Dearest Father,

It has been a bit of an overwhelming day, to say the least. Sebastian informed me that he's decided to remain in Kirkwall, with me, until we find a fitting solution to the city's problem with Meredith, the mages, and the templars. For as long as I have known him, he has struggled with the decision to remain with the Chantry or return to Starkhaven and reclaim it for his family. But now he's chosen to stay just for me?

I have worried for so long that I'd influence his decision either way, and now he's confirmed that his desire to remain is based on our relationship. It's humbling, flattering, but also a little terrifying. What if something happens to Starkhaven that he could've prevented had he been there? What if, by some miracle from the Maker, I am given the title of Viscount and must remain in Kirkwall? We don't know how long it'll be before Meredith's wrath ends; will Sebastian come to regret his decision?

These fears are nothing new, I know this. I have thought about this for a long time. And I also know it has been unfair of me to think that Sebastian is a man that can not make decisions for himself. If he truly wanted to return to Starkhaven, he would. If he wanted to remain a man of faith with the Chantry, he could. I need to just accept the fact that he has chosen me, embrace the knowledge that there's nowhere else he'd rather be.

I never thought I would love again after Jeremy, but looking back now, I realize my relationship with him was nothing compared to what I feel for Sebastian. I don't mean to diminish the engagement in any way, but Jeremy and I were very young when we were together. Young, foolish, lost in the idea that we'd get married and raise children on his farmland in Ferelden, live happily ever after. We knew nothing about the reality that surrounded us; that as a mage, that dream would be near impossible. We were never as free as we thought we were; you were constantly one step ahead of the templars and it was you that kept us safe. Had Jeremy not been killed by the Qunari, either the Blight would have taken us, or the templars would have eventually found me. As wonderful as Jeremy was in his stoic promises to always protect me, he knew very little about what harboring an apostate truly meant.

Life in Kirkwall has opened my eyes to the reality of living as a mage. I have been fortunate, much more so than those that Anders helps flee the Gallows, or the apostates constantly on the run from Meredith and her templars. But I'm not hiding on some farm in the middle of Ferelden. I am the Champion of Kirkwall, potential Viscount. The titles alone show Thedas that a mage can be trusted in a position of power. For whatever reasons Meredith still allows me to remain free, I need to remember that I am an example for mages. If I can prove that freedom does not result in corruption, maybe I really can start making a difference in Thedas for mages.

And if Sebastian does reclaim the throne in Starkhaven, his influence would also be beneficial. That a prince chooses to have a mage by his side? Unheard of in Thedas! Imagine what that could do for mages though? Together we have the potential to change so much, and publicly! For every negative story you hear about an apostate, together Sebastian and I can hopefully create a positive one in support of mage's freedom.

He has already taken that first step by moving into the estate. He is not afraid to show Kirkwall, Starkhaven, and Thedas, that he willingly aligns himself with a mage. It's a start for anyone that sees us together, knowing who he is and what I am. I've already heard the buzzing of the nobles gossiping as Bodahn retrieved Sebastian's possessions from the Chantry. I truly believe the citizens of this city would support me as their Viscount, if the offer presented itself. Sebastian would bring the Chantry support, and I have Aveline and the guards. I have assisted many templars, and with Carver's help, I think I have most of them on my side as well. That just leaves Meredith.

But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I have another more exciting challenge ahead; Sebastian's first night in his new home. I admit I'm a bit terrified, but it has been a long time Father. For both of us in fact, so maybe he's just as nervous as I am.

Hawke sat on the couch and watched as the letter burned in the fireplace. She followed the flames as they danced, taking note of the soft red coals below. As much as her heart still ached that her letters burned, these were the moments when she was most at peace. Lost in the visual display before her, she was able to forget all of her apprehension for this evening.

At least until a loud pop from the crackling fire snapped her out it. She inhaled deeply, attempting to relax herself, as she adjusted to the new sounds in her home.

She could hear Sebastian moving about upstairs in her bedroom. Our bedroom, she corrected herself. The thought both terrified and delighted her. She knew that once they got through this first night together, each night after would be easier. But that didn't help her nerves as her mind raced with possibilities for the evening.

Sebastian had stayed overnight with her on a few occasions, but he had always been the perfect gentleman. Hawke knew he'd continue to be if she asked, but deep down she was tired of waiting. He was here, now, and there really was no reason she could possibly think of to wait any longer. Her desires to become more intimate with him had grown with each passing night they were forced to say goodbye until morning. But those nights were over.

Now they would lay together in their bed; fall asleep together, wake together, start and end their day together. Those thoughts brought her nothing but joy, so why was she so scared to be with him? She wanted nothing more than to give all of herself to him, and take what he had to offer her. If he even wanted to.

Hawke hadn't considered that before. Sebastian has lived the chaste lifestyle for so long, would he even want to be with her tonight? What if he was upstairs, right now, thinking about all the ways he could let her down without disappointing her? The sigh escaped her lips before she even realized she was holding her breath. Would she be able to handle it if he did indeed rejected her?

Sebastian's voice from the top of the stairs startled her. "Marian?"

He said her name, and his tone alone caused her flesh to pebble. Hawke turned to look at him, and gave him a bright smile. "This will take some getting used to," she admitted. "No one has called me by my first name around here in a long time."

He descended the stairs and joined her on the couch. She took a moment to look at him, dressed in his casual brown pants and cream colored shirt. Hawke thought getting used to his armor and bow being in the foyer was strange enough, but this? Getting to see him comfortable and relaxed and in a home they now shared? The smile never left her face.

Sebastian caressed her cheek before tucking a stray wisp of hair behind her ear. "What are you thinking?" he asked when she didn't stop beaming.

Hawke felt her cheeks burn. "Do I really have to answer that?"

A small grin crossed his lips and he laughed softly. "Not if you don't want to," he told her. He took her hand as his smile faded, his tone suddenly serious. "I would never make you do anything you didn't want to. You know that, right?"

She nodded as she squeezed his hand. "I know," she assured him. "And I do. Want to, that is. If, you know, you want to." Maker, I sound like a bumbling idiot. Hawke inwardly scolded herself.

Sebastian's free hand caressed her cheek once more. "I have wanted nothing more since the moment I first saw you," he said. "I would very much like for you to be with me. Tonight, if you'll have me."

Hawke could not find the words to respond, so instead she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He gently stroked her chin as he returned her kiss, softly and more intimately than they had ever kissed before. There was an underlying hint of need, a strong pull of desire, and a desperation for each other that came across in that kiss. It nearly pained him to pull away, but he did so and stood, keeping hold of her hand. She followed his lead as they retreated to the bedroom.