"So in total your society has a population of thirty-seven?" Zim asked.
"That's right," Tel answered.
"Of which, eleven are children?"
"Yes."
"I see. Split your people into two groups, eleven children here and the twenty-six others there."
"Okay."
The children of the Heboadians ranged from less than half their parents size to almost reaching their shoulders. Their eyes were the same size as their parents, giving them a large eyed stare. Each wore a big smile on their face filled with sweet innocence. "You eleven will do heavy manual labor!"
"What? You can't make the children work!"
"Zim needs supplies, metal monkey, and your people can't build weapons and train at the same time!"
"Hold it, I'm certain we have child labor laws somewhere. Stu! Get me the big rule book thingy." A Heboadian walked forward with a large book. Tel took it and quickly thumbed through the pages until he reached the end. "Holy Boad, we actually don't. Who the hell made that oversight!"
"The children either build weapons of mass doom or fight until the blood gushes out of their weak bodies instead of pee. Zim is happy with either."
Tel grunted, "Fine."
"Alright, even tinier, monkey cyborgs, I had Skoodge here find a nearby metal mine, what kind of metal it is does not concern me. He will lead you to the dark, stinky cave hole where you'll be building weapons for everyone. Off you go."
"Yes, sir! Hoo-ha!" Skoodge said. He led the children while pulling a cart of tools into the forest.
Zim's gears in his machine that is his plan to create an army had just started turning. Though small in number he planned to use their hyper-learning abilities to full effect, teaching them every fighting style he learned, knew of, and barely knew. Zim also made sure that Gir would record all of it, to use as a training video for when he gets more recruits once he conquers Irk.
"Okay my army, line up," Zim then positioned a wooden block in front of them. "Tel, you'll be the first to set an example for your fellow soldier slaves."
Tel walked forward towards Zim. He gave Tel a wooden stick, a very dull and twig-like stick, and showed him how to hold it like a sword. "Now Tel, I want you to lift your sword and hit the block."
"Is there some sort of visual or instruction manual I can use?" Tel said.
"Do not question my methods, cyber-monkey, now strike!" Tel lifted his stick and swung it down, miraculously missing the block and landing to its right. He swung towards the left, and missed again. He swung horizontally, somehow mysteriously missing as well. He lifted his stick up once again and finally hit the block.
"I did it!" he said with shock.
"No! You failed! Wrong wrong wrong fail."
"But I hit the block."
"Yes but did you cut it? Where is all the blood that should be coming out, the internal injuries it should be receiving, why isn't it crying on its knees and begging for mercy!"
"But it's a block, of wood, and I'm using a stick."
"Nope, you failed Tel, back of the line."
"But ho-"
"FAAAAAAIIIIIIIIILLLLLED!"
Tel moved to the back of the line, Zim then ordered for the next Heboadian to come forward.
"Mini monkey, I've seen your kind emit flames from that mechanical arm, is that a common feature among them?" Zim asked.
"Yes, sir," replied the Heboadian.
"How does that work?"
"Well it works through a simple gas fuel and spark contraption, with a sparker inside our hands. For the fuel, we take in the natural air and conv-"
"That's enough! Now, I want you to aim at the block and somehow put pressure on that fuel so that the flames would shoot out in a forward stream."
"Well that's easy, all I would have to d-"
"JUST DO IT!" The Heboadian aimed forward and shot out a burst of flame, engulfing the wooden block and burning it into ashes. "Hahahahaha! See, Tel, THAT is the destruction Zim wants to see!"
"But he was using fire," Tel said, "on wood!"
"Complain, complain, complain, that all I've heard from you, Tel, since the training began, but don't worry I'll make you a useful asset in my armada yet, either as a warrior or convenient meat-shield. Now, I want you all to practice shooting flames from you hands, go burn down a nearby forest or something. Except for you Tel, you'll keep practicing with the stick until you can pierce something with it." The Heboadians marched off, with Tel who was disgruntled with his task. Meanwhile, Zim walked towards the Dibship to see if Gaz found anything, Gir followed him.
"Gaz-human, did you find any weapons in Tak's former room?" he asked.
Gaz popped out from the Dibship, "I found a few rifle looking things, some small alien blasters I presume, and this weird glove thing." Gaz held her hand forward to reveal the "glove", it wrapped around the wrist and stretched out to the palm. A metal circle took up most of the space on the palm.
Gaz tried to analyze it to find a button or something, unknowingly aiming it towards Zim, "I wonder how it works?"
"DON'T FIRE TH-" A white burst of energy popped out and barely missed Zim, but unfortunately hitting Gir, causing the screen to become static.
It was hours before the static disappeared from the monitor. Zim appeared on the screen, making adjustments to Gir. He was getting sick of all the times he had to fix Gir since coming to this planet.
"I had a dream where everything was dark, and I was surrounded my slimy, fleshy squirrels," Gir said. Zim just ignored the robot.
"This, Gaz, is why your inexperienced kind shouldn't handle such advance Irken technology like the Ionic Pulse Cannon," Zim held up the glove-like weapon Gaz had worn earlier.
"Those squirrels tasted like mashed potatoes."
"Fine, whatever," Gaz said plainly.
"Now, it's ver-OW" Zim was suddenly hit in the head by something very hard. He looked done at the object that had caused him much pain. It was a block of wood, but the most peculiar thing about it was that it had a stick, pierced right through it.
"There! I did it," shouted Tel who had returned, followed by his half-burnt population.
"Really? But it has only been a couple of Earth hours."
"Heboadians are VERY fast learners."
"Excellent, now to wait for Skoodge," Zim turned to his wrist to activate his multi-purpose data pad device. "I injected Skoodge with non-nano nanobots so that I could track his movements."
"You inject Skoodge with nanobots?" Gaz asked.
"Well, he just had to eat them but he got a bit too eager and injected them using his fingers."
"With his finger?"
"There are some things I wish I'd never seen." Zim continued fiddling with his device. "Aha, he should be here...now!"
Skoodge and the child Heboadians appeared right on cue, carrying a large bag. They were a bit charred and covered in ash. "Sorry that it took so long, sir," Skoodge said, "but there was smoke and fire in the forest that deterred our return."
"The cave was dark, and my hands feel like dying," said a little Heboadian.
"Mister," another little Heboadian said to Zim, "Roland hasn't woken up since we left the forest."
"I do not have time with your trivial problems, even littler monkey," Zim said, "Skoodge, where are the weapons and armor?"
"Right here, sir," Skoodge opened the bag. It contained many small swords, enough for each adult Heboadian and sets of armor, though it was only the chest piece, they'll at least provide some decent protection. Zim ordered each Heboadian to take a sword, and practice on the burnt trees in the forest. All except for seven Heboadians, and Tel.
"Now, you eight are given a very special duty in Zim's Mega Doom Armada, or ZMDA. You'll be the long range specialists, trained to melt enemies from a distance using high tech laser weaponry! You'll see over there that I have gathered usable weapons," Zim pointed to the pile Gaz had made earlier. He then pointed to the stretch of forest to the opposite where the other Heboadians are training. "I want you all to target every single plant on that side of the forest, and don't come back until all the vegetable life has been disintegrated."
"That's it?" Tel said, "No tutorial on how to actually fire those things, how to hold them, proper weapon safety?"
"Weapon safety? Foolish Tel, there is no such thing as safety for weapons that destroy!"
"That's not- you know what, never mind, we'll figure it out ourselves." Tel and his fellow gunmen marched off into the forest. Gaz got out of the Dibship so that she could talk to Zim.
"So, Mister advance alien military general, do you actually have a plan as to how we'll get to Pel?" Gaz said.
"There's that hint of untruth in your speech again," Zim said.
"Gee, what a genius."
"Well no matter, Gaz, the glorious Zim does indeed have a plan of attack. A plan so marvelous it makes your Earth gold look like worm doodoo. A plan so maliciously clever that it'll make your brain sizzle. A plan-"
"Get on with it!"
"You see, Gaz, there's a traitor among the Heboadians here."
"What? How can you be so sure?"
"Pel knows exactly what's going on here AND Tel said someone kept moving the cushion box, meaning Pel can somehow gather information on her brother and tamper with his progress. Anyone who's had Invader training knows this only means one thing. There's a spy in the vicinity. "
"Who is it?"
"I don't know."
"What? What's the point in knowing that there's a traitor if you don't know who it is?" Zim mostly ignored her remark, instead he looked at the sky that was growing dark.
"Once Tel and the other soldiers of the ZMDA get back, teach them basic combat maneuvers, I'm sure you with your experience in constantly beating people up can do that. Then tell them to rest for tomorrow's attack. I'm going to bathe in glue before I retire."
"Hey, you still haven't answered me! Isn't the most important part of knowing about the traitor is who it is?"
"So many questions come from your little earthling mouth, Gaz. You ask 'who's' and 'what's', however, the key to this plan is the 'where'."
Skoodge and Gir were allowed by Zim to see the Heboadian city at night. All of the aliens in the ZMDA were sleeping, awaiting the day they confront their cult crazy brethren. Gir was very attracted to the lights of the city, they had the same allure as bug zappers do when they lure pesky flies to their deaths, just like how Gir was inching closer and closer to the lights. Fortunately, or unfortunately as Gir had hoped, the lights did not electrocute him.
"Awww," Gir said. Skoodge pulled Gir away from the light. They continued their walk down the city until they eventually came to the box of cushions. Gir leaped with joy since he wanted to play around in the cushions. He tried to climb up the box but fell, Skoodge eventually stopped him.
"SIR Unit, you shouldn't be fooling around with that," Skoodge said.
Gir looked at him with a sad look. "But I wanna-"
"Wait, I heard something." Skoodge covered Gir's mouth and froze.
It was a metal clank, one that repeated and gradually grew louder. He quickly ran behind a building with Gir, hoping he was well hidden. He saw a Heboadian obscured by the darkness approach the box. The Heboadian pulled it backwards and walked around it, then opened a hidden door in the ground and disappeared, closing the door. Gir was intrigued by this secret door and escaped from Skoodge to explore it.
Skoodge guessed the whereabouts of the missing robot and tripped into the hole following Gir. Gir then ran off with Skoodge chasing behind him until he stopped at a vertical fan. It was on and emitted a high pressure vertical wind.
"SIR Unit, it's really not a good idea to be here without telling Zim," Skoodge grabbed Gir by his hand.
"Yay, adventure!" Gir shouted before jumping into the stream of air, taking Skoodge with him.
"AHHHHHHH!" Skoodge screamed. After flying through a long dark tunnel, a horizontal fan pushed them forward until they came to a stop. They hit some sort of wall. Skoodge came to his senses and scanned the area, he recognized it. The wall had those strange hieroglyphics. He walked along the wall until he found an entrance he could peek through. Gir also peeked with him.
They were in the main chamber of Pel's "city". They were on one of the platforms that was connected to the main one. Gir was able to see five other beings there, two of which he recognized. There were two guards that stood with wooden poles. Behind them was Dib, wearing his crown and sitting on a throne, looking zombified. By his side stood Pel, with a menacing smile, and walking towards her was another Heboadian, presumably the same one they followed. He was still hard to make out since a guard blocked most of his features from view.
"Arrrrrgh!" The duo heard a nearby scream. Blue goo dropped in front of Pel, they looked up to find Kor on the platform just above. It was smaller than the average platform and was suspended by ropes. She chained and being tortured by two guards. She was armless, with piles of dismembered Fefian arms laid by the feet of the guards.
"It's quite wonderful to watch," Pel commented to her unknown informer, "The pleasuring sounds and visuals of watching a condemned being get dismembered combined with the interesting biology of a Fefian is simply endless entertainment."
"THE CONDEMNED MUST BE ANNIHILATED!" shouted a deranged Dib.
"And so they shall, Gateway, in due time."
"DESTRUCTION!"
"Now, my ever so loyal informant, just what is happening down in the under-city?"
"ARMAGEDDON!"
"Gateway, your outbursts are making me feel emotions usually reserved for the condemned!" However, when Pel looked at Dib, she noticed he was looking away at something. Gir's eyes. The little robot had popped out of his hiding place, with Skoodge desperately trying to pull the robot back into the shadows, but Skoodge just realized how pointless it was. Skoodge tried to run back trough the vent they came from, but the air just knocked him back into the wall they hid behind. They were trapped, the platform they were on was too high to jump off without a Kor cushion and the only walkway led straight to Pel.
"Well, well, looks like a couple of rats slipped in with ours," Pel said.
"Skoodge!" Kor shouted, though her voice her strained from the pain, "Finally! So everything is going according to pla-ARRRGH!" Her arms regrew and where re-torn while she spoke.
"Huh? What?" A confused Skoodge said.
"Don't worry, we have Pel right where we want her."
"What are you talking about?"
"My capture was all part of the plan, Pel, soon, Zim and Gaz will blast this place using the Dibship, making sure you're destroyed."
"No he's not! He's sleeping and so is the human!"
"Dammit Skoodge, learn how to bluff in a damn hopeless situation!"
"Oh. Yes, Zim will human the blast... with you."
Pel turned to her guard, "You, get the juicer ready and store their blood for the upcoming ritual."
"Dammit," Kor said in despair.
"Your companions should've just left the planet, even if your leader is teaching those condemned vermin the art of war, they are vastly outnumbered. Now, your friends will either be used as the blood for the ritual to summon the Great Boad or be a casualty in its galactic destruction of the condemned! Hahahahah-"
Suddenly, a large crash was heard. Pel turned around to find the source, she was awestruck. An entire portion of the structure's wall caved in, but it was the cause of the cave in that got her in shock.
It was the Dibship.
It had crashed directly into the side of the structure. Slowly, the cockpit opened, revealing a tall, sinister Irken and a purple human by his side. Behind them stood a little more than two dozen Heboadians, wearing armor, wielding swords and blasters.
Zim smiled and broke the silence, "All part of the plan."
"Woah, there really was a plan," Kor said.
"There was a plan!" Skoodge shouted in joy.
"Of course," Zim said, "I knew that the traitor would leave to tell Pel about our plan during a period of rest. I let Gir and Skoodge free to scout the night, knowing the Gir would curiously follow the traitor, and knowing Skoodge would tag along it was just a matter of finding your exact location using the nanobots in your body. It was the perfect plan!"
"Yeah right," Gaz said, "More like we made this the plan since the original plan was to interrogate Tel about where Pel would meet him so we could launch an ambush because you thought he was the traitor."
"Honestly, I don't know why you would think I would betray my people," Tel said.
"What, you were the only possible choice that came to mind. You were also the least suspected to be the traitor since you had the most to lose, so by Law of Reverse Victim that made you the most likely spy," Zim said.
"Logic escapes you a lot, doesn't it?" Tel climbed out of the Dibship to get a closer look at the traitor, "I can't believe it. Why Stu? Why would you betray me, I made you my right hand Heboadian while I ran things."
"Why?" spoke the traitor known as Stu, "I hate all of you condemned! It was Heboadians like you that killed my family! 'Accidentally tripping them off the side of a platform' is just the kind of excuse you condemned say. Pel offered me a chance to make you suffer, so I took it! So yes, I was the spy, I kept pushing the box of cushions, I hated always being your law book boy, and I erased the law about child labor!"
"You monster!"
"You can cry later, brother," Pel interrupted, "I must thank you though for giving me so much blood for the Great Boad summoning, you saved me the trouble of having to transport all that blood to the ritual site."
Pel motioned for all of the cultist Heboadians to come out. There were hundreds. Some worked on pulling levers and spinning wheels, transforming Dib's throne in the middle. He got strapped down, and the throne became flat, hieroglyphics formed around him in a circle.
"ALL CONDEMNED SHALL BE DESTROYED!" Dib shouted.
"Great," Gaz said, "He's even more deranged."
"What will you do now, Irken?" Pel said, "Even if your troops are trained, you are vastly outnumbered."
"Foolish monkey! How dare you challenge the might of Zim!" Zim shouted. He raised his arm and pointed forward, "Attack my Mega Doom Armada!"
"Attaaaaaack!"
Pel's cult started leaping down from the platforms above, it was raining metal monkeys.
"My people," Tel said, "Let us dive into the battle of our lives. For our survival!" The ZMDA remained silent and still, "dammit," Tel muttered, "And emo poetry!" Suddenly the ZMDA leaped from the Dibship and they all charged into Pel's troops.
Gir was still in the same spot where he was first seen. He was capturing the battle from the sidelines. It was a slaughter of monkeys. Metal arms being ripped out of their sockets, fleshy bodies being impaled by swords, monkey blood spilled on the floor, the smell of charred flesh filled in air, however, the ZMDA's troop count did not fall.
Despite being vastly outnumbered, the ZMDA were able to use the short training they learned to avoid all attempts at their life. Despite the Heboadians being naturally part-synthetic, without any real reason to fight, Pel's cult didn't have any weaponry as advanced as the ZMDA. They relied on poorly strung together spears that fell apart when they hit the ZMDA's armor, rocks they picked off from the ground that were easily avoided, they had nothing to protect them from the long range blasters who were just picking the cult members off and melting them, some didn't even have weapons and some attacked each other, believing it was some free for all frenzy. Their screams of shock and terror at this one sided battle could be heard amidst their hollers of pain.
"He's melting my arm using a flame! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!"
"My best friend was just disintegrated! Oh, now she's aiming at m-"
"How the Boad did he stab a stick through my body! Oh my Boad! I'm dying!"
Pel was dumbfounded at the slaughter of her people, some were even stupid enough to miss the platform when they jumped. Her only chance was to summon the Boad.
"Come on you worthless beings! Can't you even get one drop of blood! The Boad will save us!"
Skoodge sneaked over to Zim during the slaughter.
"Sir," the little minion said.
"Just watch, Skoodge, this is the fruit of my military knowledge!" Zim said, "It tastes so sweet and juicy! Hahahahaha!"
Meanwhile, Tel had confronted Stu, the traitor to the falsely condemned.
"I'll make sure you're never a danger to my people again," Tel said.
"You forget, Tel, I received the same training that you did!" Stu leaped toward Tel and pinned him to the ground making him drop his sword. While pinning Tel with his metal arm, he picked up the fallen sword and prepared to strike.
"You forget Stu, I received one special type of training!" Tel pulled out a stick and plunged it through Stu's chest.
"Arrgh! How the Boad did you do that!" Stu fell over and died.
"You useless trashes!" Pel yelled, "Fight for your weak pathetic lives to get me some blood!"
"I WILL DESTROY ALL WHO ARE CONDEMNED!" Dib shouted while still being strapped down.
Meanwhile, Gaz made her way up to Kor's platform, silently pushing the guard who was watching the battle a bit too closely, now even closer thanks to her, and kicked the other. Kor was still limbless and bleeding since the guard continued to rip her limbs off during the battle. Gaz used a spare sword to cut the straps on Kor's neck and legs.
Pel spotted the two and was determined to hold some dignity in this battle. She tore off the arm of a nearby cultist and threw it at Kor's platform. It broke one of the ropes that held the platform up causing it to tilt. Gaz was able to hold onto an edge with her arms but Kor fell. She landed on Dib, her blood splashing all over him.
The unexpected happened, a vortex started forming on Dib's head, it grew larger and larger causing the battle to come to a halt.
"Yes! Yes! YES!" Pel screamed in delight.
"This can't be possible!" Tel said, "They were all stories, that I made up!"
"Wait, I thought the ritual needed the blood of the condemned," Gaz said. Everyone gave Kor a look, wondering why she was "condemned".
"What? So I committed mass genocide on my own people," Kor said, "But that shouldn't class me as condemned."
The vortex grew, causing the entire structure to shake and crumble. Platforms started falling, building collapsing. Finally the vortex started shrinking, revealing the being that came out of it.
"A monkey?" Zim shouted. Indeed, it was a plain monkey, dressed in some sort of astronaut suit. Everyone was in shock, wondering what the hell just happened.
"G-Great Boad? It's me, your most faithful servant and the one who summoned you," Pel spoke with uncertainty. It didn't move from Dib's head and had the same idiotic stare as when it appeared. "Don't worry, my people! I'm sure this is the Great Boad! Now begins our campaign against the conde-WHAT?"
The Monkey had grabbed Pel, restraining her. He held her up and walked to the edge, staring into the abyss of the structure. He hollered once and tossed her off the platform.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh-"
The structure continued crumbling, knowing the pointlessness of the situation, Pel's cult retreated, trying to find safety from the doomed structure. The ZMDA ran back into the Dibship as Skoodge was preparing the ship for launch. Gaz got down from her platform and made her way back to the ship. Kor started sliding off the platform because of her blood, but her arms regrew just in time, she grabbed Gir and started to make her way to the Dibship.
Gir looked back to focus on Dib, with Pel gone, Dib came to his senses and was extremely confused.
"What the hell?" He said, "Get me out of here!"
As the ZMDA were running back some threw their swords into the air in victory, four blades flew straight at Dib, miraculously cutting his restraints on his legs and arms.
"I'm free," but the ceiling started to cave and platform was cracking. Pieces of the floor were falling apart, including the piece of floor Dib was lying on, "Oh crap."
Gir looked up to see a large rock from the ceiling heading towards him, there was a loud crunch...
The screen became extremely fuzzy and with static partially covering the screen. Only glimpses were seen, the sound of a takeoff could be heard, and a wobbly view of the forest below. Suddenly, the forest became bigger until it reached past the trees and landed on the ground. The video ended there.
Tak sat there upset at the fact that Zim's crew suffered almost no casualties, with Dib's and Gir's condition being in question. Tak didn't know what to make of Zim's little army, though Zim is a failure his army is highly adaptable and would only become a threat with time.
"Shall we give this to the Employer?" Nar asked.
"No need, Mimi was already streaming it to him as we watched it," Tak said. She then took Mimi to retire to her quarters.
In there, she activated Mimi's monitor to talk with the Employer. His shadowy figure popped up on the screen, another monitor in his location was replaying the last part of the video.
"Sir," Tak said.
"Proceed to la next part of el plano," he said.
"Yes sir."
"I marked las planetas on your mapo, I'll activate the machine in 24 earth horas." He cut the transmission after that. The Employer had enjoyed the little video Tak streamed, he found Zim's course of actions interesting. Zim would certainly make his plan fun, though only one thing bothered him now.
Dib had just finished watching the video from Gir's eye. Dib was still a bit shaken after what happened, having become a cult crazy slave was still bothering him. He didn't even pay much attention to his thirty or so new crew-mates who were busy making blueprints for an addition to the Dibship that would be their new city, since their old one was crushed by the structure. Zim had set the Dibship to drift in Heboad's orbit for a bit. The lone monkey that was one of Dib's saviors also made it onto the ship, though it just stared into the void of space, he felt a sense of familiarity with the monkey.
A door opened, revealing a Gir with his eyes fixed. Behind him walked out Zim, who headed towards the ship controls. Dib decided to use this chance to talk to him.
"Hey Zim," Dib said.
"What do you want, Dib-stink?" He replied.
"I know that now we're comrades and everything but considering our history together, why did you save me back there?" Indeed, it was Zim who caught Dib's hand before he fell to death. This still confused Dib, considering his position on the ship seemed so expendable, especially considering he didn't even know what his position on the ship was.
"Dib-stink, do not take that as some gesture of your mushy Earth friendship. You have proven useful to Zim, and could still provide some use. I merely saw that saving your existence was a better option than watching you die. Besides, you still have to 'talk' to two other beings."
Dib felt the presence of two figures behind him, it sent various shivers down his spinal column.
"Saving your skin caused me way too much trouble," Gaz said, "You owe me."
"Feeling the pain of having your arms constantly torn off was so much fun that I thought I should share the experience with you, Dib," Kor said, Dib started feeling a strong sense of fear.
"Hahahaha," Zim laughed. Dib now owed him for his life and he will be able to watch Dib suffer too. "You'll have lots of time to 'talk', Dib. Our next destination is quite far off, it's much deeper into Irken territory," Zim started imputing coordinates into the Dibship.
"Yay!" shouted an excited Gir.
"Yes, Gir, celebrate with glee! For our next target is the Irken Armory!"