Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just for fun.

Spoilers: Season 3, episode 9

Linden storms out of the prison building, already smoking a cigarette. She's fuming.

Holder's waiting in the parking lot, sees her approach and starts towards her. "Yo…" She keeps walking, angrily, as if she hadn't heard him. "Hey, where you going?" he asks, now confused.

Her voice breaks as she responds. "He played me. He lied. He's been lying all along."

"Whoa whoa, hold up. What are you talking about?" Holder's already lost and needs Linden to slow down.

"I shouldn't have come here. It was a mistake. He was there in the apartment. He killed his wife, end of story."

"What about the ring?" he asks.

"You said it yourself, it could be anybody's. It doesn't mean anything."

"What, so you're just leaving?"He stands in front of her for a second before grabbing the car keys from her hand and taking a step closer to her. "You can't. They won't let you see him again."

Linden's shocked at Holder's action, and suddenly desperate. "Give me them back," she growls.

"No."

"Give them to me, Holder!

"NO," Holder replies, louder this time. "After all this, you just walk away? There's lots of reasons why he could've been there. He lived there."

"Then why did he lie about it?" She's refusing to buy into any of it all of a sudden.

"I don't know, go in there and ask him! What about Adrian?"

"I'm done! I'm done! Give me the keys!" Linden demands again, growing increasingly angry.

"This is like a pattern with you, you know that? You always leavin', runnin'. You never stay." He's not wrong, she thinks miserably.

"You're drunk," she says with disgust, trying to pretend that that changes the fact that he sees what she's doing. She's always tried so hard not to let anyone get close to her, to understand her, yet somehow he does.

He ignores her and continues. "…'Cause if you did, then you'd want it. You'd need it. And then you could get hurt."He pokes her chest for emphasis at the word 'hurt.' "And left… or not left. What the hell happened to you, Linden? Why you always takin' off?"

Linden stares up at him, now right in front of her, for a second, then looks down and grabs the keys back from him. "Why don't you just shut up and take your own damn advice?" she demands without looking back up at him. She turns and walks the few steps to her car quickly.

"Yeah, maybe I should," he replies calmly.

She unlocks the door, opens it and gets in, slamming it behind her and starting the engine. The window is open a few inches, and he continues to talk to her as he walks slowly towards the car. "We never stay, and in the end we lose everyone." He comes to stand beside the car, looking at her through the partially open window. She stares straight ahead as he shifts back and forth from one foot to another.

"I'm not gonna try and kiss you again, Linden." At that remark, she starts rolling up her window.

Shut up, Holder. Why is he bringing thatup again?

"Keep dreamin'," he adds with a smirk. Her window is now closed, but she's still sitting in the car, staring forward. He isn't letting her go easily. "You hear me? I'm not gonna kiss you again, Linden." He's being playful now, clearly not feeling self-conscious about that night anymore.

She isn't looking at him, but her mouth is curling up ever so slightly all of a sudden. He leans down toward the window. "Uhh-uhh. You missed your chance, Linden." He giggles slightly, whether because of the alcohol or because he's acting silly to intentionally try to get to her, or perhaps a combination of both.

She looks down, chuckling but holding it in. She's smiling now, though she's fighting it. She looks up at him, then quickly down again, but keeps smiling. He opens her car door.

"Come on," he says gently, knowing that he has successfully calmed her down. She looks like she's about to stand up and walk back inside with him.

And then her damn cellphone rings, and it all goes to hell.

"Detective Linden…" Her smile begins to fade. "Yes, sir, I'm still here at the prison…" What had been left of her smile fades as she listens. "I understand, sir. I appreciate you taking the time to consider a stay at all. I'll let him know."

She puts the phone down, her face now emotionless again. She closes her eyes for a few seconds, then opens them again, staring straight ahead. She looks up at Holder and shakes her head slightly. He shifts back and forth a few times from foot to foot, and then walks a few steps away. She continues to stare ahead.

Holder

Dammit!

I had her, just for a second I'd gotten through to her. I wasn't sure it was going to work, but I figured I'd play up the whole drunk thing, give it a try and see if it'd work to my advantage… and surprisingly, it did. I mean, of course it did… Linden finds me hilarious, even if she doesn't realize it half the time… But I'm never really sure what's gonna work with her, and sometimes nothing does.

As much as she fights it, I think deep down she wants to let someone in, but it scares the hell out of her, so she fights even harder.

And then that damn phone call from the DA… and up go the walls again.

She's maddening. She's impossible.

But that's Linden. And I'm gonna keep trying to save her from herself, because I'm just as stubborn as she is.

Linden

I can't do this. I can't.

He did it, he killed her... and he played me.

…But what if he didn't?

Breathe.

In the end though, it doesn't matter. He's going to die. Because of me.

No, because of him.

But did he do it?

It doesn't matter…

Except that it does. Of course it matters!

But it doesn't change anything. There's nothing I can do.

Breathe.

I can't do this…

But I have to.

If I don't let myself feel it, I can do it. That's how I've made it this far, after all.

…

After what seemed like an eternity but was only a few minutes, Linden got out of the car. She moved slowly, almost robotically.

Holder had only been half a car length away, and he looked over his shoulder at her. He knew what this was going to do to her. She'd been just barely hanging on before this, and she'd been desperate to save Seward's life. Of course, that was before she'd changed her mind and decided that he'd lied to her about everything, and before the stay had been denied. Now it didn't matter what the evidence said, there was nothing left to do. Holder knew that as hard as it had been for her to have a small measure of control, it was going to be harder for her to have none.

"Linden?" he asked tentatively. She shook her head, not looking at him before closing the car door, hard, and walking away from the prison building. "Hey!" he called. "Where're you goin'?" She didn't answer him, didn't even acknowledge the question, she just kept walking, faster with each step until she was running. "Dammit," he mumbled under his breath, breaking into a jog to catch up with her.

She didn't get far, maybe a quarter mile at the most, before she stopped, doubled over, bracing her hands on her knees to hold herself up, and panting. No, as he got closer he saw that she was hyperventilating. Though he knew she was fighting it hard, as she always did, he also knew that eventually she was going to break down. The way she was going, it was probably going to be sooner than later. Linden was strong, there was no denying that, but the amount of stress she subjected herself to would've broken anyone else long ago, and even she was just barely hanging on.

He slowed to a walk as he caught up to her, and stopped for a second a few feet away. He gradually moved forward to stand beside her, looking out at the grassy field beyond them, the road winding through it and off of the property. Her breathing was still erratic and he couldn't be quite sure how much of it was the sudden run and how much of it was just the breakdown he was expecting, or if it was all one or the other. He watched her out of the corner of his eye for clues, then finally turned to face her.

"You even know what you're tryin' to run from this time?" he asked quietly. She just shook her head, defeated, looking at the ground.

She was miserable, and she felt truly pathetic. He'd just called her out on running from her problems, and she'd known that he was right, even though she didn't want to admit it. And then what had she turned around and done? Not five minutes later, she had literally started running, as if she'd be able to escape from what was in her head. Stupid, she thought. What the hell was that supposed to prove, other than that you're an idiot?

She took three steps forward to the curb at the edge of the parking lot and sat down, resting her elbows on her knees, crossing her arms, then leaning her head down on her them in defeat. He followed her slowly to where she was sitting and sat down beside her. She was still breathing heavily, but she wasn't crying. He sat close to her, their shoulders just barely touching, as he'd done on only the handful of times when one of them had been upset enough to need it. He rested his arms on his knees.

It was hard to know what to say. The reality of the situation sucked, and like it or not, Linden was fully emotionally invested in it. It seemed to Holder that that was the only way that Linden knew how to be. No matter what it was, she was either all "in" or all "out." She either felt everything so deeply that it cut through her, which was what she did with her work, what made her such a great detective, or she didn't let herself feel anything, which was how she handled her personal life.

He turned his head slightly towards her, his expression serious. She lifted her head, sighing deeply, and glanced at him before looking away again. He knew there was no point in asking her if she was okay. He knew she wasn't okay, and it would be ridiculous to think that she would be, given everything she'd been through. He exhaled loudly, shaking his head and half looking out straight ahead of where they were sitting, while keeping her in his line of vision. She nodded ever so slightly, frowning deeply.

Holder was the first one to stand up, slowly. Turning around to face her, he said simply, "Come on. It's time." She nodded, exhaling slowly. There wasn't much time, and she had to face Seward, tell him that it was over.

Holder put his hand out, offering to help her up. She looked at it in surprise for a few seconds, before reaching out slowly, hesitantly, and taking it. She wasn't used to being offered help, even after having known Holder for as long as she had, and she certainly wasn't used to accepting any help. What she was used to was telling herself that she didn't need help. That she didn't need anyone else, ever. It frightened her that Holder was starting to make her question that.

Despite her initial reactions, she let him pull her up to stand, not looking him in the eye, and dropping his hand as soon as she was standing. He stood facing her for a moment, watching her, before she took a deep breath, nodded, and pushed past him, walking back toward the building. Holder was close behind, and being so much taller than she was, he caught up with her almost immediately. They walked slowly, silently, side by side back to the prison.

Another time, he might've felt like he should say something to reassure her, but not now. Holder had gotten pretty good at reading her, and he knew that there was nothing he could say that would reassure her. No, she didn't need him to say anything. It wouldn't help anyway.

As far as she was concerned, he was there, and that was what mattered.