ii. Breaking The Rules
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All things considered, if rules aren't meant to be broken, then what were they created for?
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"There is one rule, children, that you must never, under any circumstances, break. Vampires from different castes never mingle. Aristocrats will never get involved with the two lower castes. You are superior to them. Your blood is pure. Tainting your blood with theirs is the biggest disgrace there is known to our world. You would be severely punished. The penance would be death for both parties. Your lover would be executed in front of your eyes, death by decapitation. As for you; your body would be burned, and your family name tarnished and blemished forevermore. So make no mistake, children, and stick to the rules, and the world lies at your feet, waiting for you to seize it."
That rule. That one rule that has been indoctrinated into us since our birth. That rule that no one would ever dare break. That one rule that must never, under any circumstances, be broken. Or all hell would break loose. No one would ever dare break it. Or would they? One would have to be incredibly silly or suicidal to do break it. I am neither. But would I dare break it, for love? Would being with him really justify sacrificing everything, sacrificing my life? Risking the loss and destruction of all things I've ever held dear? Am I ready to commit that selfish crime? Am I ready to face the terrible, definite consequences? Is he?
"You mustn't forget. Nothing you do is ever without consequences. Every deed you do sets in motion a ripple of events. Doing this deed means having to face and cope with execution, agony and death."
"What are you thinking about." I look up, my gaze locking with his. His seemingly endless crimson eyes bore into mine, and I smile. Instinctively, I press a kiss to his jaw line. I love his red eyes. They remind me of blood and blood equals life.
"Everything." I answer, somewhat cryptically.
One of his fingers starts drawing patterns onto my bare skin, causing me to shiver. "That is a lot to think about.", he muses. "And you really shouldn't be thinking about it now, when you're with me."
"Maybe you're not distracting enough." I tease, smiling. He returns the smile, but his has a wicked edge to it. "Oh, I think you know exactly how distracting I can get." he mumbles, burying his hands in my hair, as he rolls on top of me. He starts nibbling on my earlobe, and I sigh ecstatically.
But the pleasure shooting through me as Natsume gently moves on top of me doesn't let me forget. I cannot force myself to forget that we are committing treason. That we are breaking the most sacred rule in our world. That we are mingling, even though I am a pure-blooded aristocrat, while he is merely a common tradesman's son, a member of the middle class. That in the eyes of society, he is beyond me, and I am above him.
Ironically enough, considering that at this very moment, I'm lying beneath him while he's on top of me.
I know that if we were ever to be found out, it would mean death for both of us. But what do I have to lose, besides him? I am an orphan, lone heiress of my parents' vast wealth. I have been since the age of ten when they perished.
Following their death, I was raised by old maiden aunts, which basically meant raising myself. To them, raising me meant employing dancing masters that taught me every dance they could think of; teaching me five different languages; and instructing me to learn every complicated rule our society ever devised by heart. Craving praise and appreciation, I did as I was told. What I did get, however, were coldness and superficiality. There is nothing a child needs more than warmth and love, both of which they were incapable of giving.
Affection and devotion were foreign to them, so they treated me like a fragile doll, acting like I was but an empty shell, devoid of emotions and a brain to think with of my own. They loved dressing me up in pretty dresses and showing me off to their wealthy friends, hoping to gain esteem by having a passably pretty, extraordinarily obedient niece that didn't mind being shoved around, touched and stared at as long as she wasn't left to her own devices. In retrospect, my childhood after the death of my parents was desperate and needy. I, a stupid lamb, surrounded by and left to the wolves. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when our society started to cause me revulsion. It was a slow process, that resulted in me breaking every rules without thinking twice about it now.
Those years instilled loneliness in me, and made me the person I am today. Cold and perfect on the outside, but still so very desperate and lost on the inside. To outsiders, I am simply the Sakura family's cherished and beloved princess. Only one persons knows the real me.
Since my sixteenth birthday, I've been on my own, in terms of immediate family. But not entirely on my own.
Considered by my aunts a lowly peasant, we were cut off for a few years, but we met again, on my sixteenth birthday and became as close as one could get. We were friends, confidants. But our mutual trust and loneliness soon turned into something else; dependency and love.
Now, there is only Natsume. My Natsume. Always close to me. Always by my side. Always close enough to touch, but never close enough to keep. His name is a synonym for longing, nostalgia and wishing. His name is forever, his name is past, his name is present. No time like the present. That's us. We cannot have a future. We are not allowed to idly spend out days, together, lovingly or otherwise. We must live in the now. How long until we will have to part, be forced apart? How long until tragedy strikes? Memories are a powerful device. But every memory is finite. And every end is the death of something meaningful.
Natsume lives near by, and is a caste below me, though I have never minded it. And I never will. Not when we were innocent children, and especially not now that we are on the verge of adulthood.
I have nothing to lose by being with him, nothing worth keeping, anyway. And yet I'm risking my most precious things by being with him—my love and my life. But I could do without the latter if I could just ascertain that the former be safe.
The knowledge of what could happen doesn't make the risk we are taking any less dangerous. And it doesn't make my actions any less selfish. I should stop this, should stop Natsume from what he is doing right now. But I cannot. I need him. I feel nothing, unless Natsume is around. I am nothing, unless Natsume is with me. He completes me. He is everything to me. I should release him, I don't want him to die. I want him to live, be alive, more than anything. Maybe I should do something about this. Maybe I should make him stop? Maybe I should put an end to all this, to save him?
Intense pleasure rolls through me, and my eyes snap open. Natsume's face is inches from mine. I raise one of my hands and stroke his face tenderly. My cold fingertips trace his smooth skin and leave invisible marks. Natsume sighs happily, his expression is content.
"I love you." I whisper, trailing kisses all over his face; my lips fondly touch his forehead, his cheeks, his chin, his mouth, his neck. I put my cheek to his chest and I hear his heart beating. I need to hear it; his heart, healthy and alive. It has to keep beating. But it is at risk to stop altogether. Unless I do something about it. I really should do something about it. I will. I swear, I will.
"I need you.", he replies, swallowing hard. "Wherever would I be without you?" I don't reply, and he goes on. "I need you more than the blood that keeps me from dying. I don't mind that I can never see the sun, you are my sun. You are my everything." he breathes.
How can something that feels so right be so wrong? It cannot be.
"You would be better off without me." I tell him, snuggling into him.
"No.", His voice is stern, determined and soft at the same time. "We've been over this, Mikan. My life would be bleak without you. My life would be but a mere existence without you, devoid of any bliss."
It's wrong how utterly dependant we are on one another when this co-dependence could lead to our respective deaths and utter destruction. It's unhealthy. I know this cannot end well. Nothing good will come off this. Besides our love, that is. Can love be wrong? How can something so pure cause something so sinister?
"You would learn to live without me." I reason, kissing his neck, gently sucking. Natsume always smells so wonderful. He smells like home. He is home. My fangs extend and grate against his soft skin. His pulse visibly quickens.
Vampires biting each other is the most intimate and erotic thing there is. Vampires from different castes biting each other and sharing blood is the highest of treason. Worse than them sharing the bed. Natsume and I have done both acts countless of times. We never tire of them. We are addicted to each other's touch and blood. I love it when Natsume's teeth sink into my skin and he is closer to me than any being has ever been. And I love it when my teeth sink into his skin and I make him feel like he is in heaven. Like there is no greater pleasure for him than me biting him. That he needs me.
If two vampires drink each other's blood regularly and a certain amount of times, they will never be able to live without it happening anymore. There is no definite count how often it has to happen to have an impact on both parties. It depends on how close and devoted both parties are. If this sharing would now cease to happen, Natsume and I would probably go insane. We can never be apart for too long. We can never exist without the other close by. If we don't see each other at least once a week, we start becoming physically weak, even sick.
That's why, even between regular vampires, the sharing of blood is ill-advised and not something they decide on lightly. It's why vampires drink human blood, because there can never form such a bond between a vampire and a human. And pure-bloods like to think of themselves as most powerful and better than vampires of the lower casts, which is why they despise the prospect of us pure-bloods being dependant on "impure" blood, leading to the prohibition of relationships between us and non-aristocrats.
As I bury my teeth in Natsume's neck and suck blood out of his bloodstream, I can feel his emotions running into me along with his blood. He loves me, he needs me, he would die for me. I press my body closer to his, wanting to be one with him, my hands gliding over the skin of his chest to his back, my nails digging into his skin lightly. I feel his body shudder in bliss next to mine. His hands clench around my shoulders, he takes a deep breath, my hands curl around his waist as I draw my fangs back in and lick the blood from my lips first and then the blood from the bite marks on his skin. My saliva instantly heals the holes I marked him with.
It is wrong how dependant he is on me. This needs to stop. I sit up and pull the sheets up with me, gathering them around me. Natsume lays next to me, close to falling asleep. I kiss him tenderly on the forehead and get up.
"Where are you going?" he mumbles, his voice sleepy. I don't answer.
Parting is never easy, but each time we part, we know it could've been the last time we ever saw and touched each other. There is always the risk of being found out.
I hate saying goodbye, so I usually leave without a word. I need to be the strong one between us, so it is always me who leaves first. I am stronger than Natsume, in a way. I have more resolve and of course, I'm physically stronger, since my blood is purer than his. The knowledge reassures me, soothes me even. That I know I can always protect him. From almost everything.
I put my clothes on and throw one last look over my shoulder. His eyes are closed, his chest falls and rises evenly. I smile wistfully and button up my cloak.
I may be leaving, but there will always be another time, another way for us to be breaking the rules. For us to defy our race and commit treason. For us to be too careless and be found out. For us to face death.
Bitterness rises within me, but I manage to quell it with my resolve.
All things considered, if rules aren't meant to be broken, then what were they created for?
A/N: Wow, this was probably the most weird and most erotic piece of writing I've ever written. Let alone cory. I can do corny well, it seems. Kind of borders on M-rated territory, huh. Well, I hope you liked it. Somewhat. And I hope it isn't too confusing. There might be a follow-up to this oneshot/drabble sometime in the future.
I'm afraid it ended up being pretty rambling and pointless, so I apologize for that. Also, please excuse any spelling mistakes, grammatical errors and punctuation ones, I suck at commas.
Thanks to adrienna22 for the lovely review and the encouragement, it means a lot. ;)