A/N: Let's have a chat, y'all. I know you want to get to the story but I want to say that I didn't forget about my readers waiting for updates. This chapter, though, required me to do some thinking and make decisions that will impact the rest of the story. I had much of it written but I had to commit to a path. I considered asking all of you, but realized the answers would be as varied as you all are. So I made an executive decision about the road to take (and the road not taken). Here's hoping everyone likes it.

Chapter 10

"There's something I'm a little confused about." I say before taking a forkful of the garlicky lettuce. He pats his lips after sipping his wine and puts his hands on the table as if my question requires all his concentration.

We're sitting in Christian's kitchen, talking over a Caesar salad a bottle of a California Malbec. I've been with him all weekend but I need to get back home tonight since I have an early shift at the bookstore in the morning. I've been lingering, though, because I don't want this time with him to end.

He gets up to find the remote for the iPod, then lowers the volume on the music. The strains of the Wilco song drop into a soft background hum.

I put down my fork now, leaning back in my chair. Twisting a lock of my hair around my finger, I take a moment to appreciate his appearance as he strolls back to the table. He's wearing dark blue jeans, a black leather belt with a chunky silver buckle, a black linen shirt, tousled, shiny hair, and bare feet. Bare, beautiful feet. How many men have beautiful feet? I begin to wonder. Focus, Ana, my inner self bitches at me. He's waiting, stupid. Right. "Well, at Irina's… you seemed upset that I'd seen you in that room."

He closes his eyes. "I was. You were too innocent. You had no place in that room."

"But…" I try to think about how to say it right, "earlier you said you've wanted to invite me into your… um… room upstairs since you met me."

"Yes, but I wasn't going to act on it. Even after… seeing you in Irina's room was jarring and I somehow felt I'd disappointed you. I suppose it was due to the look on your face." He shook his head. "The more I thought about it, though… you, in my room, bound… well, the more I wanted it to happen. There's something about you, Ms. Steele, some quality that I find simply irresistible. Though I'm sure you've worked that out by now." He waves his hand dismissively.

Wow, he finds me irresistible? I knew he wanted to sleep with me but I didn't know he found me so alluring. The man could seriously have any female he wants… why on earth would he choose me? He's still speaking so I try to focus again on what he's saying now rather than on what he already said.

"…however, I only have that type of relationship. I wasn't sure you'd be interested."

"Why?"

He looks confused. "Why…?"

"Why only that kind of relationship? That's what I don't understand, Christian. Why can't we try just a regular man-woman romantic kind of thing?"

Am I being too presumptuous? Why would he want a romance with me? I'm probably not nearly good enough for the likes of him. But the expression on his face… if I didn't know better, I'd think he is taken aback by my direct question rather than put off. If so, he recovers quickly. "I don't do regular, Ana, that's why. I only have submissives—no girlfriends. It's the only kind I'm interested in having."

"So you don't see women as your equals?"

He shakes his head, vexation clear in his light eyes. "Of course I do. It has nothing to do with gender except to the extent that I am heterosexual and only sexually interested in women. Hence for me, the only submissives I will have are female. Other than that, gender plays no part in it, Ana. Very simply put, I'm a dominant male who plays with submissive females."

"Is a dominant and sadist the same thing?"

I wait through another long pause, a speculative look. "No," he says finally, softly. "A dominant dominates; a sadist enjoys inflicting pain. There are overlaps usually, though."

"So you don't enjoy inflicting pain?"

"I do, actually, but only when it's either merited or deserved."

I don't know what he means by that cryptic remark but I'll let it go for now. "Why do you find it appealing?"

Throwing his head back, he sighs. I'm obviously exasperating him with my questions but I'm trying to understand this whole mindset. Why would he want to beat me if he likes me? What does he get out of that? And why would anyone want to be beaten? Submissive or not: who wants pain? It's so confounding to me.

I change tack, using his reactions as my guide. "Why do you think I'll like it?"

"I don't know if you will with any degree of certainty but I'd absolutely like to find out. Many women are submissive without realizing it." He leans closer to me on the table, resting his remarkably excellent chin in his hand, his fingers nearly obscuring those delectable lips. Fuck but he's pretty. Focus, Ana.

"Not men?"

"Some men, too, but most of the time it skews the other way. Perhaps our sexuality is influenced by gender roles and that's why. If so, it's unconscious, probably. I've spent a lot of time thinking on it but it's all mere speculation."

"You knew as soon as you stepped into that party that it was for you?"

"Definitely, yes. I immediately was intrigued and turned on. Irina eventually—reluctantly—agreed to help, made me submit to her before she would teach me to wield my dominance. Even she knew right away there was nothing submissive about me."

"Then why did she make you submit?"

"So that I would become a better dominant. Knowing both sides is always better. I think she may have had another motive as well."

"Such as?"

"I think she was trying to put me off the lifestyle. Irina felt as if she was corrupting me."

"Wasn't she?"

"No, Ana. I wanted it. Irina has been nothing but a force for good in my life… good to me and for me."

"What about your mother?"

"What about her?"

"You said you loved her especially."

It was as if shutters were instantly closed on an open window. His face lost animation and he stared blankly at me. "I do. My mother has nothing to do with this, nothing whatsoever. She doesn't know about the way I live and she never will, if I can help it."

"So you're ashamed of it then?"

"No." He smiles stiffly but I see a spark of anger flare in his eyes. "Would you sit down and discuss with your father the things you do with your lovers?"

My cheeks burn at the mere thought. "Point taken."

The conversation is effectively ended. I get up and clear the table, and begin to wash the dishes.

"Leave it. I have staff to do those things. Come with me."

Staff? I haven't noticed any staff as yet. I wonder if they have the weekend off. I follow Christian into the great room where he points to the sofa for me, sliding into a chair opposite my seat.

Once I'm seated, he leans his arms on his knees, and reaching across, takes my hands, squeezes them, kisses them, velvet-soft brushes of his lips across my skin. "Ana, I know you're inexperienced but, still, can't you tell how good we are together? If you agree to this arrangement, it will only get better, baby. I can guarantee you that. You just need to place yourself in my capable hands." His thumbs are caressing my skin. It's both relaxing and arousing to me. All the man has to do is deign to touch me and I fall into a complacent puddle at his feet. He could probably talk me into anything, as long as he keeps touching me.

"What would we do first?" My voice is husky so I clear my throat but it accomplishes nothing. Something's stuck in there and it might just be my courage.

"I'll go slow." His hand lifts to my cheek, and his beautiful long fingers skate over my skin, from brow to jaw, giving me the shivers. I think he notices my reaction to his touch for he smiles. He's watching me, his eyes hypnotic. "Ana, I can take you to places you can't even imagine exist. All you have to do is trust me. Do you think you can do that?"

His voice is seductive and I'm unable to tear my gaze away from his piercing eyes—I barely manage to slightly shrug my shoulders in response.

Rising to his feet, he turns his head to talk as he walks away. "Here, let me give you something to read. It outlines what I expect from the exchange and what you might expect, as well." He strolls to his desk, which is just inside an adjoining room, and removes a packet of papers. He writes the whole thing down?

Yes, he does. He hands me the packet and I start to skim over it. Certain words catch my attention and my face must be in flames by now. Fellatio, cunnilingus, discipline, bondage… each word practically jumps off the page, right out at me. I sneak a peek up at him again.

"What do you mean by exchange?"

"Power exchange, Ana. That's what this type of relationship entails. You give me power over you. In return, I take care of you… in various ways." He grins devilishly.

Boy, but he can say so much with his eyes and that smile, that wicked, wicked smile. One look at the man and I melt into goo. I go back to scanning the paperwork. "Punishment? For what?"

"Any number of transgressions. Once you fully read the paperwork, you'll understand more."

"What does punishment entail?"

He shrugs casually but his eyes are burning with… something. "Could be spanking, could be…more hardcore."

"Hardcore? Like what Minx was getting?" I squeak out the words. I think he finds it amusing.

"Yes. Ana," he says patiently. "We would establish a series of limits—hard and soft—so that I wouldn't exceed your comfort zone by too much and you wouldn't expect anything outside of mine."

"So you would exceed my comfort zone by some?"

"Well, that's what this is all about, baby. Pushing you to your limits."

"How do I even know what my limits are?"

"Oh, baby, finding out is going to be at least half the fun."

His eyes out-and-out sparkle when he says that. He really wants this to happen between us. I'm trying to understand—is this something I need but don't realize it? Or is it only for some people and not for others? I try to think if I've ever been exposed to anything of the kind but I can't say I have. Minx told me she saw movies about it when she was a kid… and they turned her on. Minx also told me she knew she was like this when she was just a child. I guess that means that if I don't know I need it by now, then I don't. I think.

I'm so confused.

Christian isn't confused at all. He knows what he wants and he goes after it. Right now, that it is me.

"Well? Would you like to take home the paperwork and read up on it? Maybe do some online research? I assure you, there's a plethora of information on the Internet about this type of thing."

"Um… yes, I think I should. Will you wait while I decide?"

Amusement floods his features. "I want a definite answer in forty-eight hours, Ana," he says softly. It's weird but when Christian's voice goes low and soft, it's somehow way more intimidating than when others raise their voices. Paradoxical.

Staring into his alarmingly intense eyes, I go on the offensive, making a sudden lurch toward him to kiss him and he nearly jumps back, causing me to start. He takes a deep breath and smiles. "Did I startle you? I'm sorry." He leans in and kisses me.

"May I ask you a question?"

He suppresses a smile. "You just did—we've been through this before, Ms. Steele."

Ignoring him, I plow ahead. "You seem to flinch whenever I come too close to you. Why is that?"

Surprise, maybe even shock, registers in those silvery eyes before he can hide it. He pauses before answering and I begin to wonder if he will.

"Observant little thing, aren't you? I suppose I'm slightly claustrophobic…"

"Really?" I take a moment to chew on that. But… "Didn't you say you drive a tiny two-seater sportscar? Would a person who suffers from claustrophobia drive a car like that?"

For a brief instant, I see some kind of emotion animate his face but before I can identify it, he wipes it clean, blank again. Christian Grey has secrets he's keeping—I just know it.

"It's a convertible," he replies easily and ends the conversation. "C'mon, I'll drive you home." He retrieves his shoes and socks from the bedroom and rings for the elevator.

That night when Kate returns to our condo, she gives me the third degree. "So you slept with Christian Grey? You finally lost your virginity?"

"How did you know…?"

Kate rolls her eyes. "Oh, Ana, it was patently obvious that you were a complete innocent. What amazed me is that you seemed to have no real interest in men other than the occasional gawk at a hottie. I knew you weren't gay or you would've hit on me, being that I'm irresistibly adorable."

I quickly interject, "So modest, too." But Kate is irresistibly adorable so I really can't argue.

She leans over and affectionately pinches my cheek. "This whole debt scam ended up doing you a world of good. You meet a fabulously wealthy—and smokin' hot—CEO and you finally give up the goods." She narrows her eyes. "I must say your standards were sky-high. I should have been as discriminating."

I laugh. "Why? Who'd you lose it to?"

"Oh, a high school senior when I was a junior. He was the football captain and I was a sucker for anything jock. He was a horrible lover. Two years later I ran into him… and his boyfriend."

"Well that explains it," I say. "Going after gay men is a surefire way to have lousy sex and a broken heart—if you're a woman, that is."

"Yeah, I actually felt bad that he was in such denial that he went so far as to have sex with a girl. I also felt bad for myself, that I squandered my first-time experience with someone who didn't appreciate me in the least. Oh, well."

A sparkle flares in those bright eyes of hers. "I've since made up for it."

I nod—she has. "Speaking of which, how is Elliot?"

"Oh no, you don't, Missy." She walks over to the sofa where I'm sitting and curling her leg under her, sits down. "I want all the gory details. Did you come?"

"What?" I know my face has turned all shades of red and purple.

"Did. You. Come?"

"Kate! That's private."

"Ana, I'm your best friend and I tell you everything. It's only fair that you reciprocate. Is Christian all that?"

I cast my eyes down and feel myself smile slyly. "Oh, he's that and more. Yes, to answer your question. More than once."

"No! Really? Well, well, well. So he looks that good, has that much money, and knows his way around a vagina?"

I roll my eyes. "Kate, why do you have to always take it to a disgusting level?"

"What's disgusting about the word vagina? We both have one, don't we? Anyway, back to what I was saying—all in all, pretty good deal you're getting."

Yes, well, not entirely, I think… 'course I can't tell Kate about the whole BDSM thing since I signed a CA specifically prohibiting it. Fervently I wish I could, because I'm so confused about it. Minx suddenly pops into my mind. Speaking with Minx wouldn't violate anything since I'd be asking about her experience, not anyone else's. I'll call her. On the tail of that thought, I remember that I don't have Minx's phone number. Shit. I'll have to call Irina. I realize Kate's still talking so I try to focus on what she's saying.

"…most women can only come during oral sex. So…?"

"So what?" I ask with burning cheeks.

"Is that how he pulled it off?"

"Kate, no more sharing—it's too private. Do you want to tell me intimate details of your time with Elliot?"

Sticking out her tongue, she glowers at me, and I have to giggle. Kate trying to look mean is like a kitten that fluffs out its fur to look tough. "Fine! I'll show you how it's done. Elliot has an insane body, major six-pack and pecs to die for… and has a huge dick to boot. Plus, he knows how to use it—he can last forever if he wants to, Ana… and that's a handy talent, trust me."

The look of satisfaction on her face is nearly hilarious. "Oh, Kate," I say affectionately and get up to give her a hug.

"Now will you tell me about Christian?" she whines.

"No. I'm going to bed now. Love you." I skip down the hall before she can catch up and badger me further. Now Kate's on full alert, though, so I'll have to watch my step.

He gives me three days.

The first day I spend reading all of the paperwork he gave me. Merely reading it mortifies the hell out of me. Can I really do these things? And does anything embarrass Mr. Grey? I mean, he uses graphic detail about a cornucopia of sexual acts in these pages and handed them to me without batting an eye.

The second day, I surf the Internet, doing research. Boy, was he right. There are hundreds of sites that provide a wealth of information on anything kinky. I'm certainly more educated on the dark side of sex than I ever thought or wanted to be. Part of me is intrigued and wanting to go further. The rest of me wants to run away and never look back.

The third day I spend inside my head, wondering why I couldn't meet a regular kind of guy who has no desire to tie me down and whip me. Why me? It seems as if the moment Grey set eyes on me he zeroed in on me as a submissive. Yet, I'm not one.

Yet… can I be sure of that if I don't try it? He thinks I am one. That thought leads me to dwell on his past submissives. Who are they? Does he still see any of them? Perhaps I should ask him. Taking out my phone, I call Irina.

"Ana! It's wonderful to hear from you. Mr. Chinaski tells me you want out of your contract now that you've fulfilled the minimum requirements. Is that true?"

"Well," I stammer, "I-I, um, I guess so. I like Kent; I'd like to go out with Kent… but Mr. Chinaski prefers that I don't."

"Yes, and Mr. Chinaski must be heeded, after all. Are you having fun with him?"

Do I tell her? If Christian wants her to know anything, he'll tell her himself. I decide to be vague. "Um, he's a great guy: easy on the eyes, fascinating conversationalist. Um, Irina? Could you possibly give me Minx's phone number? I forgot to get it in all the… we'll call it excitement… that night."

"I'll send Minx a text with your telephone number and leave it up to her. Okay?"

"Yes, Irina. Thank you… for everything."

"You are so welcome, my dear. I'm only sorry to lose you for we could have made a nice bundle together. If you're ever in need again, you can always come back into the fold."

"Thank you, Irina. Goodbye."

An hour later my cell phone buzzes. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ana. It's Minx. Irina said you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes. Hi Minx! Is it possible to meet me for coffee?"

"I have to meet someone for lunch at two. What time is it now?"

"It's eleven-twenty. Can you meet me in an hour? That will give us at least a half hour to chat."

"Where?"

"You're downtown, right? How about the Starbucks in the University district?"

"Yes, I can do that. See you at twelve-thirty and if you get there first, order me a half-caf skinny vanilla latte."

"You got it. See you later."

Turns out Minx gets there first and orders me a latte. She flags me down from a corner table as I swish through the door. Good thing, too, because the line is stupidly long. Undoing my silk scarf, I make my way over to her.

"Minx! You're a peach for meeting me on such short notice."

Her huge smile lifts my spirits immediately. "No prob. I was so glad to hear from you. How've you been?

"Good. I think I'm done with the escort business but I'm not supposed to talk about it."

"No? What did you want to talk to me about then?"

Damn it, I feel the blood rush to my face. I have to stop announcing to the world how bloody innocent I am. Minx sees my reaction and gives me a knowing grin. "Oh, I think I know. You want to ask about my time on the St. Andrew's cross?"

I bob my head. "I'm so obvious it's pathetic. Um… you told me you knew you were into that kind of thing since you were a kid."

Minx nods and waits for me to continue.

"Is it like that for everyone, do you know? Or do some people come to it later in life?"

"Later in life? As in age twenty-two?" At my mortified look, she laughs. "Ana, are you asking me if you might enjoy that kind of thing?"

"Um… I guess so. Honestly, Minx? I don't know what I'm asking you. I never had any inclination to explore something like that but…"

"But now you do? Or perhaps more correctly, someone else wants you to. Look, Ana, Irina makes us all sign NDAs so we can't discuss particulars but I can imagine what… or who… is motivating you, and between you and me, I'd say, hypothetically, of course, he's more than worth it."

I feel myself blush. Does she personally know Christian? Suddenly I have to know but I'm smart enough to choose my words carefully. "Um, the hypothetical he in that sentence is someone you personally know?"

Her eyes fill with mirth. "Know in the biblical sense, you mean?

I nod reluctantly.

"No, sweetie, I don't. But I sure wish I did for that hypothetical he is dee-licious with a capital D."

Yes, he is but I need to move off the topic of Christian Grey because I'm already too possessive of him. "I've been doing research on BDSM and I have to admit, it both intrigues me and terrifies me."

"The terrifying part is fun, though, isn't it? I mean, think about it. It's part of human nature to love to be terrified. It's why we go to scary movies and go on heart-stopping rides… extreme sports… tall buildings, high speeds, whatever gets our pulse racing. Adrenaline rushes—the ultimate high." She reaches over and grabs my hand. "Look, Ana, for most people who explore BDSM, the scariest part is finding a partner to trust, someone worthy of that trust. In your case, you've got that covered: your hypothetical he is a very trustworthy and expert master. I can assure you of that. Just give it a go. If you have any questions, I'm here to answer them for you. If it's not for you, you'll know it soon enough. If you don't try, you'll regret it for the rest of your days. You're only young once, girlfriend. Go for it."

Master? That's a bit hard to swallow but… I know she's right about trying it. We take a couple of minutes to drink our coffee and people watch. I know she has to leave, so I say thank you and give Minx a big hug goodbye and set off for home, my decision made. I am going to go for it… or for him, more specifically.

That night Christian calls me.

I answer the phone call from the unfamiliar number on the first ring. "Hello?"

"Hello back."

"Hey, handsome."

A moment of silence ensues. Then I hear a small chuckle. "Well, that's a nice greeting. How are you, Ana?"

"I'm good. I miss you."

More silence. "You miss me? That's quite nice to hear, as well." He clears his throat, pauses a beat and then goes directly to the heart of the matter. "Have you made your decision, Ana?"

"I think so… but I'd like to meet with you again to discuss a few concerns. I didn't think it prudent to put such stuff in an email, given your reputation to uphold. If that's okay?"

"Not only is it okay but it's advisable. I'd like to take you out to dinner. Are you available Friday night?"

"I have an interview at four uptown on Friday but I'm free after that."

"What kind of interview?"

"Uh, a job interview?"

"Oh? Where?

I hesitate. Christian's got so much power in the business world and I don't want him to influence anyone either on or against my behalf. He's waiting patiently. "It's an entry-level position at a digital animation company," I admit finally.

"Interesting, yet you didn't answer my question."

Sheesh, he's so semantically anal. "It's called Digital Canvas."

"I've heard of the company—small but making great strides. I believe I read the company recently landed a prestigious Hollywood job, doing special effects for a big-budget feature film. Well, good for you. I wish you luck, Ana."

"Thanks. So will the timing work for you?"

"Yes. That firm is less than two blocks from my office. Why don't you come to me when you're done and we'll head out from there?"

"Come to your office? Um… okay."

"Very good. I'm calling you now from my personal cell number. You may reach me at this number on Friday. Until then, Ms. Steele."

"Yes. See you then." I disconnect and stare into space, thinking about this man. He gave me his personal cell number, he's made love to me twice, and he took me to his parents' home. It seems, at least on the surface, that he truly does like me. Yet it could be that he only wants me for kinky sex. I hate to do it, but I might have to actually speak to one of his former submissives. I don't want to, but since I'm prohibited from speaking to anyone else about him, I may have little choice. I decide to ask him Friday night.

By the time Friday rolls around, I've compiled a sheet of questions for Mr. Grey. One of them concerns how I would have to address him. When Minx called him a master, it left a bad taste in my mouth. Would he expect me to call him that word? I might have a very hard time doing so.

For my job interview, I bought a new outfit. Fortunately with the money I made from the escort service—and Christian actually paid Irina for the date, not the sex—I was able to splurge and it was a nice change not shopping by price tag. How does one dress for a job like that? It's a young, hip company and the job is artistic in nature… but if I show up in some black Goth kind of outfit, what kind of image would that project? After carefully considering it and bringing Kate along with me, we decided on a relatively short Hugo Boss black pencil skirt, a very pale blue linen button down shirt with a flared waistline and three-quarter sleeves by Donna Karan, black silk stockings and killer shoes. The shoes, of course, cost more than the rest of the outfit combined.

"Shoes make the woman, Ana. Don't forget that," Kate insisted in a no-nonsense tone, in convincing me to buy them. "Now you don't have to borrow mine anymore because these are epic."

"Oh, I'll still borrow yours," I said, grinning. Kate's used to me shopping in her closet and she's such a good sport about it.

"Well, I might just have to lean on you for these babies then."

I hugged her with my one free arm. "You're welcome to them if you can pry them off of my cold, dead feet."

Giggling we headed over to the French pastry shop for macarons. Sugar puts back what shopping takes out—at least that's been our experience.

Now it's Friday and I'm getting ready for my interview. Am I crazy but I'm more worried about showing up at Christian's office than I am about my interview. I want to put my best foot forward if Christian is planning to introduce me as his friend or maybe even his date. I'm anxious to find out, actually.

I wonder if he's dated any of the women who work for him. I tend to doubt it because Christian is too smart a businessman to do something so unwise. Still, it's almost a certainty that some of the women there have proprietary feelings for the gorgeous man and I'll be stepping on their toes. I need to shore up my defenses.