"WHERE! ARE! MY! WEAP-AH!" The bloody remains of the freshly blown up Darvon splattered over the smart Darvons who knew better than to stand up in a trench. It had been twelve hours since the "Darvon" known as Loren destroyed their main military base and revealed himself to be an Irken. The Irken Armada arrived two hours later.
The remaining military forces on the planet were fighting the opposing Irken Armada, choosing death over enslavement. It was a losing battle. Even though the Darvons had forced the Irken to ground combat after taking out a third of their fleet, any communications from the forces around the planet were always about how another city was captured or the rising number of Darvon deaths. Yet the Darvons still chose to fight.
Daj was shuffling through the other soldiers in a trench, all either wounded or dead, calling out to his brother. They were just trainees who were forced into their first real combat scenario just hours ago. Despite the harsh and cruel training Daj went through over the years, he lacked the composure of a soldier that can only be gained by experience. He was scared. He was scared of seeing more Darvons get blown apart, scared of being blown apart, scared of seeing his brother get blown apart.
"Daj?" The voice was faint and weak, Daj quickly ran towards the source. There was Ere, leaning against the trench wall, his leg was gushing blood.
"Ere, what happened?" Daj asked.
"Shrap...nel, from a Dar...von skull, that...exploded," Ere spoke faintly.
"We have to patch up this wound somehow, lets see" Daj spotted an Irken corpse on the ridge of the trench, apparently some foolish soldier who tried to charge the Darvon line and failed. The Irken's cloth were intact and not heavily burned by laser fire. Next to the corpse was its spear, perfect for tearing fabric. Daj got an idea and quickly treated Ere's wound.
"Um, Daj, are you sure this is the best way to treat my wound?"
"Of course, Irken skin is highly durable, so it should last for a long time. Now add some Irken blood on the edges for an adhesive and done, no more blood."
"Couldn't you just-"
"Brother, this was the best solution."
"But what about the clo-"
"The BEST solution."
"Bu-"
"The BEST."
"Fine."
"Alright, now you gotta get out of here."
"What? You want me to run? Like some sort of cowardly villain?"
"If it means you get to live longer, then yes."
"Nay, brother!"
"Nay?"
"How can I hope to achieve my dream if I run away? How can I live with myself knowing that I consciously chose to abandon my people in their time of need? What kind of hero is that?"
"Hero? You're still thinking about that, even when our planet's demise could be seconds away?"
"Of course!" Ere rose to his feet, "In our planet's darkest hour, I will be the light that fuels the planet! When my people fall, I will rise, then make the Irkens fall, at which my people will rise again! When this rock is blown to pieces, I wi-" Daj pushed his brother to the ground, narrowly avoiding the missile that flew over their heads.
"I swear, your heroic moments will get you killed!"
"Just like true heroes!" Daj knew Ere would run into battle even without legs at this point, somehow defying the laws of nature, just to be a hero.
"Fine, but we stay together. If we go down, we go down together."
"Fighting evil together with my brother, I couldn't ask for more."
"How about a chance at winning this battle?"
"Let's go, sidek-"
"Do NOT call me that." Daj helped his brother to his feet. Together they climbed over the walls of the trench, screaming into the air. Not even a foot later, Ere fell to the ground. Daj looked back to see his brother before he too fell, feeling a sharp pain, before blacking out.
Daj woke up to darkness, his first thought was whether he was dead or not. After recalling what had happened, he was betting that he was dead. However he was incredibly frustrated, not at that he died but rather he died without killing anything. In his first battle he not only died but failed to kill a single Irken. He slammed his fist to the ground in frustration, only to hit something scaly.
The lights turned on, Daj saw that he was in either a large garage or a small hanger, because he saw a lone ship next to him. Daj looked down to see Ere, the scaly thing he had hit was his head. He didn't think his brother would wake up soon.
"So, you finally woke up." Another Darvon appeared and approached Daj. Unlike him and his brother, this Darvon had a lizard-like snout, signifying that he was an old generation Darvon. He smiled at Daj, displaying the sharp teeth that lined the inside of his mouth. Daj knew the smile too well, it was the smile that had raised him for years.
"Kry? What's going on?" Daj asked.
"Well, to put it simply, I knocked out both you and Ere, dragged you guys back to the house, and I'm going to put both of you on a ship off this planet," Kry said.
"What! We can't just leave, Darvons are dying out there, and to run away-"
"Is the best solution. You two are too young to die today, you have to live, for your people, for yourselves, and for me." Daj saw Kry's tearful look, he couldn't bring himself to deny Kry's wish.
"Fine, but how'd you get this ship anyway?"
"I've been working on it for years, ever since Loren first came here. I made it as a last resort, seeing as how no one else believed me that he wasn't a Darvon."
"Well he had a convincing disguise."
"He had antennae, no tail, and weird ligaments that connected his hands to his body!"
"He said he had a skin condition."
"AND YOU ALL BELIEV- you know what, never mind, let's just get your brother on the ship, though he should be awake by now, I wonder why he's still knocked out."
"Oh, something must've hit his head while you were dragging him," Daj said, pretending like he didn't punch his brother in the face earlier. Daj and Kry carried Ere into the ship and strapped him down.
"Alright, since we forced them to ground combat, they won't be focusing much on what goes in and out of this planet, you should slip by. I don't know where you'll land but there are rations, beacons, stunners, rifles, and other blasters in here."
"Wait, Kry, you aren't coming with us?"
"What? Of course I am, who said I wasn-" A large blast was heard. Irkens had destroyed a side of the house and started firing at them, "Looks like I won't, I'll hold them off, you guys go." Kry turned around to face the Irkens.
"No, Kry, you have to come with us, I'll make sure of it."
"Daj, you have to go. I just want you and Ere's safet-ARRBLAGARBLAGARRR!" Daj had taken a stunner from ship and shot Kry in the head with it, causing him to black out. Fortunately, the Irkens that were firing at them weren't good shots, giving enough time for him to pull Kry inside, close the door, and launch the ship. As Daj went higher, more or the carnage caused by the Irkens became visible. The laser burns on the lands, the bodies of Darvons dead in the streets, entire structures were nothing but rubble. Once in space, Daj turned away, not wanting to see his entire planet in ruin. He looked at the stunner in his hand, wondering what will happen to them now. He then noticed a red label on the side, "WARNING: Do Not Shoot At Head."
"Oh crap."
Daj woke up from his dream, reliving a past memory wasn't exactly how he wanted to relax. Kry sat there watching him, his mind now reduced to its primal state after Daj electrocuted him. Daj went back to sleep, waiting until it was time for him to shoot more Irkens.
"...I don't remember much after blacking out, but according to Daj, Kry protected us from the attacking Irkens and as a consequence, was reverted to a primal state. After I woke up, we landed on Fuelia Portia, a wretched hive of pitch salesman and obsessed collectors," Ere was recounting how he lost his planet to Irkens. After being released, Ere offered to show them around the compound, but Zim only wanted to plan his next attack, Gaz and Gir followed him. Dib and Kor were the only ones to take Ere's offer.
"So what happened next?" Dib asked.
"Well first, we sold most of our weapons for money, despite Daj's protest. Then we worked as sales mascots, saving up to buy real shelter, that is, until Daj used up all the savings to buy a Giant Fraction Blaster."
"He bought weapons when you already had some?"
"Yeah, if I recall correctly..."
"You bought a what?"
"A Giant Fraction Blaster, or G.F.B. for short."
"Why?"
"Well because it looked cool."
"You used up all the money we saved for a real shelter as well as our food money for the month just for something cool? Well, now that we ran out of food and there are holes in our ship, do you think it was worth it?"
"Being cool is priceless, if you look at it like that then you can see that this was a steal."
"HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO SURVIVE!"
"Woah, calm down, Ere, just think of how this thing can help us."
"How?"
"Well, it can shoot things."
"Shoot things, sure, we can solve all our problems by shooting things."
"Finally, you see things my way."
"IT WON'T HELP! I bet you can't even fire it correctly!"
"How dare you insult me like that. Of course I can!" Daj started fiddling around with the G.F.B. "You just have to flip this switchy thingy, then the lever over here, um, pull this knobby thingy, turn it upside down, pull the trigger, oops, wrong trigger, um..."
"Daj, just stop it before you hurt someo-" The blaster fired, sending a beam into the crowd of pedestrians.
"ARRRGH, MY CHEST CAVITY! I CAN'T FEEL MY CHEST CAVITY! ARGBLAGARBLAGAR!"
The last cries of death and pool of blood caused a crowd to stir around the body and us.
"Oh my gosh, he just shot someone!"
"They must be SUPERVILLAINS!"
"Call the authorities!" The crowd was in panic, believing Daj and me to be super criminals.
"So Daj, today after I fed Kry our last rations, I found out my brother spent all our money on a stupid giant gun, a gun that he doesn't even know how to operate, and because he shot someone we are now criminals, villains, wait, not just villains, SUPERVILLAINS! So what did you do today, Daj?" I said with sarcastic glee.
"I shot someone!" Daj said with real glee.
"Oh, so glad to see your dream came true."
"Come on, Ere, this will work out somehow."
"Calm down, calm down, everyone." A group of authorities walked out and silenced the crowd.
"Sirs, those two shot this man!" They moved to examine the body.
"Let's see, chest cavity completely vaporized, no functioning innards, massive fluid loss. Maybe he's dead, let's have our medical specialist examine him." Another being in white stepped out and carefully examined the body.
"He's dead."
"Well that's all we need, time to bring those villains to justice!"
"Wait, this being. Isn't he the Slaughtering Salesman?"
"The rampant mass murderer who not only cuts prices but bodies as well?"
"Yes! We finally got him!"
"Those boys aren't villains, they're heroes...heroes...heroes..."
"...heroes...heroes...heroes!" Kry stopped his echo, "The people were so grateful they rewarded us with money. Inspired by that day, me and Daj continued to act as heroes and the people were always willing to give us rewards for our acts of justice."
"Wow, heroes, really?" Dib said.
"Wait, if you're getting rewards then aren't you just a mercen-" Kor was interrupted.
"Yes, Daj, Kry, and I were a team. We had many adventures, like the dastardly farmer that stopped paying the bills, or the old lady psycho that was harassing a group of gentle street thugs, or the little boy mastermind who had poked his classmate Sally the other day. Wherever we went, one patron was always happy with our work, and that was worth it. Daj even set up a hotline so we could be contacted!"
"Wow the dastardly-wait a minute," Dib suddenly realized the lack of sense in Ere's story.
"I was so enthralled in our heroics! Then came the day we lost to evil! Daj caught word that the authorities of Fuelia Portia had become corrupt, they did not favor our heroics, but we couldn't do anything about it. Daj said by destroying the authorities we would destroy the order of the planet, so it was better for the beings to live in their illusions. We left the planet soon after using a ship Daj said he prepared just for this moment, and thus we continued to spread our justice to the universe! Eventually bringing us here, helping the resistance. But to this day, I still promise to return to Fuelia Portia and purify the black gunk of corrupt doom from the face of innocent justice!"
"Uh, I don't think th-" Kor stopped Dib from continuing his sentence.
"It's probably better for him to believe his brother," Kor whispered to Dib.
"So what brings you to Oberox?" Ere asked.
"We're going to destroy the Irken Empire."
"The Irken Empire? How far reaching but if you put your mind to it, and add a dash of hope, you can do anything!"
"You sound like my mom."
"Well she must be a great being, now what are your stories?"
"I'd rather not tell mine," Kor said. However, Dib was a bit eager to tell his.
"Well if you ask..."
The Irken armory, though large in size, was not a complex structure. There were more empty rooms than full, reserved for future weapons. The living quarters were in the lowest floor of the structure, the storage rooms the floor above, and the weapons transport system on top. The Irkens would send weapons from the armory by placing them in a pod launching it to a planet using highly complicated warpgates, wormholes, hyperspace doohickey science. At the center of all the rooms was the Center Room, where all storage was monitored, all coordinates made, and where Togan sat most of the time.
Togan held disdain for his position as the Overseer of the Armory, it was boring and most of the time the others did their jobs so he lacked excuses to kill anyone. He wanted to be an Invader again, to conquer worlds and see the faces of families torn apart, friends holding the corpses of friends, the sheer terror in their eyes, but those moments were nothing but blissful memories since he got reassigned after he took up a "take no prisoners" policy with his invasion plan, it made getting slaves from the planet hard.
Then the rebellion happened, and his life was now full of joy and bliss. As long as he didn't kill too many of them, they would always attack. The other workers would often screw up during this time of crisis, which gave him an excuse to kill anyone who made a mistake. They couldn't hide their screw ups too, since he could read their mind. Just the thought of it made him want to dance, and he did.
"Uhh, sir?" A worker had come up to him to give him a status update on the hole.
"What is it? Can't you see that I'm busy!" Togan answered.
"I took the liberty of sanctioning the reconstruction of the hole in the wall."
"I see."
"Yes, we just have to-"
"Call off the reconstruction."
"Uh, sir?"
"Do it now before I feel like killing you,"Togan said in a sing-song style.
"Y-yes sir," The worker quickly made a call to the other workers, telling them to stop all work on the hole.
"Good worker, you see that blade?" Togan pointed to a sharp metal object on the desk next to him.
"Y-yes, sir." Togan started levitation the blade slowly towards the worker, causing him to shake nervously.
"I don't feel like killing you," Togan lowered the blade into the worker's hand.
"Oh, thank you sir! Thank you-"
"Kill yourself with it." The worker was shocked.
"W-what sir?"
"Killing you myself would be too much work, so do it yourself."
"B-but sir, w-what did I do?"
"Who said you could sanction the reconstruction?"
"B-b-b-but-"
"Oh I guess we'll have to do it the hard way," Togan's implants started glowing, "You want to kill yourself. You want to stab yourself with that blade. It'll pierce your skin and go straight through your body, just like you've always hoped for!"
"N-no, no, noooooooo!" Despite the worker's verbal protest, his hand turned the blade onto himself. Slowly he brought it closer to his body. It wasn't complete mind control, not even Togan can make that technology, but the power of strong suggestion satisfied him for now. While the worker slowly pierced his body with the blade, Togan continued to dance.
"I'm surprised you gave in so quickly, my powers should be less effective on Irkens, you must be very weak willed. As for the hole, I want it open as sort of an invitation to the rebels. Let them think that I can't fix it and let them think it's an opening. I want them to go all out so that I may slaughter them all. I want this game to end before it gets too boring."
"You see, this armor actually prevents Togan from reading my mind, however there weren't enough supplies to duplicate the armor so I'm the only one that has it right now," Dwicky, along with Mooshy & Spoopti were escorting Zim, Gaz, and Gir to the command chamber where the maps of the interior of the Irken Armory were stored.
"I had to use my real right cyber-arm to make it!" Spoopti said.
"Ooo so now it's a fake cyber-arm?" Gir said.
"Yep, you wanna touch it?"
"Yaaay!" Gir climbed onto Spoopti and poked his arm. "It feels like metal!"
"Yep, it's exactly the same as my old arm, except fake."
"Zim, I really enjoy talking to your robot buddy," Dwicky said, grabbing Gir off of Spoopti, "He's so free-spirited and full of energy, just like I was before the experiments, and when I talk to him, it's like I'm talking to a younger me and we connect with each other." Dwicky then hugged Gir like a plush toy.
"I can see why he became friends with Dib," Gaz said.
"So how is the Earth doing? I'm curious to know if anything major happened in the years I was gone."
"People getting dumber, civilization decaying, every third person you met was some sort of crazy, pretty much the same as always."
"That's great! So Zim didn't conquer the Earth?"
"The Earth was just mere moments away from complete domination by me, Zim!" Zim said.
"Really, that's interesting, all of my rebels had faced Irken conquest in some way. They talked about how the Irken took them over within a year."
"What! Within a SINGLE EARTH YEAR-uh, well those Invaders were just lucky, using rushed tactics for their conquest. A true genius Invader, such as Zim, carefully plans out the conquest, slowly destroying the planet until it is just mush in my Irken hands."
"I guess a true genius Invader also fails every attempt at conquering the planet," Gaz said.
"All those failures were all just set-ups to my master plan to conquer the Earth!"
"I'm sure they were."
"We're here!" Dwicky stopped at a locked door. After entering a code and retinal scan, the door opened. There was a cylindrical structure in the middle, Mooshy and Spoopti started pressing buttons to bring up a hologram of the Irken Armory, it revealed the entire interior of the building. Zim started inspecting the scans. "My men scanned the building just yesterday. I sent so many of my troops to the armory just for these scans. None of them returned, but it is worth it knowing that this information will not go to waste!"
"Yes, very accurate, almost as good as the one I have on my ship," Zim said.
"Wait, if you had the scans of the armory already, why did we go on recon?" Gaz asked.
"That wasn't my idea, remember?"
"..."
Zim examined the scans completely, marking off key areas. "You, tall earthworm, tomorrow you are to assemble all your troops. Be prepared for a final assault on the armory."
"Sure thing," Dwicky said, "I'll spend the night rallying them up for battle tomorrow."
"Gir, open communications with Skoodge."
"Tearing my head open," Gir said.
"Zim, how about you tell us what exactly it is you're planning first," Gaz said.
"Most of the weapons are stored here," Zim pointed to the bottom of the structure, "The earth-stink's troops and my armada will attack and pillage it, eventually working their way to the center. At the top is the Irken transport system, used to send weapons to other planets. With it disabled, the main supply of Irken firepower will be cut off. This is where I and a group will head. I'll of course take my reliable meat-shields with me, I'll also take your best soldiers."
"Oh, that means you'll take Daj, Ere, and Kry," Dwicky said.
"What about me and my brother?" Daj entered the room, still half asleep.
"Oh Daj, good, tomorrow you and your brother will be part of a suicide mission."
"With the drone?"
"Yep."
"Kay."
"Wait, before you begin choosing your soldiers for this mission I must know the survivability ratio," Zim said.
"Well, Togan is usually found in the upper area so most likely you'll come face to face with him," Spoopti said.
"And just how powerful is this Togan?"
"Oh he's crazy scary," Mooshy said, "what with his psychic powers and all. Last time we saw him he made me eat Spoopti's real left cyber-arm."
"We don't even have mouth openings on our suits," Spoopti said.
"That arm was pretty tasty though, Spoopti."
"Thank you, I made it myself. But yeah, your survival rate is pretty low."
"Then I welcome the scaly meat-shield to my group," Zim said.
"Meat-shield?" Daj said, "I'll shoot you first before I-"
"Now Daj, as an Irken, Zim has the best advantage against the enemy and has the best understanding of their technology, it would be much better for the mission if he survived." Dwicky said. Daj was greatly irked, knowing that he had to protect an Irken. Even when he was a mercenary he'd always killed Irkens, whether they were the client or target. "Now Daj, don't try to screw up the mission, okay?"
"Fine," Daj reluctantly answered.
"Good boy, and good luck tomorrow, tell your brother for me, I gotta rally some troops then head to bed." Dwicky left the room with Mooshy and Spoopti, leaving Zim, Gaz, Gir, and Daj.
"I am NOT going to be your meat-shield."
"Oh but you will be, lizard-stink, and when you get roasted by superior Irken weaponry I'll be there to stand over your ugly, char-broiled corpse and smell how delicious it is," Zim ended with his sinister laugh.
"He's not right in the head, is he?" Daj asked Gaz.
"Where I come from, that's normal," Gaz answered.
"...and on that day, even though I was ridiculed endlessly, isolated as a social outcast, and every Thanksgiving I was known as the Cranberry Gobbler, but I live knowing that the Winged-Turkey Devil will never haunt fake pilgrims again!" Dib, Ere, and Kor had entered the room, Dib just finishing recounting a past event to Ere.
"Wow!" Ere said, "Even when they turned their backs to you, you still saved them, now that's true heroism!"
"Really?"
"Yes, a hero must make sacrifices for what is right, you are-oh hey there, Daj."
"Having fun there, brother?" Daj asked.
"Yep, just showing these two around while swapping stories with Dib here. You know, he's a real hero, like us!"
"That's nice, by the way, we're going on a suicide mission inside the armory tomorrow. I'll give you details later."
"Great! I'll go get ready, well, see you guys later." Ere ran off, leaving behind a Darvon, a Fefian, two humans, a robot, and an Irken.
"You really got him deluded, don't you?" Kor asked.
"Please don't say anything to him, it's all he has in life," Daj begged.
"We'll keep quiet," Dib responded, "Did you say suicide mission?"
Back at the Dibship, Tel and Skoodge have been left alone for hours. The Dibship was dreading the hours the most. The Heboadians were wringing him dry of haiku, it made him want to write a haiku about hating haiku, and he did. He ended up not saying anything anymore, consequently, the Heboadians started becoming restless.
"We want haiku!" They chanted in unison.
"No!" cried the Dibship.
"We want haiku!"
"NO!" The Heboadians were getting violent thoughts by this time.
"Hey, he must have some sort of thought processor that makes the haiku!"
"Yeah, if we can somehow find it we can rewire it to constantly spew haiku for all eternity!"
"But how are we going to find it?"
"Let's start by TEARING HIM APART!" They started jumping up and down, ready to rip the Dibship apart.
"W-WAIT!" Shouted the Dibship.
"Haiku?" one of the Heboadians said. The Dibship couldn't think of a haiku on the spot to calm them, every haiku he thought of had a six syllable line in it somewhere.
"Uh, I have something...something better than haiku!" He shouted in a panic. The Heboadians were intrigued, they calmed down and waiting for the Dibship to show them something amazing. "Uh, how about...poorly dubbed kung-fu movies!"
The Dibship opened a large monitor, starting a movie call "Dragon Sushi Warrior: Enter the Shiitake Garden-Happy GO Banzai! -1". Instantly, the Heboadians became mesmerized by the movie, watching the bloody and physics-defying action. The Dibship sighed in relief.
Meanwhile, Tel and Skoodge wasted the hours in the main room of the Dibship. Tel was reading through a holofile containing data logs on Irken Warfare given to him by Zim while Skoodge was waiting by the monitor.
"You've been standing there for hours already, just what are you waiting for?" Tel asked.
"Zim said he'd call me if anything came up, as a dutiful soldier I must be on alert for when that moment happens, Hoo-ha!" Skoodge said.
"You're quite...devoted to his orders."
"It is my sworn duty to obey the commands of the Almighty Tallest."
"So you obey him...because he's tall?"
"And ALMIGHTY!"
"Are all Irkens really like this?"
"Irkens are a dutiful race of warriors with the sole purpose of galactic conquest or sustaining the planets conquered. The position of Tallest is a sacred tradition given to the tallest one of us. To disobey is to go against the Irken race and all that it stands for! Hoo-ha!"
"You mean kind of like how we're going against the Irken race right now?"
"Zim is rightfully the tallest, therefore it is everyone else who is going against the Irken race."
"So every Irken, except for you two, is wrong?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"...Hoo-ha!"
"Don't you think something is a little flaw-"
"INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM: SUPREME ALMIGHTY TALLEST, ZIM!" The Dibship announced, alerting Skoodge and bringing up a monitor with Zim's image on it.
"Ah, Skoodge, did the transmission alert system work, I added it myself," Zim said.
"It was genius, sir," Skoodge answered.
"Yes, yes, I AM a genius."
"A pretty stupid genius if you ask me," Gaz said in the background.
"I have reached the last bits of my neural fibers with you! Anyway, Skoodge, I have devised a plan..."
Nightfall befell the rebel base, layering the surface with its black blanket, not that one can tell in the underground rebel base. The rebels had retired to their quarters, basically holes they had to dig out. It would take days to make these cave-rooms, and since Zim's party didn't have the time to make these caves they had to sleep in someone's room, someone of Zim's choice.
"Why? Why me?" Daj screamed at a smiling Zim. The group had the privilege of sleeping in Daj & Ere's room for the night, which fortunately was also the biggest room. Rags and cushions were provided to them by Spoopti and Mooshy.
"Does my presence disturb you, lizard-stink? Maybe you should slay me right here if I am such a bother to you. Here's you Giant Fraction Blaster," Zim placed the giant blaster in Daj's hand and the barrel aimed at his face, "I am quite well aware of the capabilities of this weapon. The Giant Fraction Blaster, or G.F.B., a blaster gaining its name for both its massive size and ability to blow a victim into fractions of the said victim. Oh I can see the image of my head being blown to bits by such a weapon. However, one of my favorite features has to be the easily squeezable trigger. The motion is so smooth and clean, all the wielder has to due to cause instant death is to squeeze...squeeze...squeeze...squeeze..."
Daj very much wanted to shut Zim up for good, ever since becoming a mercenary he had never let a kill go, especially Irkens, and one was looking at him through the barrel of his gun, tempting his bloodlust. Yet he couldn't kill the key component to tomorrow's mission and was ordered by Dwicky to not harm Zim, and Daj knew Zim was taken full advantage of his temporary immortality. Zim's tempting, however, was making him willing to jeopardize tomorrow's mission, all he had to do was squeeze the smooth, light, gentle trigger. He would've pulled it too if Kry didn't catch on and take the gun away from Daj.
Meanwhile, Kor and Gaz were relaxing on the side of the wall, watching Zim's psychological torture of Daj. Gaz was playing on her Gameslave that Zim made for her, while Kor was bored and knew sleeping wouldn't be possible with Zim still awake.
"So, what do you think of tomorrow's plans?" Kor asked.
"We'll go in, things start happening like they should, then, through Zim's lack of foresight things go horribly wrong and there's a 50/50 chance of things working out. That's how Zim's plans always go," Gaz said.
"You sound so enthusiastic about tomorrow."
"Whatever."
"You know, you don't seem like the type to go on an intergalactic adventure, so why are you here? Well, other than because of Zim, of course."
"What's that suppose to mean? And I'm only here because Zim used a giant vacuum to suck my stuff into the Dibship so I followed him into it. The only reason I'm not forcing Zim to take me back anymore is because something that was mine was taken from me, and I want to make the theft pay."
"What was taken?"
"It's a list where I recount my daily events so that I can seek vengeance on those who wronged me each day."
"...so it's a dia-"
"It's NOT a diary! It's a Vendetta List."
"Right, I'm sure there's a huge difference."
"You know what, Kor? Why don't you-" Kor put her hand up towards Gaz's face.
"Wait, I'm sensing something," Kor paused and turned her head, searching the room, "It feels like...angst."
"You can sense angst?"
"As a goth, I can sense self-depreciating angst, it's what alerted me of the Dibship when it first tried to crawl up my hill. I thought I would finally enjoy a night without this feeling, being away from the Dibship and all, but I'm sensing it again." Kor got up and moved around the room, getting closer to the door, and whoever was angsting was behind it. She opened it and found Dib sitting in an empty hallway, "You!"
"Huh! What?" Dib woke up from being deep in thought.
"You're angsting again aren't you?"
"What?" Dib yelled, "I am not!"
"Don't lie to me, I can sense your angst."
"You can sense angst?"
"Yes, and it's very unpleasant...so...you're...angsting...and...you have a problem!" Kor closed the door and turned around to find Gaz next to her.
"'You have a problem?'" Gaz said, "That's what you tell an angsting teenager?"
"I come from a planet where the only emotions are joy, laughter, and crazy, I don't know how to deal with angst."
On the other side of the door, Dib sat quietly, deep in thought, reflecting on how his adventure off Earth had gone so far.
First, I was Zim's pack mule on Fuelia Portia, but that doesn't really count as a planetary adventure. I couldn't hit a worm on Fefa, but I have other uses. I was made a demigod on the last planet, of course I crashed the ship, and it turned out I was actually a tool in a crazy cult sacrifice, but I have uses. Like that one time when...I...uh...wow, I suck. Wait, did I just think that? No, No, NO! That wasn't angst, that can't be!
No, Dib, pull yourself together, you are part of a group that is set on taking down the greatest empire in the universe, then you'll take pictures of the event and rub it in the faces of everyone at skool! Of course, you're also the weakest link and the butt monkey of a group with a real monkey on it. There was it again! That self-depreciating comment about myself. Was Kor really right about me angsting? Oh man, what if I become like the Dibship, I don't want to write haiku! Think positive about yourself Dib, you're intelligent, steadfast, a loser, dammit! I hate you brain! Wait, my brain is a part of myself, thus I just said I hated myself. Oh no, I am angsting! Curse you teenage hormones!
"Dib! Shut up already!" Gaz yelled from the other side on the door.
"No! Don't stop! I was enjoying your torturous, self-loathing, Dib-stink!" Zim yelled in response.
"Go back to psychologically torturing scale-head over there, Zim."
Dib became silent, embarrassed by the revelation that he said his monologue out loud. His emotions turned to fear when another revelation crept into his mind, he was angsting about angsting. He felt doomed.
"Hey there, fellow hero," Ere was walking back to the room when he saw the saddened Dib.
"Hey, Ere," Dib responded.
"Going through an emotional self-crisis? I heard all heroes get them eventually."
"No, just angst apparently, to my disgust."
"Angst? That's the most iconic self-crisis! So don't worry, you'll overcome it and find your purpose, just as all heroes do."
"But I'm not a hero! I'm always mocked by everyone and most of the time, Zim causes his own failures!"
"But did you give up?"
"No, I was too stupid to."
"And that spirit is what makes you a hero!" Dib was silent, thinking that Ere was an idealist bordering on foolishness. "You remind me of me when I was younger."
"God, I hope not," Dib said to the delusional Darvon. Ere didn't like the sight of a young being moping around just as he did on Fuelia Portia, so he decided to help him.
"Sure you do, you just need a mentor to give you a push. So I've decided, I'll go with you on your journey to conquer the Irkens after we finish up here."
Dib was surprised, though their missions was just as delusional as Ere was. He was reluctant to accept Ere as a mentor, but he figured it wouldn't be so bad and they could always use more people.
"Great, now how about I teach you how to shoot properly, sidekick!"
"Don't call me that."
Ere opened the door to speak with Daj. "Daj! We're going to destroy the Irken empire with these guys!"
"Really?" Daj said with glee, thinking about the drone slaughter he would be causing.
"Yeah!"
"Wait, what?" Zim said. "Who gave you permission to join my armada?"
"Dib said it was fine."
"We could always use more bodies, Zim," Dib pointed out.
"I don't care," Gaz said.
"At the very least that blaster will be useful," Kor said.
"I'm against this!" Zim yelled, knowing Daj would seek vengeance on him for tonight, "Gir, back me up!"
"This doggie's tongue is so sticky!" Gir shouted while playing with Kry, Kry then opened Gir's head and slurped out a bunch of noodles, "Aww, you ate my brains."
"Looks like you're overruled, drone, we're going to have a great short journey together," Daj said, "alone, in space, where I will hear your screams."
"Noooooooooooooo-" Ere closed the door while Zim was screaming, taking Dib to the target room to learn how to aim.
The Massive had returned to Irk. Red and Purple were panicking, they were losing colonized planets quickly, never had such a crisis this big faced the Irken empire. Without their surveillance planets, they could never identify the ship that was harboring the beings that were destroying their empire. The Tallests were constantly barraged with reports of planets falling, with no clue as to the cause of the destruction.
"My Tallests, planet Myost has fallen, all glove shipments have stopped."
"My Tallests, planet Rhavi has fallen, we lost the ability to make useless trinkets."
"Planet Yugonuj has fallen, there are no more bendy straws!"
"Planet Ipogh has fallen, we have lost cheese making capabilities!"
"Red, this is horrifying! First we have no surveillance systems, then we lost our musical planet, and now we have to suffer through an age of cheese-less nachos!" Purple screamed while holding his dry tortilla chips.
"Which is why we returned to Irk! At least we have our reserves here, that should last us until we sort this out!" Red said.
"D-do we still have cheese?"
"Yes, yes we do."
"My Tallests, we have received data images from Ipogh, there's a picture of the Irken killer!" an Irken came running to Red and Purple with pictures in his hand.
"Impossible, all surveillance systems were destroyed,"Purple said.
"Well, me and my friend-uh-stole a surveillance camera-and sort of created...our own...unauthorized network to communicate with each other through video...but please don't execute me sires! I know it was illegal but I got pictures, and, and, we were good friends, and picture, please don't kill m-"
"Now, now, your friend is dead and most likely mutilated in some horrible fashion," Red said. The Irken started crying.
"Here, have a sandwich," Purple pulled out the sandwich and exchanged it with the picture, "Better?" The Irken nodded his head, "Good. Guards! Execute this Irken for stealing one of our several billion camera thingies!"
Two soldier Irkens dragged the Irken away as he screamed for mercy.
"Enjoy your last cheese sandwich!" Purple turned to whisper to Red. "That sandwich doesn't actually have cheese."
"Nice," Red then took a look at the pictures, they were blurry but he could make out the dismembered Irken limbs. He tried to look for any non-Irken life-form in the picture, but there were only Irkens, shocking Red.
"What's wrong?" Purple asked.
"There are only Irkens in these pictures."
"So the Irken killer isn't even there? That drone of an Irken lied to us? I'll make sure to call the guards to make sure his execution is slow and painful."
"The Irken killer is in the pictures." Red handed Purple one of the pictures and it was clear what caused this massacre. Though the head and parts of the body were obscured by blur or debris, it was a clear shot of a being with a PAK, and a blade-like weapon piercing another Irken's body.
"No, this can't be an Irken!"
"It makes sense, how our ship scans didn't detect any non-Irken ship, how they know to attack our surveillance planets first, or even the locations of our surveillance planets."
"But Irkens can't go rogue! We're controlled by the Control Brains, no one knows how to override its command sequences in our PAKs, not even us!"
"Which is why we're gonna have to visit the Control Brains." Red walked off.
"Wait, Red, the Control Brains scare me!"
In the target room, a laser hit a cylindrical object on a pedestal, causing it to fall. Behind it were several scorch marks scattered in random fashion.
"I finally hit it!" Dib said.
"Great! Now we just have to work on making you hit the target several times!" Ere replied. Dib aimed the rifle and continued firing shots down range.
"You know, I'm honestly not learning anything by being with you now but at least this is keeping my mind busy."
"If you just avert your mind, you can overcome any pain."
"I highly doubt that."
"Dib, when I was younger, I too was cursing my luck. I lost my home, my dreams, and had to deal with someone in my life who just seemed to make things worse. Then I found my purpose through that same person, and things just flowed naturally and now I'm no longer moping about my life."
"So..."
"Your crisis will be over, either by your doing, someone else's, or time, and you'll come out stronger."
"You know, for someone who's deluded, that was actually pretty wise."
"Yes, well-wait, delu-" A large quake had shaken the rebel base. Ere and Dib left the room and saw light from Oberox's three moons. They ran towards the moonlight. They found Zim and the others already there along with the Dibship, crashed through the ceiling. The cockpit opened to reveal Skoodge and Tel.
"Sir! We have made the items requested for tomorrow's raid!" Skoodge said ecstatically to his commander.
"Skoodge? Were you flying the ship? Shouldn't the monkey have flown it instead of you?!" Zim said.
"Monkey? Oh, it, uh," Skoodge looked around for a moment, "It appears he has escaped, Sir!"
"Well, at least you followed my orders. With those items, victory shall be mine, and Togan will know to fear me! Zim! Everyone, sleep, for tomorrow, as long as the tall-earthworm keeps his army motivated, we'll attack with waves of unfaltering troops until the Armory has fallen! Muahahahaha!"
While Zim was laughing, Daj took a closer look at their surrounded, "Hey, isn't this Dwicky's room?"