For those who asked - Emma's dress is on my tumblr page onceandforever-k2t - search that and hopefully you'll find it. Or search marchesa gold ball gown 2012, a couple of options will come up, but it's the ballgown, the model has blonde hair. Hope that helps!
A couple characters return for this chapter!
"There you are." Emma grinned as she finally found Orrin in one of the dark corners of the ballroom. "You had better be careful. Someone might think you're hiding out here."
"I do not think anyone will notice my absence at all." Orrin's tone contrasted sharply with the cheer in Emma's voice. "If they do they are probably glad for it."
Emma's smile disappeared. "Orrin..."
"I feel the stares Emma." Orrin cut her off. "I see the way people look at me. They judge me for the sins of my family."
"You are not your family." Emma replied firmly.
"But because of my name, they do not trust me." Orrin shook his head and looked at the ground. "Especially not in any position of power."
"They do not know you. They do not have the right to judge you based on the actions of others, family or not." Emma assured Orrin. "Those who support you know the type of person you really are. Others will learn in time as long as you stay true to yourself."
Orrin ran his hands through his hair. For the first time his mask slipped, the fear in his eyes visible. "I do not feel ready for this. Ruling was never my destiny."
"Well if your father had his way..." Emma pointed out.
"Then I would have just been a pawn in his game." Orrin finished. "We both would have been. But now all my decisions are my own. Everyone is waiting to see what I will do, and that is terrifying. I don't even know what I want to do. How can I be responsible for a kingdom?"
"What kind of ruler do you want to be Orrin?" Emma asked.
Orrin paused for a moment before answering quietly. "A good one. Someone who is loved and respected rather than feared."
"Then keep that in mind always and trust yourself. Do what you believe is right and seek the council of those who you truly believe you can trust. You have support here." Emma gestured to the ballroom behind her. "We all believe in you."
Orrin nodded slowly, a small smile appearing on his lips. "Thank you."
"For what?" Emma asked.
"For… everything," Orrin struggled to find words for his gratitude. "For giving me a life I never thought I could have, for believing in me, for fighting for me to keep Thrain."
"Well,"" Emma shrugged. "It was the logical thing to do."
"It's too late to pretend your actions were purely strategic." A grin spread across Orrin's face. "I've seen your softer side. I know your heart influences many of your decisions."
"Well don't let that become public knowledge." Emma leaned against a pillar, giving Orrin a cheeky look. "I have a reputation to uphold."
Finally Emma elicited a full laugh from Orrin. "I think that reputation might be blown here."
"You may have a point." Emma agreed. "But compassion is good for a ruler. In my other duties however..."
"Wow." Orrin shook his head, putting his hand to his forehead. "Here I am worrying over ruling a kingdom when you have to face the challenge of ruling over realms."
"It is not exactly the same thing." Emma shrugged. "I am a counselor. I only intervene when necessary and I do not impose my will."
"But you could." Orrin pointed out.
"I have no desire to force other realms to bend to my will." Emma shook her head in horror at the thought. "I am happy to let them rule themselves as long as they know that I will be there to stop them if they start to stray into darkness."
Orrin hesitated before he asked his next question, choosing his words carefully. Diana had told him about what the responsibilities of an Altarian consisted of; of the role Emma had been called upon to fulfill. "Do they fear you?"
"I'd like to think they respect me." Emma responded slowly before giving a reluctant nod. "But yes, I suppose there are some who fear me."
"Does that not bother you?" Orrin asked.
"I would prefer not to be feared, but sometimes it is unavoidable." Emma admitted. "Honestly I cannot blame them. I have to take responsibility for my actions."
Orrin shifted his weight, placing his hands in his pockets. "They fear you because you've killed?"
"On the orders of others." Emma admitted. It was not something she liked to discuss, but she did not regret her actions. She simply had been doing her job. "But the lives I ended were of men and women who had committed unspeakable horrors. I wish I was not responsible for ending the lives of others, but I know that for each life I ended, the world is better for it."
"I don't know how you manage it." Orrin shook his head in amazement. "I still feel guilt over the guard."
"Orrin," Emma was immediately filled with guilt as the knowledge that he had only killed the guard to save her consumed her mind. "I am so sorry."
"I do not regret it." Orrin replied quickly as he met Emma's eyes. "I would do it again in a heartbeat, but do still feel guilt over it."
"It gets easier." Emma promised gently. "It shouldn't, but it does. You simply have to focus on what would have happened if you had not acted. I find solace in that."
Orrin nodded slowly. "Thank you. It means so much to know I have your support."
"As long as I am in Eirian, you will always have an ally." Emma promised.
"Thrain and Eirian as allies." Orrin laughed and shook his head. "I guess my father got his wish after all."
"Just not in the way he expected." Emma agreed. She took a deep breath, knowing that the subject of his family so soon after the war would affect Orrin. "I am truly sorry about your family."
Orrin cast his eyes downward, struggling to find words against the emotion that overwhelmed him. "Even though they did horrible things... I still loved them. A part of me misses them."
"There's nothing wrong with that." Emma spoke softly, reaching out to grab Orrin's hand in assurance. "It's human. But it doesn't make you like them."
"I know." Orrin nodded, fighting against the tears that threatened to form. "Diana has been incredible to talk to throughout all of this."
Emma gave a small smile. She had left Orrin with Diana for a reason and was thankful it seemed to have worked out. "I could not think of a better confidant."
The change in topic seemed to flip Orrin's mood. He looked up, a smile on his face contrasting with the lingering sadness in his eyes. "She is a force of nature."
"That she is." Emma agreed with a chuckle. "Never afraid to speak her mind or point out the truth."
"I very much like that about her. It's refreshing" Orrin straightened up, regaining his usual confident stance. "She showed me around Altair."
"Oh you got that tour?" Emma raised her eyebrows, amused at what she could only imagine the tour had consisted of. "Knowing her favorite haunts and habits I'm sure it was quite the adventure."
"That is one word for it." Orrin nodded with wide eyes.
"She has quite frequently been responsible for my wildest adventures." Emma grinned. "There is never a dull moment with her. "
"I can see that." Orrin shook his head in amazement. "You grew up in spectacular world."
Emma leaned backward, her voice softer as she spoke. "It made me very happy. And it taught me to be proud of who I was, no matter what others believed or told me."
Orrin glanced away momentarily, knowing the comment was partially directed at him. "I am working on that."
Emma reached out to put her hand on Orrin's shoulder. "Good."
"You better go." Orrin nodded back out to the ballroom where their fellow royals and lords were twirling around in flashes of color and sounds of merriment. "Your world is waiting."
Emma glanced over her shoulder before returning her gaze to Orrin. "It is your world too Orrin. You belong here just as much as I do. Don't let them make you lose sight of that." Emma gave one final smile before turning away, her dress flashing gold as it caught the candle light before she disappeared into the throngs of excited partygoers, gone as quickly as she had appeared.
Upon returning to the dance floor Emma accepted a few customary dances from some of the lords of Eirian and the neighboring kingdoms, each of them complimenting her on her dress, her dancing ability, her poise, anything to curry favor with the future queen. Fortunately Chris had been able to rescue her, acting as her dance partner so she could be free from the endless line of revolving lords. Chris made her feel more comfortable in the crazy environment. Although he gave her his undivided attention, he somehow had the effect of making her forget she was the center of attention at this particular ball, allowing her to feel as if it were just the two of them, surrounded by strangers who knew nothing about them. He knew Emma had enough seriousness as of late and simply wanted to make things enjoyable for her. Chris had the uncanny ability to make all of the madness fun and Emma spent the entire time either laughing, or on the verge of laughter.
Noticing she had not seen a certain friend in a while, she had Chris help her slip out of the crowd undetected before any other lords could capture her hand. She wandered around the outer alcoves and hiding places of the Great Hall before taking the staircase up to the balcony above. Finally, leaning against a pillar in the shadows, she found who she was searching for.
"You look stunning." Diana complimented as her best friend swept toward where she had hidden herself in an alcove on the balcony overlooking the ballroom below.
"I look completely inconspicuous." Emma replied as she leaned against the balcony railing.
"I think that was intended." Diana pointed out. "You always were the golden girl."
"Yeah, the color of the dress is a little on the nose." Emma mused, looking down at her gown.
Diana gave Emma a knowing look. "You and I both know that despite what you claim, every girl we know would die to wear that dress, including you. And those shoes, they are absolutely insane."
Emma stuck out her foot, watching as the shoes gold accents glimmered in the light. "I was thinking of rotating them in as my daily footwear."
"A bold choice." Diana teased. "But that might get in the way of you running off to constantly break rules and defying orders."
The comment drew a smile from Emma. "That is a valid point."
Diana nudged her friend playfully. "You could probably still kick the ass of half our class in those babies."
"Only half?" Emma feigned offense
The response finally drew a laugh from Diana. She sighed, leaning heavily against the balcony, bowing her head before looking back up at Emma. "I'm really going to miss you."
"I'm not leaving for good." Emma promised. "I'll still be around."
Diana bit her lip and looked down to the ground. "It won't be the same."
"No." Emma agreed. "It won't. Everything has to change eventually, no matter what we want. But it doesn't mean our friendship has to end."
Diana took a deep breath and nodded. "Daniel told me he decided to stay here."
"Di…" Emma said sadly.
"It's ok." Diana assured her quickly. "I understand. I may not like it, but he found a life here."
"You know you could stay here too." Emma offered.
"No I couldn't." Diana shook her head. She cast her gaze out to the ballroom below, watching as the guests spun around the dance floor. "This is not my world."
"It wasn't his world either." Emma reminded her.
"But he made it his world." Diana turned back to Emma. "You helped him do that. And I know that you could find a place for me too, but I don't want someone else to make a place for me in their world. I want to find my own place. I need to find my own place. And I do that by staying in Altair and finishing what I started. Your destiny is here, mine is there."
"And what of Orrin?" Emma asked.
Diana shrugged. "What about him?"
"I know he told you that he accepted our proposal to allow Thrain to remain independent if he took the throne." Emma gave Diana a pointed look. "I know you convinced to agree to the offer."
"Any idiot could see that it was the only logical move." Diana brushed off her involvement in the decision. "His people would never respect anyone but a member of the royal family on the throne and attempting to dissolve the country would have resulted in years of rebellions. I just helped him see it. I don't see what that has to do with my decision to stay of leave."
"Please." Emma scoffed, not believing for a second that Diana was unaware of what she was talking about.
"Emma he loves you." Diana pushed herself off the railing, facing Emma full on. "He told you that himself."
"That is complicated and that was before he met you." Emma's gaze softened. "Di I've seen the way he looks at you. I know the two of you have made a connection that is unlike anything either of you have ever known. And when he wasn't sure what to do in the most important decision of his life, it was not me he came to, but you."
"Because you were part of the deal and therefore biased." Diana brushed off Emma's claim.
"Because his life has been turned upside down and he trusts you more than anyone." Emma corrected firmly. "Because you understand him in ways that no one else possibly can. You two see the world differently. You see it in the same way and that is not something that is easy to come by. And it is certainly not something you let go once found."
"That does not mean he loves me." Diana shook her head. "How could he not love you, after everything you have done for him? You put his life back in his hands. You gave him everything."
"That's just it. He fell for me because I was the first person to look at him and not just see Orrin, the son the tyrant Angharad, as nothing more than a pawn in his father's schemes. I gave him the chance to take control of his own life. And yes, that is the one thing he has always wanted. But he doesn't need a savior. He needs someone who sees him, who understands him, who can remind him that he can be more than his parent's mistakes. I cannot do that. I can tell him that he can be more than his family destined him to be. I can believe in him. But I cannot understand him. I can never understand what it is like to have to escape the sins of the brutal legacy left for him by his family." Emma paused, her eyes locked on Diana's. "But you can. And he needs that. He needs someone to be his equal and he will never see me as that, not truly. A part of him will never be able to look at me without seeing what I did for him, without comparing his legacy to mine. I do not wish to be anybody's hero. He deserves more than that. Deep down he knows that, and that why he has been distant from me. That is why he has started to look at you the way he used to look at me. Because you are the one who can give him what he never thought he could have. And he can do the same for you."
"And what exactly is it that I never thought I could have?" Diana crossed her arms.
Emma knew she was moving into dangerous territory. While Daniel had chosen to forgive his father's transgressions, moving past it, determined to be a better man, Diana had never been able to forgive or forget what her father had done. She had become strong to mask the pain, turning her anger into a burning desire to never be broken down. She never spoke of the pain of her past. It had never been said, but Emma knew enough to understand Diana was scared that facing that pain would undo her completely. "Someone who can understand you, maybe even more than you understand yourself. Someone who you can wake up next to every day and not worry that they look at you and see the brutality of your father, even just for a moment. Someone who loves you not just because they do not understand what your father was, but because they understand exactly what your father was, and because they understand that it does not define who you are."
"Emma…" Diana began to argue.
"I love you." Emma cut her friend off gently but firmly. "And you can lie to me all you want. But I am not going to let you lie to yourself, not about this. Because you are not the type of person who lets something slip through your fingers because you are scared of it."
"I am not scared." Diana replied defensively.
"Yes you are." Emma nodded. "And I know that because I am scared too."
"Of what?" Diana asked doubtfully.
"Of making the wrong decision." Emma answered quietly. "Of hurting someone. Of getting hurt myself."
"Daniel and Chris both love you." Diana assured Emma. "Anyone can see that. They would never hurt you."
"It's more complicated than that." Emma glanced down at her hands. "Love is not just a choice for me. My parents would never admit to it, but it is not as simple as choosing someone to love and that being the end of it. Being of royal birth does not give me the freedom to do whatever I wish. It puts limitations and requirements on who I can love. Even though no one is willing to admit it, there are expectations that come with being next in line for the throne, especially when you are a girl. You know this as well as I do. There are qualities that are expected to be found in who I choose to marry. They must be considered an acceptable match. It almost turns into some sort of auction over who brings the best advantage to the crown and kingdom. And if the person you choose does not bring an acceptable advantage, well you can almost forget any hope of a future."
"I know that's characteristic of most kingdoms." Diana agreed. "But your parents don't strike me as the type that would force you to marry someone for advantage."
They would never force that upon me, but there are nobles in my kingdom who are of that mindset." Emma pointed out.
"So what." Diana shrugged. "You are going to be their queen, you will rule over them. You can make your own decisions."
"You know as well as I do that it's impossible to rule without the nobles." Emma reminded her friend.
Diana nodded, seeing the validity in Emma's argument. "So Daniel…"
"Could very much be an issue." Emma finished. She took a deep breath. "But that's not really the match I am scared of."
"Chris?" Diana raised her eyebrows in surprise. "But Chris is royalty. A union with him be seen as most advantageous by all of your nobility."
"That is the problem." Emma leaned heavily against the railing. "Deep down there is this fear that it might not be real, that if he was not a future king and I were not a future queen that we might not choose to be with one another. I fear that our choices, at some level, might be colored by course of our futures."
Diana nodded in understanding. She reached out and placed her hand over Emma's. "You cannot let fear rule your decisions Emma. You know that. You have never let fear control you. Do not stat now."
"Yes but the times you speak of have always been matters of the head." Emma looked to her friend. "These are matters of the heart."
"And yet your letting them be ruled by what is in your head." Diana replied gently. "Forget your head and listen to your heart. And if it tells you that he is the one you truly love, then trust that both of you choose the other, not because of status or expectation, but because it is what your heart truly wants; because he is the one you want by your side in every victory and defeat."
"And what of your fear?" Emma inquired. "If you leave this world you cannot tell me you will not regret abandoning the chance to discover what you could have had with Orrin."
"You just got done speaking on how royals are expected to marry someone with a title." Diana countered.
"Expectations do not have to be reality." Emma argued. "Fighting tradition is not easy. Love is not easy, but it must be fought for. And you cannot fight for it in Altair. But you already knew that. You want to go back to run, because you fear what might happen. And the girl I grew up with does not let fear rule her life. Take your own advice. If you let fear rule your heart you will assuredly end up alone. But you have to come to that realization on your own. That was always your way."
Diana took a deep breath, shaking her head in annoyance. "You are infuriating, do you know that?"
"You just hate it when someone else is right." Emma teased.
Diana gave a reluctant smile. "I love you."
"I love you too." Emma nudged her friend playfully. "Now go make a damn decision about your life, before it's too late."
Diana pushed herself away from the banister. "I could say the same thing about you."
"I have made enough major life decisions in the past few weeks." Emma shrugged. "I think this one can wait a few days."
"You are such a hypocrite." Diana rolled her eyes.
Emma gave a slight shrug of her shoulder as she gave a cheeky smile. "Never claimed to be anything else."
"Hey Em." Diana called after her friend.
Emma looked over her shoulder. "Yeah?"
"I know you think you love them both." Diana's voice was quite but strong as she spoke, conveying a sort of gentle gravity to her words. "But I argue that you love one more. You may not want to declare your love quite yet, which is perfectly acceptable. But when you figure out who that one is, let the other go. Do not hurt them unnecessarily."
"I would never…" Emma shook her head
"I know." Diana cut her off gently. "You might not mean to, but in your fear of making the wrong decision, you might hurt one anyway. And knowing you, that would destroy you more than any wrong decision. Because as much as others may not think it's possible, I know you love them both."
Emma pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers, letting the heaviness of Diana's observation settle in. It was utterly overwhelming. She glanced back up at her friend. "When did we become these girls?"
"Fretting over boys like silly little flits?" Diana raised an eyebrow, earning a nod from Emma. "We used to be more interested in weapon training and war strategy than boys."
"I think in all likelihood we still are." Emma laughed.
"And lets hope we always remain this way." Diana grinned. Her smile faltered slightly as she leaned back against the balcony. "I think we're getting older and realizing that the reality of our lives mean we have to make certain decisions. And for you one of those decisions is the man you will take as your husband. You are a princess, it is expected of you. Thinking about it is practical, not foolish."
Emma gave a small laugh and shook her head. "I don't think love should be practical. There's nothing very romantic about that."
"Unfortunately as the crown princess you do have to think about the practicality of your love. We've both seen how being royal isn't all sunshine and roses." Diana gave an apologetic shrug before sighing. "For me the decisions are about what I want in my life. You and Daniel, you've already made your decisions, you've chosen paths, created lives outside of Altair. My friends have all figured it out and I'm stuck in the same place, too scared to make a decision."
"Ok first of all Daniel and I do not have it all figured out." Emma replied quickly. "Choosing a path does not mean we have it figured out. It simply means we know where we want to live our lives and are accepting the unknown that comes with it. Besides not all of us have chosen our paths. You still have Lucy and Luke and Cat."
Diana glanced sideways at Emma. "It's not the same and you know it. I love them obviously, but the two of you are my world, my family. Even if he does drive me crazy most of the time."
Emma laughed. "Diana I think you know what you want. You just have to take the first step. I know you're scared of the unknown that comes with it, but none of us can ever know fully our futures. You simply have to decide which path is worth taking a chance on. Regardless of what you choose, you'll always have me, and Daniel."
Diana nodded slowly. She pulled Emma into a quick hug. "Thank you."
"Anytime." Emma squeezed Diana before stepping back. "Now speak of the devil, I think I'm going to go find that brother of yours."
Diana raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Emma gave a small shrug. "If I can't be friends with him through all of this, then it is absolutely not worth it. That I do know for sure."