Chapter 26 – Shawarma

It had been an hour since the portal was closed. An hour since the Avengers stopped a megalomaniacal alien mischief god from taking over the world. An hour since humanity's views on the limits of reality changed forever. In that one hour, S.H.I.E.L.D. finally sent a detachment to New York to pick up Dr. Selvig and Loki. Loki could have easily put up a fight, if he still had the strength after what the Hulk did to him. Or rather, if he even wanted to.

If anything, Loki wanted to be as far away from New York as possible. The city and the dead Chitauri forces littered throughout its streets were only a harsh reminder of his failure.

S.H.I.E.L.D. also confiscated the Tesseract, Selvig's device, Loki's scepter, and were as of now trying to cleanup any form of Chitauri technology they could recover. The police and National Guard forces were assisting in taking any surviving civilians to safety.

Now on the subject of the nuclear missile, to say Fury was pissed would be a complete understatement. He had denied every call from the council, and even had Agent Hill slice into the systems to sever any connection attempt through every cellular device in the S.H.I.E.L.D. transit radius. He knew exactly what to expect if he answered their calls. He would just get an earful of criticisms regarding his 'questionable methods', which, ironically, saved the entire human race from subjugation.

As for the Avengers, they heeded Stark's request at getting shawarma. Currently, there were all gathered around a table in an empty shawarma restaurant that was, miraculously, unscathed by the Chitauri assault. As of now they were the only patrons in the joint.

And they wouldn't have it any other way.

They all looked worse for wear. They were each bruised, tired, and scarred. Tony was once again in civilian garb. Bruce was now human and fully clothed, courtesy of Stark. Steve was still in his uniform, but his cowl as lost in the battle and he left his shield back up at Stark Tower. Darcy had left Mjolnir up at Stark Tower, and was now in her mortal form. Soladat had removed her tunic, now wearing a skin tight black tank top that was underneath. Her hair was now down, and all bedhead-like. Hikesh had slowly shrunk down back to his normal Prothean form, and looked absolutely exhausted. Sif still had her weapons and armor, as she just couldn't part with her sword. Carrie had a major headache, while Clint and Natasha just sat still, unnerved. Claire just sat with her legs crossed, sipping on a glass of water. She was the only one not eating.

The adrenaline of the battle had finally worn off, but they were all still sore. Munching on a beef shawarma wrap, Bruce looked over at Tony.

"Great idea, Tony. I think this is something we all deserve after all we've been through."

Tony just shrugged, eating his chicken wrap. "Well, you guys kind of owed me dinner for all this."

"I think you owe me for having to wait to keep that portal open." Natasha said, frowning. "You had us all worried there."

"I'm touched, Agent Romanoff." Tony said, smirking. "Maybe when this is over, you and I can…"

"No." Natasha said sternly.

"I thought you already had a girlfriend?" Soladat said, raising an eyebrow at Stark.

"I do." Tony quickly said. "I wouldn't actually cheat on Pepper. I was just kidding with Romanoff."

"Great to know." Natasha said sarcastically.

"So," Tony said, stretching his arms behind his head, "thoughts on the shawarma?"

"It's good." Bruce replied contently as he chewed.

"Indeed." Hikesh said, chewing on a beef wrap. He studied it closely. "In my cycle, we were not as… artistic in creating our meals."

"It's a lot better than what Jane cooks up at the lab." Darcy said. Beside her, Sif gulped down a monstrous mouthful of veal shawarma.

"You mortals surprise me around every turn." She said. "I must say I've misjudged you all. You have impressive warriors, reasonable technology, and incredible sustenance."

Sif took a mug that was laying near her plate, and eyed the dark drink curiously. Taking a sip, her eyes widened, and she drank it dry.

"Incredible." She said. "What do you call this?"

"That's coffee." Carrie said, chewing carefully on a turkey wrap.

"It's good." Sif said, and suddenly yelled, "Another!"

Everyone jumped when she suddenly smashed the mug against the floor. They all looked at her with shock.

"Why did you do that?" Darcy asked.

Sif looked confused. "Because I wanted another."

"Well why didn't you just ask for another?" Steve asked, frowning.

"I did." Sif said, frowning. "I said I wanted another."

"We mean ask nicely." Tony said. "Without the smashing. That's the Hulk's job."

Bruce frowned at Tony, while Sif just shrugged. "I didn't mean to cause any offense. It's just customary in Asgard."

"I still find it humorous." Hikesh interjected. "That our creations have adapted to their own society. I am curious as to how you adapted to such… customs."

Sif glared. "I am still unwilling to believe any of that is true."

Hikesh just shrugged. "I don't expect you to."

Sif glared at the Prothean, but Darcy quickly stepped in. "Okay. No more fighting. We just stopped an alien invasion, so let's just sit down and eat. And no more smashing. Alright?"

Sif frowned at the group, and then sighed. "Very well."

Tony smiled, and then eyed Voyant, and frowned. "Yo, Voyant. You just gonna sit there sipping on water all day?"

Claire rolled her eyes. "I don't eat, Stark."

"So then what's your secret?" He asked. "If you can throw Loki around and tear apart aliens, you have to have some dietary techniques."

Claire smirked. "You keep thinking that, playboy."

"And Carrie." Tony said. From across the table, Carrie blinked up at the inventor. "You managed to pull through all this with just a few Jedi mind tricks. Saying I'm impressed would be an understatement."

"A what trick?" Steve said, blinking.

Ignoring Steve, Carrie blushed. "Um… thanks, Mr. Stark."

"So those powers of yours." Tony said. "You ever use them just for fun? To tip off some jerk who's bugging you?"

Carrie immediately frowned. "As a matter of fact I did. But last I remember, that didn't end well for a lot of people. So I've kept my distance since then, thank you."

"Aw come on." Tony said, smirking. "Not once?"

"Oh leave the kid alone, Tony." Soladat said, rolling her eyes. "She doesn't need any of your smartass comments right now."

"Now, Archangel I didn't mean any disrespect." Tony said, smirking. "I just wanna know if the White Queen had any of her nasty streak left in… ACK!"

Everyone blinked when Tony's chair was suddenly pulled out from under him and he fell flat on the floor. Everyone immediately burst into laughter, and Tony pulled himself up and glared at Carrie, who just smiled at him smugly.

"That wasn't funny!" He said.

"I have no idea what your talking about, Stark." Carrie said, taking another bite of her shawarma. "Please try not to be as clumsy in the future. If more aliens come knocking on our door later, we don't need you falling on your butt again."

Tony just grumbled and continued eating his food.

From her point of the table, Natasha wiped her face with a napkin and put her wrap back on the plate. She looked over at Sif.

"So now that Prince Charming has hit rock bottom, what do you plan to do now?"

Sif swallowed another mouthful. "He will be taken back to Asgard, and face judgment from our king."

"That's the least that bastard deserves." Soladat said, glaring.

"I know." Sif said, taking another bite. "But I don't get any say on the matter."

"It's not like Odin would kill him, right?" Darcy said. "I mean he wouldn't actually kill his last son."

"Odin is cold. But not that cold." Sif said. "In fact, his meeting with you has made him much more lenient. He now searches for matters of peace rather than war now."

"Well, Lewis, sounds like you've become quite the messiah." Clint said.

"I'd like to know more about this army of his." Natasha said. "An army of that size had to have come from someone, right?"

"Loki did make mention of a benefactor." Sif said. "Whoever it was, he was strong enough to threaten Loki, and even knew secrets about the Tesseract that even Odin was not aware of."

Soladat noticed that Carrie's face had gone pale, and she blinked at Sif. "Did Loki ever say what this guy looked like?"

Sif shook her head. "No. But whoever he is, he's worlds away. It's not like he can do any damage from where he is."

"Don't be so sure." Claire murmured, sipping more water.

"People please!" Tony said, putting his hands up. "We just stopped a war, no need to make talk of another one!"

Everyone just rolled their eyes, and continued to enjoy their meals. After a few moments of silence, Bruce spoke up.

"I've got to hand it to Fury." He said. "I didn't think this idea would work, bringing all of us together. I was wrong."

"Yeah, the man works in mysterious ways." Soladat said, smiling.

"I'll say." Tony said. "The guy has eyes everywhere, no pun intended. He has lots of people out there in line for this little hero league of his."

"Interesting." Hikesh said, having finished his meal. "And how did you find this out?"

"I hacked S.H.I.E.L.D.'s personal records."

"Again?" Steve said, eyebrows raised. "Why?"

"I got bored." Tony said, shrugging as if it weren't a big deal. "After S.H.I.E.L.D. took Loki away again, I told JARVIS to dig through Fury's personal files, and I found more fascinating intel."

"What kind of intel?" Natasha said, her eyes narrowed.

"Well, geez, where do I start?" Tony said, and everyone sweat dropped. "Did you know he has tons of reports of nearly every high-profile being and organization in the world? Take this for example, there's a group of kids living in the sewers of Gunnison, Colorado, each with different superpowers. And there are sightings of someone in New York with supernatural powers. Fury believes that the person's identity is Sara Pezzini, an NYPD homicide detective. And then there's the Crystal Lake quarantine. Everyone should know about Jason Voorhees and his insane body count. Need I go on?"

"No, you need not." Soladat said, glaring. "That's classified material. You don't need to go pushing through it all."

Tony shrugged. "Fine. But you're all missing out."

"You guys think this would all make a good movie?" Carrie suddenly said. Everyone looked up at her in surprise.

"A movie?" Sif said, blinking. "What's a movie?"

"A movie is a series of still images which, when shown on a screen, creates the illusion of moving images. Humans use it as a means of entertainment." Hikesh explained. Everyone looked at him in surprise. "I've been living on Earth for a year. I have adapted to some of their customs."

"Right." Bruce said, and then looked back at Carrie. "A movie, Carrie? Isn't that kind of pushing it a little?"

Carrie shrugged. "It's just a suggestion."

"Who would make it? Disney?" Clint asked.

"Are you kidding?" Tony said. "Disney's area of expertise is mice in overalls and singing princesses. There's no way they'd be able to pull off a movie like this. But if there was a movie based on all this, Chloe Moretz would play Carrie."

"Chloe Moretz?" Clint said, eyebrow raised. "That kid from Kick-Ass?"

"Yup." Tony said nodding. "If she can play badass vigilante, I'm sure she can play a badass girl with telekinetic powers. Now Brucey here…"

"Oh god, please leave me out of this…" Bruce said, shaking his head.

"Bruce, could be played by…" Tony thought for a moment. "Edward Norton."

"Norton?" Natasha said. "I don't know, Stark. The guy has little emotion on screen. If he did play Banner in a movie, I don't think he'd last to long."

"Maybe Brad Pitt could play Captain America." Soladat said, smirking.

Steve blinked. "Who's Brad Pitt?"

But no one even seemed to hear him.

"Are you serious?" Tony said to Soladat. "Freddie Prince, Jr. has a better chance than that guy. Who do you think would play me?"

"I don't know." Bruce said, shrugging. "Maybe Robert Downey, Jr.? You kinda look like him."

"Downey?" Tony said, incredulously. "I'll admit, the man did a good job as Sherlock Holmes, but the guy has a past full of drugs and failed marriage."

"So do you, really." Natasha said, smirking. Tony just frowned at her.

"I don't know, guys." Clint said. "The only person I know who could match Tony's personality on screen would be Johnny Depp. Every role that man's played makes me wonder if the guy is on crack or just out of his mind."

"I am not that bad!" Tony said, glaring. Everyone just chuckled.

"Come on." Soladat said, frowning. "Depp's to much of a pretty boy. Stark's a crazy kind of Howard Hughes character. I'd rather see someone with more of an eccentric range."

"Don't underestimate Johnny Depp, Archangel." Clint said, smirking. "A lot of people tag im with that pretty boy label, but he's actually one of the most accomplished actors in Hollywood at the moment. Picture him doing Ed Wood in an Iron Man suit and you've got Tony Stark up there in celluloid."

"Yeah, I can see that." Natasha said, smirking. Tony just rolled his eyes.

"What about the alien brigade?" Soladat said, referring to Sif, Darcy, and Hikesh.

"The Prothean would be done with CGI, obviously." Tony said. "Darcy, maybe Lindsay Lohan, or Kat Dennings."

"Who's Kat Dennings?" Carrie asked.

Tony shrugged. "Lesser known actress. Only chose her cuz she looks more like Darcy. As for Sif, maybe Jaimie Alexander. I heard Joss Whedon was gonna make a Wonder Woman movie with her playing the lead, but didn't pull through as planned."

"Who is this Woman of Wonder?" Sif asked. "She sounds like quite the warrior."

"Kinda like you." Tony said. "Only nicer."

Sif frowned, and Claire suddenly spoke up. "You all seem to have a knack for this casting thing. Who do you think they could get to play me?"

Tony looked the demoness up and down, and smiled. "Yvonne Strahovksi."

Natasha frowned. "And why Yvonne Strahovski? Voyant's not even Australian."

"No. But she has the curves and the badass frown." Tony said, smirking at Claire, who just rolled her eyes and took another drink of water.

"What about Fury?" Bruce asked.

"Samuel L. Jackson, definitely." Soladat said immediately. "No question."

Everyone immediately agreed. Suddenly, Darcy yelled.

"Hey!"

Everyone blinked and looked at her. "What?"

"Nothing." Darcy said, shrugging. "I haven't said anything for a while."

The Avengers just looked at the girl with amused expressions, and went back to eating. After ten minutes of silence, the sound of metal feet stomping the ground got everyones attention. They all looked up and were surprised to see a silver Iron Man enter the restauraunt.

"Hey." The man said. "What did I miss?"

Tony smiled. "Rhodey! Wondered when you'd show up."

War Machine's helmet slid open, and Rhodes smiled at the group. "I was caught up with a few terror bombings in India."

"Terror bombings?" Soladat said incredulously. "We just worked our butts off thwarting an alien invasion and you were out stopping terrorist attacks?"

"Yeah, kind of a big difference, isn't it." Rhodes said, rubbing the back of his head. He noticed Natasha, and smiled at her. "Good to see you again, Agent Romanoff. I never got to thank you for saving my ass back at the Stark Expo."

Natasha smiled. "I was just doing my job. But your welcome."

"So what kind of terror bombings are we talking about?" Darcy asked. "Must've been big if you didn't have time to help us battle actual aliens."

"Just some old friends of Tony's." Rhodes said plainly.

Tony grimaced. "The Ten Rings?"

Rhodey nodded. "Yup. Now under new leadership. Some guy calls himself the Mandarin. That's not his real name of course. No idea who he really is."

Tony just sighed. "We can get on that later. For now, wanna try some shawarma?"

"Shawarma?" Rhodey said, confused.

"It's really not that bad." Steve said, having just finished his wrap.

Rhodey just looked at the group for a moment, shrugged, and took a seat next to Tony. And for the next hour or so, the Avengers just sat in silence, thinking about the battle. They had been greatly outnumbered. But in the end, they were able to come together as a team, as a unit, to take down Loki and the Chitauri. The world was safe and New York was still standing and not blown to hell by a paranoid security council.

The twelve heroes glanced around at each other. They were a tattered team of outcasts. But thanks to the efforts of a top secret security agency, they were now more than that. They were a warning to every world and force that the Earth was more than capable of fending for itself.

Tony picked his teeth with a toothpick, and looked around at the rest of the team. "Anybody up for seconds?"

And there's chapter twenty-six. Just how I think the shawarma dinner would've gone down. Next chapter, something happens. And before you ask, no Jason is not gonna appear in this story... yet.

Review pleaz.