"Hey, listen! Hey, listen!"
"Huh, what?" Zim had regained consciousness and was awoken to the sight of Dib.
"We've stopped."
"Really?" Zim ran to the front of the ship to have a look out. Indeed, they have arrived at the fueling station at Fuelia Portia. Conquered by Irkens, then abandoned for being too barren, re-colonized by Vortians, then destroyed, then a different planet was moved to replace the empty space (since Irkens didn't like large gaps in their universe), and now a melting pot for trading and re-fueling.
"The first step has been taken, Dib-monkey! We are now one step closer to our ultimate goal! HAHAHAHA!"
"Hey, before we do anything, mind telling me your invasion plan?"
"I go in, DOOM, armada invades, I win!"
"Wow, that is the most well thought plan I've ever heard, it's so well thought out that it's stupid."
"I see where the Dibship gets its attitude from now."
"Think about it, Zim! You don't even have a plan to cause 'doom', you don't have an armada, and you never win!"
"What are you implying?"
"YOU. HAVE. NOTHING!"
"Ha, shows what you know, Dib, obviously your pitiful human mind can't grasp the complexity of this perfect plan."
"Oh man, I can't believe you actually had no plan. Please tell me you weren't like this when you first invaded earth."
"If you mean a total Mastermind, then yes!"
"Zim, you're planning to invade the strongest race in the universe, and you can't even conquer a planet that hasn't even recognized other space beings!" Silence filled the air and Zim just looked at Dib with malice. Everyone was still, except for Gir who was apparently playing twister with Skoodge.
"We have no armada!" Zim yelled after having a stunning revelation.
"You just finally got that message?!"
"Hmm, I'll raise an army, Dib, a band of intergalactic warriors bent on the doom of worlds to aid me in my conquest."
"And..."
"And I'll do some shopping!"
"What?"
"We need supplies, that's why I chose this as the first stop. Let's go, I need a butt monkey to carry all the stuff."
Dib let out a sigh before agreeing to go. "At least I'll get to learn more about alien technology."
"Skoodge, watch the ship. Gir, come with me."
"Yes, sir! HOO-HA!" Skoodge went back to his twister game, which he was losing. Not due to inflexibility but because Gir extended himself to touch all the spots, constricting Skoodge. Gir rewound himself to his regular form before prancing back to Zim. "I get to go shopping with master!"
The three left only to be greeted by the Dibship "Hey! Degenerates! Aren't you forgetting something?" Zim and Dib looked at each other with a confused look. "I'M STILL A CRIPPLE HERE!"
"Oh, right," Zim said. He pressed a button on a gauntlet he wore. A visible current of electricity appeared briefly on the Dibship.
"FREEDOM! SO LONG LOSERS! HAHAHAHaHaHahaha...ha...huh? I'm not moving? You lying loser!"
"Foolish Dibship, did you think I'd actually let you fly away? I only gave free control of your arms so you can write your poetry stuff."
"Forced into becoming paraplegic, what fate this cruel world has brought me! I'll write a book about this, it will be the living embodiments of my woes, a testament to the grueling obstacles I had to overcome, and it'll be on Oprah. I'll title it: Dibship: No Power Left. Page 1: 'The', alright, that was boring. Time to write haiku."
"Let's get out of here before he starts getting mushy over Tak," Dib whispered to Zim. The trio quietly left the Dibship to scribe his inner feelings.
"Beautiful green Tak,
My love is unrequited,
WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!"
"Please tell me why we have those smelly things, Lard Nar?" Tak asked in disgust.
"Do not talk about my crewmen like that!" Lard Nar responded.
"I was talking about those 'resources' we had to pick up."
"Oh, well, I don't know. The Employer said he needed them for the master plan so we just did as we were told."
"What possible use can he have with these things."
"Look, I'm not The Employer! SO STOP TRYING TO GET ANSWERS FROM ME! ARRRRGH!"
"What an angry little being you are." Tak had been with the Resisty for weeks now, or at least what felt like weeks to her. She still hated all of them, especially that little fleshy blob thing that keeps vomiting on her. She kept her sanity by constantly bothering the other aliens on the ship as their reactions pleased her.
"Hey boss," Shloonktapooxis said.
"Yes," answered Lard Nar.
"One of the thingies got out and now it's gnawing on the brain of that guy who has a floating brain for a head. I never knew a brain contained that much fluid, and how squishy it is!"
"What? Who let it out?"
"The Pirate-Monkeys, sir!"
"PIRATE-MONKEYS? ON MY SHIP! WE'RE BEING RAIDED! AHHHHHH-Wait, there are no pirate monkeys."
"Well that's what Spleenk told me when he opened the gate to let those things out."
"SPLEENK!"
"Y-yes sir," a tall, feeble green alien came to view. He had bruises on his face, probably from being trampled from the thing he let out.
"Why did you let it out!"
"It looked so sad in there so I thought it could use some time outside the cage. It seemed like a good idea at the time."
"Well go put it back in its cage."
"Yes sir." Spleenk left and then a message popped up on the monitor. It was a transmission from the Employer. Lard Nar greeted his boss when the shadowed figure popped up on the screen.
"I trust that los recursos are safely on el ship?"
"Yes, sir."
"Bueno, now let me speak with Tak."
"Sir," she said.
"I want you to open el Diario to March 2nd about 3 years ago. I'm going to patch you through to un decodificador on Fuelia Portia that I contracted. Show him la pagina so he can try to decipher it." The transmission fizzled out once the Employer had finished his sentence. Tak knew what page he was talking about as they had discussed this before. She tried herself to figure out what it meant but she couldn't find anything. All the page contained was a written report of the day (which harbored a personal secret from Gaz that she found amusing) a couple of doodles of Zim being hanged (once again, amusing) and the rest were just scribbles. The transmission found its signal and a hooded figure appeared on the screen.
"So, I heard you were looking for my services?" He said.
"Yes, I wan-" Tak started.
"Well look no further! We have all the best from the far reaches of the galaxies! We have your Blue Dust, Gurgle Pops, Dye Pills..."
"Hey! What is this? An ad? And are those Direct Recoding Uber Gels?"
"Why yes they are, miss. Only the best for our customers. If you are satisfied with our selection then you have the option of getting a gel customized specifically to suit your senses, we're promoting this new service under out new tag line: The D.R.U.G. for your mug! There's no other sensation!"
"Boss," Shloonktapooxis said, "Can I get the Grilly Pillies?"
"No Shloonktapooxis, D.R.U.G.s are bad," answered Lard Nar.
"Well we also do mail order ice-cream. Guaranteed to be full of larvae!" Said the hooded D.R.U.G. Dealer.
"Wait!" yelled Tak, "Are you the decoder or not?"
"Yes I am, and if you get your decryption today then you can earn the chance to be entered into our raffle to win a Harkabo pet, almost guaranteed to not eat your face off!"
"JUST DECODE OUR MESSAGE ALREADY!"
"FINE! Jeez, a guy can't make a sales pitch without having to decipher some secret message nowadays. Now let's have a look here."
Gaz had left the ship before Zim woke up. She decided to get some fresh air, or whatever atmosphere this planet had, to relax. She was still angry at Zim for not telling her how to get home.
"Who does he think he is resisting my will," She muttered to herself. She was amazed though, at the fact that she was actually on an alien planet. The planet's surface was a mixture of organic and inorganic life, mostly metal with patches of green scattered around. It was like walking through the Death Star after someone barfed on it. She could easily tell she was in some sort of market district, half of the aliens were trying to sell stuff to her. She would occasionally glance to see the exotic environment surrounding her, but what caught her eye was something familiar, a TV monitor, or at least something very similar to one, and a hooded alien talking to it. Even more familiar was the person he was talking to: Tak. Then she saw it, her diar-er Vendetta List in the hands of Tak.
"Okay, so maybe if you take the letters on this page and rearrange them you'd get a message, here, I'll do it now. 'I will kill him' no wait, that was already written there. You know, this whole thing sounds like it's written by a very disgruntled girl-" The decoder was knocked away by Gaz who had rushed the screen.
"You!" Gaz yelled. Tak was shocked at the sight of Gaz, she didn't want her plans to be revealed so quick to Zim. She had to think quickly to avoid suspicion.
"Uh-This Vortian plushy is all the rage in all the known galaxies," Tak had picked up Lard Nar to show off the "product".
"What?" voiced a very confused Lard Nar.
"Yes, it even comes with a voice box with several phrases built in."
"Put me down you vile little-" Tak had used her hand to cover Lard Nar's mouth.
"But within the next ten minutes and you will get a-a cone-thingy hat accessory for your Vortian!" Tak had grabbed Shloonktapooxis and placed him on Lard Nar's head.
"Hey, boss," he said, "Cool hat."
"Cut the act, Tak," Gaz said.
"I knew you weren't as stupid as Zim," Tak said.
"Why do you have my Vendetta List?"
"You mean this? This isn't your list."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is."
"No it isn't."
"That's the symbol I wrote on the cover."
"This is a common symbol among teenage alien girls, it means secret in Irken."
"That's my name on it."
"That's, that's!..."
"Hey, wait a minute. Are you on a spaceship right now?"
"Uh-" Tak cut the transmission. Gaz needed to get her Vendetta List back.
"Excuse me being of unknown specie," said a hooded figure that has recovered from being knocked down. "I couldn't help but hear that you were the writer of that message. Well, based from reading its contents you sound very unhappy. That is why I would like to offer you a happiness sensation like no other in the form of D.R.U.G.s! The new-" Gaz had kicked him in the face and walked away back towards the ship.
"No one reads my diary." She muttered.
"What's this do?" asked a hyper little robot. Dib, Zim, and Gir had been gone for two hours now. They had bought everything from fuel to weird looking parts that Zim thought would be useful. Dib was looking forward to examining all this alien technology since he was sure it would prove useful later on. Gir, meanwhile, was running towards every stand and bothering the vendors.
"This is a Hyper Reactive Cell Core that hold a googleplex amount of energy," responded the sales vendor.
"Can I eat it?"
"What? Of course not!"
"I'm gonna eat it!" Gir grabbed the core and swallowed it in one gulp. "There's an earthquake in my belly."
"You fool! That's a highly unstable core! Who knows what would happen!" Gir's body began to shake uncontrollably. Gir looked down at his belly to ponder the problem. The vendor quickly turned away in a feeble attempt to shield himself from the possible explosion. Suddenly Gir stopped. The vendor turned back towards the robot to see what happened. After deeming it safe to turn around, Gir's head exploded and launched straight up.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Gir. Zim walked towards Gir's still standing, headless body to survey the damage.
"You, are you the owner of that robot?" asked the vendor.
"Yes I am," Zim answered.
"He ate my Cell Core and someone has to pay!"
"Dib, give me one dollar of your earth monies." Dib hands him a dollar from his pocket. Zim turned around to grab the dollar and cut it into four rectangular pieces. He then offered a fourth to the vendor.
"What's this."
"This is a rare fabric from an unknown world that I picked up on my conquest. There is nothing in the galaxy like this."
"You think that flimsy piece of tissue is going to be enough to replace my core?"
"But this is the RAREST item in the galaxy! The planet itself is only known by select Irkens and shortly after I left, IT WAS DESTROYED! HAHAHAHA! *Ahem* So this is one of the last remnants of that planet. It also holds a dark secret."
"A..a dark secret?"
"This piece is but one of four. If all four are gathered and you activate the voice command written of the fabric it'll summon a being from a PARALLEL DIMENSION NAMED G ORG WAZING TUN! A GIANT BEING WITH THE POWER TO DESTROY ENTIRE NATIONS!"
"GIVE ME IT! I MUST HAVE IT!"
"I don't know, you refused my earlier offer, but after reviewing my item I believe it would be better if I held onto it."
"I'll...I'll give you half my stock!"
"Deal, good vendor." The vendor tossed half the stuff on his shelves at Zim and received the fourth of a dollar in return. At that moment, Gir's head fell back down and hit the floor, prompting the headless body to go looking for it.
"I'm like a chicken!" Gir said. As Dib grabbed the remaining items, Zim grabbed Gir's body in one arm and placed Gir on his shoulder. "Now I'm a stereo! DO-DOOM DOOM DOOM! DO-DO-DOOM! DOOM DO-DOOM!"
"I can't believe that worked again," Dib said.
"It's all about knowing your target, Dib. The vendors here are all ravenous collectors. They can't pass up the opportunity of gaining a rare item." Zim said. They walked back to the Dibship who was now moved on from writing about Tak to making fun of the locals.
"Giant alien,
Ginormous body and yet,
All that space, no brain.
A hunched back loser,
Small and scaly, round and stout,
Highly primitive.
I would be saddened,
Weep and sorrow in corner,
If I looked like him." The Dibship noticed Zim, Dib, and a torn apart Gir. "Aw, did Zim and Gir get into a lover's quarrel?"
"You shouldn't talk about love, Dibship," Zim said.
"YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME! WAHAHAHA!" While the Dibship was crying Zim re-paralyzed him. "I CAN'T EVEN WIPE THE TEARS FROM MY FACE! NOW IF ONLY I COULD SHED TEARS IN THE FIRST PLACE!"
When the trio entered they were greeted by Gaz who was sitting in the pilot's chair.
"Look, master, it's the purple girl!" Gir said. Zim dropped Gir on the floor due to shock. "The floor taste like feet!"
"Gaz human, you came out of your room. Uh-I'm still not taking you back!" Zim said.
"I don't want to go back," Gaz said.
"I'll never take you back!"
"I said I didn't wan-"
"NEVEEEEEER!" Gaz punched Zim to make him stop.
"Why the change of heart, Gaz," Dib asked.
"Somewhere in space Tak is in possession of something that belongs to me. Since she has an unhealthy desire to hurt Zim, even more than my desire to hurt him, we're bound to meet up eventually."
"Tak's in space?" yelled Zim.
"Yes, and I need to take back what's mine, then beat her up for touching my stuff. So, until then, I'm joining you on your invasion thingy."
"See here Dib! My armada grows stronger!"
"Two aliens, two humans, and a robot are hardly what I'd call an armada," Dib said.
"You're right, that is why we must choose our next destination."
"So el decodificador couldn't decipher the page?"
"No sir," Tak was not happy to report the failed mission to the Employer. She was even more unhappy with having to tell him about the other thing that happened.
"I knew that poor vendedor was worthless. I even bought this Blue Dust Gel from him. I don't even know what these things do!"
"I'd advise you not to do anything with them, sir. Oh and one more thing."
"¿Que?"
"I was-uh-spotted by one of Zim's companions."
"What are you talking about? According to the bug, Zim and Dib were still talking when you contacted that hombre."
"It was that purple one, sir."
"¡¿QUE?! I forgot she was still there. Now I have to tweak el plano once again, Tak."
"I'm sorry, sir,"
"No problemo, the best thing to do now is to listen to where Zim is headed next. I'll patch el bicho's audio to you." After about two seconds, Zim's voice could be heard on the ship.
"Skoodge, bring me the twister spinner." An audible flick and swirling of the arrow was heard. After it stopped Zim said "Alright, to these coordinates!"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What?" Gaz, Dib, Tak, and the Employer had voiced their reactions respectively.
"I love twister!" Shloonktapooxis said.
The Employer cut the transmission from the bug, "MAL DIABLO! What a clever yet stupid Irken."
"Sir, what do we do now?" Tak asked.
"I don't know, go think of something." The Employer cut the transmission.
"His voice is like red velvet cake to the ears!" Shloonktapooxis said.
Tak sighed from the stress. "Does anyone have a twister spinner?"