Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just for fun.

Spoilers: Season 3, episode 10

Holder's weaving the car through the streets, with Linden in the passenger seat beside him. He has his left hand near his face, his thumbnail resting on his lip. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about what he saw at the station, and being as curious as he is, there will be no letting it go without first addressing the elephant in the room… or the car, as it were.

"So… um…" He looks over at her for a few seconds, then back at the road. "What up with you and the boss man?"

"Nothing," Linden says simply. She should have known this would happen eventually.

He gives her a look of disbelief.

"What?" she asks, knowing that he has called her bluff.

Holder playfully imitates Skinner, saying "Goin' to the lake. Makin' a fire." He draws out the ends of the last words of each sentence.

Linden smiles but admits nothing. She glances at the road ahead, then looks back at him. "I don't know what you're talking about," she tells him evenly, though she knows that he doesn't believe her.

"Aww, come on, Linden. I don't gotta be my sleuth par excellence to see that the cat's got the hand in the jelly jar. And it ain't the first time, neither."

She looks at his with a closed mouth smile, laughs, and looks back at the road. Holder lets out a laugh.

"We worked together, we were partners, and…" Linden trails off.

Holder playfully draws out the 'n' and almost leaves off the d sound as he repeats, "And… and… and…"

"And we…" Linden continues hesitantly, before stopping again.

"Ohhhhh…." Holder squeals with delight.

"Don't! Don't do that!" Linden protests.

"…Snaaaaaaaap!" Holder finishes. He honks the horn repeatedly in his excitement.

"Don't do that. Don't look at me like that," Linden asks in vain.

Holder chuckles. "How many times? One time? Two times? Three times? Stop me at any time, Linden. Four times? Five times?"

"You're such an idiot," Linden tells him with a smile.

"You are a human being. You're actual flesh and blood." Mock surprise is thick in Holder's voice.

Linden laughs, looking at him.

"I mean, I'm just as surprised as you are," he adds.

She lowers her gaze but looks straight up at him, deciding to turn the tables on this conversation and take the focus off of her. "You jealous?" Her tone is playful.

He's quiet for a few seconds, surprised by the question. Hadn't he just been asking himself that earlier? I'm not jealous… am I?

"Ohhh, well played, Detective Linden. Well played."

She laughs. "Alright. I'm gonna do some work if that's alright with you."

"Do your thing, 1-900," he replies in a sing-songy voice. They both chuckle.

Holder

I'm not jealous of Linden and Skinner. That would be pretty hypocritical if I was, considering I'm already dating Caroline…

No, it's not like that… and I might not be all that good at making smart decisions myself, but I sure as hell can see what a bad decision Skinner is for Linden. I mean, it's just so… wrong. I'm glad to see her taking part in the whole human experience and all, and having some personal interaction, because she certainly doesn't do much of that, but even so… I wish it wasn't with him.

Start with the fact that he's married. Bad news. And he's our boss, for God's sake! Linden's setting herself up right there… unless… is that maybe part of why she's doing it? Because she knows that he's unavailable? That he's wrong for her? Because she knows that she won't have to push him away, because she couldn't really have him, even if she wanted him?

Damn, that's messed up… and it sounds like something that Linden would do.

Maybe she don't even realize she's doing it, but I'd be willing to bet that she would. But with your boss? I know, it's easier for me to say it's wrong because I ain't attracted to him… if Caroline was my boss, would I feel different? Dunno. It's easy for me to say no, I wouldn't do that, but I don't really know that. You can't never really be sure what you'd do in another circumstance.

I get that her and Skinner have a past together. That they were partners. It's hard to picture that… something seems wrong about it. Like he took advantage of their being partners, and now he's taking advantage of the history between them. Kinda makes my skin crawl to think about them even bein' partners, much less…

Not that Linden's not a big girl. She can take care of herself, of course. But I can't help thinking it must've been him that initiated it… because Linden don't do feelings if she can help it. Or… maybe there's no feelings involved? I guess that could be… but deep down I don't think so, at least for her. Linden feels everything, too deeply, for better or for worse. I don't think she knows no other way to be.

Maybe Linden thinks this arrangement is better because she doesn't have to protect herself if she's with Skinner. He's familiar and unavailable, and maybe she thinks she can hold him far enough away that she can't get hurt. She may not think so, but I'd be willing to bet that if something went wrong between them, she'd still fall to pieces, even if it was just inside.

The thing about Linden is, yeah, she's strong, but at the same time, she's only ever hanging on by a thread. I get that about her. I don't know why I do, but I do. I guess maybe because there have been enough times when I was barely hanging on… and plenty of times when I couldn't hold on.

Whether Linden wants me to or not, I'm watching her back. She deserves to have someone who's willing to do that for her for once, and I'd be a pretty shitty partner if I didn't care at least that much.

I'm not jealous of the two of them, it just so happens that, this thing with Skinner… whatever it is, it's just all wrong.

Linden

Holder's so stupid.

OK, not stupid, stupid's the wrong word. He's ridiculous. I don't know why he's so interested in me and Skinner. I don't know why he's so giddy with the idea, why he's making such a big deal about it. It's not a big deal. It was one time. Well, one time recently, anyway. It'd been years since the other times.

Even Skinner's acting all serious all of a sudden. I mean, I guess in a way it's a big deal to him, what he's doing… OK scratch that… I should say what we're doing. He's married, though obviously not that happily. I guess it should be a big deal to me, too. Whatever it is that we're doing. Is it a big deal to me? Should I even have to ask myself that question? If it was a big deal to me, wouldn't I know?

I guess this whole thing makes me a bad person. But then again, how many other things have I already done that make me a bad person? Plenty. I had to send my own son away to escape my incompetence as a mother, for Pete's sake! No, this is far from my worst mistake, if that's what it is.

Okay, it's most likely a mistake…

So why did I do it? I don't know. All I do know is, it's nice to feel alone for once, even if being with Skinner may not be the best decision I could make… and I know that it's not. It wasn't something I went looking for, it just kind of… happened. We'd told ourselves, and each other, that it was over back then, but… I don't know. It was over.

Now? Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.

Either way, I get the feeling that Holder's gonna be a pain in the ass about it. I'd say that it bothers me, but in a way… it doesn't. I don't know why he cares – I guess that's what friends do, and that's a new experience for me – but I like that he cares.

Not that I'd ever admit that to him.

…

"What do you wanna do, let the state hang another guy who didn't do it?"

Holder's words hung heavily in the air even after he'd abandoned the place beside where he'd been leaning back against the passenger side of the car. The words had come out before he'd had a chance to really think about what he was saying and what effect they would have on her.

He was angry and frustrated, and he knew that it had been the wrong thing to say. He'd simply been so shocked that Linden seemed to be suggesting that they should just let Joe Mills go down for murder. It was quickly becoming clear that he hadn't been the guilty one, not in the murder case, anyway. Sure, he was a pretty horrible human being and he did some reprehensible things with young girls, but he wasn't a murderer.

The fact that Ray Seward had just been executed for the murder of his wife, despite Linden's last minute attempts to prove his innocence… all of it was still too fresh. Sure, Seward hadn't been an angel, he'd done bad things, maybe as bad as Mills had, and Linden hadn't been able to stop his execution. The Seward case had wrecked her, and Holder knew that better than anyone. He'd been there when she'd fallen apart over it, then now he'd turned around and used that knowledge, had thrown it back in her face. Now he felt like an asshole.

He sat in the driver's seat, focusing on breathing in and out and attempting to calm himself down. Linden remained in the same spot. He could see the smoke trailing from her cigarette blowing in the breeze. He could almost hear Linden blaming herself, reeling from the blow he'd dealt. He sighed deeply, guiltily, and tried to compose himself. He knew that he needed to calm down.

Linden stood and leaned against the car, feeling like her feet were frozen to the spot where she stood. Her only movement had been the arm that continued to raise and lower her cigarette, mechanically, without thinking. The rest of her had been immobilized by Holder's words.

Just when she thought nothing could cut her so deeply… something had. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her, like she had been punched in the stomach – the physical pain she felt was that intense. Very few people had the ability to hurt her that way anymore, because she never let anyone get that close. Ever. And this was why.

She had let her guard slip with Holder, had made an exception for him, allowed herself to slowly relax her rigid walls around him, and this was what happened. She should have known better, she told herself. She should never have…

Stop it, a voice in her head told her. It doesn't matter. Get over it. Really, it shouldn't surprise you. Eventually, everyone fails you. She closed her eyes as her breath caught in her throat.

Shut up! said another voice in her head. It was the one that usually lost the arguments, the one that always tried to reason with her when she shut down. It was the one she usually silenced, because listening to it meant giving people a chance, and in her experience that always seemed to end badly.

The voice continued, however, undeterred. He didn't mean it. He snapped at you, but he's just frustrated. You're both frustrated. You're in a bad situation, one with no good outcome. He's trying to help you do the right thing. Deep down, you know it.

The voice was pleading now, but it only made her hate it. She especially hated that the voice was right, and that she knew it. But even so, it didn't take away the sting of what he'd said. She threw the butt of her cigarette on the ground the crossed her arms over her chest tightly.

She took deep breaths, trying to steady herself. She remained standing there against the car for what felt like an achingly long time, but it probably only felt that way because her senses were on overdrive. Really, it was only a few minutes.

After many deep breaths to steel herself against whatever else Holder might have to say, she was able to banish that stupid voice that she hated so much at that moment to the deep recesses of her mind. She hated that voice mostly for reminding her that however bluntly he'd put it, Holder was right. She couldn't let Joe Mills go to jail for a murder he hadn't committed, no matter what a filthy criminal he was. That would say more about her than it did about him.

She turned back around toward the car. Slowly she opened the passenger side door, climbed in and closed it behind her, staring straight ahead of her out the window. After all, they had work to do. She had to face him eventually.

"Let's go," she barked without looking at him. There wasn't a trace of emotion in her voice, and he hated himself a little bit more than he had the moment before. It wasn't his fault that the case was turning out the way it was, but that complete lack of emotion in her voice, that was his fault.

Holder knew that his words had been a low blow, the kind of thing he would have immediately jumped to her defense against if it had come from anyone else. Instead, it had come from him. He prided himself on being the one person who could get through to her, and he knew that he'd just abused that privilege.

"Linden, I—" he began.

"Don't." There was a dangerous edge to her voice, one that dared him to argue with her. "Just drive."

"No," he spat back emphatically. He'd done the damage, and he was going to do something about it. "Not until you listen to me."

She turned to look at him then. He'd expected her eyes to be blazing with anger. Instead, he was met with completely the opposite. There was a cool detachment that he recognized as Linden, but it wasn't the look that she usually gave him. It was the look she reserved for the rest of the world, and it knocked the air out of his lungs for a few seconds when he saw it directed at him.

"Fine. Talk," she said evenly, her eyes seeming to bore into him.

Holder shifted uncomfortably under her withering look. "Linden, I…" he tried again, but the look on her face had made the words temporarily fail him. It only took a few seconds, however, before he'd composed himself again. He wasn't afraid of the look she was giving him, as others may have been, he'd just been taken aback by it.

He met her gaze, and this time he held it. "I'm sorry, Linden. It was a shitty thing to say." He paused, gauging her reaction.

She seemed surprised by his contrition, and she shook her head quickly, looking down at her lap. Suddenly, she seemed… what was it? It wasn't anger or detachment any longer. She seemed… sad.

"It doesn't—" she began, still looking down, but Holder cut her off. There were advantages to knowing her so well, and he knew exactly what she was about to say.

"Don't give me that crap, Linden. It does matter." He paused again, and saw her look up in surprise. Sighing, he shrugged and put up his hands in surrender. "What can I say, I'm an asshole."

Then Linden did something quite unexpected. She smiled, just a little bit. She shrunched up her lips to one side and nodded her head, like she did sometimes when she was joking around. "Yeah, but you're my ride, so..."

Holder watched her, now completely confused. What just happened?

She watched his confusion with amusement, then pulled her face back into a smile. "We're good, Holder," she said simply. The cold look in her eyes was gone. She looked like herself again.

Holder quickly shifted into his trademark confidence, raising his chin at her jokingly and saying, " 'S cause I'm so charming, right? Ya just can't stay mad at me."

Linden couldn't help but chuckle at him then. "Yeah, something like that." She'd let him have that one. The feeling in her stomach of having been punched had almost disappeared, and she could breathe again. I told you so, said the voice in her head. Linden rolled her eyes at her own internal dialogue, before saying, "Can we get going now, please? We do still have some work to do."

"Right, boss. Let's go!" Holder agreed as he started the car. They did indeed have work to do, and they were a team once again.