Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just way too much fun.

Spoilers: Season 1, episode 7

DAY 7

Linden is in Lt. Oakes' office, discussing the search warrant for Bennett Ahmed's apartment, which has been pulled, "Mohammed" from the Mosque who apparently has a key to the Ahmeds' apartment, and Stan Larsen's history in the Polish mob. Holder walks in to see her standing there. She had failed to mention to him when they talked earlier that morning that she and Jack missed their flight the previous night, and he had thought that she was finally in California. To say that he's shocked to see her would be a big understatement.

"You gotta be kidding me!" It doesn't appear to be a good surprise, judging from Holder's reaction. Actually, he looks pretty pissed off.

Oakes is consciously ignoring Holder's reaction, continuing his conversation with Linden. "You want that search warrant, get me something better than the nut job and the mob."

"Fine," she tells Oakes. Then she looks at Holder. "Come on."

"Yo, Lieutenant…" Holder is actually speechless. He thinks that the source of his confusion should be obvious, but apparently it isn't.

"What?" asks Oakes evenly.

For real? thinks Holder. He laughs in disbelief and starts to say something, but gives up. Apparently he's the only one who sees anything out of the ordinary happening here. He follows Linden into the hall.

"Yo, Linden… What the hell? You got fear of flying?"

"I've got a lead," she says calmly, as if everything is normal, and Holder's being totally unreasonable. "You don't wanna come, you don't have to." She starts walking away from him, down the empty hallway.

"Hey, Linden!" At that, she turns around to face him. "You got your commitment issues, that's fine. Don't be using them to mess up my career."

This time it's Holder who walks away, and Linden who follows him.

…

Holder

You have got to be fucking kidding me! She's here? I mean OK she wasn't horrible to work with, but I had kinda assumed that she'd finally left for California, and that this was now my case now. I mean, shit, how many times do a person have to buy a plane ticket before they actually get on the damn plane? So, what? I'm her lapdog again? Fuck that!

Man, I gotta get ahold of myself, before I say something I'll regret. But why can't Oakes see how fucked up this is? Why am I the only one who seems to think this is anything but normal? Even for Linden, this is fucked up behavior!

Back when I said I didn't think she'd leave… I didn't actually want to be right! I'd just gotten used to the idea that I was wrong about her staying, and I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda glad she was gone. Not because of anything personal about her, just because it was gonna be good for me to be lead on the case… assuming Oakes didn't make someone else lead, of course. I guess I'm just kinda in awe about how how fucked up this whole thing is.

Deep breaths, Holder. One day – or maybe just one minute – at a time.

…

Linden and Holder are in the car, on the way to the mosque where Bennett Ahmed and his friend "Mohammed" are members, to talk to the Imam. As usual, Linden is talking on the phone and driving.

"No, Jack, you can't spend the night. You have school tomorrow. Well, that's the plan for now. OK, I'll pick you up later. Bye." Linden takes out another piece of nicotine gum.

Holder's eating what looks like, but knowing him, isn't, a hamburger. "Your old man make you quit smoking?"

"His name's Rick, and no he didn't," replies Linden dryly.

"I'll bet he ain't too happy with you, huh? How many times you stand him up now?" He pauses. "Ahhhhhh, I get it, I get it! He's one of them understanding types, right?" Holder chuckles. "That explains why you don't wanna get on that plane."

"You know that thing you do, where you run your mouth off without thinking? That explains a lot too."

They drive the rest of the way in silence.

Linden

I know he's pissed at me for still being here, and I guess he has a right to be angry with me, but damn, that was low.

Holder says a lot of dumb shit, so I'm not sure why I'm surprised, but my relationship with Rick is really, really none of his business. The fact is, Rick isn't as understanding as I'm expecting him to be, as I'm asking him to be. I'm pushing my luck and I know I'm doing it. So why am I doing it? I wish I could answer that. All I know is I haven't been able to stop myself from getting involved in this case, and that every time I tell myself I'm leaving, I manage to find an excuse to stay.

What is it about me that makes me destroy everything good that happens to me? Why can't I just leave all this behind and go to Sonoma? It's what I want. Sonoma, that is. I know that I do this, that I shut out everything and everyone when I'm on a case… and yet, I still do it. Why?

And Rick. I'm happy with him… Do I say that a lot? I feel like I do. It's not like I have to convince myself, because I don't. It may not have been something I grew up being familiar with, but this is what happy feels like. I want to go to Sonoma. I'm done with this life that drains me and pulls me in every direction, away from all of the good things in my life.

And yet, I'm still here.

…

Linden stopped the car in front of the mosque and turned off the engine. She sat looking straight ahead for a minute, before sighing quietly and glancing over at Holder, who'd been watching her out of the corner of his eyes since they last spoken to each other, about fifteen minutes earlier. "I'm… it's not fair to you the way things've happened in this case," she began evenly.

Holder wasn't sure she was done. He nodded at her, waiting.

"I had every intention of leaving. Not just this time. Every time. I was afraid that when Oakes put me on this case on my last day that I'd get sucked in again…" She blew out a slow breath. "It's my weakness, I guess. When I start a case, I have to see it through. I get so involved, I lose myself. I really didn't mean for this… I didn't mean to get in your way. Sorry." She turned her head slightly to look at him, almost mumbling the last word, but Holder heard it.

He paused, and when he did speak, his words came out just as slowly and evenly as hers had. "It's cool, Linden. That just makes us more alike than we thought… you know, besides both of us being so hard headed." He saw recognition flash in her eyes, though no trace of a smile. "And, you know, that's kinda what you have to do to go undercover, in a way – living the case – so I get it, really…" This time it was Linden who was watching him, her face unreadable, and nodding. "And you're not wrong, I guess there's stuff I should keep to myself. Like whatever's between you and your man is none of my business… So, I'm sorry too."

"So we're good?" Linden wasn't sure why she asked this, but at that moment it was what she wanted to know. She didn't even know why she cared.

"Good? Of course we are!" Holder replied. "You know you're my BFF, Linden," He was suddenly grinning the same way he always did when he delivered his trademark one-liners. He needed to lighten the mood again, now that the heavy stuff was out of the way. He was rewarded for both his seriousness and his joke with the thing he seemed to always be trying for… the hint of a smile on his partner's face.

"Come on," she said as she opened the car door, "We've got work to do."