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Chapter 11

Bella gazed down into the face of her baby as she nursed, contemplating the vagaries of time flow. On the one hand, when she thought back over the past year and the changes it had wrought in her life, it seemed to have flashed by. On the other, it seemed that she had lived with the cloud of doom she felt hanging above her forever.

She knew she had to leave, and she did not know if she would ever make it back. The decision before her was one that kept her awake at night, and left dark circles under her eyes. Would she take the baby to Rose, as she had originally planned? Or, as her heart had recently begun to prompt, leave Leah here with the two men who had captured that heart? She had no doubt that they would care for her, and make a good life for her. Would they accept Bella back into their world after she had finished the task she had set for herself?

She wondered if she even should return to her, wherever she ended up leaving her. What would Leah think of her having been with someone like James and having a baby by him? Assuming, of course, that she lived through it, would she be a fit mother after she had done what she had to do? She was not sure how an older Leah would regard her, if she found out she had killed her father. But, it had to be done. He was like a force of nature who could not be reasoned with or appealed to on any normal human terms. James wouldn't hesitate to use the baby against her, and she doubted if it would matter to him what happened to either of them. If Leah had been a boy, he would have felt something, perhaps, but a daughter would hold very little appeal. Whatever choice she made, she had to keep her daughter hidden.

BR

April melted into May, and May into June. Jake had no air conditioning and the days were hot and sweltering, but Bella thought them too short. The nights were hardest. She would lay awake in the heavy stillness, thoughts whirling through her head, leaving her dizzy. She knew that she would have to plan carefully what she would do, how and where she would confront him, but every scenario ended the same way.

Spring, being the busiest time of the year on a farm, Edward had plenty to keep him occupied outside during the day, plowing, planting, tending to the stock. The four of them spent their evenings quietly reading together after supper, which Bella continued to insist on cooking.

Occasionally Edward would hear the baby cry at night, and Bella's soothing voice. One morning, the first week in June, he passed by her door which had been left open slightly to take advantage of the cool breeze. He glanced that way and was trapped by the picture she made. She was sitting in the rocking chair holding the baby and singing softly. The infant was gazing up into her face and holding Bella's finger in her tiny fist. The morning sun streamed through the window casting a halo of golden light around both of them.

He stood there for several moments, mesmerized by the almost spiritual beauty of the scene. Feeling his eyes upon her, she looked up, and the spell should have been broken, but instead she smiled at him and he was drawn into the magic. He took a step forward and then another until he stood over them looking down into the face of the newborn. Her expression seemed to be perpetually one of concern.

"What do you suppose she's thinking?" he was moved to wonder.

Bella laughed, and he loved the sound. "I'm not sure but I'd be willing to bet it's got something to do with her next meal. She's such a piglet."

She smiled down at Leah, and then her smile faded leaving her with almost the same worried expression as the child. The room darkened as the sun went behind a cloud and the glow disappeared. Edward shivered with a chill of foreboding.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"Oh sure, I'm feeling great, actually, considering." Her smile was back, but she still looked worried. "It's just, well, I don't know how long it's going to last. This peace, I mean. I feel like I'm in the eye of a hurricane."

"Are you more afraid James Fontana will find you? Or the FBI?"

"It means the same, if they know, then James will."

He nodded. There was so much that needed to be said, he could feel her need to ask him, and there was so much he wanted to say, so many questions. Yet, it wasn't time, and he wasn't sure when it ever would be.

"I understand not feeling you can trust the authorities to protect you from him. I don't trust anyone either, truthfully."

"What about the papers you had made for me, don't you trust the person who did that for you? What do I owe you for that, by the way?"

"You don't owe me anything. And, my trust in that source comes from knowing where his skeletons are buried, and my own anonymity, not from confidence in his integrity."

"Ah," she said, fully understanding where he was coming from. Sometimes self-interest was a more dependable motive than personal loyalty.

"I...think you should stay," he went on, hesitantly. "I believe that you and the baby will be safe here. What can I do to convince you to stay?"

"I have to go, I can't live in fear...I can't bring the same thing that happened to Riley here to you and Jake, I just can't."

"Bella, why do feel like it was your fault that the FBI agent was killed?"

"I should have stayed away from him, I sought out his friendship, he payed for it."

"Sweetheart, this is all on James, nothing, not one iota of blame or fault lies at your door."

She shook her head, her breath catching on a sob, at the term of endearment and the absolution he was offering. She wanted to grasp on to both, but her guilt was too heavy. She smiled at him and changed the subject, and although he let her, this time, he was not letting her go without a fight.

He continued to watch her as the next few weeks went by, seeing the stress she was under, knowing she was counting the days. He wondered what was going through her mind, and what she would do. He could almost hear her ticking. She had requested that he try to get her an untraceable phone, and he had done so, willing to do whatever he could to make her happy. She forcefully insisted on giving him money for it, which he had slipped back into her bag when she wasn't looking.

Knowing the transience of the pleasant bubble they had created, every evening became more precious to him; she and the baby sat with them while they played checkers or cards and listened to music. Jake had a fondness for Country, especially Willie Nelson. Edward preferred Rock, Jazz or Classical. Bella would watch their goodnatured bickering about what was best and smile. She would read, or try to, but more often than not her book would fall and she would stare off into space, her eyes dark with...what? Memories, perhaps. He was afraid that it was more than memories, that she was planning something that would take the two of them out of his and Jake's lives, forever.

He was afraid, too, of the way he couldn't get her out of his mind. He was bothered by how much a part of their lives she had already become, and what a hole would be left without her. He would catch himself thinking about her all through the day, of little things about her, like the way she laughed, her gentle smile and the light in her eyes as she sat with them in the evenings, and the way she would stick just the tip of her tongue between her lips when she was concentrating on something.

She was in a terrible position, through no fault of her own, and his heart ached for her; he desperately wanted to fix her problem. James Fontana was out on bail, although still restricted in his movements for now, but if Bella did not come forward soon he would not be there for much longer. Edward racked his brain for a solution, knowing that time was counting down.

He contemplated ways to make her stay, and he thought of ways to go in her stead. He would need to have his leg surgery, perhaps he could use that excuse to get away, he could end James Fonatana's miserable existence and set Bella and Leah free. He let his thoughts dwell on this scenario, picturing ways he could make it happen.

Alice had stopped coming every day after the first of June, but she still dropped in a few times a week, and other women did, too. Bella tried to remain detached and aloof, but she could not. Before long, she felt more at home than she had anywhere else she had ever been, despite the fact that this world was like an alien planet compared to the one she had lived in most of her life.

There were a few uncomfortable moments; one woman in particular kept staring intently and repeating that Bella looked familiar. She managed to laughed it off casually, remarking that she guessed she just had one of those faces, and none of the panic she felt showed. She collapsed onto the sofa after the woman had gone and decided she had a career on the stage, if she got through this alive.

In early June Doc Banner took off the cast with which he had replaced her splint, and for the next two weeks she exercised it everyday. By the first of July the soreness was gone, and she was getting restless for some physical exercise. One of her favorite pastimes, pre-pregnancy, had been tennis and she had been fairly good at it. So far, the most strenuous activity Edward or Jake would allow was cooking, but she was ready to do more. Maybe Edward would teach her to ride, or, at the very least, he would let her help with some of the chores outside. She could do those easily with the baby strapped to her with the incredibly handy sling Alice had given her.

Leah Rose was growing at an astonishing rate. She was smiling and cooing by the time she was two months, reaching out for her mother's face while she nursed, keeping her eyes trained on Bella's with an almost otherworldly awareness in her gaze. Her eyes had changed, loosing the blue new born tint, becoming nearly the same dark caramel brown as her mother's.

Edward had been bringing home the Sunday paper each week, and while both of them pretended to be interested in other stories, they knew that the first news looked for was about the trial. The search continued, and there were comments about her having dropped off the face of the earth. Much speculation about her possible death led to a conversation about the possibility of staging something to convince everyone that she had died; nothing came of that idea, as they couldn't come up with a plausible scenario.

She touched up her roots frequently and continued to keep a low profile, seldom straying from the farm, and she continued to agonize over whether to take Leah to Rose, or leave her with Edward and Jake. It occurred to her, eventually, that she wouldn't be able to make that decision without talking to Rose, first. She dug through her bag and found the card Rose had given her all those years ago, hoping she still had the same number.

She picked up on the third ring. "Rosalie Hale."

"Hi Rose, it's me."

Her friend gasped, audibly, "Girl, where are you? Wait, no, don't tell me, I don't want to know. Are you alright?"

"I am, but I need your help."

"Anything. What can I do?"

Bella's heart swelled in gratitude at the friendship Rose offered so freely. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. "Where are you right now?"

"I'm in Portland, but I'm leaving for Seattle tonight."

"How long will you be there?"

"I'm not sure, but I'll be there a few months. I'm doing a huge spread."

"How would you feel about a visit?"

"I would love to have you!"

"I may not be alone," Bella warned.

"Really?" Rose was smirking, Bella could hear it her voice. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Not a guy, and certainly not lucky. I have a baby girl."

Another gasp met her ears. "A baby? What..who...when did that happen?"

"I'm pretty sure you know what, and the who, if you think about it, and the when was a little over two months ago."

"So, this is his baby?"

"Yes."

"Does he know?"

"He knows that I was pregnant."

"I see." Bella gave her time to gather her thoughts, knowing this might change things.

"Why did you say that you might not be alone, if you have a baby?"

"I haven't decided for certain what I'm doing, and I wasn't sure how you would feel. We never talked about children, some people don't like to have them around."

"You could leave her, you have someone you trust that much?"

"I do, but I don't want to."

"Then don't. I'm fine with her being here. When are you thinking about coming?"

Bella hesitated, now that Rose had not closed the door on having Leah with her, she realized that she was almost wishing she had. It would have made her choice easier. Then she felt guilty over her weakness. "I haven't really made any plans, I'm laying low right now, but I have to do something soon."

"Just let me know, sweetie, I'll meet you at the airport, or wherever you need me to."

"Thanks, Rose. You're such a good friend."