Metamorphosis

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N:

Chapter 17 (Letting it all Go)

Inevitably, Trina did get separated from the search team. She had a walkie-talkie on her hip, and already radioed Travis that she'd circle around to find him. She didn't want him radioing in to Jason and telling him she got separated.

It wasn't a matter of getting turned around in the midst of the tall trees. She thought she spotted something and went to investigate without calling out to Travis.

Trina pushed a heavy branch out of her way and snapped the limb, then shoved it into the ground as a trail marker. "Soft ground, this should stand in place…" She watched it bend in the mud and frowned as it set at an angle against the tree. "Good enough, if it stays."

Her eyes turned up to the neon sky and a heavy breath fell from her lips. "Jesus Jenny, this better not be some ploy to buy attention or favor from Jason, because this is not the way to do it."

Trina pressed onwards, scanning her surrounding with her eyes. As expected, there were nothing but trees and grass that stretched as far as the eye could see. Rather than panic and grow concern, she kept her calm. Calmness was what kept someone from getting too lost, panic would only make matters worse.

As a joke, Trina wondered if Tori's friends would listen to her if they ever got lost in the woods for some reason. "Doubt it," she laughed, "They'd probably freak out, say I didn't know what I was talking about, and then get lost even further." She was no girl scout, and never had been. Girl scouts annoyed her. That still didn't mean she didn't know her way around a forest. "God, I need to take them hunting one day…I wonder if daddy ever went hunting."

She slid her hair behind her ear and looked off to the left. Her sense of direction was fine in the daylight, but true to word, it wasn't as good when night fell. "Oh yeah, Jason's not going to be happy I got separated from Travis." He could deal with it though, especially since she was confident enough to find her way back to camp regardless of whether she found Travis's group.

As she made her way through the trees, she heard something in the distance that caught her attention. Her eyes squinted and she held her breath, ignoring the sound of rustling leaves to try and hear what else was around.

Voices

She turned to the right and saw an open cavern. Her eyebrows rose and she approached with one slow step after another. The closer she got, the more familiar the voices became. Jenny's she recognized in an instant, but then a second voice caught her attention.

The more she tried to put a finger on the familiarity, the more she felt a heaviness in her gut like stones forming. Her eyes narrowed and she put a palm against the rock wall beside the entrance. Her lips pressed together and her eyes darted from side to side as her heartbeat sped up.

"I can't believe you found me," Jenny wept. "He kept following me. No matter where I went…I can't believe you actually looked. I thought for sure."

"When you didn't show up at our usual place, I figured something was wrong." The man had a light, yet deep and slow speech. He carried an Eastern accent, likely from the coastal region. "I wish you would realize I care for you. It's not easy for me, and I'm not going to get jealous of your ex."

Trina's eyes squinted further and her hand closed over her chest. The blood in her body grew cold and her eyes started to enlarge. Were Jenny's actions a plan to get attention from someone else?

Her blood began to boil with anger, but it was hard to direct it at Jenny when she was beginning to realize who was speaking. The rocks in her stomach melted into a sickening horror, and adrenaline shot through her veins.

"Get away from her." She roared out and charged around the corner. The man standing in front of Jenny tensed, and Jenny turned her wide eyed, horrified stare onto Trina. Beside them was Eric, unconscious, but she didn't care. "Get the fuck away from her, Ross!"

"Trina?" He let out a scream as she threw him into the wall. Her fist clenched tight and her teeth locked together as fresh tears shot down her cheeks. "Wait! You don't-"

"Trina, stop!" Jenny cried out. Her fist hung in the air and she held her hate-filled glare on Jason. The memory of his attack played over in her head, and an immense pain swelled in her throat and muscles. "Don't hurt him." Her nostrils flared and her free hand slid to his throat, ready to crush his neck as he tried to do to her.

"I'm saving your life, Jenny. You don't know what this bastard is capable of." Her stomach spun with nausea, and saliva was spewing from the slits between her teeth.

Jenny's hand cupped over her mouth and her eyes widened. "That was you?" The girl whimpered and rushed over, attempting to squeeze between the two. "Trina, please." She whipped away with a disgusted growl and pushed her right foot back, bracing herself for a fight.

When she saw Jenny's arms slide around Ross's waist, she was struck with confusion. Her muscles remained tense and two thick stress lines formed along her forehead. "What's going on here? Why is he even here?" Jenny buried her head into the man's shoulder, and Ross looked at Trina with a guilt-ridden expression.

Jenny was clearly hurting. Her body was trembling and her eyes were red and puffy. As for Ross, he was holding a protective arm around the girl; as if they were dating. "You two are dating?" Trina put her hand to her stomach and turned her head away from the two, swallowing down the bile. "How?"

"I'm a counselor at the drug rehab clinic," Ross answered quietly, "I have been for a year now. I've also been sober for nearly three years…" Her eyes clenched tight and her knees started to buckle. "I met Jenny one day while I was taking a walk out here. About a year ago."

She ignored him for the moment and shot an angry glare at Jenny. Her hand flew out to the forest and her eyes lit up with anger. "What about Jason? You've stalked him, you've caused a ton of grief, and then you started in on me. What was that all about, Jenny? Huh?" Jenny winced and bowed her head. Ross's shoulders fell and he looked at Jenny with curious eyes.

"I…" The girl looked at Ross with a sad smile and then turned to Trina. "Kind of wanted to get him jealous. Ross, I mean." Trina scoffed at her and brought a hand up to her forehead, groaning angrily. "I knew Ross did something bad to someone once, I didn't know that was you. I mean, he's not that person again. He was high on drugs then."

"Yeah." She put her hands to her hips and fixated her glare on Jenny, unable to look at Ross. "He tried to force himself on me, Jenny." She raised her voice and threw her hand up at Ross. "Then he tried to choke me to death."

Ross took a deep breath and Jenny took a slow step forward. "Trina, he-"

"I'll do this," Ross interrupted. Trina crossed her arms and took a step back as the man moved in front of Jenny. The girl bowed her head and held her hands at her waist. Her nervous eyes drifted over to Eric and shut tight.

Trina could only assume based off the conversation she'd overheard that Eric had done something, but he was an afterthought for her right now. "Don't get too close." Her eyes shot at Ross and the nausea in her stomach spiked. "God. I can't do this right now. This can't be happening…" Her arms began trembling and she wanted to lean up against the cave wall for support, but preferred having her back to the exit in case she needed to run.

Her head started to pound and her eyes became heavy. The more she looked at Ross, the more vivid the memory became. His eyes held a great deal of remorse, which was curious.

"I know what I did. I know it was wrong." She swallowed heavily and moved her hand up over her mouth, to contain the bile should it seep out from her throat. It wasn't fair to see him moving on with his life either, but it did strike a deep chord within her. If Ross was able to move on with his life, then why was she still so locked up emotionally?

"You're off the drugs?" She dropped her hand down and sneered at him. "Are you about to say 'sorry'? Because if you are, you've got another thing coming." Her voice began to rise and Ross flinched. "Do you even know the amount of fucking pain you've put me through?"

Tears ran over her eyelids. She leaned her body forward, slicing her arm through the air. "I can't even let myself be with a guy because of you. All I can do is think that I'm worthless, and all people want to do is hurt me. I can't open myself up, I can't take that fucking risk, and whose fault is it?"

"You hate me. I know-"

"Of course I hate you." She threw her hands up and shouted as loud as she could. Her lungs felt as though someone threw a match into them, and her body temperature was rising to lethal levels. "You can't even begin to imagine the pain you put me through. Worse than anybody else. It was you, all you!"

She circled him, still screaming at him. Part of her was thrilled to be the dominant force, while the rest of her wanted to run and leave Jenny alone with this man. "You can never get clean enough when someone tries to hurt you the way you did." He bowed his head and closed his hands slowly. "I sat in my shower for hours, trying to wash it all away. Even though you were stopped, you still destroyed me."

"I know."

"You know? You know? If you knew how to control yourself, then you would have been able to do that back then."

"He's never done anything to me," Jenny started to say in his defense.

"Not now Jenny." Her arms and legs tensed, then she spun on her heels, glaring ferociously at her. "On second thought. What the hell is your problem? Obsessing over your ex when you've got someone you're dating. Where's the justice in that? You cause Jason so much pain, you don't even get it. Leave him alone if you're seeing someone else."

"I was just doing it because-" Jenny's eyes darted to Ross and she let out a frustrated growl. "I like romance novels, okay?" Trina raised an eyebrow at her and she leaned back. Her arms crossed over and she shook her head at the girl. "I love to read, and sometimes I get ideas…"

"Ideas?"

"There was one book where the girl tries to get her boyfriend jealous by starting to go out with her ex." Trina slipped her hand through her hair and sighed at Jenny's stupidity. "So I thought maybe I could get Jason interested in me again, and that might make Ross jealous."

"And did it work, Jenny?"

"No. Obviously his interests are elsewhere." She waved her hand towards Trina. Trina cleared her throat and looked out to the forest. "Ross has difficulty committing to a relationship. That's all. I thought maybe he didn't care, but after what happened with Eric…" Jenny rubbed her arm and Trina followed her gaze to the unconscious boy.

Her facial features softened and her pulse slowed momentarily. "What happened with Eric, Jenny? What did he do."

"He was chasing me all afternoon. He followed me into the cave and tried…" Trina's muscles tensed up and Jenny sobbed once. "Ross found me, and he hit Eric from behind before he could hurt me."

A great anger lashed out from her pulsating heart. Her fists clenched tight and her eyes darted over to Ross. She watched him closely as he walked to the other side of the cave, pressing his back up against the wall.

"You saved her?" She wiggled her nose and her mouth twisted into a sneer of disgust. "From the very thing that you tried to do to me? You…" Her lips curled inwards and she furrowed her brow. "You son of a bitch. Also, why doesn't it surprise me you can't deal with a relationship?"

Ross looked away and raised his shoulders. "I can deal. It's the fucking guilt and fear that holds me back." Her eyebrows rose and her mouth opened, but she couldn't bring forth any response.

He crossed his right leg over his left and glanced back at her. "Once your father beat the shit out of me, and when I came to, I knew I messed up. There's nothing I can do to take back what I did, nothing I can say. I feel like shit because of it, and I've never been able to let go of that."

She searched his eyes, wanting to find a lie hidden away in them, but all she saw was sorrow. Trina held her breath and closed her eyes. "But you've moved on. If you're dating somebody."

"I'm trying. It's a step at a time. We're taking it slow, trying to work through the kinks, but I'm trying." He started to move forward, but stopped when her eyes flew open. Ross stepped back into place and his breathing grew shallow. "Look. I know saying sorry means little to you, I know saying that I regret it doesn't help, but if I could take it back, if I could change what happened that day…"

She brought her hands up, cupping them over her face, using them to catch her long and anguished scream.

Her hands slid down and away from her face, then dropped to her legs with a slap. "I've kept my heart closed because of you. I don't take risks because of you, because of my sister's friends, because of my father, but mostly you and two other shits I dated…I don't let myself get hurt. I told myself not to put myself in that position. Here you're telling me, of all people, you are moving on with your life?"

"I figured I couldn't be afraid to take a risk forever." A sudden pang struck her heart, like a knife. She cupped her hands over her stomach and growled at him. "I…I really do regret ever hurting you."

"Shut up. Just shut up." She looked out to the woods and whimpered softly. "It's getting dark out. I need to get Jenny back."

Jenny took a small step forward and looked up at Trina. "Trina, I'll leave him alone." She put her hands to her hips and raised an eyebrow at the girl. "Jason, I mean. I…I know Ross cares about me, I know he's trying to work on his mess, and I know I need to be patient."

"Life isn't a romance novel, Jenny. You can't just do what someone in a book does and expect it to work. You need to live your own life, I guess Ross too, and Jason needs to."

"So do you," Ross interjected. Her eyes shot out at him and he flinched. "Sorry, I just…"

"You have no place."

"I know. I-you're right."

"I need to think." She put her hand to her forehead and paced to the right. "I'm not even with him, Jenny." She threw her hand out and spat in the air. "Jason and I are only and have only been friends."

"Well it does look like something more," Jenny replied. Trina scoffed and turned her back to the girl. "What's so wrong about it? It's not like he would ever hurt you. I hurt him, not the other way around…" Her heart fluttered in her chest and she let out a disgusted groan.

"Just shut up, Jenny. I can't."

"Why? Because of something Ross did to you years ago?" She looked over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at the girl. Jenny took another step forward and slanted her eyes. "Ross is letting it go. Whatever he did, whatever-you said two other guys-did to you, it was a long time ago. You're going to do what, let that keep you from moving on? You say everyone else needs to move on with their lives, what about you?"

"Are you trying to give me advice?" She scoffed out her disbelief, then her nausea turned to anger.

Silence fell around her as her gaze connected with Ross's remorseful eyes. She still had her anger, but there was something more. A realization. "If you could change. If you can feel remorse." She took a deep breath and looked away, clenching her eyes shut. "If you, of all people, can let go of the past and move on with your life…why can't I?" She turned her head skyward and scoffed again. "Why? Why did you even do what you did?"

"I was under the influence of drugs."

"So? What kind of excuse-"

"It isn't an excuse, damn it." He raised his voice and she shot a glare at him, causing him to quiet down. "No. It isn't an excuse. I was weak, and the drugs made me feel strong-in control. Then I wasn't in control that day, and I didn't like it." He bowed his head and put his hands to his hips. "After that, for so long I was afraid of hurting someone else. I didn't go into relationships because I didn't trust myself. Then I met Jenny, we just started spending time together and…I don't know how she trusts me, but she does. I could put my fears behind me, I could have a normal relationship if I let it happen…"

"I see." She ran her hand through her hair and brought it down to her neck, holding it in place. She craned her neck to the left and exhaled slowly. "I want to let it go. I want to move on. All the pain, all the hurt…Maybe I can try." She opened her eyes partway and furrowed her brow. "I can try to open up. I can try to let the past go. I can do that."

"I won't ask your forgiveness, Trina. I know you probably will never reach that point, but…please don't let that one fucked up moment ruin you. You're a great person, a beautiful woman and intelligent girl." She dropped her hand and gasped shakily. "You deserve to have a good life, not to be held back by something that even I regret…let that go if you can."

"I-" She stopped herself and groaned at the immense pain in her chest. "I'll try." She heard static from the walkie-talkie at her hip and gasped as Jason's concerned voice broke into the silent air.

"Trina? Trina where are you! Travis radioed in, it's getting dark and you're nowhere in sight. Respond, please." She cupped her hand over her mouth and sobbed into it. Her heart started to break as she felt a weight falling from her shoulders.

It was time to find a way to let the past go, to let herself grow. She needed to know who she was inside, and Ross of all people was right; the only way she was going to grow was by letting it all go.

"Trina? Do you copy? Goddamn it, are you safe out there?"

She grabbed the radio off her hip and hit the speaker button. "I'm here." Her voice trembled and her fingers shook over the button. "I found Jenny. Found Eric. I'll bring her here, but send Travis out to Eric."

"Copy," Travis interrupted, "Where is your location?"

"There's a cave, and-"

"I know where it is. There's only one cave in this area, used to be where bears hibernated. Can you get back to the campsite?"

"Yes. Jenny and I will start heading out. Eric is…" She looked to Eric and sneered at the man. "Out of commission right now." She released the speaker button and sighed heavily.

"He seems concerned about you," Ross said. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." She started for the mouth of the cave and turned to Jenny. "Jenny, let's go. Ross, go back to your own camp…I don't want to see or hear from you again."

"I understand. I'll respect that."

Jenny picked up a backpack and hurried behind Trina. Trina's body was stiff and she felt on edge, checking over her shoulders with every passing second. The last thing she wanted was to be followed. "What will you tell Jason, Trina?" Trina flinched and brought her hand up to her brow, sweeping away the sweat.

"That the worst of my exes is a counselor at the drug rehab clinic? I don't know, Jenny. Probably nothing. I'm pissed, okay?"

"I'm sorry."

"No. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have seen that." She inhaled slowly and looked for nearby trail markers. "You've been treating me like shit and obsessing over Jason all because you wanted to make a guy you were with jealous? Because it worked in a damned romance novel? Life isn't a romance novel!"

"I know. I know that now. This would never have happened if Eric didn't-"

"Don't worry about Eric. At the very least, we're reporting that to Jason."

"Eric will be sent home."

"He should be." She stopped moving for a second and looked back. She was thinking about Tori's friends. "You wouldn't happen to know a Jade West, would you?" Jenny raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "Ah. Didn't think so. Well, regardless, can you please leave me alone from now on?"

"Y-Yeah…"

"Call me whatever you like, but I'm not a fucking diva just because I like to dress up once in a while."

When they reached the campground, Trina had been able to relax a little. The sun was almost entirely gone from the sky, and the moon was high.

Jason was standing at the door, his eyes peered out as though they'd been searching the area. When he saw her, he began to relax. She flashed a smile and was caught off guard when he hurried to her side and threw his arms around her.

Her heart leapt to her throat and her trembling arms moved around his waist while her voice broke into a single sob. He pulled his head back and looked into her eyes. "A sob? Are you okay? What's wrong?" She cleared her throat and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"I'm okay."

Jason reached up and gently swept a stray bit of hair from her face. His voice softened and his eyes scanned hers carefully. "Had me worried." He exhaled and turned towards Jenny. "I'm glad you're okay as well." Jenny smiled weakly and nodded. "And Eric?"

"Tried to hurt me," she answered, "But he didn't get far." Jason crossed his arms. His chest expanded and his eyebrows scrunched together. "Eric's dangerous."

"I was afraid of that. I'll have to send him home then."

"Yeah." Jenny's eyes moved to Trina, then she reached out to Jason. When her hand touched his forearm, he flinched and pulled away. "Jason, I'm sorry. For everything. Please…I'll go home if you want me to, but I'll leave you alone from now on. I promise."

Trina would be more than happy to send the girl home, but she knew it wouldn't be right. "Hold on," she interrupted. After what went down with Eric, the girl would need the comfort of her boyfriend-which Trina still had difficulty wrapping around her mind that it was Ross. "You shouldn't be sent home for something Eric did." Jenny pursed her lips and turned away from her, clearing her throat.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." She would love to have had a guy that cared enough about her to comfort her after what happened with Ross all that time ago. Jenny smiled weakly, then walked into the campsite.

Jason raised an eyebrow and glanced at her with concern. "What was that about?" She shook her head.

"Nothing to worry about now. I need to see Lindsay…" She put her hand to his upper right arm and smiled at him. "We'll talk later. You have things to deal with, I think." She moved her hand from his arm and walked into the campsite, still struggling to hold back her tears long enough to get out of eyeshot.

What we have here is an emotional and drama filled chapter. So much has been said, so much has happened. Jenny's agreed to let well enough alone, but I hope you didn't forget that she's only a small part of a bigger picture.