xxi. Hold My Hand
The first time you two meet, you're both taken. Your boyfriend is perfect, gorgeous, and he's your first real one. You think about marrying him. He treats you like a princess. He's all you ever wished for in a boy. He's Ruka.
The one you end up marrying one day, your future husband, is dating a sweet girl. Nobara. She always looks like she's at a far away place, mentally. You like her. You envy her for her long, luscious black her, gleaming blue, that curls slightly at the end. You want to hug her all the time, she's so delicate.
He's Ruka's best friend. You don't particularly like him, he gives you the feeling of being inferior. You don't say anything to Ruka though, for your boyfriend's sake. You don't want to upset him, don't want to be the bitch who alienates best friends.
You also don't like the way he treats Nobara, like he keeps forgetting she's there. Like she's only there for his convenience. You don't want to meddle into his business, but you can't help it.
"You're an ass." You tell him flatly. "You treat your girlfriend like shit. You don't deserve her."
He shrugs. "You're a bitch, Sakura. Fuck off."
(You do.)
He's so cliché. "If you hurt Ruka, you'll be sorry." he threatens. You laugh at the nerve and audacity of him.
"Oh my god, Natsume, you're so trashy." You tell him, and roll your eyes. You can see Ruka returning from the bathroom.
"I'm serious." he tells you. You laugh even harder. He looks pissed.
"I really don't like you." he mutters. "The feeling's mutual." you tell him under your breath.
He snorts.
You and Ruka are on his bed, making out. You haven't slept together yet, but you want to. It would be your first time (his too) and you're both curious and nervous, yet you want it to be perfect. (Later you will learn that it's not all it's cracked up to be, your first time. It's not perfect. You don't like it much at first, it takes some time for you to get used to it.)
You like the feel of his hands on your skin. He helps you take off your blouse, and you're a bit embarrassed by the bra you're wearing. You hadn't anticipated this turn of events.
Suddenly the door is opened with so much force, it bangs against the wall. You and Ruka jump apart, you try to cover your bra, looking for your blouse. You're moving frantically, almost falling off the bed.
"Natsume." Ruka yells, flushed. He almost never gets angry. You can tell, it's for your sake that he's chastising Natsume.
Natsume does not look like he's sorry; unabashedly he sits down next to you. "Nice bra." he smirks, gazing at the childish polka-dotted bra you're wearing. "Polka."
You glare at him. "Piss off, Hyuuga." you spit, hurriedly buttoning up the blouse. "What's wrong?" Ruka inquires, and he takes your hands, trying to absorb a bit of the tension.
"I broke up with Nobara." Natsume confesses, not meeting your eyes. Your eyebrows shoot up.
"Wow, Natsume." You say, kind of impressed, kind of reluctant. "Didn't think you had it in you." Maybe he's not such an ass after all, you add in your head.
Natsume rolls his eyes at you, and you give him a tiny smile, a sign of your goodwill. "Whatever, polka-dots." he drawls.
Or maybe he really is as big of an ass.
(You can't be 100 percent sure.)
You soon learn that Natsume never stays single for long. After Nobara, there are Anna (who you like), Nonoko (who you like), Luna (who would be back, and who you really liked), and then he started dating one of your best friends, Sumire.
You and Natsume had gotten a hold of your animosity. To a degree. You just had resorted to snark and teasing.
"So, Sumire." You begin, sitting down next to her, putting your drinks down on the table, so hard the liquid sloshes over the edges. "Are you sure about dating Natsume? Because I think I should warn you, he's bad news."
"Yeah, I know. And you don't like him, and he's a womaniser, and I should be guarding my heart and blah blah blah. I've heard this sermon more than ten times now, Mikan!" She rolls her eyes. You raise your hands, palms up, as the universal sign of backing down. "All right, all right. Just trying to be a good friend."
Sumire snorts, but she isn't the only one. Natsume sits down opposite you in the booth and leers at you. "Still trying to alienate my girlfriends, I see, Sakura."
"Still a dick with a giant ego, I see, Hyuuga." You retort, then turn back to Sumire.
"I consider myself an expert on the subject of Natsume, so I should know. I'm one of the rare constants in his life after all, and whenever another one of his girlfriends gets fed up with him and kicks him to the curb, he shows up at my door and cries on my shoulder."
"You wish." he scoffs, and leans over the desk to kiss Sumire. Loudly, and for at least a minute. You are annoyed.
"Gross." you complain, wrinkling your nose. "There are people here, you know? Save that public display of affection for later."
Natsume snickers. "Jealous? I think it's so cute how you keep obsessing over me."
"Hardly. I just happen to have the most awesome boyfriend ever, so thank you, but no thank you. I wouldn't want to contract anything from you. Take care, Sumire."
"The best boyfriend ever, huh?" Ruka sits down next to Natsume, beaming at you. You return his smile. You see Natsume roll his eyes. In retaliation, you stick your tongue out at him.
(That guy really brings out the worst in you.)
"I'm so bad at this." you whine, staring at the mathematical equation dumbly. You really need to ace that test in order not to fail a class, but you've never been good at maths.
"Sucks to be you." Natsume murmurs absent-mindedly, not bothering to look up from his laptop.
You've started to hang out together, on Ruka's orders. He wants you two to get closer. At first, the time spent together was filled with making fun of each other, acting long-suffering, and making cynical remarks. However, you've gotten used to being alone together now, and you're almost friends.
(Kind of. Why are things always so uncertain when Natsume is involved?)
"You promised you'd help me out here." you remind Natsume. You feel really shitty, and begging Natsume for help isn't really something you enjoy. Besides that, you've been feeling down the whole week.
"Just a sec." Natsume stalls, not turning around.
"Are you watching porn or something?" You demand, getting up to peek over his shoulder. It's only a news site.
Flopping down on his bed (without thinking of the implications) you sigh loudly. Staring up at the ceiling, you can't stop thinking about what you'd do if you were to fail.
You know it's silly and childish and mortifying, but suddenly, the tears start welling up in your eyes, and they just won't stop. Burying your face in Natsume's cover, which smells like him, a smell you hadn't realized was so nice until now, so earthy and cinnamon-like, probably the softener, you stifle a sob. Ruka always smells like soap and like the rabbits he keeps in his room. Like Ruka's, Natsume's smell is kind of soothing.
"Polka? What are you doing?" You hear him approach you, and you hear the wonder in his voice as he asks "Are you crying?"
You are heaving with sobs. "No." you choke, your voice thick with tears.
"Oh geeze." Natsume says under his breath, then he sits down next to you. Ruka always knows how to calm you down, Natsume, however, seems to be clueless as to what to do now.
(He really should know actually, considering how many girlfriend's he's had.)
You feel his tentative touch on your shoulder, and for some reasons it makes you howl even louder. You feel how Natsume puts his arms around you and pulls you into his lap. You bury your face in his shirt and keep crying.
(It also smells like him.)
"What's wrong?" he asks, and you almost smile when you feel him pat your shoulder awkwardly. "It's so silly."
"I'm sure it isn't. Do you want to tell me?" This Natsume, gentle and tentative, is so unusual. You shake your head. "Jesus, polka, don't be so dramatic. It's not like you're dying!" And there he is again, abrasive and impatient, and an asshole.
"Fine." You snap. "I'd better go then."
"Don't you want me to explain this to you?" He points in the general direction of your assignments. You narrow your eyes. "Fine." You repeat.
"You're cute, polka."
Although Ruka is an awesome boy, and you've been dating for fourteen months, you start to notice subtle changes in your relationship. You stop being excited when you see him, you no longer feel the urge to call him all the time; you are fond of him, but the passion that used to be there is fading.
"You're out of love with him." your best friend informs you.
"No doubt about it." you concede.
The spark is gone; there's only a a very slight blaze now, about to die down.
So you tell him, and he's very understanding, but you can tell he's heartbroken. Natsume comes by your house, like you expected he would, and bitches at you, and you tell him to shut up, and close the door in his face.
("You're just a heartless, selfish person." - "What, would you want me to stay with Ruka, despite my changing feelings? Out of pity?" - "I don't know. Yes. Whatever." - "Whatever.")
You miss Ruka, and you miss Natsume, and you want them back. You consider rekindling things with Ruka, but you know the flame is gone, it wouldn't work.
You see neither of them for a few weeks, then Natsume shows up at your house. He eats your favorite ice cream, and he moans about Sumire, and he teases you, and everything's fine again.
(You don't talk about Ruka.)
He breaks up with Sumire, and the whole thing starts anew. You bitch at him for dumping your friend, like he did to you a few weeks earlier.
He tells you to shut up.
There's no silence after your fight though, Natsume keeps calling.
You really are friends now. You're so used to his presence.
Then there's Tsubasa, and he's cheeky, and you love him. He's an awesome kisser, and he makes you laugh until your stomach hurts. You spend an awesome few weeks together, but then you realize he's hung up on an ex.
"We should break up." you say, and you cry a little after he's gone.
Natsume shows up afterwards. "Do you want me to beat him up?" he offers, and since he's gotten so used to seeing you cry, he knows what to do.
He lets you cry into his shirt, prepares you a bubble bath, and watches your favorite TV series with you.
(Buffy.)
All the while commenting on outdated fashion choices, the unrealistic plotlines and the characters' stupidity.
He decides to study a year abroad. You're fine with it, it's not like you're attached at the hip. You roll your eyes when he actually looks indecisive at the air port.
"You can't be serious! Your flight will be taking off in 45 minutes. You wanted this so much, for so long, don't be stupid now." you admonish him, and peck him on the cheek.
"I'm going to miss you." he confesses reluctantly. You blink, surprised by this admission. Then you give him a wink. "I know you will."
As he turns his back to you and you watch him leave, you feel a pang in your chest. A weird aching, a sudden emptiness.
You realize, you're really going to miss him.
At first, you don't mind that he's gone. He hasn't been a part of your life for that long, he's just a boy. You don't need a boy to be happy. You immerse yourself in studying, and you advance academically. Your friends try to make you go out more frequently, but you've lost all interest in being social.
(Like an hermit, you hole yourself up in your room.)
Natsume's absence stars to eat away at you. The more time passes, the more intense that feeling gets. It's not like you're not in contact; you Skype, you message, you talk over the phone. But it's not the same.
(How could it. Nothing beats seeing the one you miss the most in person.)
You hadn't realized how much he meant to you now. Feelings were inexplicable that way.
One night, you have a dream. You dream that you and Natsume are dating. When you wake up, you realize it's just a dream. You start crying, wishing it was the truth.
And that's when it hits you; it strikes you. You want this to be true more than anything. You fancy him, you covet him.
You.
Love.
Him.
Since it's only a few months now until he returns, you decide to keep it to yourself. You don't want to confess to it over the phone. It would be awkward, impersonal, and it wouldn't change anything. What you don't want to admit to yourself is that you're afraid. That he's going to reject you. That he's going to cast you aside after a short while.
(Like all the other girls. Whose hearts you watched being broken.)
You curse yourself for falling in love with a jerk, a heart-breaker. How cliché, you think. Like the plot of a goddamn romance novel.
You curse Natsume, you curse your heart, your curse you cowardice.
The day he'll return approaches quickly, and you wish for it and dread it at the same time. It would change everything, your whole dynamic. He might not want to see you again. You don't want to consider the possible consequences, unless they are good ones.
You envision him kissing you the minute you confess, declaring his heretofore supposed unrequited love. That would be grand.
(And so unlike him, let's be real. Natsume was not one for grand romantic gestures.)
The moment you set eyes on him, you know something is up. He's changed.
He's glowing.
He's in love; the thought crosses your mind. It suddenly pops up, without much preamble, out of nowhere. You immediately want it to disappear again.
You can just tell that he is head over heels. And not with you either.
He fidgets when he sees you, but he smiles sardonically, and it's kind of awkward, since you want to hug him but are too self-conscious to now.
(Now that you know. You're glad you didn't tell him over the phone.)
"So." you say, meaning to just throw it all at him now, your big deceleration of love, just get it all out. Before he has the chance to mention her, when you can still pretend to be oblivious. He doesn't let you.
"I want you to meet someone." he interrupts me, and he turns around and points at a tall girl. She looks nice. You try not to hate her instantly.
Unfortunately, she takes a liking to you immediately, approaching you and engulfing you in a big hug. "So happy to meet Natsume's best friend!" she gushes. "He's told me so much about you."
(You see Natsume smirk, but he doesn't deny it.)
"Pleasure to meet you." you mumble. "We're going to be the best of friends." she beams, and in the spur of the moment, hugs you again.
Misaki.
Tall, big-hearted, graceful. You like her, of course. But you can't stand to be around her. Not with her getting to have Natsume. Loving him, kissing him, touching him. Being loved, touched, kissed by him.
(Thinking about it makes you nauseous.)
Natsume and you don't see much of each other, even though you attend the same university. He seems so far from you now. More so even than before, when he was overseas.
(You hate him a little.)
At your lowest, you go out to get intoxicated. You meet Luna, one of Natsume's many ex-girlfriends. She takes one look at you, smirks and orders a shot for you.
"Sorry." she tells you sympathetically. "It was only a matter of time until you would succumb to his charms. Kudos on resisting as long as you did."
You clink your glasses together and down the liquid. It stings in your throat. You order another one.
"Wow, that's twisted." she muses. "Being in love with you best friend, who's committed in a happy relationship."
She gloats. Schadenfreude suits her.
"I kind of hate you right now." you slur, and she snorts. "Not just twisted, but really trite and hackneyed as well. Go figure. The girl who always was such a romantic, now ensnared in a vicious love triangle."
She stars laughing, and, being in an inebriated state, can't stop.
"Piss off." you mumble.
(Kind of talking to those pesky feelings of love for a certain boy.)
Deep down, you're glad someone knows about your obsession, even though it's only Luna, your unrequited love's vicious ex-girlfriend.
The you do something you really come to regret. In a moment of weakness, you hook up with Koko, one of your best guy friends. The moment you wake up next to him, you realize what you've done.
You swear loudly. Koko comes to, takes one look at you next to him, in a state of undress, and pales. "What did we do?" he whispers.
"If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that we fucked." you reply bitterly, your voice acerbic.
"Geeze, Mikan, no need to get crude, okay? Oh, christ." Your gazes meet and he looks about as shitty as you feel.
"We can't tell anyone."
He nods. You can tell he feels bad, he's been in love with Sumire for years, and they recently started dating. Since Sumire has yet to make up her mind, they're currently on a break.
Last night, you were both pretty down, so things happened. Shamefully, you thought of Natsume during the act.
Disgusted with yourself, you take a hot shower, and to your horror, you come back to your room being occupied by Natsume.
You're in no state to meet him now and try to escape the room soundlessly, but he's already seen you. He looks furious.
(Fucking hell, Koko.)
"How could you?" he yells at you. You cringe. "You know they were just on a break! I thought you were a better friend to Sumire than that!"
That makes your hackles rise. "How dare you?" you seethe. "How dare you lecture me about being a good person, about treating Sumire right? Don't pretend to care about her, because you don't, not one bit! And we both know it.
"You haven't been here all year, you have no right to come walking in and lay into me like that! You know nothing about what's going on! Besides that, why are you blaming me? It takes two to tango, so you should be out there annoying Koko, who, by the way, is the one who cheated. I can't believe he told you anyway."
You are so mad, you start pacing.
(You remember that one time he hooked up with a girl who was in a relationship at the time. He didn't care about doing the right thing then.)
Natsume scowls but at least he thinks about what you said. The silence makes you nervous.
"I walked in and found him getting dressed." he explains, sounding stiff. "I'm just very protective of you, is all. And, I'm trying to be a nicer person-" you snort at that hackneyed phrase, coming from Natsume, off all people. "-and cheating just makes me furious."
(Fucking hypocrite.)
"Oh, great. Now, please come down from your high horse, and leave me alone." You feel ashamed, and angry, and debased.
Turning your back to him, you expect him to leave.
He doesn't.
"Mikan. What's wrong?" His voice is gentle. You bite down hard on your lower lip. Misaki probably gets to hear him like this all the time. You don't.
"Nothing."
"I can tell you're lying." You hate him for that.
You don't want to, but the words just tumble out of your mouth. "I'm in love with someone."
That's probably not what Natsume thought was up, you can tell. He takes a moment to compose himself. "Who?" You almost think he might be jealous, but you realize it's just the protectiveness acting up.
"Doesn't matter. The point is, they don't reciprocate my feelings, and it's been kind of hard on me, okay?"
You look up, dare to sneak a gaze at him. He looks deep in thought. "Fine." he says. "If you don't want to talk about it, we won't. But if you do, you can annoy me with it."
As the door closes after him, you touch your lips.
(You wish he'd kissed you. If this was a cheesy chick flick, he would have realized the error of his ways, swept you up in his arms, and kissed you. He didn't. This was reality, after all.)
So you start avoiding him. Whenever you see him on campus, you dash. Luna, who you spend a lot of time with lately, laughs about it.
(But you can tell she still likes him. Since she's too proud to admit she still has feelings for him, she kind of lives out her unrequited crush vicariously through you.)
It feels good to complain to someone about it.
One time, you hang out on her bed, staring at the TV, Luna reading a glossy fashion magazine next to you, when it knocks on the door.
"Who is it?" Luna yells, not bothering to get up. A pause. Then, "Natsume."
Luna drops her magazine and stares at me. "Wait." you mouth, when she goes to open the door. You can't believe you're doing this, but you actually hide under her bed. You can hear Luna laugh. "Oh, honey." she sighs, and opens the door. From your vantage point under the bed, you can see he looks pissed.
"Where is she?" he demands, scanning the room. Luna, thank God, doesn't stab you in the back, but deigns to shrug non-committally. "I was told she went to see you."
"Yeah? Do you see her anywhere? Want to search the room, maybe check under my bed?" Luna has the condescending sarcasm shtick down pat.
"Or maybe in the bed?" She winks. "I would be glad to assist."
Natsume grunts, ignoring her innuendo. "Fine." he huffs. "Do you happen to know where she is?" Luna does not cooperate. She loves teasing. "You mean right now? Maybe she's having really good, hot sex. Wouldn't want to bother her, would you?"
Natsume looks scandalized, maybe for the first time since you know him. And speechless. "Is she...seeing someone?" he inquires.
Luna shrugs again, titters, and lights herself a cigarette.
(Against the dormitory's strict set of house rules. No smoking allowed. )
She saunters over to the window and opens it, propping her body against the window sill. "Come in." she suggests, and he actually does. You curse Luna for her games.
His legs pass you by, mere inches from your face, and you can hear and feel it as he sits down on her bed.
"What do you know?" he demands, impatience lacing his town. "Worried about her, are you?" Luna replies, ignoring his question.
"Of course I fucking are! Mikan is my best friend and she's been avoiding me!" he snaps. A shiver runs down your spine at the protective tone in his voice. Too bad he doesn't see you that way.
"Well, if you weren't so busy screwing your girlfriend, you might have noticed something..." she trails off, and your eyes widen. Pulling your cell out of your bra (you always keep it there, it's damn useful), you do your best to text her, without making too much noise. Texting while squished under a bed someone is sitting one is, not surprisingly, fucking hard.
talk & you're dead
You can hear her phone chime, and Natsume shifts his weight on the bed. "Well? Notice what?" Luna doesn't answer immediately, so you assume she's reading your text. You hear her snicker. "That there's a boy." she tells him.
"I know that already. Do you know who it is? Is she seeing him now? She told me it was one-sided!"
"It is, you moron." And it couldn't be any more obvious, but he doesn't get it.
(He doesn't fucking get it.)
"Do I know him?"
"Not that I'm aware of."
Natsume seems to be fed up, as he gets up and makes for the door. "Such a pity." Luna sighs. " that you never fell in love with me. We could have been awesome together. We were, for some time." She sounds wistful. But then again, you know her and can tell. To him, she probably sounds taunting.
Natsume scoffs. "We were a train wreck, and you know it."
"Yeah, but aren't those the best kind of relationships?" You imagine Luna winking at him. Natsume snorts and leaves.
(You stay under the bed a little longer. Silence fills the room as Luna keep smoking her cigarette.)
"You've been avoiding me!"
You look up. Natsume glowers down at you. You shrink away. "No, I didn't. The whole world doesn't revolve around you, Natsume."
"Bullshit." he says loudly, and the other patrons in the library glare at him. "Do you understand the purpose of libraries? There are a place where you can read and study in silence." you taunt him, still hurt and angry and pissed.
"Don't patronize me." he spats, but he lowers his voice and sits down in the chair opposite yours. "Thank God I came to return a book, or else I would still be raiding the campus for you."
"You're such a drama queen, Natsume." you mutter, and try to ignore him by re-focusing on the book you're reading. Hoping he will just leave. He doesn't.
(When has he ever done what he was supposed to?)
"I can't believe you're losing your head over a boy." Now he's taunting you, and you don't like it one bit. You don't let him provoke you.
"I thought you were better than that!" Still no reaction.
"You're pathetic."
Slamming your book shut, you get up and approach the shelves. You're not surprised to find him following you, trailing behind you like a dog.
"I thought we were friends, Mikan." You're standing in the romance aisle now.
(What a fucking cliché.)
"Yeah." you retort. "So did I."
"What's that supposed to mean? I tried being your friend, but you acted like an ass and ignored me. For weeks! That's not what friends do! And all that over a boy!"
You take a few steps into the aisle to put distance between you. Natsume follows you, coming even closer than before. You turn to face him. He's so close, the tips of your feet are touching.
"Then I guess we're not friends anymore." Your voice is quiet, small. Your words hang in the air between you like a hot-air balloon.
"I just want you to leave me alone for a while." You desperately want to fill the silence with words, and now they are just tumbling out of you.
"I just came back! I left you alone for a whole year! Is that it? Are you angry because I left?" There is desperation in his voice. The look in his eyes is vulnerable. He actually cares about you. A whole lot. But not enough.
"Do you really want to know?" Your voice is barely a whisper. "Yeah, I do!" His reply is instant, he doesn't even consider your words.
(What the hell, you think.)
So you grab his head, and you kiss him. Your lips feel hot, and so do his. Your fingers get tangled up in his hair, and you push your body against his. He's surprised at first, but then he puts his hands on your hips and returns the kiss. It's wet, and sloppy, and exactly how you imagined it would feel kissing him.
Of course, he's an excellent kisser, and the touch of his hands almost makes you go mad. This is what you've been thinking about for months. It's finally happening.
You don't ever want the kiss to end, and he apparently doesn't, either, as he shoves your back into the aisle, his hands exploring.
You can feel the spines of books pressing into your back, the smell of pages, so soothing and familiar. And Natsume's lips scorching your mouth, your cheeks, your neck. His hands leaving a burning trail on the skin of your stomach, your hips.
You wrap your arms around his neck to get him to come closer, praying that he never lets go. But he does. His hands leave your body for a moment, and then he's cupping your cheeks, ardour clouding his eyes.
"Mikan." he whispers. "Shit. What did we do?" And you smile weakly. "So much for being a good person, huh?"
The warmth of his body is still seeping into yours, as he continues to stare into your eyes, never breaking eye contact. "We shouldn't have done that."
"No, we shoudldn't." you agree. "You're in love with Misaki, remember?"
"Yes." he agrees, but he doesn't move.
You wish that time would freeze, right now, and you could spend eternity getting lost in his eyes.
(It doesn't. You feel the absence of his warmth like the loss of a limb.)
You parted ways. It's been a week, and he hasn't called you and you don't expect him to.
(Maybe you hoped he would, but you didn't, rationally, think he would.)
You've considered the possibilities. Him breaking up with Misaki for you. Not likely. Him staying with her. More likely. Him hating you. Entirely possible.
It's his turn now.
And then one morning, he waits in front of your door. You stop dead in your tracks when you see him. It's been two weeks.
"Look who's decided to grace me with his presence." you remark. "Fuck off." he returns, and silence once again descends.
(Your new best friend, apparently.)
"I've been thinking about us." he finally breaks the silence. "Yes." you say. "I figured you would have. So? What conclusion did you come to?"
"I love Misaki. I really do. But I'm just not sure if that's enough sometimes. With her, I don't feel like I can be who I am, you know? I feel like I need to change to please her, to pretend to be someone I'm not. Mikan, I know you, and I like you, as a friend, and definitely more. I feel like myself when I'm with you, and I feel protective over you, and we have passion, more than Misaki and I ever did. You and I, we just fit. We belong. There's a tension between us we can't just ignore, even if we wanted to. I can't guarantee that it'll work out, this thing between us, but I think it would be a shame if we didn't at least try. So...do you want to maybe grab something to eat later?"
That's probably the most Natsume Hyuuga has ever said to anyone at once. You tell him so. Your feelings are all over the place, not really registering what's going on. Only that its good. It hasn't hit home yet.
"I'm free now right now." you reply. "Let's go."
A/N: Written in about seven days in December of 2013. Man, that was two years ago. Always wanted to try second person narration. The ending was a little too happy, and too rushed for my taste, but I didn't want to end yet another one shot on a sad note. Hm. Ignore out-of-character antics, if you would be so kind. Not sure if this conforms to this site' rules, because of the second person narration aspect. Oh well. Time will tell. This is the last one shot I've written for this collection and I probably won't write any more. Thanks to anyone who read and review them. Cheers.