A/N: I don't own Gordon, Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Fergus or Beryl. Not sure how old Val is here, but she has Surged and just lost her family to protect magic. You seriously should see the clip of the song "Ballin' the Jack" from "Haunted Honeymoon" on You Tube before reading this and keep that image firmly in mind. It comes up as Haunted Honeymoon - Ballin' the Jack for me. Enjoy!
Valkyrie tried to dry her tears before she answered Uncle Gordon's urgent voice from his study. It was no use crying. She'd known she'd have to give up her family to protect magic after she Surged. She'd no longer be aging and that would lead to too many questions. "Yes, uncle Gordon?"
"Valkyrie, I know it seems like your life is over now, but I need to see you up here for a moment please." He had drifted out to the railing, his new and improved Echo Stone base granting him far greater mobility. He seemed to be in mourning for her and it touched her.
As far as she was concerned the Echo who patiently waited for her to drag her trudging steps the stairs to him with a gentle smile on his face was her uncle. He loved, her, cared for her, did everything Uncle Gordon had done when he was alive, and now, she had to admit, she needed his comfort.
"Come on into my secret study, my most favoured niece." He said gently, a soft smile on his face. "I have something for you."
Valkyrie followed him. It was a mystery, and any good mystery instantly made her feel better. Uncle Gordon smiled at her and gestured to a manilla envelope on his desk. "Do you remember when you were really little and your parents used to let you stay here, Valkyrie?" Valkyrie nodded and opened the envelope. There was a strange object inside.
"That, my dear, is a VHS tape. It has no label because, well it was meant for your eyes only, and well, mine too since I was there when it was recorded. Before you play it, do you remember the film I used to play for you whenever you had a bad day?"
Valkyrie thought a moment. She had to have been five or six at most, but when Uncle Gordon started to hum a song, she remembered. "Yes! Haunted Honeymoon you'd let me replay the song in it over and over. It was hysterical. When I was little, of course." She quickly amended, blushing.
Uncle Gordon grinned. "It can still be hysterical, Valkyrie. Do you remember why sorcerers have to Take a name?"
"Of course because you can be ordered to do anything by anyone if you don't."
"Right you are, my dearest niece. Do you know that your bad uncle, and I still refuse to believe we are related by blood, never Took a name, despite knowing about magic?"
Valkyrie frowned. "No, I didn't. But what has that got to do with the tape?"
Gordon leaned back the best he could, a Cheshire grin breaking out on his face. "Everything. As you well know, your partner and best friend was best friends with me before you, and one thing I'll give him credit for is foresight. He knew this day would come, even before you were attacked after my death. I don't know how, but he knew, and he used his influence to make you something to cheer you up."
Gordon gestured and Valkyrie popped the tape into the VCR. There was some static, then there was a Christmas party for the family. She felt a pang of regret at having agreed to watch it, but then Skulduggery wandered into the scene. He bent down and murmured something to her awful aunt Beryl and terrible uncle Fergus.
The both went rigid, then stood up and walked behind the stage the family had set up. Minutes later they appeared, her uncle in full drag like Dom DeLuise had worn in the film to play Aunt Kate. But where Dom had achieved a wonderful stroke of comedic genius her uncle just looked fat and ugly in the costume.
Seeing her aunt in Gilda Radner's costume was hysterical, she laughed before the music even began, then fell into hysterical fits with Uncle Gordon as the two plodded their way through a really rubbish version of "Ballin' the Jack".
Instead of the strong, soaring voice of Dom DeLuise her uncle ruined the held note so horribly that she nearly fell out of her chair in fits of mirth. The two were so terrible it was priceless. The travesty ended and they slunk off stage.
The camera cut out, then came back on in Gordon's study. Skulduggery sat before the camera, looking rather pleased with himself if she read his skeletal features correctly. "Ah, hello there. Are you sure this thing is on Gordon? Very well then." He adjusted his tie and hat before continuing and Valkyrie smiled fondly at his fussy behaviour.
"This video, which I'm sure you will find endlessly amusing was made for the favourite niece of my dear friend Gordon. I have faith that whatever paths your life leads you on, young lady, they will be magical and they day will come when you will need this tape. If I have never made your acquaintance, and I simply cannot see a man as wonderful and dashing as myself not do so, I still give you my best regards. I am of course, if you haven't already guessed from your uncle's thrilling novels Skulduggery Pleasant, though he changed my name to protect my identity, I take entire credit for his success as a writer." There was a distinct snort of laughter off camera and Skulduggery managed to look annoyed.
He paused, then acting as if his dignity had been mortally wounded, continued his speech. "If I have had the wonderful pleasure of meeting me, you know my dim view of these particular family members, who I am sure had this coming in spades." Skulduggery tipped his hat and the video ended.
Valkyrie turned to Gordon with a smile. "How could he possibly know I'd need cheering up?"
Gordon shrugged and smiled. "I have no idea, my dear, but I'm sure he is waiting for you to ring him. We'd agreed a long time ago you'd only ever see this if you lost your family in some way. We know it doesn't make up for it, but well, it's better to laugh than cry."
Valkyrie did laugh and dug out her mobile to ring Skulduggery. Her best friend and partner deserved to witness the spectacle he'd created one more time, and she was sure he'd enjoy seeing himself on camera even more.
"Haunted Honeymoon" is a classic comedy from the 1980's and the idea of her hateful aunt and uncle being forced to do "Ballin' the Jack" from the film is freaking priceless. If you haven't checked it out, go have a look see on You Tube.