A/N: I don't own Tanith, Valkyrie, or Skulduggery. Prolix Loquacious and Erin are my OCs. By the way, I'm American, I just find annoying American characters hysterically funny.
Tanith and Valkyrie struggled against the ropes uselessly. They had endured a lot of torture but this was the worst. The device of there pain was perfectly insidious, a computer sat across from them, looping an endless track of Enya's 'Orinoco Flow (Sail Away)'.
Valkyrie sagged. "I used to love that song, I used to love Enya. I used to love Ireland. But now I hate all three. Do you know why? Because if there was no Ireland, there'd be no Enya, and with no Enya, no song. I want to cry now, I really do."
Their captor, Erin go Bragh (no seriously, that was his Taken Name) entered the room. He spoke, his overly done Irish accent grating on them. "Well, have you fine colleens realized yet that I mean you no harm? I just want a friendly craic 'tis all."
Valkyrie gritted her teeth. "Erin? You have to shut off the music, and let us go. You are not going to convince anyone you're Irish no matter what you do to them. First off, you pronounce it, Éirinn go Brách, and it is a phrase not a name, you stupid American."
Erin's head jerked back. He turned off the computer and his accent disappeared, replaced by one Valkyrie couldn't quite place. "Fine. You want to play hardball, we'll play hard ball. NOBODY over here accepts me. Nobody can understand I feel Irish, I don't care if I wasn't born with a drop of Irish blood! I am Irish, in my spirit."
He thumped his chest, pausing for dramatic effect. Tanith snorted. "Why can't the nice, normal Americans ever visit? You've got a country full of them. No, they only send you barking mad gits over here."
"I am not a whatever you just called me." He screeched.
"It means 'idiot' idiot." Valkyrie sneered.
Erin glared down at her. "That's a fine way to talk to an Irishman."
"American."
"Irishman." He insisted, his accent returning in full force.
Valkyrie sighed. "Fine, Irishman. As a good Irish lad let's say you untie us, and we'll have that lovely craic over a spot of tea, hmm?" Erin, fool that he was, untied them. The last thing he saw before the blackness took him was Valkyrie's fist headed for his face.
The two women walked back to civilization over abandoned railroad tracks. "You know, maybe we shouldn't have tied him up like that. What if nobody finds him?" Tanith asked.
"Oh, he'll be found all right. Not too many people know this, but Skulduggery has a twin brother who loves to talk ever more than he does. Right about now he and Erin are having a lovely craic."
"That's cruel and unusual punishment sis, I like it."
Meanwhile, having been left tied to the chair, Erin wanted to die. Skulduggery's twin Prolix Loquacious did talk more than him. Lord, how he talked. In fact he never shut up. Ever. He was delighted when Erin's feeble squeaks and gibbers stopped interrupting him and just talked, and talked, and talked, and talked. Then he talked some more of course.
I HAD to give Skulduggery a twin brother who talks more than him. Isn't he awesome? He'd annoy even Skulduggery, who never mentioned him because he never stops talking. Ever.