Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or ideas from The Killing. It's all just for fun.
Spoilers: None (Post series finale, this chapter happens solely in my head)
A few weeks later, Linden was on her lunch break when she got a surprise phone call from Jack. She'd spoken to him the day before, not about anything in particular, just how everything was going , so she hadn't expected to hear from him again nearly so soon.
"Mom, is it okay if I come and visit for the weekend?" he asked. Was it okay? Was he kidding? Nothing he could have said would have made her happier.
"I would love that, Jack," she told him sincerely. She heard him chuckle at the other end of the line.
"Mom, stop making that face," he groaned. She could just picture him rolling his eyes at her.
"What face?" she asked, surprised, but feeling herself blush. She knew exactly what face he was talking about, and she was definitely making it.
"The one where you look like you're about to cry, the one you made at me the whole time when you were in Chicago," he told her. She couldn't help but laugh.
"Sorry, but it's a mom thing. I'm so proud of you, and I'm so happy about the idea of you coming to visit, and I'm going to make that face. You're just going to have to get used to it," she told him happily.
"I was afraid of that," he sighed in pretend surrender, but she could hear the smile in his voice. She'd talked to him quite a few times since she'd come back to Seattle, and apparently he'd been talking to Holder, too. Probably trying to figure out if what she was telling him was too good to be true.
"Did you already make reservations? I can buy you a ticket," she said quickly.
"Dad actually bought the tickets," Jack told her cautiously.
She stiffened at the mention of her ex. "Oh, really?"
"Yeah. I told him, uh, how you were doing, and about everything, and he asked if I wanted to go out and visit you." Jack paused, as if he wasn't sure he should say anything else, then added, "He's really happy for you, mom."
She had that feeling again, the now familiar feeling where she felt like happy tears were springing to her eyes out of nowhere. After about six weeks in Seattle and countless times that it had happened, she still wasn't used to it. She wasn't sure she ever would be.
"I, uh… wow. That's really nice of him." She couldn't think of anything else to say.
"I'll send you the details, okay mom?"
"That sounds great. So I'll see you… when?"
"Tomorrow afternoon. We both thought, might as well make it a long weekend. And you have Monday, off, right?"
She'd forgotten that it was a three day weekend. "Oh, yeah, right. I'm still getting used to that whole following a schedule thing," she laughed.
He couldn't help but chuckle at her. "Okay mom, so I'll see you tomorrow then. I'm forwarding you the email with my flight details now."
"Okay. I love you, Jack."
"I love you, too, mom."
…
She realized a few hours later that maybe she should have run this plan by Holder before agreeing to it. When she got home that evening, Holder was already in the kitchen. Whatever he was making, it smelled amazing. She slipped out of her shoes, took off her jacket and hung it on the hooks by the door, dropped her keys on the little table that now sat there for exactly that purpose, and walked to the kitchen to greet him. He was deeply involved in stirring something on the stove, and didn't notice her immediately.
"Hey," she said from the doorway of the kitchen, smiling at the happy surprise on his face when he saw her.
His hands were full, but he walked towards her and rested his forearms on her shoulders, cooking utensils dangling behind her back, and leaned down to kiss her. Only after that did he speak. "Hi," he said simply, grinning. She laughed and shook her head at him. In all the time they'd worked together, she'd never in a million years thought that "cute" would be a word she'd use to describe Holder… but that was the first one that came to her mind. He acted so damn cute around her these days.
After grinning at each other for a minute, he stepped back to the stove and began stirring again. "So, what're you making tonight, chef?" she asked with interest, trying to peer into the pot.
"That is none of your business, young lady!" he snapped playfully, pretending to put the lid on the pot that he was working on. "Go sit down and relax. How can I wow you with my amazing culinary skills if you spoil the surprise?" She smiled and rolled her eyes at him, leaving the kitchen to perch on one of the bar stools that sat under the counter overlooking the kitchen. It was the same set up that he'd had in his old place, which had made it feel familiar to her even when she'd first moved in.
As she settled herself on the stool, he walked to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of beer, removed the cap, and set it on the counter in front of her, looking very proud of himself.
"Wow, I like the service in this bar," she said, nodding her head appreciatively. "But, am I allowed to sit here? Or is this too close? I don't want to ruin the surprise," she teased him.
He looked at her thoughtfully, as if he was seriously considering the question. "Hmmm… well, on one condition." She raised her eyebrows, waiting to hear what silly condition he'd come up with. "You may sit there if you keep your eyes on me, and not my culinary masterpiece." As he spoke, he motioned first to himself, then waved his hands expansively around the pot that contained whatever it was that he was making for dinner. He looked at her questioningly, waiting for her answer, as she just continued to watch him.
"Well? Do you accept the condition? Or do I need to forcibly remove you from that stool?"
She shook her head, as if trying to bring herself back to reality. "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot the question. I was looking only at you, as instructed, and I just forgot about everything else… what did you ask me?"
Damn, her deadpan skills are even better than they used to be, the thought.He nodded slowly, grinning at her and chuckling.
"Good answer, Linden. Well played…" She smiled then, chuckling along with him.
"So, how was your day?" he asked. "The kids behaving themselves?" He'd been pleased to see that so far, she seemed to be enjoying most parts of her job. Because the topic of foster kids was a sensitive one with her, he knew she had to be careful to make sure she didn't slide into old habits, like losing herself in a case the way she used to as a detective. Even if it was because she just cared too much, he'd promised both of them that he wouldn't let her get in deeper than she could reasonably handle, that he'd be her life preserver so that she didn't drown in it all. Being able to make such a promise was just another advantage of knowing her so well.
"Yeah, I mean, I'm still meeting them all. One of them tried to give me attitude today, started acting like I was just another clueless adult who didn't actually give a shit, with no idea what I was talking about." He looked over his shoulder at her from his cooking as she spoke. "It's kinda funny to watch them as they realize that I do know what they're going through. Sometimes it's like they become a whole different kid after that."
He nodded at her. She looks so proud, he thought. It wasn't a look he'd seen a lot of on her, and he liked it. "That's really cool," he replied, nodding his head. "I'm glad the job's going well so far."
She smiled, but there was something bothering her, he could tell. She looked like something else was on her mind. "So what's up? You look like you wanna tell me something."
"Well, I…" She fidgeted awkwardly with her hands and took a sip of her beer before continuing. "Jack called me earlier."
"Oh yeah? What's new with him?" He could see that she was building up to something.
"He wants to come out and visit this weekend." She was looking at him uncomfortably, which he didn't quite understand.
"That's great! Haven't seen Little Man in…" He stopped to think about it. "Well, like five years." He lifted his eyebrows quickly, letting them fall again and gave her a knowing smile. She looked back at him sheepishly.
Since well before all that shit went down, he thought. In fact, the last time Jack was here, when Linden forgot she had to take him to the airport, was the night that she and I screamed at each other, ending eloquently with hurling "Fuck you!" back and forth at the tops of our lungs. Not our proudest moment… he thought. He could see that she was replaying the worst part of that night in her head, as well, and he tried to smile reassuringly at her.
But that wasn't what was bothering her, he had a strong feeling. After all, they were past that.
"Yeah…" she trailed off, wanting to move on from the thought that they were both having. "Well apparently he really wants to come out for the weekend. His dad had even bought him a ticket already." She cleared her throat nervously.
Oh for God's sake, spit it out, she told herself. "I, uh… I told him he could come. I realized later that I probably should have asked if it was okay with you first." She looked him uncertainly and he finally realized what the issue was.
"Linden," he said evenly, and waited for her to look up before he continued. She suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious, and when she finally looked at him, he could see that she looked about as uncomfortable as he'd seen her in the past six weeks, since that first day she came back. He put down the spoon he was stirring the food with and walked out of the kitchen and around the corner to where she was sitting.
She turned around to face him as he moved close to her, but didn't immediately look up at him. Sitting on the barstool gave her more height than usual, and when she did look up, their eyes were almost level. Meeting her eyes and smiling reassuringly, he told her, "Little Man is always welcome here, though he's gonna have to camp on either the couch or the floor. You don't need my permission to invite him. Okay?"
Smiling weakly, she nodded quickly, as if trying to convince him that she was completely comfortable with that idea… Which he could see that she wasn't. Why does she bother to pretend with me? he wondered. It's written all over her face.
He shook his head at her and pulled the stool beside her over so that he was could sit facing her, then sat down. After looking at her carefully for a minute, watching her avoid his eyes, he finally spoke. "Okay, Linden. Listen." She looked back up at him slowly but curiously, suspecting that she was busted.
"It's not going to do you any good to tell me you're fine when you're not fine. It might work on other people, but it don't work on me. It never really did, if you recall. It's okay if you're not fine. Just remember, it's written all over your face." He looked at her sternly, but with a hint of a smile.
She couldn't help but chuckle, then she crossed her arms across her chest and pretended to pout. "I don't know what you're talking about," she huffed at him. This just made him laugh, and he hopped off the stool and stood in front of her, leaning in close so that their faces were only inches apart.
"No?" She shook her head, still pretending to pout, but at the same time about to laugh. He remained close enough that she wondered if he was going to kiss her, but he stayed where he was, looking into her eyes.
"What was it you said that first day, Linden, that home was us? There's that word, home. Yours and mine. Mi casa es su casa and all that. Little Man is just as welcome here as Kahlia. Always," he said solemnly, then added with a smile, "He just doesn't get his own room. We're all filled up." She smiled then, a genuine smile, and looked down, reaching for his hand and pulling it towards her, resting their intertwined fingers on her knee.
"Okay?" he asked her, and she looked back up at him and nodded slowly.
"Okay," she whispered, and this time he believed her.
"Now are you ready to eat, or what? Because dinner is gonna blow your mind." Leaning forward slightly, she kissed him, taking advantage of the fact that Kahlia was at Caroline's. After a minute he felt her pull back slightly, smiling.
He opened his eyes, smiling back at her, and asked "What was that for?"
She just shrugged. "Just felt like it."
He nodded at her with a knowing look, and said, "Well, I like the way you think."
Linden chuckled then. "But now I'm ready to taste this amazing dinner that I've heard so much about," she told him teasingly.
"I dunno, Linden, you might think you're ready… but I'm not sure you are…" He backed up and turned toward the kitchen as she followed close behind. As he dished out the food and handed her a bowl, he talked excitedly about what he'd done to prepare it. She tried to listen attentively, but she suddenly had another moment where she stopped hearing what he was saying and just stood there in awe of all of it, that she was really here. That this was her life now.
It was going to take a long time to accept that all of this was real.