Dearest Father,
I am ashamed to admit that it's been a long time since I spoke with Merrill. The last time I saw her was when we had gone to the Alienage to track down Huon, which ended in a display that, to me at least, proved the dangers of blood magic. Merrill still wasn't convinced after that night, and perhaps on purpose I had avoided her since. Maybe if I hadn't, well, maybe today would have gone differently.
She didn't seem to mind, or even notice the time apart we'd had, when I arrived at her home this morning. She was lost in her own thoughts, puttering about with no real purpose, and I had to literally stop her from pacing to explain to me what was going on. She admitted she was having difficulty speaking with me, because there was a favor she wanted to ask, and feared my reaction.
Merrill explained to me then that her eluvian still wasn't working. She could feel power from the mirror, but had failed in several attempts to access it. Even with the artifact I had given her, it wasn't working. She wanted to return to Sundermount, speak to the spirit who had set her on this path. She claimed that only he knew how to cleanse the mirror of its corruption since he witnessed the forging of the eluvian.
The favor she needed? Me to strike her down should this spirit possess her.
There had to be another way, I told her. Begged her to do more research, find others who may know of these mirrors and how they work. But she insisted this was the only spirit that would help her, the only one that could make things right for her people and their history. I even suggested going to the Keeper, but Merrill immediately dismissed that idea, saying that the clan had moved on by now.
I had other plans. And I was not going to face this spirit, this demon, without backup. While Sebastian didn't approve of me going to Sundermount, he came, if only to ensure my safety. Being that Varric was so close with Merrill, it seemed wise to bring him as well. I thought maybe they could help me talk her out of this nonsense on the way.
When we arrived at Sundermount, Merrill was visibly upset that her clan still remained. She immediately began arguing with Keeper Marethari, telling her that she should have moved the clan three years ago. Marethari stood her ground as Keeper, informing Merrill that she would stay as long as it took for her to conclude her business, whatever that was.
I didn't hold back my concern for Merrill, and I asked the Keeper if she knew of any way to prevent the Dalish from being possessed by a demon. Merrill wasn't thrilled with my choice of words, but I didn't go all the way to Sundermount to be forced into killing one of my friends. Marethari said there was no way save death; anyone possessed would have a scarred soul and would never recover. When I explained to the Keeper that Merrill insisted on contacting this demon, she released a long sigh, and told us she has gone beyond her own strength in trying to avoid this very day. Merrill brushed off Marethari's concern and we began the journey up the mountain to where the demon was held.
Sebastian did his best to try and talk Merrill out of it, Varric too, but she wouldn't listen to them any more than she'd listen to her own Keeper. She said she had to finish this, for her people, their history. I don't understand Father, I never understood. I suppose I never will, not being Dalish, but to turn to a demon for help in reclaiming a past that even her own clan doesn't seem to care about? Why?
On the way to the cave that housed the demon, Merrill stopped at the altar where we had brought Flemeth's amulet all those years ago. Merrill explained that the altar was where one would go to pray to Mythal, a goddess of protection, the mother of their Creators. She prayed for our safety on this dark path, and I noticed Sebastian closed his eyes as she spoke. I'm sure he wasn't praying to Mythal, but took the moment to pray to our Maker.
The closer we came to the cave, the more nervous everyone became. Varric voiced his concern again, saying he had a feeling things were going to end badly. I think we all had that feeling, and yet Merrill continued forward. It wasn't until we entered the cave and approached the idol that housed the demon, that we learned just how grave the situation was.
Marethari had somehow reached the cave before us. She explained that the demon had always been using Merrill as a way to escape his prison; the eluvian was his way into the mortal world from the Fade. The only way Marethari felt she could prevent this demon from possessing Merrill was to fight it on her own. She tried and failed within the Fade, and so she bound the demon to herself, and told us it was now our duty to end her life, thus killing the demon forever.
Merrill argued with Marethari. I don't think she realized the gravity of the situation, and chose harsh words for the Keeper. But Marethari, full of pause and grace as I'd always known her to have, told Merrill that her blood magic had a price, and she chose to pay it for her. How Merrill didn't see what this woman had done for her filled me with such rage Father. Unfortunately there wasn't time to continue speaking with her, as the demon within Marethari attacked us.
I don't know what I was thinking, not bringing a warrior for this fight. I suppose I had hoped to talk Merrill out of this, and really who would I bring? Carver's off with the templars, Aveline is busy with the guard, and there's absolutely no way I was going to ask Fenris to come along. He feels uneasy among the Dalish as it is. But to help Merrill talk to a demon? He'd probably first laugh in my face, then growl, and then forbid me to go! So there we were, two mages and two archers, fighting for our lives against an angry spirit that had been trapped since the battle between the Tevinter Imperium and Elvhenan.
During the battle, the demon summoned spirits of the elves whose bodies we found a few years ago in the caverns below. Pol, Tamlen, Chandan, Radha, Harsal; those whose names Merrill had carved into the mirror's frame were now ethereal ghosts assisting the demon in the fight. They had some harsh words for Merrill, about how she had destroyed their lives and the clan. I don't think it was really them, I think it was just the demons way to try to make us falter.
If ever I wanted an opportunity to work on my healing skills, this fight was it. Merrill had her rock armor, and Sebastian his usual white shining armor, but Varric and I were quite vulnerable to attack. If I'm being honest Father, I think we barely survived the battle. Once the ghosts were gone and the demon apparently vanquished, all that remained was us and Marethari.
One last trick of the demon; he tried to convince us that he was gone, and Marethari had survived. But she had just finished telling us that she had to die in order for the demon to as well, and so Merrill gathered what little strength she had left, and plunged her knife into Marethari's heart.
It was a sad moment for all of us, but Merrill especially. She just couldn't understand why Marethari did what she had done. Love, I told her. Marethari had a mother's love when it came to all members of her clan, and Merrill especially. She preferred to give her life in exchange for Merrill's freedom from demon possession. I hope this was enough to show her that blood magic is not the path to take. She needs a new path, one to honor those that have been lost because of her actions.
As foolish as it may be, my faith that she'll make the right decision this time is what led me to assure the Dalish clan that I would take responsibility for Merrill. The death of their Keeper hit them hard, and I could tell some were out for revenge. Assuring them that Merrill would never return, and that I'd make certain she would not bring harm to anyonen again, was the only way they let us walk away from Sundermount with our lives. This time Merrill didn't get a chance to say goodbye to any of them; she was banished from the clan forever. Her Keeper was gone, and her family turned their backs on her forever.
We are all she has left. Will we be enough to save her from self-destruction? I don't know Father, I hope so. We can only do so much; she needs to want to change for herself.