Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just for fun.

Spoilers: Season 3, episode 1

It's been a year since he's seen her on that day they closed the Rosie Larsen case, but today Holder has come to visit Linden at her house on Vashon Island. He meets Cody, Linden's "friend," as he arrives, just as Cody is leaving. Of course, he then teases Linden about Cody's age, and the fact that she's "dating" or "booty-calling" or whatever she wants to call it. Finally, mercifully, Holder changes the subject away from Cody.

"So how's Little Man doing? I heard he got himself a sweet little piece."

"Holder!" Linden says in a warning tone. "He has a girlfriend."

"You know, we text every now and then. Keeps me in the loop." She hadn't known, but she thinks that it's kinda cute.

"Yeah, he always liked you for some reason."

"What's not to like?" Holder never had done modesty well, but at least his comments like these had always been said with a grin, obviously not to be taken seriously. Today was no exception.

Linden smiles at him then, a bigger smile than he can remember ever seeing on her face. She has now stopped moving around and is sitting across the table from him, holding her cup of tea. Holder's tea sits in front of him.

She has missed him in the past year, though she hadn't let herself realize it until now.

Still, they know each other too well, even after all this time. Linden can see that he's clearly there for a reason, besides just checking up on her. "So why are you here?" she asks.

Damn, Holder thinks to himself. Busted. He has wanted to check up on her for some time now, but it never seemed to be the right time. Now work has finally given him an excuse. "Uh, that case you were working on a couple of years ago – the Picasso kid who did that drawing?" Linden's smile fades before his eyes. "Mom was a hooker, got her head cut off? Caught a body this morning. Working girl, head hanging by a thread, too."

"If you're looking for a connection, there is none. We got the killer three years ago, put him away. End of story." Linden sounds convinced… sort of.

"And now they're gonna execute him. I'm guessing you heard." Holder is watching her, and it is a little bit unsettling. He knows this is a risk. Even back then, during their last case together, talking about her previous big case had always left her visibly shaken… if she'd talk about it at all.

She returns his stare, but her eyes were shooting daggers at him. "What do you want, Holder?"

"I was thinking I'd take a look at your old case file, just make sure there's no connection between your crack ho and mine."

"Good idea, go for it." Her voice betrays her though, told him he wasn't going to get anywhere with it on his own. Clearly something is up.

"The thing is, the storage says the box is already checked out. And they don't know who took it." Holder has a guess, though.

"Yeah, but they're a bunch of idiots down there. They're always misplacing boxes. Just keep looking for it, you'll find it." Linden is now looking anywhere but at Holder. Guilty conscience? For having been a police officer, Linden had never been good at lying to Holder. Lying to herself? Yes. To Holder? No.

"I… have to go." It comes out as if she's making it up as she goes along, which doesn't go unnoticed. Holder exhales slightly, as if he doesn't believe her – because he doesn't. He stands up, and she follows his lead. They walk towards the door.

"You tell Little Man I said…" He demonstrates his signature hand shake salute, something that he and Jack always used to do.

"Mm-hmm, yep, sure."

"Lookin good, Linden." Holder walks to the door and starts to open it. This has gone just about how he expected it to… but he still has a trick up his sleeve.

"Hey, Holder." Holder turns around to look at her. "Not every victim's worth it. You know, you start caring…" She's forcing a smile onto her face and into her tone, but her words are coming out as anything but happy and this smile is empty. Holder knows her to well to fall for that trick, even after so much time has gone by. "You'll end up like me working minimum wage on a ferry."

Holder is a little sad to hear her talk like that, and it shows in his face. He'd always so admired her dedication, but he knows that it was that dedication which had become obsession and had driven her over the edge. She has clearly worked hard to convince herself not to care in the year since he saw her. "Never thought the day would come I'd hear that from you." Without another word, he walks out, closing the door behind him.

Linden looks away, frowning. Who am I kidding? she asks herself. She goes to the window and watches him leave.

That's when she spots the file he left on the table.

Linden

I'm glad Jack and Holder have kept in touch. Holder's a good influence on Jack, despite his bad habits. It's like somehow he manages to be a role model and a friend to him at the same time, and Jack could use both those things in his life. Then again, Holder's playfulness probably stems from the fact that he never really made it past about age fourteen, so that's probably a big part of why they get along so well.

I missed just chatting about nothing with Holder. The day that I walked away, I convinced myself I wouldn't miss it. I guess in my head at the time, it was all connected…? I didn't let myself think about it. Holder and the case were all wrapped up together, I couldn't separate them out and I just needed to get away from that case, so I had to leave Holder behind. But I see now that I have missed him. Despite all his stupid BFF jokes, he was my best friend. He is my best friend. It was easy to see why he's my best friend even in that little sliver of time while we were just sitting there at my table today, having tea and talking about nothing. It was like we had seen each other yesterday. Holder was doing that stupid little boy "What's not to like?" Act… Before he brought work back into the mix.

I wish I could hang out with Holder… except that I'm afraid that somehow I'd end up sucked back into that life… and that I would like it. For all of his nonchalance, Holder does really care about the work. Maybe not quite the way I used to, or maybe it's just that he keeps a better grip on reality… I don't know. I got out once, but it was really hard. Who knows if I'm strong enough to walk away again when faced with the temptation. And would I want to walk away? Being a homicide detective is what I'm good at. What I'm doing now… who am I kidding? I'm just hiding.

As for this file that he left on the table… Dammit, Holder. He knows me too well, knows I wouldn't be able to resist this. Or… do I not even want to resist it?

Holder

In all the time that we spent together on the Rosie Larsen case last year I never saw her smile like that, like she was doing just sitting there at the table with a cup of tea. Just from me teasing her, the same banter we always had, just without the stress of the case. It's so strange to see her actually happy, at least for that fleeting moment. I can see that she has missed me, even if she would never admit it. I don't think it's purely my ego talking to say that... though maybe it is just a little bit. I'll be the first to admit, I've missed her. She was my best friend – not that there was competition for that honor.

Working with Reddick is not the same. How could it be? He's just a regular guy who works the job as a job. Not that there's something wrong with that, because that's what most people do. It's not a mark against him. Someone who cares as much about their job as Linden did, that's the exception to the rule, and it's totally related to all of the shit she's been through in her life. She's not one to let people in, not really, but Linden and I, we had a connection, an understanding. It was always just easy… not the work part, but more… I don't know. It was one of those things where you're just in the right place at the time and… I think everything happens for a reason. It's hard to remember, but I try.

I almost felt guilty for going there to see her, knowing I was sabotaging her… whatever it is that she's doing out there. Living tranquilly? Taking a new path? Or as it looks to me like she's doing…. Hiding? I'd hoped that she had faced her demons during this past year, but it looks like she hasn't been ready yet. It looks like she has just been hiding from them. But who am I to say when she should be ready? Yeah, I'm sabotaging her hiding place, but maybe that's a good thing. I mean, I'm not the one to say what's right for Linden or anything, but it seems to me like if all she's doing is hiding, then maybe someone needs to find her. Maybe that's just Linden sabotaging herself. Not like she hasn't done that many times before.

Maybe it's selfish of me, but I need her help. But even more than that, I've missed her.

…

Linden stood for a long time and stared at the file that Holder had left her. She was almost afraid to touch it, as if it might have some sort of magical powers that would suck her into the case as soon as it came in contact with her skin. If she was being honest with herself, it didn't need to have magical powers to suck her in. That was part of the problem. These cases were like her kryptonite.

There was not a cell in her body believed for one second that Holder had left it there by accident. Not only was Holder much more careful than that, but he also knew her much too well. He knew that if she started examining the case, something would click in her brain and she'd have more and more trouble not thinking about it. That was how they'd ended up on the Rosie Larsen case together, after all. The case had come across her desk on her "last" day, which had happened to be his first day. She'd started the case and after feeble attempts to extricate herself from it, she had given up when she realized that it was no use. She knew herself and she had a feeling that this one would most likely follow the same pattern. If she picked it up.

She went to make herself another cup of tea, waiting by the stove for the water to boil, not trusting herself to stand and stare at the file. Once she had her tea in hand, she took a deep breath and sat herself at the table where she'd sat with Holder only a little while before. She looked across the room to see that the manila envelope was still there, taunting her. She sipped her tea slowly, trying to decide what to do. It seemed silly to her on one hand, how she was acting. It was just a file folder. There was nothing that said that she had to open it. She could throw it in the trash, for goodness sake!

Of course, she wouldn't throw it in the trash. That was Holder's case file, full of information that he needed. So she wouldn't throw it away. Of course! He'd need that file back. She could call him and tell him to come back and get it. But then he'd probably try something else to try to get her to talk about it. No, she could take it back to the station and leave it for him, sometime when the station was empty and she could slip in and out easily. Yes, that sounded like the better plan to her. The only question was between the picking the file up and the leaving the file for Holder, would she read it or not?

She had finished her tea by now, and she left her empty mug on the table. She got up and walked slowly toward the file, almost as if she wanted to sneak up on it without disturbing it. When she was about two feet away she stopped, again standing to stare at it. It's just a folder, she told herself before taking another step towards it. It can't hurt you, she told herself before taking one final step. She was now close enough to reach down and pick it up. She held her breath and started to do so, pausing just before her hand touched it, just inches away. Come on, Linden, stop being silly, she told herself then, and her fingers made contact with it. She picked up the collection of papers slowly, not feeling any different.

She had decided that she wasn't going to open it, and then…

She sat at her kitchen table, setting the file in front of her. Who was she kidding? There was no way she was going to be able to resist, so she may as well get it over with. Taking a deep breath, she opened the file.