Dearest Father,

I'm not exactly sure where to begin. With my failure? My ignorance? How my mistakes may have cost the Viscount his son? How does one admit they were wrong, especially to their father?

I thought it would all be okay. I thought I could do the right thing by everyone. As it turns out, I didn't have a clue what I was up against until now. And now it's too late.

Start at the beginning you always said. I guess that's as good a place as any to start. Bodahn told me I had received a letter, an important looking one by the looks of the messenger he said. He wasn't wrong, as the letter was from Viscount Dumar. What surprised me most about the letter wasn't that it was from him, but the contents within:

Please come speak with me - and only me - in my keep. It is a matter of the utmost privacy and urgency, and I can trust it to no one else.

I wasn't aware that we had established that sort of rapport. I have been supportive of him as much as possible, but to ask for me because he trusts no other, was a shock. I respected his wishes, and went to see him alone. Seneschal Bran did not look happy to see me; I suspect he was not considered to be someone Dumar trusted, and he knew it. He did not have the most pleasant expression when I greeted him before I entered the Viscount's office and closed the door behind me.

Dumar began the visit by telling me about how the Qunari have not only defined his political life, but now they infected his family. He told me Saemus had converted to the Qun and left for the Qunari compound. I can't say I was surprised by this, after speaking with Saemus in the past and seeing his compassion for those beasts. But I was surprised when the Viscount asked me to go and speak with Saemus, and convince him to come home.

It didn't make sense to me, why the Arishok would accept a human. Dumar believed that since the Arishok has lost many men to death or defection, that he was trying to rebuild his army. Accepting Saemus into that army would be a huge political maneuver on the Arishok's part, which I didn't expect. I thought he hated the politics of this city, was he now beginning to play the game as well?

Dumar also claimed that I was the reason Saemus left. Not directly, but he said I inspired the boy in some way. I get what he was implying, because I have thought about it many times. The freedom to be what I want within the city. I don't know why that freedom has held as long as it has, but being a known mage walking the streets could make anyone believe anything was possible. But for Saemus to walk around Kirkwall as one of the Qunari, being the Viscount's son, I can see where Dumar was concerned. The political ramifications would be immense if those that were against the Qunari now believe the Viscount was supporting their stay here.

A mess indeed, and I had been pulled right into the middle of it.

I had no desire to return to the compound, and so I wasn't going to go it alone. I asked Sebastian, Fenris, and Varric to accompany me, perhaps more out of fear than needing to show numbers in front of the Arishok. He made it clear from our last encounter that he doesn't like me very much by saying he wasn't pleased with me. That's okay though, the feeling is very much mutual.

On the way to the compound we were ambushed by a bunch of thugs. Sebastian wondered if maybe Saemus had set up the attack, that he had somehow heard I was coming to see him, and he was trying to avoid me. I told Sebastian that I didn't believe Saemus would do such a thing, but I wondered if it might have been the Qunari. Would they have bothered to hire the locals to try and stall us?

As we entered the compound, Sebastian asked if there was any chance the Arishok would just give us Saemus. Fenris' laugh in response disturbed me, but he was right in doing so. It was just wishful thinking on Sebastian's part, and we all knew it. This wasn't going to be an easy conversation, and I doubted the Arishok would even let us anywhere near Saemus.

The Arishok used this opportunity to remind me that he has remained silent over the last four years while fanatics had come after him solely because of his existence. I don't think he understands the fear that having them around has brought to this city. He certainly doesn't understand my fear. I have seen them kill, many times without care, all in the name of their religion. If those fanatics knew half of what I knew, they might have committed bolder acts against the Qunari. But there he stood, claiming innocence during their stay here.

The sad thing is, he actually believes that. Perhaps he has forgotten about the Qunari that defected and attacked the weak outside Kirkwall. Or his releasing his poisonous gas on our city. The Arishok conveniently forgets many of his own provocations, but of course I was too scared to tell him so.

He told me that there were many that have come seeking refuge. I wasn't aware of this, having only known of Saemus. That made me wonder just how many of Kirkwall's citizens he had lurking beneath the compound. And did they run to him because they really believed in what he preached? Or did they do so simply out of fear, knowing he had the stronger army? Again, not questions I was comfortable asking, so I just got to the point of our visit.

I did manage to bring up the fact that having Saemus as a convert was quite the advantage, being that he was the Viscount's son. The Arishok insisted that to him, Saemus was no longer the Viscount's son, just another convert. But he also said that the Qun may demand they use that advantage. I still don't understand the dynamics of Qunari and how they work, but to me this sounded like nothing more than a contradiction.

This is also when the Arishok let us know that Saemus wasn't even at the compound, and that he had gone to see the Viscount. This made me uneasy, and it didn't get any better when he said that the Viscount had sent a letter requesting Saemus meet him at the Chantry. After everything Dumar told me in his office, I knew the letter couldn't have been from him. He would never setup a meeting in the Chantry, that wouldn't look good for anyone involved. He sent me instead, so whoever sent the letter had done so without his permission. Even Sebastian made mention about how the Viscount had never involved the Chantry before.

Instantly we all knew who it was, except maybe for Sebastian, as I had tried to keep him out of our unpleasant history with Mother Petrice. He wasn't with us when we helped her with Ketojan. He wasn't with me when I confronted her about Varnell, or when the delegates were killed. When the Arishok warned us that if Petrice had threatened someone under his command again there would be consequences, the confusion in Sebastian's expression was clear, and I knew I'd have to fill him in on the history we shared with her.

But first I begged the Arishok not to take action. Asked him to please let me handle this instead. I had hoped to talk to Petrice; with Sebastian by my side, I was sure we could convince her to give up whatever she had planned. But the Arishok didn't trust me, said he would be watching to see what happened, and if something happened to Saemus, there would be consequences.

We went to the Viscount and told him what happened. Dumar confirmed that he sent no such letter, that his only action was asking me to assist him. I warned him that Saemus was in danger, but he wasn't hearing me. More concerned that sending armed guards to the Chantry would make him look bad, he left it up to me to try and save his son.

But I failed Father. When we made it to the Chantry, we were too late. Saemus had been propped up in a kneeling position in front of the large statue of Andraste. When I went to him, to try and talk to him, his lifeless body fell over. Mother Petrice arrived at that very moment, accused me of killing Saemus. She claimed I had found him seeking repentance, and killed him on behalf of the Qunari. That couldn't have been further from the truth! Everyone knows I despise the Qunari, even Sebastian stood up to Petrice and told her how wrong she was.

She wouldn't listen. She convinced the group of fanatics she had with her that we were all deserving of death. That siding with the Qunari meant we were denying the Maker and needed to be punished. What a fool she was, to think I served the Qunari, or that I would ever deny the Maker. She didn't even care that Sebastian was with us, someone who clearly would never deny Him. Petrice was convinced that the death of Saemus would show all of Kirkwall that the Qunari needed to be removed from the city once and for all. She claimed to do all this for faith, in the name of the Maker, but I doubt we will ever know the real reason for her taking things this far.

After being forced to slaughter innocent citizens, who were blinded by her lies and thought they were attacking us for some righteous cause, only Petrice remained. At this time Elthina arrived, and I begged her forgiveness as I explained everything to her, which was also the first time Sebastian was hearing about it. Petrice tried once again to blame me for Saemus' murder, but Sebastian informed the Grand Cleric that it wasn't possible because he was with me all day.

Finally Petrice admitted it, her fear of those who had converted to the Qun. Elthina, quite diplomatically, said that the only option would be to pray for those people. We watched as Petrice and Elthina had their own battle with words, and eventually Elthina decided to let the courts decide Petrice's fate. Unfortunately she will never see that day.

A Qunari marksman was waiting in one of the side rooms of the Chantry, and with two quick pulls of his bow, Petrice was dead on the Chantry floor, surrounded by the bodies of her followers. Sebastian was visibly upset, no doubt torn from what he had just heard and witnessed. I too was upset; I never wanted things to end like this. I wanted us to talk Petrice down from this bad decision, to have Saemus return to his father and try to work things out, or at least come to a viable solution. But in the end, all that was accomplished was more bloodshed within the sanctuary of peace.

Varric went to get Viscount Dumar at Elthina's request. Sebastian and Fenris helped me remove the bodies of the others so he didn't see the extent of what had happened. He was going to grieve enough for his son, the shock of the bigger picture would have been too much for him. Even my warnings of the Arishok weren't heard, and we left him with Elthina to say goodbye to his son.

"With the Viscount's son dead, this won't just go away," Sebastian said as they exited the Chantry.

Varric agreed. "Nobody came out of that looking good. What now?"

"We can't wait for the Arishok to make his next move," Hawke said. "We must go to him, now, convince him not to do anything rash."

Fenris disagreed. "Too late for that Hawke," he said. "Petrice's death is the first of many I suspect."

Sebastian approached Hawke. "Why did you never tell me?" he asked. "About Petrice? What you told Elthina, you knew all along?"

"We suspected," Hawke admitted. "She was always at the right place during the wrong times. I didn't want to believe it to be honest, but my reason for not telling you? Is it not clear?"

"No," Sebastian said. "It is not. You should've told me."

"Told you what, exactly?" Hawke asked. "That a member of your Chantry may have been behind several attacks on the city, its citizens, and the Qunari? Would you have believed it? I thought it best not to involve you. I didn't want to put you in the middle of what we were dealing with, especially if it turned out we were wrong."

"We were never wrong," Varric reminded her.

Hawke shook her head. "Perhaps I was just being naïve then. I didn't want to believe there could be such corruption within the Chantry," she admitted. "And Sebastian, I certainly never wanted you to be faced with such a thought. You've given your life to the Chantry."

Varric motioned to Fenris to walk down the Chantry steps to give the two some privacy. "This is a conversation that should've happened months ago," the dwarf muttered the elf as they descended.

Hawke waited until the two were out of earshot before she continued. "Given our recent discussions, would you not have seen this as some way I might have been trying to lure you away from this life? Convince you that the Chantry is corrupt and you should give it all up to be with me? That's why I didn't tell you. I was afraid."

Sebastian took her hand. "I would never think such things of you," he told her. "But had you told me before, I can't help but feel I might have been able to do something about it. Gone to Elthina maybe, or spoken with Petrice directly."

"Thank you for laying that guilt on me," Hawke said. "Maker knows I don't have enough in this mess."

"I didn't mean - "

"I know," she said with a sigh. "I know, I should've told you, and I'm sorry." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I just didn't know what to do about it. But right now we can't think on this, we have to get to the Arishok before he does something drastic."

"Do you think you can convince him not to?" Sebastian asked.

Hawke shrugged. "I have to try. For the Viscount's sake, for Kirkwall. Maybe Fenris can help. The Arishok hates me, but he seems to respect him."

They met up with Varric and Fenris and made their way to the docks. The large gate to the compound was closed, but a clatter of activity could be heard behind it. As they approached the guard that had normally allowed them entrance, the guard changed his position to the front of the gate, and folded his arms across his chest.

"The Arishok will see no one," the guard stated. "He has begun preparations."

"Preparations for what?" Hawke asked.

The guard looked her straight in the eyes. "He is through with the insults of this city, including you."

Hawke turned to Fenris, who was beginning to back away cautiously. She followed his lead, turned from the compound stairs, and made her way out of Kirkwall.

"Hawke," Sebastian called behind her as she quickened her pace. They were walking the dusty path of the Wounded Coast, and her silence since the compound had Sebastian concerned. "Hawke, stop for a moment."

"I can't," she told him as she continued walking. "I promised Solivitus that I'd get him some Harlot's Blush Flower. Nearly a year ago. I have to keep my promises before…"

Sebastian reached for her arm and held her from progressing further. "Marian, please. Tell me, what is wrong?"

"He's going to kill me," Hawke whispered, avoiding his gaze. "The Arishok is going to kill me, and I have to make sure I don't leave behind any unfinished business." She pulled away from him and continued walking. "We have to hurry, it'll be dark soon."

This time Sebastian moved to block her path, and firmly gripped her shoulders. "No one is going to kill you," he told her. He turned her around and pointed toward Fenris and Varric. "Do you think they are going to let him harm you? That I am?"

"No chance of that happening Hawke," Varric said, adjusting his crossbow. "Bianca's been waiting for a chance at the big ogre, trust me."

Fenris nodded in agreement. "You have powerful friends Hawke," he said. "Ones that are not afraid to be by your side if the Arishok should come for you."

Hawke turned from her friends, though Sebastian's hold on her did not let her get far. "He said if Saemus was harmed, there would be consequences. He said there will be war. The Qunari at the Chantry knows I failed to protect Seamus, and now the Arishok knows! You heard him, he's making preparations! He's too strong, they are all too strong…"

Sebastian removed a hand from her shoulder to place it under her chin, gently lifting her face so he could look into her eyes. "No one shall harm you," he repeated. "We will not let that happen." He caressed her cheek lightly while continuing to reassure her. "Trust in the Maker, that He brought us all together for a reason. You have us, the others, the Templars and Chantry by your side. If he makes a move, we'll be ready."

Hawke leaned into the palm of his hand and closed her eyes. She wanted to believe him, and she did have faith in her friends, but images of her old love Jeremy, being murdered by a Qunari, would not leave her mind. She didn't doubt that her friends would protect her, she doubted that their protection would be enough against those horrid beasts.

"We need to keep going," she whispered, wishing to finish the task at hand. For now she knew she was safe, but she feared returning to Kirkwall. It was only a matter of time before the Arishok was provoked one too many times, and Hawke had a feeling that time was now.

Sebastian watched as she continued up the hill, and then he glanced at Varric and Fenris. Without a further word, they all followed.

I've been afraid to go home Father, afraid they are waiting there for me. My friends have left me alone as I write to you, explaining everything that has happened today, but I feel their eyes on me. I know they are concerned; none of them dared to speak as I found what I was looking for on the Wounded Coast, and then went to the Gallows to deliver the flower to Sol.

I wanted Carver to be there. I wanted Cullen to be there. I almost wanted Meredith there, to tell me she was finally locking me up for being the apostate mage that I am. At least it would be harder to kill me if I were trapped in the Gallows. What good is freedom when there is a price on your head? Would the Arishok dare to come to the Hanged Man to do the job? I doubt it, am being paranoid I know, but that hasn't stopped me from checking the door every time it opens.

Sebastian and Fenris want to escort me home. I admit I am exhausted, as my heart grieves for Saemus, for Dumar, even for Petrice. I wish Isabela was here, I would ask her to stay in her room for the night, but she isn't. I can't exactly go to the Chantry with Sebastian, and I would never impose on Varric or Fenris. I'm sure the Keep and Aveline are out, given the events of the day, and Merrill's place has hardly enough room for her. On the other hand, I am not nearly desperate enough to stay with Gamlen, so home it is.

Face my fears, you always said. I suspect this is one fear of many I'll be facing in the coming days, weeks, however long it takes for the Arishok to make his move. One can only hope that by "preparations" he meant their departure, but I don't think that prayer will be answered by the Maker.

The worst is yet to come, and I'm scared Father. But if the worst does come to pass, then I take comfort in knowing I will see you soon.