."

Hatter's stomach dropped. Damn. Of course it's an Oyster, idiot. Who'd you think she was going to be looking for? Owl?

"I see." Hatter calmly took a sip of tea. "Hmm." He felt powerless, which was unusual and unwelcome.

The Resistance treated Oysters like a problem to be solved, not a people to be freed. And Hatter preferred not to think about them at all. He did his part and let Caterpillar and company worry about the big picture. No sense getting bent out of shape about something you couldn't change, right?

But here it was, staring him in the face. Someone this Oyster knew had disappeared into the Casino, someone with a home and a name—maybe even kids. And he was never coming back.

Sometimes Hatter really hated this place.

"The White Rabbit is an organization controlled by the Suits," he explained, trying to stay professional. "They travel back and forth through the Looking Glass and 'banish' people from your world to ours." It sounded so much worse when he said it out loud like that.

"Why?"

"To use."

"Use?" she asked.

Hatter was an honest man, mostly. The trick was telling the right amount of truth at the right time. That had probably been too much.

"Did I say use? A slip of the tongue. They're fine! You know, they keep them… alive and… moderately happy."

"How do I get to this casino?" she asked. Her voice was calm, like she was just curious, but her face was hard with anger.

With a shock, Hatter realized that she meant it. The Oyster was completely mad — brave, but mad. Who hears about someone holding her boyfriend captive and decides to just stop by? What's she going to do, knock on the door?

He almost laughed. "That's the thing! You don't. Way too dangerous." Hatter couldn't imagine the kind of power and information you'd need to spring someone from the Casino. The idea was ludicrous.

But he couldn't just let her go. She was going to get eaten alive, unless the White Rabbit found her first. And then there'd be no helping her, just like there was no helping her boyfriend.

Dodo and the Resistance were her best option, he decided. They would do as much as they could, in exchange for that lovely ring, and he could take a little off the top for his troubles. Everybody's happy.

"But I know some people," he went on, "who know some, well, other people, if you know what I mean. It's one of the privileges of running a Tea Shop."

It wasn't exactly a promise of help, but thankfully, she didn't notice. At the very least, the Resistance would keep her out of trouble long enough to get her safely out of Wonderland.

Hatter went to his closet and grabbed a purple velvet coat someone had traded him last winter for an ounce of Innocence. He wished he didn't remember that.

"You should wear this," he said, bringing it to Alice. "It'll cover the Glow, and stop you from catching a cold."

"I have a little money," she said. "But I understand you don't use that here."

"Pieces of paper? Pointless."

"Then why would you help me?"

For this to work, she'd have to start trusting him, even a little. Time to turn on the charm. He circled behind her and said softly in her ear, "Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a very wet dress?"

The look she gave him was like a slap in the face.

"Oh, I see. You don't trust me. Fine! I am genuinely hurt."

It took all Hatter's self-control not to scream in frustration. It wasn't enough that the Resistance treated him like some kind of shabby con artist. Now this Oyster, who he was helping at the risk of his own life and professional reputation, assumed he was some kind of… of…

You know where I'd be today if I wasn't a decent guy? he wanted to ask. Not still pushing Tea in this godforsaken City, that's for sure. I'm no knight, alright? But I'm the best you're going to get.

"You know why they call me Hatter?"

"Because you wear a hat?"

"No." Pull yourself together, Hatter. You're a professional. Give her a reason to trust you. "Because I'm always there when they 'pass the hat,' so to speak. Philanthropy, generosity, I mean, you can call it what you will — it's who I am!" His conscience kicked him, but he ignored it. That was mostly true, no matter what that rotter Dodo thought. He wasn't in this business for his health, was he?

"And right now," he said, "looking at you there, there's nothing I want more than to help you find…" Oh, come on.

"Jack," she said.

"Jack! And return you both to your charming world of children's stories."

"I don't believe you."

"I know what you're thinking," he said. "But if I'm the frying pan, then that out there is the fire." No exaggeration there.

She still didn't budge. Maybe it was time to tone down the selfless hero act, since she wasn't buying it anyway.

"I'll be square with you," he said. "I know people who like to help your kind. And if every once in a while I scratch their back…"

"They'll scratch yours," she finished. She didn't really look convinced, but maybe it would be enough.

"Precisely. Lotta scratching!"

He waited. After one more appraising look, she turned and picked up the coat.

Bingo.

"Do try to keep up," he said, opening the back door.

It was turning out to be a very interesting day.