Oh, friends.

Thank you all for being so patient. I'm so, so sorry I haven't updated. Life has been all over the place, and I'm sort of hanging on for dear life. Health, school, being out of the country with no internet or cell service- I guess it's all just a part of the ride.

I hope you still want to read this story, we are so very close to the end and it's going to be awesome. Again, thank you for being so wonderful and considerate.

My dearest darlingest reviewers:

yesboss21 (One of your guesses was correct ;) now you get to see which.)

Colinou

QuiteARandomFan (As always: how very perceptive of you XD)

MoonbornWalker

The Lightning Phoenix

Spartan10007

Vvarden

canadasam101

Ty-ten

Sag1ttar1us

Ciara11

Phsyro

Harkonnen28

ScarletRaven3 (I'll get it to you once I have a better connection)

Spirit of Fury

NotARandomReader

Thank you all, you've kept my spirits up, and it means so much to me that you take the time to share your thoughts, however concise they may be.

Before we get started, though, just one more thing.

9/11 is a day that no American will ever forget. I remember it clearly, and always will. All I have to say is this: God bless those who sacrifice themselves for the greater good. Those who fight for what is right, for freedom from cruelty, tyranny, and corruption. Though I might not always like what goes on in my country, I love it, and I hope that someday we can sort ourselves out enough to face the evils in this world together with strength and compassion.

That is all. Thanks again, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Hiccup smiled slightly as the village shrank away beneath them. There was nothing so freeing as being in the sky with Toothless, even when it was freezing cold and cloudy. There was so much going on, and it was nice to leave it behind for a short time to clear their minds before their day really began.

It had been a few days since Shade's fight, and Hiccup still couldn't entirely shake the gripping fear he'd felt at seeing his daughter's dragon in danger. Since he'd first laid eyes on the shiny black egg in Toothless's shelter, he'd felt a powerful attachment towards all of his dragon's progeny. He counted Toothless and Lightning's hatchlings as his own, and he knew his dragon felt the same way about his and Astrid's children. Knowing how close they'd all come to losing Shade the other day, in a far more finite way than when he and Aeri had vanished years ago, had forced Hiccup to reevaluate a few things. He wasn't really the type to take important things for granted, but he had to admit that he didn't appreciate them as much as he should. His love for his family, for Toothless's family, and for all the people and dragons on Berk… it was unpleasant to acknowledge that nothing was for certain, except death. It reminded him of his own father's sudden death, and all the things he would go back and do differently if only he had known. He resolved now to make sure that no matter what happened, he would make sure that everyone in his life had no hint of doubt as to how much they meant to him.

There were other things that needed to be dealt with, as well. Everything they had left behind in the village would still be there when they got back. He was long past the point at which he felt the urge to just keep flying until Berk was just a distant memory on the horizon, so he used the peace of their flights together to organize his thoughts and try to figure out whatever problems the day presented.

Swallowing the anxiety the subject tended to elicit, Hiccup thought about the Night Fury that was currently being held at the Academy. Classes had been cancelled for the last few days, and only a select few people and guard dragons were allowed in. He'd been sedating the male as a precaution, but last night, when he'd told Toothless he was going to give him another dose, his dragon shook his head. Hiccup figured this meant that Toothless had finally decided what he wanted to do with the other Fury. In all honesty, he was a little apprehensive as to what the punishment would be. Toothless had never been particularly harsh with the other dragons on Berk, but he knew his dragon was ruthless when it came to the safety of his family. Hiccup wouldn't blame him if he chose to execute the male, after all, he'd very clearly disobeyed a command during the fight, and he'd tried to kill Shade in a rather cowardly fashion. If, for some reason, it was one of Hiccup's children fighting another person, and their opponent had behaved so dishonorably, not only would all of Berk call for their head, Hiccup would be hard-pressed to find mercy in his own heart. But while he might worry, he really couldn't say for certain what Toothless had planned.

Toothless was spinning now, wings tucked against his body, but the motion was so familiar to Hiccup after all these years that he scarcely had to think about gripping tighter with his knees and leaning flush against his dragon's neck. A moment later he leveled out, his wings catching the icy winds that blew so fiercely at this altitude.

Hiccup thought he had figured out what had happened. Why else would two young males of the same species be fighting? While in the wild, it might have been a territorial dispute, all of Berk was under the jurisdiction of the Alpha. The only things that dragons got territorial about here were their humans and their families, if they had them. It was possible that they had rubbed each other the wrong way for some other reason, but judging by the ferocity of their fight, Hiccup believed it could only be one thing.

A female. Which female, though? There were several Night Fury females from the colony that might have caught Shade's attention. There was only one living on Berk, though, who was unattached and also unrelated to Shade.

He had a few reasons to believe that Ash was the female in question. She and Shade had always been close, for one. But the most obvious was that she had appeared during the fight, frantic and with what appeared to be claw marks on her face. Whatever she had communicated to Toothless had caused his dragon to react with clear anger, before moving to interrupt the fight. At least, I think that's what he was doing. It had all happened very quickly. He also hadn't seen Ash anywhere in the village since the other morning.

So, Shade and the other male both wanted Ash as their mate. Hiccup wondered if either of them had actually managed to capture her affections before their fight. He had a strong suspicion that Shade might just have been the lucky winner, given the other male's apparent bloodlust. Does Aeri know that Shade has a lady friend? She has to, he reasoned. There's no way a courtship between her dragon and another would have gone entirely unnoticed. But she might not have figured out yet why he'd challenged or been challenged by the other male.

He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers for a moment. Whatever had happened, all that mattered right now was how the offending male would be dealt with. He presumed that several people would be needed to assist in opening the pen and removing the muzzle and binds on the captive Night Fury. They'd have to be agile, though, in the event that the male turned violent. Hiccup hated that he had to put anyone in harm's way, but he hoped that the presence of other dragons would be enough to deter the male from attacking.

Let's see… One strong man to work the lock, and someone to assist me in releasing the male from his bonds… While he didn't particularly like the idea, he knew that Aeri would probably insist on being there, especially if Shade was going. Hiccup believed that was the case, since Shade had seemed more alert and active the night before.

But… there would be no point in freeing the male if Toothless planned on killing him.

"Toothless?"

His dragon glanced back at him with a warble.

"Are you going to kill that male?"

For a moment, Toothless didn't respond. Then he gave a slight shrug, which Hiccup found to be entirely unhelpful.

"I'm asking because I need to know if you need someone to take his muzzle and binds off."

A firm nod.

"So… is that a yes, you need us to free him?"

Another nod.

"Okay. I'll do that, then."

Toothless growled.

"Don't worry, I'll take Aeri in with me. I'm sure he won't try anything with all those guard dragons around, waiting to pulverize him."

He couldn't help but smile at the dissatisfied groan he received, but Toothless didn't object any further.

"Alright, bud. Let's go back to the village. Today's going to be busy. We've got this male to deal with, and Snoggletog is just around the corner."

The mention of Snoggletog seemed to perk Toothless up, and he cheerfully dropped into a wild, spinning dive that pulled the breath from Hiccup's lungs. Though there was a lot to worry about, the Chief couldn't resist the flood of adrenaline, and he found himself grinning widely, cheering as Toothless pulled up at the last possible second, narrowly avoiding the roof of Gobber's shop. The village was waking up, and people called up greetings as they hurtled past, heading home. He felt the first tendrils of the excitement that came along with the approaching journey to the nesting grounds. Baby dragons could hatch at any time during the year, but the vast majority of eggs were laid around Snoggletog. It wasn't so long ago that he could look forward to the possibility of a new baby Night Fury, but since Toothless and Lightning didn't seem particularly keen on expanding their brood, it would likely be a long time before they were gifted with another. Oh well, he thought with a smile. Night Furies are wonderful, but they do seem to attract the most trouble. It's probably for the best that we take a break from boosting the population here, at least for a few more years.

Shade tentatively stretched his body, pleased that the persistent ache in his muscles had subsided. He was back on his feet, but it would take a little longer for him to get back into fighting shape.

"Ready?"

He turned to face his mother, who stood waiting by the door. "Yes. Let's go." They stepped out into the cold morning, turning in the direction of the Academy. His father, Aeri, and Hiccup were already there, preparing.

The night before, his father had come to see him, asking whether or not he'd made a decision.

"I have," he said seriously.

Toothless didn't blink as he told him what he had in mind, only nodding solemnly.

"We'll do it in the morning, then. And I'll make sure there won't be an audience."

Dragons and humans greeted them as they made their way down the snowy streets, but neither spoke. Instead, they walked in companionable silence, supporting each other without words. His mother had not brought up the very sore subject that constantly haunted his thoughts, but he was certain she was well aware of his pain. Storm had it figured out, and she took after their mother, so Shade knew Lightning probably had a good sense of the situation. Perhaps she might even have some advice… He resolved to speak with her about it after they had dealt with Svar.

Apprehension was building in his thoughts, and he took a deep breath. There would not be many witnesses to Svar's punishment, but word would spread. That wasn't satisfactory to Storm, though, who had tried unsuccessfully to get their father to allow her to attend. He'd asked Mika to keep an eye on her, though the Grimler would be hard-pressed to try to stop Storm from doing what she liked.

They were on the bridge now, which was regularly cleared of snow and ice. It wouldn't do for someone to accidentally slip and tumble over the edge. Shade wondered yet again whether or not he was doing the right thing, and once again came to the conclusion that he was. There was no anger motivating him, only a weary sadness.

Standing outside the Academy were several humans, who upon closer inspection turned out to be Valka, James, and Astrid. Stormfly was nearby, and turned to nod solemnly at him as he passed. A large Viking stood next to the crank that operated the lock on the door below it, arms folded behind his back. On the opposite side, Holly and Palo sat with shoulders touching, eyes downcast. He didn't like that it had come to this. He had never had any issue with them, and genuinely liked Cinder's mate. But Svar had left them no choice. They knew that, and had not spoken a word in protest. It didn't make it any easier, though.

His mother slowed, and he looked at her in question.

"I'm staying out here, with Stormfly. I'm not needed inside."

Heart heavy, he nodded, and she quickly nuzzled his cheek before making her way over to sit next to Valka. Taking another steadying breath, he walked through the tunnel and came out into the stone arena, taking note of everyone present.

Cinder, Cloudjumper, Hookfang, Sahko, and Skullcrusher were circled near the door of Svar's holding pen. He was mildly surprised to see the Rumblehorn there, but understood that he was just as trustworthy and menacing as the rest of them. The hope was that their presence would be a sufficient deterrent if Svar was tempted to fight. Shade hated that Aeri was involved, especially in such a dangerous capacity, but had to admit that she was as safe as she could be with these powerful dragons around. As soon as she saw him, she hurried over, and placed a hand on his neck. "Hey, bud," she said quietly. He could sense her concern, and knew she was worried about what Svar's punishment would be, but she trusted in whatever judgment was passed.

His father left Hiccup's side and approached them. "We're ready, whenever you are."

Shade nodded. "Let's get this over with."

In a few moments, they were all positioned around the door. He stood next to his father inside the protective circle made by the five other dragons, and Aeri and Hiccup were behind them. When Toothless glanced at him, he gave him a short nod.

The Alpha went up to the door, and raised his voice to be heard clearly through the layers of wood and metal. "Svar," he said, his voice deeply authoritative. "We are going to open this door. It is time for you to face the consequences of your actions. If you would rather fight than listen, I can arrange that, but I don't think you'd particularly enjoy the merciless attention of all the dragons waiting here. So this is what is going to happen. The door is going to open, and you are going to walk out slowly. There are two humans who will cut your binds. If you show them even the slightest hint of aggression, I swear to you that any pain or fear you have ever experienced will pale in comparison to what I personally will do to you before I kill you. The same goes for the dragons. I don't expect you to be cheerful, but I will not tolerate hostility. If you don't care to spare yourself, fine, but consider that your brother and sister are watching. At least find the self-control and dignity to behave for their sakes. I ask that you take the next few moments to carefully consider how you are going to act once that door opens. I do not make idle threats, nor am I particularly forgiving when it comes to the security of the dragons and people on this island. Keep that in mind."

His father came back to where he stood, and after a few moments, nodded. Hiccup and Aeri walked to the door, each taking hold of one of the bars. The human Chief waved a hand, and the Viking above began to turn the crank. Slowly, the heavy bolt slid free from the lock, then the two of them pulled on the bars. The hinges creaked as the massive door swung open, and they backed away to a safer distance as the daylight permeated the shadows of the pen.

Svar, wings and jaws bound, blinked at the sudden brightness. Once his eyes had adjusted, he looked around, taking in the dragons surrounding him. Shade stiffened slightly as the other male stared hatefully at him, but kept his own expression blank. Svar's steps were somewhat unsteady, which Shade attributed to the remnants of the sedative the humans had used on him. At Toothless's direction, he stopped and sat on his haunches in the middle of the circle, angry and suspicious.

Hiccup and Aeri approached him, and Shade resisted the urge to stop them, to keep them away from danger. Watching the other male intently as the humans began to cut the binds on his wings, he held his breath when Hiccup loosened and removed the muzzle, ready to protect them if need be. Svar didn't move, though. Aeri and Hiccup finished, then left the arena, and Shade breathed a silent sigh of relief once they were safely out of the way. Only then did the freed male move, opening and flexing his wings and jaw.

After a moment of silence, he snorted impatiently. "Well, you let me out. Now what?"

"As I said. It's time for you to answer for your actions." Toothless was completely calm as he replied, though Shade knew better than to assume that his father wasn't dangerously angry. While he wouldn't mind seeing his father pummel Svar, he knew that as Alpha, it was important for him to keep a level head at all times, and not let his emotions get the better of him.

"Don't I get a chance to speak for myself?"

"Do you believe that you can satisfactorily explain your behavior in a way that will erase your guilt?"

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not the only one at fault."

Shade could sense his father's displeasure. Outwardly, he appeared ever the same, but it was the nature of the authority he possessed, the aura of power that he exuded at all times, that made it clear to any dragon in the vicinity when the Alpha was aggravated. So often it had cowed him in his youth, and even now it put him on edge, though he knew it wasn't directed at him. Toothless was humorous, compassionate, and wise; a loving father, dedicated friend, and just leader. It was easy to forget just how powerful he really was when he was so good-natured the vast majority of the time. But when he was mad… Glancing around, he knew the others could feel it too, and they stood rigidly, unable to fully disguise their unease. They were strong, confident, intelligent dragons, but his father was the Alpha. He outmatched them all. A reality that was seldom spoken of, but that everyone was aware of nonetheless.

Stupidly, Svar maintained his arrogance, staring insolently at Toothless despite the rising tension of the situation.

When the Alpha spoke, he sounded entirely at ease. Almost bored. "Perhaps you are not the only one at fault, but you and you alone crossed the line of what is acceptable and honorable so dramatically. You attacked a female who wounded your pride but otherwise did you no harm. You violated the terms of your fight, blatantly attempting to kill your opponent despite his indisputable and merciful victory over you while his back was turned. Do you have anything to contribute to that? Anything that might change the nature of your actions?"

Svar opened his mouth to argue, then seemed to think better of it. "No. What is my punishment, mighty Alpha?" His tone was scathing, but when Toothless wordlessly stepped aside, his disdainful expression faltered. Shade just waited. It took a moment, then the other male figured it out. Genuine worry contorted his features before his anger returned, and he sneered.

"So you're letting him decide my fate? This dishonorable worm?" Skullcrusher and Sahko hissed in warning, but Shade didn't react to the insult, and Svar didn't seem cowed. "I thought you dispensed the justice, Toothless. Since when are selfish, vengeful runaways allowed a say in such matters? I hadn't realized you were so cruel."

Toothless growled softly in response, warning Svar without words how close he was to proving just how cruel he could be. The other male glanced around, his fear and anger warring on his face. The aggression won, though, and he bared his teeth. "I'm not afraid of you! Any of you!"

Cinder nearly lost his composure then. "You should be, Svar! Do you have any idea how dearly I wished to be the one passing your judgment? You intentionally harmed two of Berk's dragons, one a female whom you had no claim on, who also happens to be my sister, and the other the Alpha's firstborn. If it were up to me, punishment wouldn't even begin to describe your fate."

"No claim? Ash would have been mine! She was to be my mate! And you stole her from me!" Svar directed his building fury at Shade.

"I did no such thing." He maintained his blank expression, and though he spoke quietly, his voice was firm.

"How can you deny it?" Svar was apoplectic. "I bet you intended for this to happen. You've always been jealous of me, always waiting for the chance to get back at me because Ash liked me better than you—"

"Stop making a fool out of yourself." His words cut right through Svar's rant, silencing him. He allowed some of his irritation to show. "You act as if I had knowledge of your plans, which I did not. You also act as if I care to involve myself in your affairs. Contrary to what you seem to believe, I don't actually spend time plotting vengeance against you, because I don't see the point in wasting my energy by even thinking about someone as petty and insignificant as you. You, however, always enjoyed tormenting me, taking an idiotic pride out of being more powerful than someone smaller and younger than you. Despite you taking out your insecurities on me, I've never held more than strong disgust for you, or devised ways in which to torment you in return."

He swallowed, then continued. "Ash and I have always been close. I have always cared for her. But not once did I ever disrespect her, or attempt to claim her, as if she was something for me to possess. She came to me. She was the first to declare her feelings, which I reciprocated. I would even argue that she might prefer my company to yours, as hard as that is for you to believe. You're not a victim of anything other than your own arrogance. It was stupid of you to challenge me, not just because I'm not to blame for her choices, but because if you had used your brain for even a minute, you would have realized that you could never hope to beat me in a fair fight. You're embarrassed that I was able to overpower you so easily, but I don't see how you could have anticipated any other outcome. I'm bigger and stronger than you, but more importantly, I've fought and defeated far worse than an overly aggressive and irrational Night Fury. You resorted to treachery, then, attempting to kill me after I spared you. What good would that have done, though? You still wouldn't have Ash, and you'd have forfeited your own life for certain. I hope that it was worth it, because this is going to be just as unpleasant as failing to win Ash's affections and failing to humiliate or kill me."

Svar had visibly deflated. "What are you going to do to me?" he asked, only a trace of his former defiance remaining as he glanced at the menacing dragons around them.

"Svar, nothing I could do to you would bring me any satisfaction. So I'm not going to harm you, or end your life." Shade took a deep breath. "I am banishing you. You will never again be allowed to return to Berk, the Archipelago… or the colony."

For a brief moment, Svar was frozen in shock. Then he snarled. "You don't have that kind of power! You can't—"

"Actually, I can. The Alpha left this decision to me, and it is his authority that enforces it."

A desperate gleam shone in his eyes. "Talon will never allow this!"

"You forget that Talon abides by the Alpha's command. He may be the clan leader, and your brother, but he cannot and will not intervene. Holly and Palo are going to deliver the news to him."

"Where do you expect me to go, then?"

"This world is vast, Svar. There are many, many places you could go. I just hope that you behave with more sense in the future. I doubt that you'll find so much mercy if you act like this elsewhere."

Svar's chest was heaving with rapid, erratic breaths. His eyes were wide, teeth bared. "You… you… you can't! I won't… You can't…"

Shade gazed impassively at him. "I really am sorry it came to this. I did not make this decision lightly. But you went too far, and this is the consequence of your actions. Now you need to live with it."

With a nod from Toothless, the other dragons closed in on Svar, guiding him out of the arena. Outside, at the entrance to the tunnel, Holly and Palo were waiting, their sadness evident. Svar seemed to be too stunned to be angry, though Shade didn't doubt that he would be again soon.

Holly and Palo offered him pained goodbyes. They did not dispute the sentence, instead choosing to express their love and hope that he would be safe. Before he turned away from them, Svar met their gazes and whispered, "I'm sorry."

They made their way to the edge of the cliff, where Toothless spoke up. "Svar, you have been forbidden to return to the Archipelago and the colony. The rest of the world is open to you. Should you violate your sentence, the penalty is death."

Svar nodded wordlessly. Looking up, he locked eyes with Shade. His jaw was clenched, but surprisingly, his expression held neither hate nor hostility. "It's on you. Look after them." He didn't wait for an answer, spreading his wings and leaping from the cliff. Sahko, Skullcrusher, Hookfang, and Cloudjumper followed, flying in formation behind him. They would stay with him for a short time as a precaution, to ensure that he did not attempt to turn back.

Look after them. Shade assumed Svar meant his family, but he had a feeling that he was also referring to the rest of the dragons. Someday they would all be his responsibility, but today he had taken a significant step closer to that reality, whether he liked it or not. There was no going back, now. He felt heavier, somehow, as though he had taken on the invisible weight of his future.

No one spoke as the formation slowly shrank towards the horizon. The icy wind picked up, and snow began to fall from the solemn, overcast sky. Finally, Shade turned away, only to see the devastation on Holly's face as she trembled against Cinder, unable to tear her eyes away from the brother she would never see again. Palo was frozen, his expression touched with grief.

Though he knew he had made the right decision, guilt slammed into him, and he hurried away from them. The humans were waiting with his mother and Stormfly, all looking rather grim. Aeri stepped out and opened her arms, and he pressed his forehead against her chest, letting out a low, helpless groan.

"It's okay," she said softly, though how could she know? She hadn't had her heart broken in this way. She hadn't had to decide whether someone she knew would live or die. She wasn't responsible for the pain of others.

But she is going to be Chief, someday. It would all fall to her, just as it would all fall to him. His love for Ash was an unbearable ache, a crushing, twisting pain that just wouldn't go away. He suddenly feared for his human, for her heart. She was so close to James, so happy with him, but Shade knew that Sahko and his human were still hiding something, something that they believed damned them beyond hope. What if it truly was something terrible? Something unforgivable? Aeri would suffer, just as he now suffered.

He stepped back, and his face must have betrayed his deep worry, because her brows knitted.

"I sure wish I knew what you were thinking right now, bud."

Rather than subject her to his negative emotions, he turned away, only to come face to face with his mother. Her expression was inscrutable, but she seemed to be waiting for him to speak.

"I…" Whatever he was about to say suddenly caught in his throat, and his eyes widened with alarm. His breaths were coming short and fast, and he growled, trying and failing to focus. He was feeling distinctly overwhelmed, and very much needed to be elsewhere, anywhere but here.

"You've done your part. Come on, Shade."

He glanced around helplessly. His father was with Cinder, Holly and Palo by the cliffside. Aeri was now speaking with her parents, Valka, and James, though she was watching him out of the corner of her eye. Stormfly was watching him as well, seeming sad and concerned.

Looking back at his mother, he nodded wordlessly. While he would have dearly loved to fly hard and fast until this was all just a distant memory, his body simply didn't have the strength necessary to even get off the ground at the moment. So he let his head drop, and followed her away from the Academy. He felt bad about leaving, and halfway across the bridge, he found his voice.

"I shouldn't have left. They—"

"They don't need you there. Your father and Cinder are taking care of Holly and Palo. It's probably best if they don't have to see you for the time being, anyways. And your human is with her own family. Aeri might need some time to process what she just saw, but even if she doesn't, she loves you, and she understands that you need some time for yourself. You give her space when she needs it, don't you?"

"Yes, but—"

"No buts. If you really think you'd be better off going back there, I'm not going to stop you. It has been established that you are capable of making your own decisions. But I figured we could leave the village for a little while, at least until the weather makes us miserable enough to crave the indoors. We don't have to talk, but as always, I'm here to listen if need be. So, what are you going to do?"

It didn't bother him in the slightest that his mother was so often right. Maybe as a teenager, it might have irked him, or at least bruised his ego, to acknowledge that she knew best, but now? He was just thankful that someone else knew what to do and was looking out for him.

Inhaling deeply, he replied, "Let's see how far we can go before the snow stops us."

They skirted around the village, not running into anyone. Most likely because it was starting to get noticeably cold, which wasn't often something that dragons had an issue with. They ran hot, their fire a blazing warmth within them that allowed them to fly and run and play and even swim in extremely frigid temperatures. So when he found himself thinking, It's a bit chilly, Shade knew it must be bad. He hoped that Aeri and the others would get inside soon. It wouldn't do for his fierce human to lose some of her extremities from something so mundane as the cold.

When they reached the edge of the forest, their footsteps muffled in the powdery snow, he finally had his thoughts organized enough to speak.

"I don't know why I got so worked up back there."

Lightning snorted softly. "I could probably think of a few reasons."

Despite his agonizing emotional turbulence, he had to chuckle. "I guess you're right. I just wish I knew what to do about it all."

"Well, what do you want to do?"

The question stumped him. "I'm not sure. I don't want to hurt anyone else. I also wouldn't mind if I stopped hurting for a while."

"So what would help accomplish those things?"

"I feel like, if I'm ever going to be a proper leader, I can't make my goal not hurting anyone. I can make my goal doing what I can to help as many as I can, but there are inevitably going to be more decisions like this one, where I'm going to have to do what's best for the majority, even if the minority suffers because of it."

"That's very reasonable. What about you, though?"

"I think that I'm going to hurt every time something like this comes up, no matter how hard I try."

"Unfortunately, that's the truth. It means you have a loving heart, Shade, which no one should encourage you to abandon. But it also means that you're more likely to experience pain. There's not much you can do except continually remind yourself that you've done what's best for the majority. No one can blame you for that, and you shouldn't blame yourself, either. Now, what else can you do to stop hurting?"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I could say that I think that there might other things on your mind, but I'm reasonably certain that I know that for a fact. So. What else is hurting you?"

He wasn't sure he could even voice it. Even approaching the slightest thing to do with Ash in his mind made his chest twinge painfully and a lump form in his throat. It was a massive coil of thoughts and feelings, memories and images that threatened to burst forth from the vice-like grip he had on them all, and force him far beyond his breaking point.

So he started slowly, unraveling the first thing that came to mind. "I miss her. I feel like she betrayed me, but somehow I still miss her."

"What would make you not miss her any more?"

"A solid blow to the back of my skull?"

His mother shot him a look that spoke volumes, and he amended, "I understand that would probably not help me, or solve any of my problems."

"You know I can say from experience that forgetting can be far more distressing than freeing."

"Yeah, I know," he sighed.

"So what else would help?"

"Well, since I can't forget her… I don't know. I probably wouldn't miss her so much if I could just be with her. Which is stupid…"

"Why is that stupid?"

"Because it's all messed up! I don't know if she even wants to be with me anymore, or if I should want to be with her. I wish it could be simple but it's not. It's stupid and complicated and I hate it."

"Do you hate her?"

"No! Never. I don't think I could ever hate her."

"Then in order to stop missing her and start easing your pain, you should probably talk to her."

"But what if she doesn't want to talk to me?"

"There's one surefire way to find that out. Though I don't believe that she would change her mind about being with you so quickly. So, talk to her."

"But what would I say? How would I say it? I don't know if I should be angry or not."

"Are you angry right now?"

"No. I haven't been angry since— since the fight."

"Is thinking about talking to her making you angry?"

"No. It's making the pain in my chest throb somewhat unpleasantly, though."

"Well, if you're not angry, then don't worry about whether or not you should be angry. Anger is usually secondary to things like fear, or sadness, or disgust, and it's usually unhelpful. Anger makes us stupid and reckless. Sometimes it can be useful, but only if you can control it, and only then if you need the energy for something important. So. If you're not angry now, don't try to spark it. It won't heal you, or mend the rift between you. Love will, though."

"But I don't know if I should love her—"

"Do you love her?"

He didn't even hesitate. "More than I have words for."

"Then there's no point in wondering if you should or shouldn't love her. It's done. As for whether or not you should be with her, you'll need to do a bit more evaluating."

"But how do I figure that out?"

"First: Do you want to be with her?"

"I… I think so. I just don't know if I should."

"Well, that's a start. Then you need to think of all the pros and cons. You've already figured out the most important one. You love her. Then you ask, is it a healthy love? Which means, does she love you in the same way? Do either of you wish harm on the other? Sadly, we can't avoid hurting the ones we love. It happens, like it or not. But what matters is, was it intentional? In your case, did she deliberately do something in order to cause you pain? There's a difference between a mistake, or misunderstanding, and true malice. If it was a mistake, is it forgivable? You go through the same process for that, too. Do you want to forgive her, will it happen again, stuff like that. It takes a fair bit of critical thinking, but eventually you'll have answers to all those questions. Some of which, however, can only come from her. But once that's all out of the way, then you get to ask questions like, Will the Alpha approve? Will her brother gut me for this? Will our hatchlings have green or blue eyes?"

Her teasing tone helped ease the heaviness on his heart, and he gave a surprised laugh. "Mom!"

"Just trying to be helpful."

"You're enjoying this." His accusation held no venom, and she gave him a mischievous smile.

"I'd be lying if I said that part of me isn't delighted. But most of me is taking this very seriously, I assure you."

"Yeah, sure." He thought about it. Not about the hatchlings, that thought sent a ripple of terror down his spine. But the parts about forgiveness, and love. And he found he didn't have to think for very long at all.

"I think I know what I need to do."

"Oh?"

"First thing's first, I need to find Ash, and talk to her."

"That's my boy."

For the first time in days, he felt hope stirring in his heart.

For the record: This is not the entire chapter. However, I wanted to post something on a Friday, so give me a few days and I'll update again with the rest. You're all the best, and I've missed you. Stay tuned :)