A/N: This one's a large one! It's the first of my holiday chapters! I hope you like it. I wasn't sure I was actually going to be able to finish it. I'm having a really bad OCD flare up so I'm having trouble writing without getting pulled into my compulsions for hours. Because of that it's only been edited once so I hope it still meets your standards. I'm blown away by the reception this story has gotten in the last little while so thank you all for the follows, favourites, views and reviews! You are all amazing! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, I've been planning it for a while! It's from Killian's perspective with lots of Captain Cobra so Henry can work through everything that's gone on and a Christmas present I'm sure you'll all enjoy. Any guesses as to what the gift is? There's been hints in previous chapters as well as this one. The chapter should be coming really soon. Anyways, thanks so much for all the support! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All aspects of Once Upon A Time belong to ABC and the show's creators.

The front door thumped open and shut in quick succession. "Swan?" Killian called, his lilt echoing through the silent house.

"In here," Emma yelled back, lounging in her seat on the soft beige couch of the living room. She quickly changed the channel on the new TV. Emma had been enjoying the quiet, watching a marathon of Say Yes to the Dress, a guilty pleasure Killian or her mother were never to know about.

She adjusted the cream knitted blanket over her knees, a housewarming gift from Granny. Most of the furniture and accessories in the room were a beige-y cream because the walls were a deep red, the colour of past Killian's vest. Neither of them had intended for that. They had just wanted something cozy and warm, different to the rest of the light and breezy coloured house. Perhaps it was that they both remembered the trip to the past fondly and had subconsciously wanted to remember. Perhaps it was that Emma had always had an affinity for red and Killian had enjoyed the way the red colour looked surrounding Emma. They certainly spent enough time in the room that Killian may have had that ulterior motive. Whatever it was, Emma enjoyed the homey feeling of the room.

A few more thudding noises filtered in from the hallway as Killian toed off his heavy winter boots and hung his leather jacket on the hook by the door. Emma waited patiently for him to come find her, curious as to what would have him yelling.

Things had been getting better. It had taken them three weeks but now Killian was slowly finding himself able to be parted from Emma without panicking. Both of them still felt anxiety about it, residual fear that the darkness would come back and claim the other when they couldn't be defended. Killian's trips away from Emma were always with someone else, still finding it hard to be alone and left to his own thoughts. David tried to get Killian to do things with him, sometimes also with Robin or Henry, as much as possible, bless him. Most of the time Killian agreed. Other times he spent the day glued to Emma's side, needing to touch, to see, to hear her. But, despite the bad days, as Emma continually repeated to herself, things were getting better.

Today Killian had gone out with David to winterize The Jolly Roger. David had hired Robin on as another Deputy since Emma was still off to look after Killian and heal herself. It allowed David a few days off a week, days he spent with his mate. Their relationship, while it surprised Emma to no end, still made her smile.

Killian came up the hallway and into the living room, snow scattered over his dark hair. His nose was red from the cold. He wore a dark green waffle knit Henley, unbuttoned as usual, and a forest green plaid flannel button up over top. Emma had insisted he started dressing warmer now that December and winter had found Storybrooke.

"Why don't we have a Christmas tree?" Killian asked without preamble, coming to stand in front of Emma.

"What?" Well that was certainly unexpected. How did Killian even know what a Christmas tree was?

"The parking lot downtown has been filled with conifers. I asked David why when we drove by. Dave said it was a tradition, that people get them for the holiday to decorate and put presents under them. He also said that the princess invited us to her house tonight to decorate their tree but you said we're busy which I know we are not. So why don't we have one?"

Emma looked down at her lap, caught. "Technically it can't be a tradition if this is the first year for it."

"Emma," Killian said, softer, realizing there was something more there. He sat beside her, pulling the blanket up over his own knees. "Why aren't we following this tradition? Your parents really want you to help them decorate."

"That's Neal's tree. Not mine." Emma's voice was barely above a whisper yet the words tore through her.

She'd never had a tree. Not once. Most families gave her back to the group home right before Christmas so they wouldn't have to feel guilty about not including her in their traditions. The few families that kept her around decorated with their own families while she was away. She'd come home from school and a tree would be already there, none of the ornaments meaning anything to her, not even being allowed to touch them most of the time. She hadn't even been in Ingrid's home, the one place she might have had Christmas, during December. After she'd run from the system she and Neal had never been in one place long enough to have a tree and they certainly didn't have one in Arizona. Prison had taken any leftover Christmas magic from her making December in Boston cold and lonely and then real magic had arrived and Christmas was once more pushed away. Sure she had false memories of New York Christmases but they weren't real. She couldn't even think about that time in her life because they were a cruel mockery about what she could have had had she had a different beginning, had she kept Henry and not run from everything for the first thirty years of her life.

It didn't feel right to encroach on Neal's first tree, to be that unwanted kid whose real parents were finally trying to make it up to her. Even though her brother was only young, too young to remember, she wouldn't ruin this first year of Christmas with her tense awkwardness. Mary Margaret had wanted a baby, a real child to raise. She'd made that much clear in Neverland. Emma wouldn't overstep her welcome by taking away the special memories of her parent's new child.

"It's your family's tree," Killian insisted, grasping her hand. "Which means it's yours too."

"No. I'm not some child anymore. My Christmas was a day I'd get dessert, a candy cane in a group home because they were cheap and allowed the people to pretend they actually cared. My Christmas was never trees and baubles. That's Neal's Christmas." Emma took a deep breath. "I just can't. I can't see Neal get everything I ever dreamed off." It hurt to even think about.

Killian slipped an arm around Emma's shoulders. "Okay, Swan. We don't have to go to your parents tonight."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, love. You've been through so much. It's understandable. I think sometimes your parents forget all you've been through. That undying hope and positivity they're known for seems to make them think that you can just move on with no problem."

"They don't know a lot," Emma replied, still staring at her hands. "It's why I have to lie." Killian leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you for telling me then, love."

Emma shrugged. "You understand."

"Aye, I do," Killian replied. "But, I do have a question?"

Finally Emma turned to him, curious. "What?"

"Why don't we have a tree? It wouldn't be taking away from anything. Henry's already experienced years of Christmas during the curse so this isn't a new thing. But, I've never even experienced Christmas. I think I'd like to. It could be our new tradition." Killian scratched behind his ear and Emma realized just how much Killian wanted to be included in the holiday, how much that little abandoned boy wanted to be included in something so family and happiness centered. And maybe that little lost girl inside Emma wanted to be too. "But only if you feel comfortable," he added quickly.

Emma sighed. She really couldn't keep Christmas from Killian. Killian had been so good to her and this last year had been so hard on both of them that they really should celebrate. Christmas was a holiday of light and after so long in darkness it would do them well to be reminded of the pure joy this world was actually capable of. Deep down, even though opening herself up to Christmas terrified her, Emma wanted to experience it. Emma wanted to have some sort of holiday experience that wasn't sitting in her small apartment alone or being put into a social worker's van on Christmas Eve. But even though she was starting to accept that she wanted this, it didn't mean that nothing was standing in her way.

"I don't know how to decorate," Emma admitted quietly after a long moment. "And I have nothing to decorate with."

Killian brightened instantly. "I know someone who would. Grab your coat, Swan. I'm going to go call Henry."

"Wait, what?" Emma asked, stunned.

"We're going to go get a tree and some of those shiny balls that seem to be the decoration of choice in this realm. David says they sell out fast. Now hurry." Killian had turned into a five year old before her eyes. This man who had been battling memories of his time as the Dark One for the last few weeks was actually happy.

Emma sat silent on the sofa for a few more long moments until Killian huffed a long Swannnnn at her. Shaking her head in sheer disbelief she pushed herself up and moved to grab her coat from the hall. She could hear Killian speaking rapidly to her son on the phone. In a few moments Killian joined her by the door.

"Alright, Swan, all set. Henry's going to meet us at the tree lot. He says you can just poof it home so don't worry about fitting it into the Bug. He said he'd come with us to get the ornaments too afterwards."

Emma just nodded along. She couldn't believe she'd nearly said no tree. This was the excited Killian she'd only seen on a few occasions but it was one of her favourite versions of the pirate. Killian took Emma's hand and led her out of the house.

When they reached the bug Killian had finally settled again and turned to her. "Are you sure you're okay with this, Swan? It's your house too. I don't want to overwhelm you."

"I'm fine," Emma said with a smile. "I think it's time I start creating happier memories."

"I'm glad I can help with that," Killian answered.

"Me too." Killian gave Emma a quick kiss on the lips, smiling into the gesture.

On the way to the tree lot Killian had Emma explain Christmas to him, answer what David hadn't. He'd been cautious, not wanting to upset her but as she reached the lot Emma actually found herself enjoying talking about the holiday and planning all the things they were going to do.

Henry was waiting in the parking lot when they arrived. He ran over to them, just as excited as Killian. Seeing Henry Emma realized that this was also her son's first real Christmas with her. She was kicking herself for underestimating how excited everyone was. She almost didn't allow any of this because of her own fear. Hadn't she already learned that running only caused problems, prevented a full life? Taking a deep breath to push away the self-hate she got out of the car.

"Hey, Mom!" Henry greeted immediately. "I've already had a look around and found some options." Of course Henry did. He'd found their house, why wouldn't he find the first tree as well?

Killian glanced at Emma, waiting for her approval. Emma gave him a small smile. "Lead the way then, lad," Killian said, waving his hook towards the grouping of trees being looked at by the citizens of Storybrooke.

Giving them a grin Henry made a beeline for the middle of the lot. When he'd reached the tree he'd previously picked out he stopped, bouncing on his toes a bit. The tree was average height but well rounded, small enough that it wouldn't be overwhelming to find an adequate amount of decorations for but large enough that it was substantial. There were no major bare spots that Emma could see.

"If this is the one you like, then I have no problem with it," Emma told her son as Killian moved to examine the tree. Henry shot Emma an amused look as Killian searched the pine for any imperfections that would stop it from being the perfect tree. When he'd done two laps around the tree, one each way, he stopped in front of Henry.

"I think you've picked a winner, lad."

Henry's face split into an even larger grin. "Little John's the one who's running the lot today."

"Well," Emma said pulling out her wallet. "I guess I need to go find him then." Five minutes later Emma had paid for the tree and, still slightly shocked that she'd decided to put up a tree in the first place, poofed it to the cottage lawn to be carried inside later.

As the joy of Christmas had swept the entire town, some of the fairies had opened a Christmas store to sell decorations in the building where the Snow Queen's ice cream shop used to be. Henry chattered on as they drove to the store, telling them that some of the decorations had been ordered in, some made by Marco, while others, like stockings, were knitted by Granny. It was nice to see the town put down the swords and put out the fire balls that had characterized the past few years in favour of tinsel and lights.

Henry led the way into the store and immediately vanished into the stands in search of the perfect ornaments. Killian stayed at Emma's side, giving her hand a squeeze. The store was overwhelming to say the least. Emma had thought the store was small before but the fairies had opened it up and filled it to the brim with colour and glitter. Carols played over the speaker system and some sort of orange and cinnamon candle burned further in the store, spreading the wonderful scent right to the doorway.

"So what do we need?" Killian asked, a bit overwhelmed himself. Henry had given them the low-down but it seemed to be a bit too much for Killian to keep track of.

"Lights, an angel for the top, tree skirt, ribbon, ornaments and a tree stand," Emma replied, recounting what Henry had said.

"But which ones?" Killian looked around the store, wonder in his eyes.

"Whatever ones you want," Emma answered warmly. She could imagine how much young Killian would have enjoyed Christmas, before he'd been hurt and abandoned, hardened and darkened. Killian had finally found a family several centuries later and that childish awe seemed to be returning now that he was safe and loved and wanted. Emma wondered if that same expression could be seen in her own eyes as she examined all the different kinds of lights. She tried to catch her reflection in a few shiny glass ornaments but her image was too distorted to tell.

A whole hour later they had a cart full of supplies. Occasionally Killian had been adamant, choosing strange ornaments like bright yellow glittery balls because they looked like stars, or a few small sail boat ornaments that he had reverently held between his fingers. Other times Killian had loudly exclaimed about the strangeness of tinsel, scowling as the glitter pulled away from some of the ornaments and coated his hook. Emma had gotten a kick out of that. Henry had picked out his own sets of ornaments, pop culture themed ones as well as a joke Captain Hook figuring from the gag gift stand which included ornaments of all the Disney characters. Killian had pretended to be irritated but Emma could see it in his eyes how pleased and touched he was that Henry had thought about him in some way.

Together they loaded up the bug with all their ornaments and went back to Albatross Lane. As they drove to the house Emma could feel her excitement growing. It seemed that doing this with her family, her true love and her son, had shown her the good side of the holiday. She was actually looking forward to making hot chocolate, finding a Spotify playlist of carols and decorating the tree.

Once they arrived at the cottage Emma left Henry and Killian to figure out how to get the tree inside and into the stand and went to make three mugs of hot cocoa with cinnamon. She quickly found a playlist of classic carols, the timeless ones that didn't belong to a certain generation and thus didn't belong solely to memories of her childhood and set it to play. By the time Emma had finished Killian and Henry had wrestled the tree into the living room after much cursing and a close call with the window by the door and stuck it in the red and green metal tree stand.

Stringing lights turned out to be a difficult job for Killian with only one hand, his hook not dexterous enough to wrap the cords around the branches so Emma and Henry put up the strands of multi-coloured LEDs. While they did that Killian was tasked with pulling plastic wrapping off the candy cane stripped ribbon Emma had picked out. It seemed classic to Emma and she thought it would go well with their red walls. It was easy to tell which decorations she'd picked out- they were the traditional ones she'd seen growing up, the kinds that would be in department store windows. Killian and Henry's ornaments were all over the place.

With the lights and ribbon up they all set to work putting up the ornaments. "Does it matter where I put them?" Killian asked, staring at the lit tree, one of the garish yellow balls hanging from his fingers.

"No, I don't think so," Emma answered, watching Henry put up a Yoda ornament. "Wherever feels right." Killian seemed satisfied with the answer and hung the yellow glitter ornament towards the top of the tree.

Emma didn't hang any of her selected ornaments for a long time. Instead she stood back, watching Henry and Killian hang theirs, marvelling at the fact that she could do this now. It was so surreal. As much as Emma pretended to be strong, she still fell back into the insecure, hurt and scared girl she used to be. Christmas had brought that back in full force.

But everything about this house was supposed to be about healing. Every room meant something, held a memory. The bedroom had been the first room done for the couple, the gift Killian had finished with her mother through the night so she could finally have a peaceful place to sleep. The upstairs bathroom had been the room she had found the courage to get her magic back whereas the downstairs bathroom had been the place where Emma had realized Killian's sheer strength to carry on, the breadth of his love to help her heal without ever asking for something for himself in return. And now this living room was the place of Emma and Killian's first family Christmas tree.

Killian's arm wrapping around her waist shook her from her thoughts. "Are you alright, love?" he asked, voice against her ear. "We've put our ornaments up but you haven't hung one." Emma glanced towards the tree and sure enough Henry's Star Wars figurines, gingerbread men and bright candy shaped ornaments hung on the tree. Mixed into them were Killian's yellow, orange and white glitter balls, looking as if the sun and stars were hanging among the branches. Emma's boxes still sat untouched on the couch.

"Will you all help me?" she asked after a few moments. It seemed like such a major undertaking for her to do on her own.

"Of course," Killian answered, his voice conveying the honour he felt that Emma wanted their help to hang her first ornaments up. But they were her family. They were the reason she had a tree. She couldn't not do it with them.

Henry opened the box that held Emma's red glass ornaments. Killian grabbed one and handed it to Emma. Henry handed Killian one before taking a third for himself.

"Go on, Swan," Killian murmured to her. "We're right here with you."

Holding the ornament's ribbon in slightly shaking fingers Emma moved towards her tree. It didn't escape her that she'd dreamed of this as a child. It had taken her thirty years but she was finally decorating a Christmas tree with the family that had found and fought for her. The family who would never leave her.

Emma reached out and placed the ornament on a strong branch, Killian and Henry hanging their own after her. Once Emma had hung her ornament it was as if the burden of the holiday had fully lifted and she found herself actually singing along to the carols playing in the background as she put up the rest of her ornaments with her son and her pirate.

When the tree had finally been finished Henry flicked the overhead lights off. The multi-coloured lights glowed softly, the glittery ornaments sending the lights off in rainbows against the wall and furniture. They'd bought too many ornaments, the tree barely visible underneath. It definitely didn't look like the tree Mary Margaret had put up, having sent Emma a picture earlier with the message Wish you were here. Where Mary Margaret's was classic, looking like it belonged to a home décor magazine photoshoot, Emma's was chaotic and slightly garish. But it had specifically been designed by two people who had never experienced decorating a tree before and one very excited tween. It was perfectly un-perfect and Emma wouldn't have had it any other way.