FINALLY! It feels like forever since I've been able to finish anything that wasn't work! This one took me a long time to figure out, and hopefully it is worth the wait. Thank you to all those who have continued to favorite, follow, and review this story, and for sticking with it. There is so much I love about this rewrite, and I'm sorry to see it end, but thankfully that's not for one more chapter!
CHAPTER 8
They made it to the Temple in good time, despite Anakin's half-hearted grumbling at Obi-Wan's piloting. As they pulled into the landing platform closest to the Council chambers, the sun had just hit its highest point, the warm beams making the metallic city skyline sparkle, and Anakin took a moment to soak in the sight before joining Obi-Wan on what could very well be his last journey through the Temple halls.
Passing through the courtyard, the leaves an array of deep reds and golden oranges is where Anakin felt it, and it made his breath catch in its unexpected intensity. Even with young padawans stoically milling about intermixed with groups of younglings not yet chosen practicing or simply socializing, Anakin felt a soothing brush of the Force warm his whole being, and he softly smiled at a padawan about Ahsoka's age tutoring a group of younglings through meditation. The calm he'd come to associate with his home, with his wife and babies suddenly washed over him, slowing his pounding heart and quieting his growing anxiousness, and he drank in a serenity he had never felt within these walls in his life. He could feel every swoop of accomplishment from the younglings, every padawan's sigh, even the wings of the birds felt as if a soft flit against his mind as a small group dipped into the tree at the center of the courtyard, and through it all flowed the Force.
During his time healing with Padmé, Luke, and Leia, Anakin had drawn more from his now seamless connection to the Living Force, basking in its incredible power that spoke nothing of greed, lust, or ultimate control, the peaceful element of it that he had refused to embrace throughout his training and the war. As his connection to the Force grew and solidified, Anakin found himself thinking back to all the teachings Obi-Wan had attempted to instill in him about truly listening, letting go, and allowing the Force to assist in his very life rather than trying to control it. Now, fully healed from his ordeal, Anakin could see more deeply into the omnipresent element that had always been manipulated easily, but the true nature of which he had never fully understood, and he felt foolish. He had been young, impetuous, impatient, and egotistical, qualities that allowed Palpatine's dark influence to encompass him and infiltrate his very core, keeping the true mysteries of the Force just beyond the tips of his fingers, but as the birds settled into the tree and the soft wind caused his curls to flutter as they entered the halls once more, Anakin breathed a deep sigh as he felt for the first time like a true Jedi Knight in tuned with the Force.
"Are you all right?" Obi-Wan asked from his side, and Anakin glanced at his friend, who was watching him carefully. The usual twinge of annoyance at being looked upon like a brooding child nowhere in sight, Anakin simply nodded.
"I'm fine, Master," he said, glancing up at the cavernous ceilings of the Temple atrium. "It's just good to be back. It feels like it was a lifetime ago." Obi-Wan chuckled.
"You were out of sorts last time."
Anakin smiled as they passed through the warm fountain room and into the more closed halls leading to the lift that would take them to the Council chambers, the thin carpets a stark contrast from the impeccably polished marble. "It feels good to be in control of my own mind again."
"I have no doubt," his friend said.
They continued in silence for a while, their boots striking the soft floors with purpose before Obi-Wan abruptly stopped. Knitting his brows, Anakin turned to find the master looking out on the shimmering skyline, lost in thought. "Obi-Wan?"
Their eyes met and Anakin took in the soft, almost emotional look Obi-Wan gave him as he took a step toward his former master. Stroking his beard once, Obi-Wan met Anakin's confused gaze.
"Anakin, before we go in, I just wanted to tell you how…" he sighed as if holding himself together, "… how deeply pleased I am that you are well again. When I first saw you, I thought we were going to lose you, and then to be told about your mental state…" He paused again, and Anakin placed his hand firmly on Obi-Wan's shoulder. He had never seen his master this way and was at an actionable loss. Letting out a deep breath, Obi-Wan raised his steel grey eyes to Anakin's own blue. "The point is, I can feel the immense change in you, Anakin, and I am very proud of you for the strength you have shown. But, you're my brother, and I only wish I could have helped you. I can't help but feel that the circumstances that led to what happened are my fault, and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you sooner."
"Master, I…"
A blur of brown colliding with Obi-Wan stilled Anakin's sentiments as a group of padawans barreled down the hall. Displaying the legendary Jedi reflexes, Obi-Wan steadied the teen despite the wind being somewhat blown from his body at the sudden impact. The young padawan glanced up anxiously at the Jedi he had almost toppled, and his eyes grew wide.
"Master Kenobi, forgive me, I didn't see you!"
As the boy bowed incredibly low in a show of nervous humility, Anakin barely held in a chuckle behind his gloved hand at the familiarity of the scene, he himself having almost run over a few notable Order members as he adjusted to the stoic grace that came with adulthood. He remembered how his lanky form quickly outgrew his natural athletic abilities, making for a few incidents just like this one before he finally grew into his body. Seeing that this boy was hitting that Force awful age, Anakin couldn't help but feel the deepest sympathy. Luckily for the boy, Obi-Wan was in good spirits, as he simply laid a patient hand on his shoulder, his face softening.
"It's all right, young one. Accidents happen." The padawan loudly expelled a nervous breath before standing straight and righting his robes. Obi-Wan's eyes sparkled with recognition as he turned the boy towards his former pupil.
"Anakin, this is Caleb Dume, Master Bilaba's new padawan."
Caleb bowed to Anakin in greeting, his shaggy brown hair so much like Anakin's own falling into his eyes before he stood straight again. Anakin smiled. "It's nice to…" Caleb nervously ran a hand through his hair, revealing his bright, inquisitive sea blue eyes, and Anakin felt his heart stop. A similar face, older, bearded, and filled with determination bordered by barely contained fear flashed in his mind's eye. Even without the red blade of the monsters' saber tainting his face an ominous red, Anakin recognized the forever haunted, fledgling rebel Jedi from his dreams. Pulling himself back, remembering where and when he was, Anakin blinked and cleared his throat. "It's nice to meet you, Caleb."
"Caleb attended one of my lectures on the Temple's security systems. He's quite the inquisitive one, perhaps a bit too much so."
Anakin laughed. "I'm sure Master Bilaba appreciates that."
Caleb ran his hands through his hair glancing down at the floor sheepishly. "Nothing wrong with being curious, Master Kenobi."
Anakin and Obi-Wan chuckled at his obvious discomfort. "We're going to be late," Obi-Wan announced, but as he patted the boy's shoulder and continued down towards the Council's chambers, Anakin studied Caleb Dume, the boy who would have grown into the unwitting prey of the galaxy. He would have been yet another victim of Anakin's weakness, one who only deserved to live the life he led now, not that of a fugitive bouncing from one hideout to another. Reaching out, Anakin felt the nervous energy behind the boy's presence under the knight's scrutiny, but Anakin also felt more. He felt Caleb's friends waiting for him at the end of the hall, whispering about his unexpected run-in with two of the Order's most famous. He felt the carefree presences of the younglings, knights, and masters throughout the Temple going about their tasks, be they study, lightsaber practice, or simply relaxing in the warmth of Coruscant's sun, and he felt a tear sting his eye. All of them could have been dead, dying, or hunted to the far reaches of the galaxy and back, and once again, Anakin thanked the Force for showing him his dark path, and giving him the chance to make things right.
Caleb shifted his feet, bringing Anakin back from his musings, and just as the boy's hand moved to his hair once more the young knight stopped him gently. Laying his hand on the padawan's shoulder, Anakin sent him calming pulses, just as he did with his own children whenever they awoke in the middle of the night, before smiling and flicking the ends of Caleb's unruly hair.
"If you tie it back, no one will know you're nervous," he simply said, and Caleb raised his wide blue eyes to Anakin's own.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan beckoned him, and with a firm grip to Caleb's shoulder, Anakin left the boy to his friends as he followed Obi-Wan.
They entered the lift and the pair fell silent once more. With each second ticking by drawn out by the lack of conversation and the normally soothing hum of the ascending lift, Anakin found himself reminding his body to breathe, in and out, as he attempted to find the calm to quiet his mournful thoughts at recognizing Caleb's face. The very real possibility that this could be his last time making this towering journey to the Council was causing his heart to pound with a fear so powerful as he contemplated the other reasons the Jedi had to expel him besides his marriage to Padmé. Anakin was certain that as soon as they learned of what their fate at his dark hands could have been that any thought of contemplation to the contrary would fly out the window.
In and out. In and out.
Though his rhythmic breathing was helping a bit, Anakin felt that he had to pull his mind away from contemplating any void left in his life without the Order and instead concentrate on what waited for him at home regardless. Images of Padmé's smiling face as she looked at him from across the sofa, cradling a contented Leia while he finished feeding Luke flew to his mind. The gentle weight of his son against his chest as he raised him to his shoulder and began patting his back firmly brought an unyielding smile to Anakin's face, both in his mind's eye and the lift.
His fear over how much his life was about to change was still palpable, but if there was one thing that he had learned from his infant twins, it was how to let go, accept his fear and move past it, control it while he dealt with whatever his very demanding children needed. Leia had taught him that lesson well, as he found himself a few nights over the past week walking around their home, soothing an unknown, incurable malady as she simply begrudged him and her mother for leaving her alone in her crib to sleep for the night. The first night, he had tried everything: feeding, changing, holonet, sitting and rocking, but nothing took the quiver out of her lip or dried her tears. At his wits end and moments away from waking the wife he had promised not to wake, Anakin had simply brought his restless daughter to his shoulder, connected their cheeks, and sent soothing pulses to her through the Force as he whispered and talked to his little princess. Though she didn't respond at first, her father's rumbling voice and the Force's touch eventually quieted Leia's cries, and Anakin could only smile and chuckle in relief as she buried her face into her father's shoulder.
The memory at how deep he reached within himself to control his fear for the sake of his family calmed him, the power he felt at finally being in control of what had stunted him most was more than anything he had ever felt since the Force showed him his life in the darkness. Even with a similar fear at the unknown pounding at his mental walls, Anakin seized it and held it steady. He would not allow his fear over things he didn't yet know to control him. He would simply trust in the Force and follow whatever path it chose to set for him, like a true Jedi.
In and out. In and out.
"What are you thinking about?" Obi-Wan's voice pulled him from a now well-established calming technique, and he met the master's curious, steady gaze.
"Nothing, Master," Anakin replied. Obi-Wan shrugged.
"It must be something, you're radiating happiness."
Anakin's smile grew wider and he huffed a short laugh. His master could always read him. "I'm just thinking of the twins."
Obi-Wan simply nodded beside him. "Fatherhood suits you," he said with an utmost honesty that caused Anakin to turn slack-jawed to his former master. Obi-Wan smirked affectionately at his expression. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were going soft, my friend."
Anakin laughed heartily at that. "You wish, old man." Their shared laugh quieted, and they fell into a comfortable silence. "They've taught me so much, Obi-Wan."
"I've heard children do that."
The lift doors suddenly opened, and Anakin took a long, deep breath as the tall doors of the Council chambers loomed before him. This was it. He felt Obi-Wan place that same patient, comforting hand on his shoulder that he remembered from his childhood. It was a gesture of solidarity, of strength, and affection, and Anakin felt himself breath a bit easier on the knowledge that, no matter what, Obi-Wan was with him.
"The Council might surprise you, Anakin," he said softly, and though he didn't meet his gaze, Anakin acknowledged the statement with a tilt of his head. Taking one last breath of calming air, Anakin straightened his back and stepped forward, the Council chamber doors swishing open for him softly.
The moment he set foot in the circular chamber, Anakin was bombarded by an array of mixed feelings upon his entrance. Though the masters of the Jedi Council worked to shield their thoughts as they always did, Anakin felt everything. The combination of mistrust, uncertainty, confidence, and curiosity hit him like an out of control speeder, and he again had to remind himself to breathe.
As he stepped into the center of the circle, Obi-Wan patting his shoulder affectionately before taking his seat, Anakin took in the faces of his fate. Masters Yoda and Windu beheld him with a mix of relief and concern, while Plo Koon, Ki-Adi-Mundi, and Coleman Kcaj remained impassive. Stass Allie stared at him with a critical eye, and he sense much tension and pent up frustration from within the normally soft-spoken master. The newest members, Eeth Koth and Depa Bilaba, couldn't have held more opposing feelings for him. While Koth almost glared at Anakin, his frustration over whatever was to happen perfectly clear, Bilaba was proving incredibly difficult to read. She was peaceful, quiet, much like Yoda and Mundi, staring at him with her penetrating brown eyes, and Anakin remembered why she was one of the most revered masters in the Order. He took a shaky breath, soaked in everything the Force was allowing him to feel, and released his fears into the Light as he faced Master Yoda and bowed.
"Knight Skywalker," Yoda addressed him as Anakin stood straight, "a great joy it brings to see you recovered."
"Thank you, Master." Anakin bowed again. The chamber fell silent momentarily, but Anakin refused to fidget under the many pairs of eyes that watched him. He stood as calmly as he could be, exuding more serenity than he felt. Though his heartbeat was beginning to slow, the fluttering in his stomach refused to waver, but Anakin remained determined to prove to his longtime doubters that his fear was no longer in control.
"How feel you?" Yoda finally asked, flashing Anakin back to his very first encounter with this Council, somewhat lightening the mood for the pensive knight. He huffed a laugh as he remembered his past nerves and all the fear that he had sensed around him. Though some of those feelings still remained, Anakin wasn't as strangled by their strength as he had once been upon entering this room, and he hoped that the reasoning was in his favor.
"I am well, Master." Yoda nodded.
"Very good. Much more than well, I sense from you, Anakin."
Anakin swallowed and nodded, silently acknowledging what he knew all of the Jedi could feel. He was a changed man, risen from the ashes of a life altering experience, lifted off his heels by something he desperately hoped that he would be allowed to embrace as a Jedi: love.
"A mystery still to us, your affliction is," Yoda continued. Master Windu chose that moment to sit forward in his chair and tent his fingers below his chin.
"It was an incredibly brave thing you did, Skywalker," he said, and Anakin blinked as he saw a trust in Windu's eyes he never expected nor thought that he would ever see directed at him from the Haruun Kal master. "You saved my life and the galaxy, but I cannot even begin to explain to this Council what I experienced when Sidious died."
Dropping his eyes, Anakin held them shut for a moment, centering himself while acknowledging his growing unease about recounting his experience with the Force and his almost future. It still pained him every time he walked himself through the difficult process of recounting everything he had seen while remaining firmly planted in the life the Force had given back to him, even though he no longer questioned his reality. Releasing his fears into the Light with a sigh, Padmé's face guiding him further into calming clarity, he raised his head and somehow managed to speak without his voice shaking.
"Unfortunately, I almost didn't save anyone's life that night, Master Windu, and had it not been for the Force, I would have made a terrible mistake." The sounds of confusion made their way around the gathered masters in waves, the implications of Anakin's statement bubbling beneath the surface of speculation. "Before that night, I had been having dreams of my wife's death as she gave birth to our children, dreams which I now know to have been calculated manipulations by Sidious to seduce me to the Dark Side." Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan, who met his sorrowful gaze. "He is also responsible for the dreams about my mother." Though his expression barely shifted, Anakin saw the remorse and grief in his former master's eyes. He turned back to the grand master.
"I was on the verge of preventing Master Windu from killing Sidious, believing him and his teachings to be Padmé's only hope." He ignored Koth's scoff from behind him and continued. "But in that moment, the Force granted me a real vision. I saw something Obi-Wan and I experienced together during the war two years ago, but we were made to forget it."
"We were made… what do you mean?" his master asked, flabbergasted. Anakin turned to him.
"You, me, and Ahsoka had been sent out to investigate an old Jedi distress signal, and we found a planet pulsing with the Living Force. There were three beings there, all attempting to control the power within the planet in their own way, one light, one neutral, and one dark. The dark one, The Son, showed me my future, but our memories were wiped when we were returned home." Obi-Wan had the most spectacular mixture of confusion, disbelief, and awe etched in his eyes. Had the circumstances been lighter, Anakin would have laughed.
"That night, when Sidious died, the Force showed me that future that was hidden from me, and I knew what I had to do."
Obi-Wan closed his gaping mouth and swallowed, the sad, distressed aura that surrounded Anakin sucking any levity he could bring to the moment. "What future, Anakin?"
The knight drew in a steadying breath before delving further into the black hole he was certain he was steadily building for himself. He relayed his massacre of the Jedi, including younglings, his duel with his master that left him scarred and in a suit, Padmé's eventual death despite everything, and the galaxy under the rule of a tyrannical Sith while he, Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, scoured the galaxy for the ultimate power and control he so desperately desired. He spoke of the rebellion, his cruelty and torture of the many faces he could still see clearly if he squeezed his eyes hard enough, and his obsessive search for those who sought to destroy the Empire. But, most of all, Anakin spoke of his son and Luke's unyielding love for a father he both hated but couldn't all at once, and Anakin's ultimate redemption because of the purity of his son's love and his belief in his father.
"Despite everything I had done, he truly believed there was still good in me, and he was right."
Silence, as he had expected, the calm before the eventual storm of cries for his expulsion. Every master sat rigid in their chairs in various states of shock and contemplation. Some had dropped their eyes from him long ago, while still others scrutinized Anakin throughout his dark tale. Anakin felt his heart flutter in fearful anticipation, but he forced himself to remember everything he still had waiting for him at home and how full his life would continue to be, Jedi or not. He took hold of his fear and used his control to keep his feet from shuffling and his eyes from roaming. The Force was steadying him just as much as his inner strength, telling him that all would be well as he held Master Yoda's steady gaze, refusing to look away. Slowly, the aged grand master nodded solemnly.
"Quite the journey you have had, young Skywalker, hmm?"
Anakin laughed grimly. "You could say that, Master."
Yoda hummed, and a quick glance passed between him, Master Windu, and Obi-Wan before he met Anakin's gaze again. "A grim future we all could have faced had you not had the clarity of spirit to finally heed the words of the Force. Proud and pleased, am I, that so far from the frightened youngling and war general you have come, Anakin."
"There can be no doubt that the destruction of the Sith, Skywalker's victory, was the will of the Force," Master Koon spoke up.
"Indeed," Windu added.
"The fear that would have led me to those actions I saw is still with me, Masters, but I am able to control it more than I ever have with the Force, and Padmé as my guide."
"Yes. At great length, we have discussed your attachment to Senator Amidala." Anakin's heart dropped into the pit of his stomach despite how much he had prepared himself for the inevitable words. He tilted his head in acknowledgment as he heard Depa Bilaba's rich voice from behind him.
"How long have you been married to the Senator, Skywalker?" she asked softly, and Anakin felt confusion at the simplicity of her question, unhindered by judgment or distain. He turned to face her, not even bothering to hide his happy smile at the mention of his wife.
"Almost four years now, Master. We fell in love when I was assigned to protect her while assassination attempts threatened her life, and we were married shortly after the Battle of Geonosis."
"So, you were married throughout the Clone Wars. Interesting," Bilaba mused before turning her thoughtful gaze towards Obi-Wan. "Did you know of this, Master Kenobi?" Obi-Wan turned his eyes to his former student, who stood tall, unafraid, and overall open to what was happening around him. The Light energy pulsing through Anakin as he accepted the Council's interrogation without his usual disgruntled attitude was illuminating, and Obi-Wan knew that every Council member could feel it.
"I had my suspicions about Anakin's feelings for the Senator, but no, I knew nothing of their involvement. I must reiterate, Masters, that Anakin's performance in the Clone Wars is indicative of how much his attachment of his wife did nothing to weaken him as a protector."
"Master Kenobi, Skywalker's incredible achievements in the galaxy's bleakest years were never in question," Mundi spoke up. "Rather, what we wished to ascertain was how his attachment affected him as a Jedi…"
"… And how much influence the Dark Side had over his actions because of it," Stass Allie finished, and Anakin swallowed at the very familiar wariness he felt radiating from her and Master Koth beside her. The old Anakin would have boiled over with barely contained indignation and frustration, allowing his uncontrolled emotions to get the better of him and the situation. But, more than just Anakin's attitude towards the Jedi and life in general had changed, and he quietly reveled in the distinct lack of anger and petulance rising within him. His calm was coupled with the deep, haunting realization that they had no reason to trust him. After all, he had just openly admitted how much influence the Dark Side had held over him before the Force's revelations, admitting to almost massacring the very Order he claimed to respect because of the Sith's seductive promises. No matter what heroic deeds he had accomplished in the past, either during the war or before, Anakin had never earned their trust, had never worked hard enough to take the control of his emotions he felt now, damning his master's teachings to not understanding him as a person rather than seeing the difference between controlling his feelings and denying their very existence. Once more, Anakin berated himself for being so blind and arrogant in his own abilities and self-importance as the Chosen One, and standing stoically under the Council's scrutiny, Anakin simply allowed all the thoughts and barely controlled feelings he sensed around him to fuel his desire to prove himself.
"Skywalker saved us all," Windu stated firmly, perhaps a bit too firmly. "If it hadn't been for him, we would all be dead, and the Order along with us."
"Master Windu, I have to disagree," Koth responded harshly. "Without the Force, Skywalker would have given into what Sidious offered, he has admitted so himself! It is the Force we should be thanking, not Skywalker, who has never truly embraced the Jedi way."
"Is it not our duty as Jedi Masters to remain vigilant students and learn from everything we have been shown by the Force?" Bilaba countered. "Yes, Skywalker was on the verge of turning because of his attachment, but the result of that attachment, his children, brought him back."
"It is his marriage that led him to that precipice in the first place!"
"Master Koth," Obi-Wan all but roared, "surely you can sense how his love for his wife and children has grounded him!"
"Sidous is gone, and with him his dark influence over Skywalker, and the galaxy," Master Koon stated, threading his fingers together. "Without Sidious' influence, Skywalker is clearly very different from the young man we used to know."
"But what is to say that he will not succumb eventually?" Master Allie asked quietly, and Anakin sensed that she was posing the question merely to say she had done so.
A low hum drew all debate to a halt and all eyes turned to the aged grand master. Yoda had his eyes closed in quiet contemplation. Every Jedi in the chamber grew silent and patiently waited for him to speak. Slowly, Yoda opened his eyes and glanced knowingly around the room. "Enough debate, we have had on this topic, and yet, only one mind is fully open, I sense." Yoda fixed his strong stare on Anakin, who couldn't help but shift his feet as Yoda studied him. "Before you, a lesson stands, but the teachings, you are not hearing. Not of the Dark Side, Anakin's attachment is, and now purged of the Dark Side, his love a strength it is, not a weakness.
"Clear, it is, that his attachment led to his fear, but more clear now is the role Sidious played in growing that fear. Remember, the Force showed a dark path, but, it is to the one it speaks that the decision falls." Yoda cleared his throat and firmly addressed Anakin. "Young Skywalker, a trial of the Force, you have had."
"Yes, Master," Anakin nodded. Yoda hummed and bobbed his head in thought.
"I ask once more, how feel you?"
In and out.
"I feel the fear that comes with thinking that anyone I care for will die. I always have, and that fear will always be with me. But, I also feel that I finally understand what Master Kenobi has always been trying to teach me, and my children have helped me learn how to control my fear and act on rational thought rather than my emotions. Without that control, I could not be a father to them. I know I haven't been the best Jedi, or even the kind of man than this Order wanted from me, and I am willing to accept whatever judgment you deem necessary, Master," Anakin said with a bow, willing them to see the clarity he held to the very deep recesses of his soul and the tightly controlled emotions that no longer clouded either his connection to the Force or his judgment.
"So far," Yoda mused almost to himself before he tapped his gimmer stick on the floor, grabbing Anakin's attention. "Anakin Skywalker, confer on you the level of Jedi Master, and a seat on this Council, we grant you."
He must have misheard. Slowly, Anakin raised his head and stared at the head of the Jedi Order. He reached into the Force, and though he felt silent dissent amongst two or three members, the Jedi Council majority was in unwavering agreement. He was a Jedi Master, a Council member, but most outrageously, he was accepted, respected, and trusted, a decision, though hotly contested, reached and consented to several days before he had even set foot in the Temple halls. He felt tears of humility and disbelief sting his eyes, but he swallowed them along with the lump in his throat as he soaked in the overwhelming feeling of finally belonging where he had always wanted to be accepted. It was everything he had always wanted. He bowed as low as he dared.
"I am deeply honored, Masters," he breathed before he cleared his throat and stood to his full height. "I will endeavor to live up to every standard you set, and I will not fail you."
"Very good, Master Skywalker." He barely contained the bashful, proud smile at the prestigious title.
"Padmé…?" He couldn't hope to get that lucky twice in one day, but Yoda stilled his question with a raised hand.
"Give you strength, she does," the grand master declared. "Accept your marriage, we do."
Anakin couldn't believe it, and he turned to glance at Obi-Wan, who had the biggest grin Anakin had ever seen on his face. It was all true. The newly knighted master bowed once more, barely controlling the elation and disbelief he felt coursing through him at the realization that, incredibly, he had received everything he never thought he would have at once.
"I am overwhelmed, Masters." He felt the dissenters, Koth, Allie, and Kcaj release their frustration into the Force as he stood, a full-fledged Master. "What does this mean for the rule of attachment? Are you amending it?"
Uneasy whispers met his question as every master turned to each other with reactions ranging from affronted to only mildly surprised. As Anakin stood waiting for a response, he suddenly realized that, from his unwavering connection to the Force, he already had his answer, and his face fell. "I'm the exception to the rule, aren't I?" he asked quietly, and a sadness began to brew in his heart.
"Anakin," Mace began, pulling Anakin's gaze to him, "the rule of attachment was put into place for the very reason you almost fell."
"But, it was my son who saved me," Anakin countered.
"You also had unparalleled guidance from the Force, Anakin," Mace continued, "guidance that takes years to master."
"If we suddenly allowed younglings and padawans to form romantic attachments and marry, there is no telling how unpredictable they would become," Master Mundi said. "Their training, and perhaps the Order, could suffer."
"It is something that we should consider given our own inability to sense Sidious' intentions." Master Bilaba's statement rose more than a few eyebrows.
"Blind sided by Sidious, we were indeed, Master Bilaba," Yoda acquiesced. "But such evolution of the Code, dangerous, it could be."
"What good would it do, Masters, to have Jedi ruled by their emotions for each other, clouding their connection to the Force?" Master Koth countered.
"Perhaps the lesson we should learn from Anakin is that love doesn't necessarily cloud if used with the Force correctly," Obi-Wan put in, and once more, Anakin was floored by his Master's open mindedness. What by the suns of Tatooine had happened to the rigid, by-the-book Jedi Master Anakin had grown up with?
"Regardless of your own faith in your student, Master Kenobi, you cannot deny that proper training, whatever that would entail, is not enough to derail what has been in place for thousands of years!" Koth declared, Allie and Kcaj nodding in agreement.
"I could teach them."
All eyes slowly turned toward Anakin. He held Master Yoda's gaze steadily. "If the rule of attachment were amended, I could teach the younglings how to control their emotions, allow them to be a part of their lives without giving them power over their actions. If I am to be a lesson, then let me pass down my knowledge, what the Force has taught me, and what I have learned myself. Love, friendship, attachment, call it what you will, it can finally be used in our favor. The Jedi will have the ability to connect with those we protect without sacrificing anything."
"There is no need to connect to those we possibly cannot help, Master Skywalker." Master Koth spit the title as though it insulted him to even think of Anakin as his equal, but Anakin merely took a breath, stilled his rising frustration, and continued to appeal to Yoda.
"When I lost my mother, Master Yoda, I had no idea how to deal with her death. Granted, the Dark Side was heavily ingrained in me, but I frightened myself with my own actions. If I had been allowed to see her, to learn how to accept my fear and control it, use my attachment to her to protect her and the peoples of the galaxy rather than thinking that my love for my own mother made me weak, perhaps those Tuskens would still be alive." He had spoken with Yoda and Obi-Wan about what he had done, but the gasps at his revelation went around the circle like fire. "Knowing how to accept my grief and focus it for good could have saved that village. I know attachment can be channeled for the good of the Order, Master. Please, I don't have to be the only one."
The Council fell silent as Anakin and Yoda stared at each other, Obi-Wan holding his breath. Deep within him, Anakin felt the truth of everything he said being whispered across his connection to the Force. He couldn't be the only one; he refused to be a special case for yet another reason. He had been one all his life. The only human podracer, the oldest person accepted for Jedi training, one of the youngest to be knighted because he was the Chosen One, and now the only Jedi allowed a family. Reaching out, Anakin sensed the tension within the chamber, and seeking a calming light to hang onto for comfort, Anakin reached further, across the skyline of the massive city, and into the quiet peace of his children's nursery. He brushed their still sleeping minds with the lightness of a feather before pulling away and returning to the Temple.
"Sorry, I am, Master Skywalker," Yoda finally said with an uncharacteristic somber edge to his voice. "But see, I cannot, the outcome of such a change in the Code."
Anakin took a shaky breath as he began to ruminate over the full implications of Yoda's words. Not only was he to be singled out again, regardless of his heroism, but it seemed that business as usual would remain the every day for all Jedi. It was as if no Sith had just threatened the Order's very existence, as no steps were to be taken to ensure that such a danger as turning the Chosen One of the Jedi Order to the Dark Side could happen again. The anger Anakin expected to feel at such an arrogant outlook never came, only a feeling of immense sadness that filled his whole being.
"So, nothing will change," he stated quietly, and the Council's silence was his answer. Anakin swallowed, clenched his jaw, and considered everything that had just taken place. He was a master and a member of the Jedi Council, but now he no longer knew whether he had been given the title out of some obligation given his deeds, or whether the Council truly respected him. He had always dreamed of having the mastership while also being allowed to publically call Padmé his wife, but it still didn't feel like enough. The Council appeared to want progress, or at least a few progressive members did, but what about the rest of them? Anakin felt himself drawn back to what had begun fermenting his doubts about the Jedi, and it made his spine tingle with disgust as he remembered Sidious' words. His "worries" about the Jedi's arrogance and closed minds to anything that they couldn't sense rang very true in Anakin's mind, and everything he could sense from the most stubborn members gave credence to the Sith's words. It wasn't that they didn't trust him, it was simply their inability to accept change on faith that all will be well, despite their insistence upon having such faith in the Force.
Slowly, Anakin's gaze dropped to the chrome-plated lightsaber hooked to his belt, polished to gleaming perfection the night before. He remembered seeing it blazing in his son's hands as the young, barely trained Luke faced his father on Bespin, and Anakin's thoughts wandered back to his twins. Anyone with even a mild affinity for the Force could sense how strong his children were with it, and they would make exceptional Jedi. A pang suddenly hit Anakin's heart as that thought reverberated through his mind. They would want Luke and Leia for their Order, and with the rule of attachment still firmly in place… Anakin felt tears well in his eyes at the thought. After everything he had been through, the journey back to himself from the depths of Force induced trauma, his days as a father to his children were the happiest he had ever experienced. He had destroyed the Sith to save his children from a life without him and Padmé, but, if they did become Jedi, he would be walking the halls with his two children who wouldn't know their father, or their mother. More lies, more deception, his heart couldn't take it, and no amount of self-control in the galaxy could help that. He would not live without his children, he simply wouldn't.
Calming his shaking breath but refusing to hide his tears, Anakin raised his eyes to Master Yoda's.
"Masters, I destroyed the Sith with the guidance of the Force, something no one else was able to do because of the cloud of the Dark Side. If nothing but my position within this Order is to change, regardless of how deeply Sidious penetrated everything around us, then it is not an Order that I can be a part of."
The depth of disbelief radiating from every master present hit him hard, but Anakin stood his ground as he sadly and reverently unhooked his lightsaber from his belt. He sniffed quietly as the gravity of what he was about to do sunk in, but he followed the urging in his head, his path just as clear before him as when he had stopped Sidious from killing Master Windu. The sadness in Yoda's eyes struck him as realization hit the grand master. With his lightsaber held in his hand before him, Anakin's sorrowful eyes met Yoda's.
"I resign my place as Master of the Jedi Order."
The words were simple, but the weight behind them grounded all who heard. Not waiting for a response, Anakin bowed, and slowly approached Obi-Wan. He held is lightsaber out for his friend, knowing the weapon shouldn't go to anyone else. "I'm ready to go home, Obi-Wan," he said as Obi-Wan took Anakin's weapon, but the Jedi simply stared at the gleaming saber in his hands, his sadness and incredulity over what had just happened the strongest of all. Beginning to feel far too much like an outsider suddenly and wanting to escape the confines of the circular chamber, Anakin turned from Obi-Wan back to Yoda, bowed, and walked with purpose, slowed only slightly by his deep sorrow, out of the Council chamber he had only moments ago been accepted into.
The closer he drew to the Temple's landing pad, the faster Anakin walked, feeling as though if he remained within the halls any longer he would change his mind. But he couldn't, and suddenly, passing through the Room of a Thousand Fountains, the memory of running after his padawan as she made her own difficult decision washed over him. He hadn't fully understood Ahsoka's reasoning then, so entrenched in the war he didn't know how long he hadn't been thinking clearly as he grew angrier and more grim. But now, he felt more connected to her than he ever had been, and everything she had said came back to him in a rush. The Council hadn't trusted her, yet in their arrogance they had thought that by simply saying they were sorry that everything would be repaired and go back to normal. He had thought that.
Crossing the courtyard, the birds long since moved on from the tree, Anakin realized how blind he had been to the wisdom Ahsoka had been imparting to him. Her life had been forever changed, much like his, and if the Council couldn't give him guidance and a place where he felt like he could make a difference because of his experience, then it was time for the Chosen One to step aside.
It was in front of the speeder that Obi-Wan caught up with him, calling his name as his boots fell heavily against the stone. "Anakin, hang on!" he called, and Anakin stopped, turning to his former master as the older Jedi stopped in front of him, his cloak billowing out behind him and wrapping around his legs with his sudden change in momentum. The two stared at each other silently, each thinking of what to say, Obi-Wan breathing a bit heavily, Anakin's lightsaber still clutched in his hand. "What… happened in there?" he finally asked incredulously. "One minute you were a master, and the next…"
Anakin sighed, knowing that no matter how hard Obi-Wan tried, he would never be able to understand. Obi-Wan Kenobi had never wanted to walk away from the Order. He believed everything Anakin had regurgitated back to his apprentice as she left, that the Order was her life, words that felt hollow in his mouth now, but they were everything to his former master.
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, but you wouldn't understand."
Obi-Wan huffed angrily. "Try, Anakin, because what I don't understand is what just happened!"
Anakin breathed deeply, tamping down his frustration, knowing it wouldn't do him any favors. It never did when Obi-Wan was like this.
"Nothing was going to change, Obi-Wan," he finally said as calmly as he could manage. "They had a Sith Lord knocking at their doorstep, and they were acting like it hadn't happened, like it only affected me." He took another calming breath as Obi-Wan continued to stare at him in confusion. "I can't live without my children, Obi-Wan."
"What? Your marriage isn't a problem, Anakin, the Council…"
"I know, Obi-Wan, but the rule of attachment…"
"You can't expect massive changes like that over night, Anakin."
The younger man sighed and shook his head, pulling his gaze away from Obi-Wan. "They're strong. I know you can sense it." Obi-Wan fell silent at the mournful tone in Anakin's voice. His former apprentice turned his haunted eyes back to his face, and he felt the moment Obi-Wan grasped the full significance of why Anakin couldn't stay on the Council of an Order that wouldn't fully accept him. "I can't walk these halls with them and only be known as Master Skywalker. I can't… I won't do that to Padmé."
He saw Obi-Wan nod as the Jedi ran his fingers thoughtfully along the hilt of Anakin's weapon. Silence reined between the brothers once more before Obi-Wan held the lightsaber out for Anakin.
"You're going to need this."
Anakin's eyes widened, and he backed away slightly. "Only Jedi carry lightsabers." Obi-Wan shrugged.
"You'll always be a Jedi, Anakin, and if you're going to train your own children, it will come in handy."
Anakin smiled for what felt like the first time in hours as he took the offered weapon and returned it to its rightful place on his hip. He looked up as Obi-Wan placed his hand on Anakin's shoulder firmly. "For what it's worth, I agree with you. Perhaps change is needed. I will let you know when it comes, and the door will always be open for you, Anakin Skywalker."
He felt tears sting his eyes as he laughed. "Please stop acting like we're never going to see each other again. You know where I live." Obi-Wan laughed.
"But I might not always. With the Senate in what seems like continuous disarray, it wouldn't surprise me if your wife decided she'd had enough."
"Who, Padmé? Never." Dispensing with all formality, Anakin decided that now was as good a time as ever, and he hugged his friend. He felt Obi-Wan tense, but quickly return Anakin's unexpected show of affection. "Thank you, Obi-Wan, for everything." Anakin pulled out of the hug and sniffed. "If you ever want to train another Skywalker, I have two of them for you." That got a full laugh from Obi-Wan as he dabbed his own eyes.
"I think I've had my fill of Skywalkers for one lifetime, thank you. It's your turn now."
"You're not going to tell the Council that I'm training Jedi outside the Order?" Obi-Wan shook his head.
"More Council members agreed with you than you think, Anakin, and though changes like that take time, it might happen sooner than you expect."
"I understand."
They stood in silence for a moment, Anakin taking the opportunity to take a final look at the place he had once called home. It was the place that had sheltered him even though it was against their will at first, the walls of which his story could be seen from every corner, and the chamber he had hoped one day to sit within. But not like this. Finally, Obi-Wan motioned toward the speeder.
"Let's get you home, Anakin." He nodded at his friend, and the two took their respective places. As Obi-Wan powered up the speeder, Anakin took one final glance, soaked in all the beauty against Coruscant's beaming sun, and didn't let his gaze wander from the stone carvings of Jedi Masters until Obi-Wan pulled them into traffic and out of sight.