xx. Games

Dearest asshole,

I recently came across a photo of the two of us. I was sitting next to you, your arm draped around my shoulder. I smiled at you, and you, being the asshole you usually are, stared off into the distance, presumably at some poor girl's ass.

Actually, I still remember that day quite clearly. We'd recently started dating, after it had taken us the better part of a year to even acknowledge our feelings for one another. We were out with the gang, the usual people, Koko, Sumire, Ruka, Hotaru. You know. Anyhow, we went to see a movie (which I hated and you, naturally, loved. If only to spite me, or if you honestly enjoyed it, I couldn't say. Still can't.) and went to drink something after.

We, that is to say you and me, proceeded to have a fight over who would be paying. I insisted on paying for myself, because I didn't need a man, even if he was my boyfriend, to pay for my beverage. And you, being the sexist pig you were (and probably still are) told me a real man always paid for his girl's drink. Everyone else looked embarrassed, annoyed, or slightly amused by our antics, and it went on for some time, until Hotaru told us to quit it and asked you to let it go. (She never did like you, you know. I know how we used to have fights over whether she liked you or not and I always told you, of course she did. I lied. She never did. She hated your fucking guts.)

Following that, you pouted (yes, you did. We had hurt your very manly pride.) and refused to talk to me for at least half an hour, and today I wonder, why did I even bother with someone as self-righteous, arrogant and annoying as you were back then (and probably still are.)

When I excused myself to freshen up, and went to the bathroom, you got fed up and followed me. And then we made out against the sink, me sitting on it, my legs wrapped around your waist, my arms around your neck, and we scandalized the old lady who happened upon us.

Granted, it was hot, and it was a damn good kiss, and you were aroused, and I was breathless, and my hands were hot and fumbled with the button of your jeans, but then you had to ruin it all by suddenly interrupting the kiss and saying "Why couldn't you have just let me pay for your fucking drink?"

Thus, ruining the mood.

Annoyed, I pushed you away, got off the sink and stomped away, you trailing behind me, equally annoyed, and we got back to our friends, who didn't bat an eyelash at our tousled, half-way undressed state and my smudged lipstick, but instead were making fun of us.

The evening went on, uneventful, and ended with Ruka taking pictures of everyone, and forcing us, you and me, to pose for one as well.

Reluctantly, you were forced to put your arm around my shoulder, and when I looked over to you, I saw your pissed off expression, and smiled. Then Ruka took the photo. And I followed your gaze, which was indeed staring at another girl's ass.

So I slapped you, and I left, and you didn't call the whole night, even though I thought you would, and waited for you to, and you didn't call the next day either, and on Monday, you acted as if nothing happened. I let you.

I'd completely forgotten about that episode, until I found the picture just now, and thought of you (which I usually don't, just in case you think I'm still hung up on you. I'm not.) You were an ass to me that day, and you were an ass to me on countless other occasions, and I'm glad we're over, and have been for years. I hope you're miserable where you are. Fuck you.

Your ex,

Mikan.

Mikan,

you can't imagine my surprise when I found your letter in my mail box yesterday. Who even still writes letters? But you were always a little weird. (I lied, you were always a lot more than a little weird, and I can't believe I ever found you desirable.)

Coincidentally, I also remember the event you wrote of, and in my memory, it happened quite differently, but then again, you always had trouble distinguishing between reality and fantasy. A well meant hint from an old friend: grow up and get over me already.

N.

Natsume,

I never expected you to reply to my letter and am quite distraught that you did. You are labouring under a misapprehension, my dear, in thinking I in any way, shape, or form care or cared at all about you sentiments. Hint: I don't. You're still pompous and convinced of your own superiority. But let me put to rest your concerns that I might still be hung up on you: I am happily committed in a relationship, and he is just perfect, and he treats me the way I ought to be treated. I won't bother to elaborate, since you would probably find it hard to fathom that some guys treat their girlfriends well. (Incredible, I know.)

Let me tell you what he doesn't do: He doesn't make out with other girls at parties I also attend, and in full display, while we are on a break. He doesn't forget to water my plants while I am gone for a week, even though I asked him to. He doesn't get into fights with my friends. He doesn't forget my birthday, and then tries to lie about it. He doesn't flaunt his new conquest in front of me, to make me jealous, while we are still working out the terms of our relationship. He doesn't manipulate other boys so they won't approach me, because he is that jealous.

In case you forgot, these are all things you did while we were dating.

He does, however, take me out to dinner on my birthday. And gets along swell with Hotaru. And he knows that I hate Heavy Metal music, and took my to a concert of one of my favorite bands just like that, without any particular reason. And he compliments me, even when I don't look fabulous. And he gave my roses today, for no reason at all.

In other works, he is everything you could never aspire to be.

xoxo,

Mikan.

Mikan,

apparently you forgot about all the good times we had together, because you only talk of the bad ones.

N.

Dear Arrogance Personified,

your laconic nature still pisses me off majorly. Also, your accusation that I forgot about our good times is completely inaccurate. The truth is, we had none. We share no fond memories or feelings of nostalgic longing, because you were basically always an asshole to me.

May I be so bold as to remind you of the time we went to the sea, and the day promised to be...well, promising. The weather was nice, the nature gorgeous, the sun was being reflected on the turquoise water of the sea, the weather was clement; a mild spring day. We wanted to have a nice picnic on the beach, enjoy a halcyon day together. But oh no, not with you. Simply hoping for that was foolish on my part. Where you are concerned, only chaos and unpleasantness can ensue. In retrospect, I am disappointed in myself for my foolishness.

After finishing our food, we took a stroll through the quiet sea-side town, where you became inexplicably fascinated by a cherry tree standing in some backyard, and you were determined to give me cherry blossom as a present. I tried to tell you no, but you wouldn't listen, climbed over the fence, and walked over to the tree. Well, only to be attacked by a giant dog. It started chasing you through the garden, and me being the well-meaning, naïve fool I used to be, came to your aid. That's how we ended up at the local police station with charges of trespassing. Thanks to you, I have a criminal record. Thanks a lot, asshole.

Not your most devoted,

Mikan.

Mikan,

to be fair, though, you looked really pretty with that cherry blossom in your hair.

N.

Natsume,

don't think I am not noticing that you are trying to derail this conversation being held via letters. Also, trying to be fair, I tried to come up with good memories involving us, but I came up with nothing. I thought about that one time we had sex in the back of your car, but that was not fun! Sex is cars is way overrated. Especially as it was followed by a nasty pregnancy scare. Thank God you never inseminated with your evil devil spawn. The horror.

Mikan.

Mikan,

I remember you looking really pretty that night in my BMW (I sold it three years ago, never letting the new owner know what had transpired on its backseat...), and I didn't hear you complaining about my skills when I was being a good partner, and you were screaming my name.

Natsume, Sex God.

Dear Natsume of the Gross Epithets,

of course, you would have to resort to coming to talk of your sexual prowess and our previous sexual encounters. I am not inclined to discus those with you at present, or ever. Are you sexually frustrated or something? No, wait, don't answer that.

I think we should stop right here, no more writing each other fondly (as if!) reminiscing letter of the horrible times together.

Yours,

Mikan.

Dear Mikan,

that's right, you are still mine. I know you still care for me, as evidenced by your melodramatic, needy letters to me, and knowing that gives me immense satisfaction. You're cute. I dream of you sometimes, of how I kiss your lips, and your neck, and your breasts, and well, other intimate parts of your body, that, as I recall, when I kissed them, had you mewling like a cat.

I can picture you right now, reading those words, licking your red lips, blushing, because you are a damn prude, and thinking of all the times we hooked up in your room, and in mine, and the school's library, and the school's cafeteria, the school's public restrooms (every last one of them, even the ones in the staff room that one time after I had accidentally, or not so accidentally, caused the fire alarm to got off), and well, I'm sure you remember them just as well.

N.

Dear Natsume,

you are in incorrigible pervert. I despise you. Also, I'll have you know that having residual feelings for an ex-partner (and I'm not saying those feelings are of the warm and fuzzy variety) is not unheard of. Actually, if you refer to any number of pop culture phenomena, you would not be hard-pressed to find any. Just think of Titanic. (Don't even try to deny it, I saw you shed a few tears when we watched that movie together.) Or Persuasion. Or, well, I'm sure you get the point.

I don't intend to dignify your erotic musing with a response, but I'll have you know that I am no prude. Far from it. A fact you should know only to well. Pervert.

Mikan.

Mikan,

so you admit you still having feelings for me.

N.

Natsume,

reading comprehension fail. You never were the brightest.

Mikan.

Mikan,

I love it when you insult me. It's such a turn-on.

N.

Natsume,

would you please stop to try to come on to me. It isn't working. And it's gross.

Mikan.

Mikan,

Ruka told me that you broke up with your boy toy weeks ago.

N.

Natsume,

that doesn't have anything to do with you. You have the biggest goddamn head.

Mikan.

Mikan,

I'll be in the city next week. Wanna meet up to reminisce? :)

N.

No.

Mikan,

we had a really good time last week, and I propose we repeat it. I want you to know I've changed in the time we spent apart, as you could probably tell, and as you did, too, since you didn't try to make me jealous with every men in the vicinity, as you were wont to do when we were younger.

N.

Natsume,

I only tried to make you jealous to test if you really liked me. Now, I'm not that immature and insecure anymore that I would need constant reassurance of your feelings.

I'm free next Saturday.

Mikan.

Mikan,

it's a good thing you stopped doing that, because it worked every time.

See you, Saturday.

N.

A/N: written August, 10th – August,31th,2014. I have a soft spot for epistolary fiction, I do.