Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just way too much fun.

Spoilers: Season 2, episode 9

DAY 22

Linden and Holder are sorting through Gil's storage locker, looking for any trace of the Rosie Larsen case files, and most importantly Rosie's key to the tenth floor of the Wapi Eagle Casino. They are not feeling optimistic, because it's a very large storage locker, containing a very large collection of what appears to be junk.

Linden has just finished a phone call with Jack, who, from what Holder overhears of the call, is doing very well at his dad's house in Chicago. He hears Linden mention an iPod and his own room.

"Little Man OK?" Holder asks after Linden hangs up.

"Yeah, he's great." Linden doesn't sound happy, and doesn't elaborate. Holder suspects that Jack may very well be doing great, but that Linden, on the other hand, is not.

There's silence as they continue looking through piles of Gil's belongings. Holder stops and watches her carefully.

"You know, it's gonna take more than an iPod to win him over." He knows that she must know this, at least in theory, but he also suspects that she still needs to hear it.

Linden shakes her head quickly, as if dislodging those very thoughts from her mind. Based on her reaction alone, Holder can tell that he was right. He can also see that she doesn't want to talk about it. She changes the subject back to work. "The maid is willing to meet us at the end of her shift, open the kitchen door, avoid the cameras."

"If we find the key," Holder reminds her. He's staying cautiously optimistic about that damn key.

He pauses, still not quite willing to let go of the previous topic of conversation, despite how he knows she'll react. "You OK, Linden?"

Linden nods her head. "I'm fine," she replies quickly. Her face, however, betrays her.

But by now – after all of twenty-two long, intense days together – he knows her better than anyone else in the world, possibly better than she knows herself. And he knows that she's obviously not fine. He also knows that she's probably going to keep it all to herself. Still, he puts the offer out there.

"You know, you… you can talk to me. About whatever. If you want. I'm here."

Linden stops looking through the piles of junk. She peers across the storage locker to where Holder is standing and gives him the most genuine smile he has ever seen on her face. They've been through quite a few tough times together in only a few weeks, and they've built up a level of trust between them. Still, this kind of thing has been completely unsaid up til now.

She is touched at his sweet offer, given without even a hint of his trademark sarcastic jokes.

"I know you are…" she begins, then stops. She's genuinely touched, but she's still Sarah Linden, whose immediate instinct when faced with emotions is to redirect the focus to anything else, most commonly onto work. So of course, she changes the subject back to the job once again. "So can we find the key now?"

"Yeah, whatever you say, boss," Holder replies amicably.

Holder

I definitely don't envy Linden. She's under so many different kinds of stress at the moment, I doubt she could even identify them all. I wish I could do something to help make things easier for her.

I can't explain it really, but somehow I seem to have developed some kind of sixth sense, some sort of talent for reading Linden's mind. She's not one to open up, and yet… it's like I can sense what she's thinking sometimes. Today in Gil's storage locker isn't the first time it has happened, either. It's not something I can even really explain. We just seem to get each other. I've gotta keep that to myself though, because if anything would scare the shit out of her, it's someone knowing what she's thinking.

But boy, maybe if I think I understand what goes on in that head of hers I should be a little bit afraid, because if I understand Linden's crazy logic… what does that say about me? …Oh, I crack myself up sometimes.

Linden

I don't envy Holder right now. I know that I'm not easy to work with at the best of times, but I just feel like I'm more of a wreck over this case than usual. Sending Jack to Chicago has just pushed me over the edge a little bit extra. But I can do it… of course I can.

It's like a battle within myself. Don't you want Jack to be happy, part of me is asking. Of course I want him to be happy. He's my son. So why does it upset me so much to hear that he's happy? Because… he's not here, being happy with me. Not that he was happy when he was here with me.

Logically, I know that he just couldn't be happy with me. I couldn't give him what he needed, and that's really hard to accept. There isn't any greater failure as a parent than having to ship your child off to live with someone else because you can't – for whatever reason – take care of them… and that's exactly what happened. Jack was basically all I had in the world, and now I don't even have him. As I always have, I specialize in destroying everything good around me.

And then there's Holder. Even if I wanted to confide in him – which I just can't– I wouldn't begin to know how to tell him the things I want to say. What do I even want to say? I don't know! I wouldn't even know where to start, or how… How do you tell someone that just knowing that you're not alone is enough to help you get by?

How do you tell someone that they're pretty much the only thing keeping you from drowning?

The funny thing is… I feel like he knows.

…

He knows now that they shouldn't have done any of it. They shouldn't have broken into Gil's storage locker to search for the Rosie Larsen case files… except, that their hunch had been right, and they'd actually found the files there. Still, it wasn't worth it to him to put Linden in danger like this, no matter what Linden herself would say.

Linden sneaking into the casino had been a mistake, one that Holder had helped her make. He was fighting back anger at himself for having let her go in alone, which didn't make sense, of course, because there was no way to stop Linden from doing anything once her mind was made up.

He'd tried to get her to let him go in her place, but Linden wouldn't hear of it. After all, he had just been released from the hospital after being beaten at the hands of the casino's own security as it was. So since he couldn't talk her out of it, he'd gone in and created the grandest distraction that he could, buying her time to do what she was determined to do either way. He could only hope that she'd get out safely.

They'd been on the phone while she was up on the 10th floor, looking for something – anything – to prove what they just knew had gone on up there on the night of October fifth. They had to prove it, or the whole case was going to be swept under the rug. The last thing Holder had told her was to turn off her flashlight… except that she said that she already had turned off her flashlight. It wasn't her flashlight he had seen. That was where it all started going horribly wrong. He had heard what sounded like a loud thump – maybe Linden being knocked out? – and then nothing. The connection went dead. He'd tried to call her back multiple times, but the call had gone straight to voicemail. That's when he'd known.

As much as he'd hated himself for doing it, he'd had to leave the island without her. Something had happened up there, and though he hated to admit it, he could not fix it this time. He couldn't save her from whoever it was that had found her there. Not only was he outnumbered and still weakened from his injuries, but he also had absolutely no jurisdiction there… and he had already experienced first-hand just how friendly the tribe was with uninvited law enforcement… which was why he was now so worried about Linden.

He tried not to squeal the tires of the car as he took off back towards the ferry as fast as he could without arousing suspicion. He couldn't help her by staying there, he kept telling himself. It didn't stop the sick feeling in his stomach, the feeling that he should have done something to prevent this outcome. What he could have done, of course, he had no idea. He had done the only thing he thought he could do… but he could see now that it hadn't been right at all.

He had to get back to the station, then he'd figure something out. He didn't have any idea what he'd do, only that he couldn't do anything here on the island, where he had less than no power. Still, as he sat on the ferry on the way back to the mainland, he couldn't help but repeat a silent prayer that Linden would be OK. Apparently she'd already received the only "warning" that the pair of them was going to get, which, according to the chief, was why he'd ended up in the woods, beaten. He couldn't bear the thought of something similar happening to her.

Traffic was light as he drove back through the city to the station to figure out his next move. He was trying desperately to think of ways to calm down, because he knew he was no good to anyone if he was too upset to think rationally. Still, when forced to stop at red lights, he beat the steering wheel in frustration until the light changed and he could move again.

Upon entering the station, he saw Ray, who he quickly waved into an empty office. Ray looked at him with a mixture of concern and confusion. "What's going on, Holder? Everything OK?"

"It's Linden," Holder started. In the short time that they'd worked together, Ray had never seen the detective so distraught. Holder's eyes darted into the hall, making sure no one was there to overhear their conversation. "We weren't supposed to, but we went back to the casino… we got into kind of a mess..."

Ray's expression changed quickly. He was more or less in the loop, because Linden and Holder trusted his discretion. He had proven himself loyal to them time and time again. Ray understood the significance of what Holder was saying, and how serious things could be.

"Something happened to her up there, at the construction site in the casino. One minute I was talking to her on the phone, the next minute the line went dead and her phone was going to voice mail. I couldn't exactly run in there to find out what happened to her, and after my brush with them, I'm worried. Could you just… let me know if you hear anything?" Holder hated having to rely on someone else to hear what was going on with Linden, but it was his only choice. He couldn't just sit by the phone in the station, waiting. He'd have to deal with Carlson about this soon enough, but sooner would not be better than later.

"Sure thing, man. Soon as I hear something," said Ray seriously.

Holder clapped Ray on the shoulder, muttered "Thanks," then turned and stalked out of the station. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do to pass the achingly slow minutes until he heard something, but all he knew was that he had to keep moving. He'd follow up on the few leads he could think of, and hopefully by then, he would hear from Ray.