"Liv this list is just books and junk food. We're going to need real food." Fitz called to her from the kitchen as he looked in the fridge and freezer. He could count the items he found on one hand. String cheese, tequila, bottled water, and pizza rolls. He opened her cabinets and found popcorn, crystal light, and several bottles of wine. "How have I never noticed you don't eat?!" He immediately started adding to the list, which only contained items she already had anyway. He'd noticed she had written wine in all caps and he laughed to himself. "Because you consistently ignore my faults? And I do eat!" Olivia said pouting as she walked back into the kitchen and sat down at the table across from him. "Okay down to business, what do we want for dinners?" Fitz asked her pen poised. "Didn't I put pizza rolls and popcorn on there?" She asked him completely seriously. Before he got the chance to answer her Claudia breezed in, "alright you guys got the list ready, shockingly the guys have me on shopping duty."
She took the list that Fitz handed to her and had a similar response as Fitz, "Olivia this is not food! You and him both need to eat real food. Why don't you tell me what you feel like cooking, how about some pasta or chicken parm? I'll even help!" Claudia thought she was being purposefully childish, but felt for her younger sister anyways. Fitz caught the guilty look on Olivia's face, "Wait you cook? She cooks?" Fitz looked back and fourth between Claudia and Olivia, waiting for one of them to elaborate. "Liv's a great cook, she learned from the best." Claudia said smiling softly and reaching out to hold her sister's hand. "I don't cook. Not anymore. I haven't in a while CeeCee."
Olivia's eyes immediately teared up and she wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. Fitz looked at Claudia not really understanding what was happening. She jerked her head in Olivia's direction and nodded silently telling him to go to her. Without thinking twice he went to her and kneeled down next to her chair and started stroking her back. She was so slight that even on his knees they were almost eye-to-eye. "Olly you didn't do anything wrong. She loved you so much, you were her little scoongillie." Claudia held tight to her hand. She shook her head refusing to agree to Claudia's statements, deep down she knew it was true, but guilt was overwhelming her sense. Fitz started stroking her hair and she immediately nuzzled into his neck and started sobbing. He knew Claudia could tell him what was wrong with his Livvy, her eyes were identical to her sister's, and he could read them almost as well despite such a short time knowing her. Despite that he knew Olivia needed to tell him herself. He tried to get her to look at him or sit up, but she was completely inconsolable. She was almost completely off the chair and wrapped in his arms. As gently as possible he lifted her into his arms and moved into the living room and on to one of the stuffed chairs. Claudia followed them and sat down next to them. Olivia just kept her arms wrapped around Fitz as she continued to sob. Claudia had tears in her eyes as well, she had never seen her sister so broken, even when Fitz got shot she had exuded calm.
"Livvy. It's okay, you're okay, I love you Livvy." Fitz kept saying these words over and over again hoping a few would get through. He had no idea how they had gone from bickering about her eating habits to what he was witnessing before him. Whenever she was sad, or even frowning, she looked like a child, seeing her like this it was worse. When he realized her sobs were growing quieter and her body had stopped shaking he finally spoke directly to her, "Livvy please tell me what's wrong. I'll fix it." When Olivia finally regained her senses to a degree she tried to extricate herself from his grasp but he wasn't having it. When he finally saw her face, his heart hurt for her, the big brown eyes, that revealed her every emotion to him, were now bloodshot and filled with still unshed tears. The chubby cheeks that made her look so young, the ones he never failed to point out to her, were red and splotchy and had stains from tears streaking down them. "Tissue?" She barely choked it out, but as soon as she made the sound Fitz and Claudia both jumped at the chance to get her whatever she wanted.
"Fitz, I… when I left home. I was stupid and selfish. I didn't think about what I would be giving up or what my family would be giving up for me and I didn't care. I just left. I didn't care that I would miss Cammie's sweet sixteen or Claudia and Michael's birthdays. I didn't even think about it. All I saw was a chance to escape my father's life. got A few months after I left my Grams got really sick, pancreatic caner. We were extremely close. She was my best friend. I told her everything. We were so much alike. I was named after her you know? I mean they added the O to Americanize it, but I'm named after her. I don't remember a time when she wasn't by my side as a team. She wanted me to get away. She knew I wanted college and a life and she respected it even if she couldn't understand it. But I let her down. At first no one told me because they knew I would try and come home and I couldn't, but then they did tell me. I called her every chance I got. I even got Huck to set up skype so that we could see each other. Everyday she got sicker and when I tried to come home she told me to stay. She said "Livvy, you have a life now that you fought for and I wont let you give it up for me." I caved way too easily. She died alone, frail, and in pain a month after she was diagnosed. I would have been with her, I could have held her hand something so that she wasn't alone. I couldn't even go to the funeral because someone might have seen me. That's who I am. I'm the daughter of a mob boss as if that's not bad enough I let the person I called my best friend die alone and than had the nerve to be talked out of going to the funeral. That's me Fitz. I can't cook anymore because she taught me. We cooked together every chance we had, and I loved it. I can't without her it hurts, and the pain just reminds me of how selfish I can be. I'm my father's legacy, not hers."
Fitz looked at her the whole time, but she wouldn't meet his eyes, too ashamed. Claudia now had tears running down her face and she had come and sat in front of the chair they were sitting on. She started rubbing Olivia's back and apologizing. "Liv we didn't know. We thought keeping you away and safe would be better. I should have known you were too tough for that. She loved you. She kept her picture by her bed and was so proud you were doing your own thing. She was never alone, because she always held you close." Olivia looked up at her angrily, "how could you say that when you know what today is?! You think that's a coincidence. I'm being punished." Claudia looked thoughtful then really concerned, "Liv I forgot, with everything going on, it was the last thing on my mind. I should have known this day would be doubly hard for you and I didn't even remember." Fitz sat quietly just holding on to her waiting for his turn to speak, now that he knew what was going on he knew he could take her pain away. "Its been two years today," Olivia said, her voice almost back to normal. "I know sweetie I know now," Claudia felt so guilty she had no idea her sister had this much blame and self-hatred. She was by far the closest to their Grandmother and while it was hard for all of them but it seemed it was unanimously decided that at 87 she had a long life and a short fight and they were all thankful. "Livvy, do you know what else today is?" She thought about it for a while until a flash of understanding passed through her face. "We met a year ago today, so the way I see it your Grams sent me here to protect you, not to punish you. She sent me because she couldn't anymore."