Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just way too much fun.

Spoilers: Season 1, episodes 8 and 9

DAY 8, evening

Linden had done something that she wasn't proud of, but by doing so, she had found the answer to one of the questions that had burned inside for the past few days: what was Holder hiding? The answer, it turned out, had become clear when she had followed him to a dark basement earlier that day, where his NA meeting had taken place. She had learned a lot more about him and about his past than she had ever expected as he had stood at that podium.

It's already dark when Sarah and Jack arrive at the docks. Jacks storms off toward Regi's boat as soon as the car stops. Linden starts to follow him, when suddenly Holder approaches her, walking down the sidewalk. She hadn't even seen him coming.

"Hey, Linden. What's with Little Man?"

"Nothing. What're you doing here?"

Holder doesn't answer her, just looks out at the water beyond the docks. "Sweet view. You living here now?"

"For a little while, yeah."

He tells Linden that he got an emergency wiretap with the phone company for Ahmed's phone. "I had to do something while you were shutting me out."

For the second time that day, Sarah Linden is embarrassed by her behavior towards Holder. "That's all arranged, I'm guessing?" She sounds slightly apologetic, and possibly even a little bit impressed at his initiative.

"Yeah. Judge Elliot? I know him back from my Narco days. Me and him are like…" he makes some hand motions resembling a secret handshake. "It's not going to be a problem."

"OK. Til then we don't need to tell Oakes."

"I know… So, um, is there something, is there something you want to ask me?" He's trying to make it easy for her, just in case she has any questions that hadn't been answered by what she had already seen.

"Not anymore, no."

"Good. Cause what you see is what you get."

"Yeah. I should've known… subtlety isn't exactly your strong suit." They both laugh at this observation. It's a pretty big understatement, after all, and Holder can't exactly argue with her on this one.

"No, maybe not. So what do you say, you want to be my date tonight, sit on the wire?" He could have given her a hard time about the whole thing, and on another day he might've. But really, it wouldn't have accomplished anything… and when it came down to it, he'd rather that they got along. They made a pretty good team.

"Yeah why not? He'd rather be with Regi anyways."

"I'll drive," he says. This time, Linden doesn't argue. It's about time she gives the guy a break, after all.

Holder

Well, now I know why Linden was pissed at me this morning. She saw me meet up with Gil. I guess from her perspective, I was acting suspicious. She probably thought she was seeing me do something illegal, and that made her think I couldn't be trusted. OK, I could've told her, though I certainly was within my rights not to… it's no one else's business where I was going. Except that then I get myself into exactly the situation I ended up in. Oh well, she knows now.

I was so pissed at her when I realized that she'd followed me to the meeting… but I guess in her situation I'd have been suspicious too. And following people who act suspiciously is kinda exactly what we do for a living.

So, I could've gotten all self-righteous, all "how dare you follow me, why don't you trust me?" on her, but no… that wouldn't solve anything, wouldn't make it better. We've kinda become partners - we weren't supposed to be, but since she hasn't left (and probably won't), it's just happened. And partners have to be able to trust each other. Hopefully she'll trust me, eventually.

Linden

Am I a little bit ashamed of myself for following him to the NA meeting? Yes.

Can I understand why he didn't tell me what he was really doing? Yes.

Should I have trusted him? Maybe even just asked him a question instead of jumping to conclusions? Probably. He might have told me what was actually going on, if I'd given him the chance.

Should I apologize now, since he knows that I followed him? Probably.

Will I be able to make myself? That remains to be seen. I hate apologizing. Not because I can't stand to be wrong (though who does like to be wrong?), but because I can't stand not to be in control. You never know how someone is going to react to the truth.

…

DAY 9

Holder was pacing the length of their small office early the next morning when Linden slowly opened the door and stepped in. They looked at each other without smiling or speaking. They were knee deep in a serious case, and there wasn't generally a lot to smile about, but they still usually managed conversations. Holder generally supplied the jokes – one of his specialties. However, today wasn't one of those days. They'd been asked to come in and meet with Lt. Oakes, and had ten minutes until they were supposed to be in his office. Linden closed the door behind her and leaned her back against it. She still hadn't said a word. She really had no idea what she should say. What was there to say?

"I'm sorry, Linden, I really thought it was a sure thing." Holder stopped pacing and crossed his arms, looking at the floor and sighing in frustration before looking back at her.

Linden nodded and uttered a barely audible "Yeah," before she took off her jacket and tossed it on the chair beside her desk. Glancing back at Holder again, she realized that he was waiting for her to say something. "We'll figure it out, Holder. There's always another way."

Holder, though he still looked pained, managed a weak but grateful smile. He wanted so much to impress the people he worked with – Oakes, of course, but mainly Linden. He used to wonder why he wanted her approval so much, but he had slowly come to understand that it was because she was so good at her job. The fact that she seemed to think so little of him most of the time played a part as well.

It struck him that she was reassuring him about the fact that the warrant hadn't gone through, not the fact that they were most likely in serious trouble with Oakes, as if that part wasn't even a concern of hers.

That the warrant being killedwas what she thought was the bigger deal was encouraging to him. Of course she was more discouraged by obstacles in her way of getting to the truth than she was by what the LT thought of her. Linden didn't care what anyone thought of her. She believed in doing what was right in order to solve a case, no matter what the consequences to herself – to a fault sometimes, even when she should care about what happened to her. It made Holder both admire her and worry about her. Someone should worry about her, since she clearly didn't worry about herself, and she didn't have anyone in her life - except her son, Jack - who would, at least not as far as he could tell.

He looked up and caught her watching him, and he realized that he had zoned out for a minute or two. Judging from the look on her face, she was waiting for a response. "Sorry, what did you say?" he asked her.

"I just said that we need to head down to Oakes' office," she repeated, looking at him carefully. "Are you OK?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Just lost in thought for a second there." He tried to muster a smile, despite a growing sense of apprehension about the meeting they were about to have. Linden may not have been nervous about what Oakes was going to say, but he was. "You know how we do."

Despite everything that was going on that day, Holder's last comment made the faintest trace of a smile appear on Linden's face, and that smile made it a tiny bit easier to deal with the fact that he felt like they were marching to their death as they followed the hallway to Lt. Oakes' office. At least, if nothing else, they were in it together.