Sam had insisted on taking her car, making it clear that she didn't think he should be driving. He hadn't had any objections, silently grateful that she took care of him. Now they had made it. They had been sitting in her car at the cemetery for a few minutes, but Jack had been frozen stiff. His collar felt even more uncomfortable than usual and he couldn't breath.

"Do you want me to come with you, sir?"

He slowly shook his head.

"No. You've already done more than enough. I have to do this on my own. Stay put."

He'd fallen back to command mode without even noticing it, and he hadn't commented on her calling him 'sir'...obviously his mind was elsewhere. Taking a deep breath he got out of the car. Sam watched him enter the cemetery, his back straight and his shoulders set. She knew that stance. He was going into battle.

…

Jack had stood at the back during the ceremony. Now it was over and he waited for his chance to step closer to the grave undisturbed. When all the people had finally disappeared he did. He could hardly bear to see her name on the simple wooden cross. His knees gave way. He squatted down and stared at the cross. He wanted to talk to her, clear his thoughts, but he couldn't. His mind and soul were in turmoil. Finally he bowed his head. From his closed eyes silent tears were flowing freely.

As he started to calm down a little he noticed someone standing behind him. When he stood and turned he was facing Reverend Karl Hess. Amanda's father. The man he had been afraid of for days. He tried to brace himself. He was sure this man would want to bite his head off. He searched for words, but the revered beat him to it.

"You must be Jack."

His voice war hoarse, he had been crying through the funeral. But it was calm, almost friendly.

„Yes, sir. Jack O'Neill. I am so, so sorry, sir."

Hess smiled.

"Military obviously. If you insist on a title I prefer reverend. Otherwise the name is Karl."

Jack wasn't sure what to expect. Was it possible this wouldn't turn into a disaster – not another disaster?

„Amanda spoke about you a lot. I told her to introduce us more than once. Unfortunately that never happened..."

Jack finally found his voice.

„I'm afraid that was my fault. I was always so horribly busy..."

„That's what Amanda said. It's a shame she wasn't allowed to talk about the project. I assume you aren't either."

"Basically, yes. But I'm retired, so..."

Karl Hess raised his eyebrows at that.

„Retired? Since when?"

„Since – she died."

„Can you tell me how she died?"

They walked together, and Jack told Karl his and Amanda's story. As much as he could possibly take the responsibility for. Eventually he stopped and looked the older man straight in the eye:

"It was my fault. Amanda would still be with us if I had done my job. I can't expect you to forgive me. But I wanted you to know."

There was a brief silence.

„Jack, when Amanda died, you were with her, right?"

„Yes."

„Was she able to say anything?"

The memory was back like a wave crushing over Jack. Amanda in his arms in the 'gate room, the blood on her face, her strangled whisper. He swallowed hard. Hoarsely he choked out a 'Yes'.

Karl looked at him expectantly. Jack cleared his throat.

„She said my name" - he could hear it in his mind - „I told her I was there. She fought to breathe, and then -"

His voice broke. Karl was still looking at him. Waiting. Patiently.

„She said, it wasn't – my fault."

Jack had to turn away, tears starting to flow anew, shoulders dropping.

„Jack", Karl said softly, „it's alright. She forgave you. So do I."

Unbelieving Jack turned back.

„How – how can you be so calm? You must hate me!"

The reverend smiled.

„I don't hate you. Amanda loved you, and if you'd come to my house I'd have welcomed you. You are grieving, the same as I am, and you have every right to do so. Don't torture yourself with a guilt that has already been forgiven."

Jack still couldn't believe it. Karl Hess took a step towards him, looked at him for a moment and opened his arms. His embrace was warm and cordial. For the first time since Amanda's death Jack felt something close to peace. For the first time he felt there was a chance his life would somehow go on.

...

Ende