Peridot couldn't believe that this day went from her getting help with her cutting problem, to Lapis trying to get her to masturbate. What the fuck was going on?

The blonde placed the box with the toy to her side. She couldn't believe that Lapis used this thing.

Lapis used it.

Peridot sat at her desk, rolling the chair to be in front of her desktop computer. She decided that she could play her video games today. Maybe she should get some green tea from one of the vending machines around the college, though. She's seen them around, and decided it would be best for her.

Sighing, Peridot stood up from her desk and looked through her closet for some pants. Maybe if Peridot cut her thighs instead of her wrists, the scratches would be easier to hide. It didn't matter now.

She removed her shorts, replacing them with khaki pants. Khakis looked normal in any situation. Peridot slipped on some black shoes and headed out the door, making her way to the ground floor.

On the entire walk, Peridot's thoughts wandered. She thought about what Pearl and Amethyst had told her, and how sincere they were when they wanted to help. It was so nice of them. And Pearl's story was so.. sad.

The blonde felt the familiar panic rise within her chest and took deep breaths as she walked downstairs. She needed to clear her mind. Emotion was useless to her. She thought of something else.

Lapis really was different from what Peridot's known her to be.. well, not really. She just never expected the blue haired girl to be so sexual with herself. She especially didn't think that her crush would use that sex toy currently lying upstairs.

Lapis used it.

Peridot shook her head, chuckling to herself. There was no way in Hell.

She finally reached the ground floor and made her way out of the side door of the building, to the courtyard. This was where the machines were.

It was also where another, darker skinned woman was sitting on a bench, a cigarette between her fingers. Now, Garnet being a smoker didn't surprise Peridot. Or rather, Peridot just didn't care.

"Mornin' Dot." Garnet greeted the blonde, raising her hand lazily.

"Good morning, Garnet." Peridot turned and reached into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled dollar. Hopefully, the machine would take it after Peridot straightened the currency on the corner of the machine.

Luckily for her, the machine was feeling generous today. Peridot collected her drink, making her way back inside before Garnet's voice stopped her.

"Never figured you for green tea."

The blonde sighed, turning back to look at the taller woman, who was taking a puff on her cigarette.

"I didn't think I'd be drinking this stuff either."

"What's the occasion?" Peridot had to respect Garnet's senses. She somehow always knew when something was.. off. The blonde decided, fuck it, the more the merrier, right?

She rolled up her left sleeve just enough to reveal her bandages, earning a raised eyebrow from Garnet.

"Ask Amethyst and Pearl. I told them everything, but please don't tell Lapis what you hear. They promised they'd wait a month to tell her if I didn't get better."

The machine in Garnet's head worked rather well, as she understood exactly what Peridot meant. Taking one last drag on her cigarette before flicking it in a nearby trash can, she stood and walked over to Peridot.

The blonde expected to get slapped. That's what the more mature woman usually did when her underclassmen did something stupid. However, Peridot was surprised when she was pulled into a hug. Albeit it was a rather crude, uncomfortable hug, it was still a hug, nonetheless.

"Just promise you'll get better." Garnet whispered. Peridot felt that familiar rise in her gut. She had to get away from this woman as soon as possible.

"I-I'll try.. Please let me go." Garnet seemed to understand, as she immediately released the blonde. Peridot turned on her heel, rushing back inside the building.

Peridot ran back to her room, the exercise making her forget her emotions, for a time. Slamming her bedroom door behind herself, and now leaning against it, Peridot fumbled with the cap of the bottle she just bought.

The liquid felt like heaven when it slid down her throat. She nearly downed half the bottle in one gulp, just trying to get her bearings together.

Garnet was just as worried about the blonde as Amethyst and Pearl was. But that was natural, Peridot thought. It was natural to worry about someone with such a disorder.

She clutched at her head, her breathing coming to a steady rhythm as she sat back down at her desk. Peridot was okay.. analytical. Void of emotion. The way it should be.

Peridot booted up her computer, opening her Steam account. What game should she play? Diablo? Call of Duty? Nah.. Fallout 3 was calling to her today. She was lucky to have gotten it on the Steam Sale.

Though, as she began creating her character, her mind wandered from the task at hand. She couldn't help but look over to the box on her bed every now and again.

Lapis was always so calm and joyful. Was this why?

Peridot tore the thought from her mind, attempting to keep her focus on her game. Her character's name was Azure. Her hair was blue and she had a small figure. Peridot focused her stats more in Charisma and Agility rather than Strength and Endurance. Wait.. this was starting to look familiar.

The blonde girl immediately shut down her computer, standing from the desk. Peridot grabbed the box on the bed, looking down at the pink bullet.

Lapis used this.

Peridot stood there, staring at the device. How would she even go about using it?

The blonde sighed, putting the lid back on the box. She didn't need this shit. She just needed to sleep.

She shoved the box under her bed, sighing as she climbed into it afterwards. A nap would help her for sure.

"So Amethyst didn't tell you Peri was gay?" Lapis asked Pearl, who still had a shocked look on her face. The three girls in the room had just had a conversation about when they found out their sexuality, and Lapis made a comment about asking Peridot later. Amethyst was rolling around on her bed, kicking her feet in laughter.

Pearl pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a breath to calm herself down. "I always thought she was ace.. You know, not attracted to any gender."

Lapis put a finger to her lips in thought. "Huh.. I always thought she was straight, but I guess asexual makes more sense. But you're not surprised that I'm bi?"

"Please.." Pearl scoffed at the blue haired girl. "My gaydar isn't that broken. Peridot is just a special case, is all."

Amethyst had been laughing her lungs out this entire time, and when she finally caught her breath, she sat up, wiping a tear from her eyes. "Aw, man.. P, your face was priceless!"

"You're still laughing about that?" Pearl scolded her girlfriend, seemingly hurt.

"Come on, babe." Amethyst snuggled up to Pearl, and despite the taller girl's protests, she couldn't help but smile and wrap her arms around her lover. "You know you love me."

"Yeah.. yeah I do." The two shared a quick kiss. Then another, then another.

When the couple looked back at Lapis, both of their faces grew an intense blush. The blue haired girl had her hands clasped together, her eyes practically twinkling.

"You guys are so fucking cute."

"Shut up." Amethyst said, but her smile said differently. Pearl hid her face with her hands. She felt like she was back to being in high school with a schoolgirl crush.

Amethyst was the first to recover, positioning herself so that she was sitting in Pearl's lap.

"What about you, Lazuli? You think about how you're gonna ask Peri out?"

Lapis' face darkened from an absolutely ecstatic smile to a frightened grimace. She pulled her knees up to her chest, burying her face in them. Amethyst knew from her friend's reaction that it was still too soon to bring this up.

"Hey, you don't gotta answer."

"I agree.." Pearl said, a sympathetic look on her face now. "You take all the time you need to dig through your feelings."

"I don't need to think about my feelings. I know what I feel." Lapis' voice was muffled as she spoke. "I love her, I know I do, I have for a long time, but.."

"Come on, she's obviously into you." It was pretty obvious to Amethyst that Peridot liked Lapis, but it was getting the blue haired girl to believe that that was the problem.

"I'm not afraid of being rejected." Lapis looked up from her knees, her smile sad. "I don't want to put any strain on our friendship, you know? She's my best friend. I helped her stop cutting, for fuck's sake." Her voice grew higher, more shrill. She sounded like she was on the verge of tears, but none would fall. Pearl and Amethyst bit their lips and shared glances as Lapis said this. If only she knew.

"I mean.." Lapis paused, taking a deep breath to steady herself, closing her eyes. "It's weird. Like, I helped her through so much, but while I helped her.. she helped me, you know? I had so many friends, but I always felt so lonely. When I asked her to dance with me, it felt like I wasn't alone anymore. Well, I was, but it's like.. my loneliness was shared. She understood me. She understood my feelings about the world, she understood why I danced, she understands why I'm taking classes. I mean, you guys get it too, but.. she feels closer, somehow."

Lapis finished her little speech with a sigh. She opened her eyes, but they were averted from the couple across from her. "I don't want to ruin that."

The silence that followed was almost deafening to the blue haired girl. She hated silence. It was louder than thunder.

"We know how you feel.."

Lapis looked up to see Pearl and Amethyst smiling at her, the taller girl having been the one to speak.

"I'd always thought that Rose was the main reason I kicked my drug addictions, but it was really Amethyst." The shorter girl blushed despite herself. "Her free spirit brought me out of my shell. Rose gave me kindness, but Amethyst gave me the other half of my being."

"Oh my god, shut up, P." Amethyst buried her face in Pearl's chest, and the taller girl only giggled. She was also glad to see that Lapis' smiled had become more genuine.

"That's a very beautiful way of voicing it."

"Well I try." The two laughed together while Amethyst turned back around.

After a couple more hours of casual conversation, Lapis decided that she should go back and see if Peridot had her 'fun' like she was instructed to. She honestly doubted it.

"Thanks for that little talk earlier.." Lapis said in the doorway to the room. "It made me feel a lot better."

"No problem." Amethyst waved Lapis' thanks away. She was a friend. It's what they do.

"It's the least we can do." Pearl added from her seat on Amethyst's bed. "Any time you need to rant, just come to us. We're all ears."

Lapis nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her. Amethyst sighed, falling backwards to lay her head in Pearl's lap.

"I swear, we can start a counseling agency."

"Shut up and get naked." Amethyst looked up at Pearl in surprise, who had a hungry, feral look in her eyes. "I've been wanting to fuck you all day." Amethyst nodded, her voice weak and submissive, though her excitement was evident.

"Yes ma'am.."

Lapis tested the door knob to her and Peridot's room. She was almost disappointed to find that it was unlocked. She opened the door slowly, not wanting to make any sudden noise in case the blonde actually was partaking in her own body.

Sadly, though, Peridot was just asleep. Lapis let out a sigh, making her way entirely into the room, slowly closing the door behind herself.

The blue haired girl approached her sleeping friend. Peridot was curled up in the fetal position, still dressed in her green hoodie. Lapis wondered how anyone could sleep in so many clothes.

Despite her better judgment, Lapis stared as Peridot slept. She looked so peaceful. Lapis always loved seeing her friend's sleeping face, when she could. It was the most peaceful Peridot ever was. The only other time Lapis saw such a blissful look on her friend's face was when they danced together those few years ago.

Before she knew it, lost in her thoughts, Lapis had brought face down beside Peridot's. Her kiss to the blonde's cheek was quick, nearly invisible. Just as quickly, Lapis pulled herself away from her sleeping friend. Trembling, tears dwelling in her eyes, Lapis whispered.

"Sweet dreams, Peri.."