The three girls drank for most of the day. The sun was just starting to set when Amethyst finally stood up and said that she was going to check on Pearl. According to her, the taller girl had a massive hangover that morning. Peridot was still on her second beer, not wanting to get too drunk just in case she let it slip that she recently starting cutting herself again. Lapis, however, was opening her third drink from the cans that Amethyst left, getting into the swing of things. The blue haired girl had a deeper blush on her cheeks, and her voice was already getting slurred. She was such a lightweight, at least to Amethyst.

"This was fun, huh?" Lapis asked her friend, giggling. Peridot chuckled as well.

"Yeah.. it was pretty fun. If only Amethyst wasn't so loud all the time, we could do this more often."

"She ain't that bad." Peridot almost felt a little jealous that Lapis was defending the shorter girl. But she was with Pearl. There's no way Amethyst could steal the blonde's crush from her.. well, not that Lapis was hers to begin with.

"Hey Peri..?" Lapis said after a few minutes of silence, the girls just sipping on their drinks.

"Yeah?"

"You know why I don't drink?" The blonde could guess a million reasons to stay away from alcohol. It messed with your depth perception, your senses, destroyed your liver, a bunch of stuff. But she decided to humor her friend. She was a bit tipsy herself, after all.

"Why?"

"It's because I can't lie when I'm drunk." Well, Peridot knew that was true too.

"No one can lie when they're drunk, Lapis. It's alcohol."

The blue haired girl giggled kicking her feet in the air. "I knoooww!" When she stopped kicking, she laid herself back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Peridot watched as Lapis' face grew this dark expression, as if she had just witnessed the most horrifying action in existence and was traumatized. Her eyes were dark, void of the warmth that are usually held within them. Peridot felt a shiver run down her spine.

"I'm afraid of telling the truth, though." Now, why would the queen of ballet be afraid of the truth? Well, Pearl was the actual queen, but.. Lapis was Peridot's queen.

"Why?"

"I have secrets, Peri.. even from you."

Normally, anyone would be surprised to hear that their best friend kept secrets from them, but not Peridot. It was only natural, after all. Everyone, no matter how much of a Saint they believe they are, has secrets. "It's fine. Everyone has secrets."

"Not like mine." Lapis looked at Peridot, and even though they held eye contact, the blonde felt as if she was being looked through, rather than looked at.

"If.. If I start saying something weird.. will you stop me?"

"What you're saying now is weird, Lapis.."

"Please?" The blue haired girl looked as if she were on the verge of tears. She suddenly sat up placing her hands on Peridot's shoulders after placing her drink on the ground.

"Please, Peri.. I-I can't let you know. Please keep me from talking, please!" Peridot never saw Lapis like this before. The usually free spirit was now riddled with fear. Was her secret really so important?

"Do.. Pearl and Amethyst know?" The only answer Peridot needed was when her friend averted her eyes. The blonde certainly felt a little.. betrayed. What could they know that Peridot couldn't?

"Alright." Peridot stood from the bed, not even looking at her friend while she grabbed her hand. "Let's get you to their room.. you can come back when you're sober."

Lapis stood as well, but she didn't move from her spot. "B-but.. I wanna stay here.."

Peridot pulled hard on Lapis' wrist, putting their faces as close to each other as possible. The blonde actually looked angry.

"Listen, there's no way I'm gonna know what comes out of your mouth. Either you stay here and risk spilling your secret that's so fucking special, or you go to Pearl's room. They'll take care of you, and your secret will be kept from me, like always." Lapis' eyes were wide at her friend's outburst. She had never seen Peridot get so.. emotional before. Well, she did, but that was before she stopped cutting herself for the first time.

Lapis wanted to push that thought to the back of her head as quickly as possible. Peridot wouldn't do that again, not after such a long time. She only nodded, deciding to go along with her friend's plan.

"I'll go.."

The blonde sighed, turning as she lead her drunk friend from the room. In actuality, she didn't want to make Lapis leave.. she wanted to keep her here, she wanted to hear this secret. But she didn't at the same time. She just had to be in love with this girl.

Peridot knocked on Pearl and Amethyst's door. Behind it, she heard a loud groan, probably coming from Pearl.

"Go away..!" Yup, it was Pearl. Amethyst opened the door despite her girlfriend's protests, and was surprised to see Peridot and Lapis there, the latter having a guilty look on her face.

"Peri, Lapis, wassup? Come for an after-party?"

"Nooo..." Pearl moaned from her bed. Peridot shook her head.

"No.. I need you to look after Lapis until she's sober."

"Wh-"

"She doesn't want me to know this big secret she has.. she told me you already knew what it was."

Amethyst stared wide eyed at Lapis, who was now biting her lip and clutching at her dress. The smaller girl couldn't believe that Lapis even mentioned her secret.. that's why she didn't want to drink.

"Aw, man.. I shouldn't have given you that beer, come on in." Lapis walked into the room, whispering a quiet 'thank you' as she did.

Peridot was about to leave but Amethyst stopped her by grabbing her wrist. The blonde had to resist the urge to snatch her hand away from the shorter girl as she turned to look at her.

"Listen, I know you're probably pretty pissed.."

"That's an understatement.."

"But.." Amethyst took a deep breath before she continued. "It's a very good reason. I would tell you, I really would, but I promised her I wouldn't. She's terrified, Peri."

Peridot sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I know.. but she's my best friend." Peridot looked passed Amethyst into the room. Lapis was sitting with Pearl, already laughing again, much to the taller girl's annoyance. It was as if the blue haired girl already forgot about Peridot.. well, she was drunk. "I'd understand."

"I know you would, Peri, and I'm sure she does too.. but she doesn't wanna take that risk for that small chance that you wouldn't."

"Whatever.. just take care of her." Peridot didn't wait for Amethyst's reply. She had to get back to her room. Just half an hour ago, she was having so much fun. She was actually happy to be drinking with Amethyst and Lapis. But now..

Her walking became faster, and faster. Soon enough, she was jogging down the hallway, then burst into a full on sprint. Her heart was beating so quickly, her breath was heavy, her tears in large quantities.. she needed her blade!

Peridot burst into her room, quickly closing the door behind her. She ran into the bathroom, nearly tearing the medicine cabinet door off of its hinges. Medication fell from the shelves in the sink below as she desperately searched for that wonderful metal.

When she finally found her release, she once again sat on the edge of the bathtub, rolling up her left sleeve. It had to be her left arm, just like before. If Lapis did find the cuts, it would be far too suspicious if it were on both arms. She could at least blame this on a stray cat.. maybe.

She slowly removed the band-aid that she placed on her wrist before, revealing the first cuts she made. They were already scabbing over. These wounds were so shallow. Just a scratch.. she needed just a scratch.

Peridot repeated this to herself as she slid the blade across her skin, again and again. As her blood escaped her body, she could feel herself calming down. She could feel herself becoming analytical again, the way it should be. So what if Lapis had a secret? Peridot had a secret of her own.. a secret that she would never, ever be able to tell her friend. Well, two secrets now that she started her old habit again.

She leaned her head back, closing her eyes as she allowed the blood to flow. The warmth of the iron filled liquid comforted her. The pain comforted her. If there was ever a day that these small cuts couldn't sustain her, Peridot knew.. with the blade, the way to destroy her emotions would be quick, almost painless. A little more pressure, a deeper cut down her arm, and it would all be over.

But she knew she'd never be able to do such a thing. Though she may desperately want to leave this world, she couldn't leave Lapis alone. Sure, over time, she would forget. Lapis would get over Peridot's passing, but in the first moments of realization, the pain would be excruciating. If Peridot killed herself, in that moment, she would cause her crush much more pain than Peridot herself had ever experienced.

So deep was Peridot in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door to her dorm swing open. Nor did she realize that she left her bathroom door open wide. So encased in her panic, the blonde forgot all of the cautions she should have normally taken. She was only brought from her reverie when she heard Amethyst's angry voice.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

Author's Note: Is it weird that whenever I'm writing, I feel like I'm reading an entirely new story that I've never seen? Like, when I write, I write blind. I don't make any rough draft or anything, I just put down whatever comes to my head, and it feels like it's not my writing, but a story that someone else wrote through my body. Is that weird, or does anyone else feel like this?