73 days until Grey's returns!
Some parts of the eulogy are credited to Devin Martin.
This is an AU. With that being said, the characters do not react to situations the same way they would on the show. Everyone has their moments of weakness. Callie IS portraid as a strong woman that also wears her heart on her sleeve. That is a flaw she had and will always have in this story. She has been portrayed as sensitive to her family and friends from the beginning. That does not make her a weak person. Whether you're strong or not, everyone has weaknesses and Arizona and her family are her weakness.
Chapter 118
Coming out of her grandmas bathroom, Callie dried her hands on the small hand towel she had grabbed off the rack as Arizona took her turn in the shower. Her parents house was becoming over crowded with guests so she decided that her and her family would get ready in her grandmas house. Walking over to the bed, she checked on her daughter who was taking her mid morning nap between two pillows that her Mama had placed on the bed. Leaning down, she gently placed a few kisses on the baby's face before disrobing her towel and putting on her panties and bra.
"Callie, will you wash my back real quick?" Arizona asked when her wife walked back in the bathroom to put on her makeup. "Please?"
"Yeah." She took the loofa her wife was using and cleaned her back. "Fresh as the Hawaiian sunrise now." She said, kissing the blonde on the neck before walking over to the bathroom sink to finish getting ready. She spent a few minutes putting on some light makeup, avoiding mascara all together because she didn't want to worry about black streaks running down her face every time she cried and no doubt she and everyone else would be doing a lot of that today.
Putting her hair up in a sleek ponytail, she checked herself in the mirror one last time before she left the room to give her wife some space to dry off. Her Nana's bathroom wasn't big, so two people didn't really have enough room to do their thing.
Glancing at her daughter when she came back into the room, she saw that she still hadn't moved an inch as she began to pick through her dress clothes on the bed. Not really feeling like wearing her dress pants Arizona packed, she decided to check her grandmas closet to see if she had anything she could wear. Opening the door to the small walk in closet, her grandmas scent hit her in the face. Her Nana's smell was everywhere in the house but when she opened the closet door the smell only became stronger. Fighting the lump now in her throat, she swallowed heavily and looked through the clothes that were hanging up. Seeing a bunch of yellows, reds and purples at first glance, Callie went through some of the dresses not seeing any that she really liked or was appropriate for a funeral. Most of the dresses were too bright for the occasion so she delved deeper in her closet coming upon some darker dresses.
Arizona came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body expecting to see her wife there. She had been keeping a close eyes on the brunette this morning, out of all the days so far she knew today would be the hardest because she had to say goodbye to her grandmother. Callie had surprised her today though, she had kept it together all morning through their family breakfast and up till now. She wasn't quiet sure how because she found herself upset a few times since waking up. "Cal, are you about ready, honey?" She asked seeing the light in the closet flick on. "We have to be back up at the main house in twenty minutes. Your dad said we'd all ride together." She said not getting a response from her wife. Walking up to the closet door, she saw the brunette slowly pulling down a navy blue polka dotted dress from the hanger to examine. She watched as Callie brought the dress to her face and inhale the scent that was left before burying her face in the material as a sob escaped her throat. Arizona couldn't help but to let her own tears escape at the sight of her wife's grief. Without saying a word, she slowly walking up behind the Latina and wrapped her arms around her waist as she laid her cheek against her back while they both cried.
"She.." Callie sniffed after a few minutes. "She used to wear this all the time." She turned in her wife's arms. "When I think of her, I always picture her in this dress. This was my favorite dress she wore." She said as Arizona wiped the tears off of her face. Seeing she upset her wife, "I didn't mean to make you cry." She said, drying her face too.
"You didn't." She shook her head. "Are you going to wear it? It's a beautiful dress, Calliope."
"I think so." She said looking back down at the dress. "There was a thin brown belt she used to wear with it." She turned to look through her Nana's belts.
"You'll look beautiful in it, I'm sure." Arizona stepped back to let her look as she wrapped her arms around herself. "You good?"
"Yeah." Callie turned to her wife and gave her a hug. "Thank you." She said, placing a kiss on her bare shoulder.
Nodding. "I'm going to go get dressed." She turned to leave the room. "Fifteen minutes." She called out.
"I know... I know." Callie grabbed the bottom of her wife's towel and yanked it from her body.
"Hey." She tried to reach for the cloth.
"I needed that." She giggled, lightening her mood just a little.
"I bet you did." Arizona said, grabbing the towel out of her wife's hand before leaving the small closet.
"I'll be ready in just a minute then I'll get bug ready because you need to do something with that mop."
"My hair doesn't look bad." She yelled out, looking at her wet hair in the mirror. "Okay. It looks terrible." She said, brushing it out before using the blow dryer.
Within fifteen minutes, Callie and her little family was outside in the limo her father had waiting for everyone to ride inp. The trip to the church where the services were being held wasn't but a five minute drive. A very silent five minute drive.
Upon arriving to the building, Callie saw the white hearse that would carry her grandmother to the graveyard and she had to yet again fight her emotions off as Arizona saw her wife's bottom lip begin to quiver with emotion. "Come on, sweetie" She said when she saw what caught the brunettes eyes. Guiding her into the church they were stopped by many guests who Callie hadn't seen in a long time. After greeting several family members and family friends she hadn't seen in years, she introduced her wife and daughter to them. Before she knew it, her father was coming for them to have a few minutes of privacy alone in the sanctuary before the guests filed in.
Both women's heart felt like it was about to beat out of their chest when they entered the room where Maria laid open for her immediate family to see. There was already several of Maria's children near her saying goodbye. Callie's heart constricted when she walked closer and closer. Arizona wanted to take Charlee from her so her wife could have a few moments to be with her Nana, but Callie refused to let her daughter go. Right now Charlee was her life line. She was the only thing keeping her mother sane. Every which way she looked she saw fresh flowers sprawled out, the sanctuary looked like a flower shop. She felt her stomach tie in knots when someone moved away and she could see her grandmothers white hair. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes as her breathing became rugged. Feeling her wife place her hand in hers, Callie stepped up to the casket where her Nana laid as the tears became evident on her face. "Oh, Nana." She cried as she dropped the blondes hand and softly caressed the older woman's face. "Why did you have to leave me?" She whispered, softly running the pad of her thumb over the woman's hand as so many memories flashed in her head. The woman's hands were one of her favorite features.
Placing her hand on her wife's back, Arizona softly caressed her skin as she stood with her wife as they had a few private moments with her grandmother. "Goodbye Maria." The blonde whispered.
No one watching the scene unfold before them could keep the tears out of their eyes. "Goodbye Nana." She chocked back a cry. "I love you, para simpre." The brunette leaned down and kissed her forehead before being led to a seat by her wife.
Callie hadn't even pay attention as the guests began to gather around the room, nor did she give much thought to what was actually going on around her until she saw her father walking up in front of everyone and stood at the podium.
"Good morning." He greeted everyone. "I'm standing here before you today because my brothers and sisters approached me and asked if I'd put a eulogy together for our beloved mother. I'm not going to lie, this is not an easy task. My mother was a great woman, mother and grandmother. And it's only appropriate to have a top notch eulogy with a top notch presenter." Carlos said as he got a few laughs in the heavy atmosphere of the room. "What can I say about Maria Pilar Torres that's not been said before?" He paused before continuing. "She was a great woman." He said softly. "I can't help but think of the 1980's movie 'Ghost'. I can see mother trying to find a way to get my attention right now, but only to tell me that I need to stand up straighter or point out the flaws in my punctuation or my lack of ability to stay on topic in this speech. In my mind even through death, death itself can't even stop my mom from making sure everything goes right. You see." He cleared his throat when his emotions decided to get the better of him. "My mother was a mentor, motivator, daughter, wife, mother, grandmother and great grandmother." He said looking over at his daughter who was holding her child against her chest as she laid her head on her wife's shoulder.
"My mom was one of a kind. When I think of her, I think of her heart, which reminds me of the time she hurt her leg and had to use a scooter to walk long distances. The day I will always remember in particular was the day of my Calliope's sixteenth birthday party and we had surprised her at my hotel in our home city of Seattle. Within the first thirty minutes, my mama went missing. Her old T-bird was still in the parking lot, but her scooter was gone and she was no where to be found for a good forty-five minutes and then all the sudden we heard the buzz that scooter coming down the hallway and she reappeared with buttons, pins, pens, shirts, hats and a steaming cup of hot tea in her hand." He laughed at the memory as well as some others including his two daughters. "There was a luncheon event going on down the hall in a different suite and Mama was ransacking the place for goods. I asked her, I said Mama, why did you take all those items? If you want anything tell me and I would buy it for you." He looked up at the crowded room. "But she said, my son. These are not for me, they are for the children I pass on the street every day on my way to the park. If the people next door are going to give these items out to people who do not need them, I'm going to take some and give it to the children who do." He said, flipping the page on his notes.
"The thing about it was when you really look beyond what had happened and you think why it happened, you'll see my mom was ultimately thinking about another individual. In my eyes, my mother was the kindest soul in the world. Not only did she show her family that love, but she also showed it to every stranger she passed on the street. And a prime example is the time she met my Calliope's at the time girlfriend, now wife. My mother didn't know anything about her, but yet the first time she met her she accepted Arizona as a intricate part of our family. Isn't that right Arizona?"
"She did." The blonde nodded from the first row of pews she was sitting in with her arm wrapped around her crying wife as she tried to give her some comfort.
"My mother fell in love with her quickly." He laughed. "I think there was a point that Callie had some competition on her hands. Instead of her calling Calliope, she'd call Arizona to catch up." He continued to speak about his mother and the more he talked, the more Arizona had to fight within herself to keep strong. Everything Carlos was saying was pegging Maria for exactly who she was and the blonde was going to miss her deeply. There wasn't a day that went by that her or Callie didn't hear from her in some form, whether it was a phone call or a simple text.
Callie noticed her wife's body tensing as her father talked about her and her Nana, looking up she saw the tears escaping the blondes eyes. It didn't really dawn on her until now, but Arizona had lost someone too. There was no denying the bond that they had shared also. Sitting up, she switched roles and was now trying to comfort her wife by wrapping her arm around the blonde and pulling her close. She was hurting too. "I'm sorry." Arizona whispered as Callie kissed her head.
"Shh.. It's okay." The brunette whispered as she passed her baby off to her mother sitting beside her. "You lost her too." She said as her father began to wrap his speech up. "I'm sorry I didn't realize that until just now."
"I'm okay, honey." Arizona was still wanting to put her wife's needs ahead of hers.
"You don't have to be."
"It just really hit me when he asked me that. I'm going to miss her."
"Yeah." Callie whispered as she leaned her head against her wife's. "Me too."
"…And now." Carlos continued. "I'd like to introduce my eldest daughter to those of you who do not know her." he said as he saw his daughters eyes widen slightly at her anxiousness. "It was my mothers request that Calliope write a song and sing it at her funeral. Although my daughter has been in no shape emotionally to grant my mother this wish, she will sing a song that her Abuela cherished." He said, stepping off the alter.
"You can do this." Arizona whispered to her wife. "Just look at me if you get nervous." Kissing her wife's cheek before she stood and met her father with a hug before he took his seat by his wife.
Taking the microphone in her hands, she cleared her throat before speaking. "I'm not to excited about this, it seems even after death, my grandma still challenges me." She paused. "I chose this song because it was one of her favorites." She said as the music began to play. "This is for you, Nana." She whispered to herself as she took a deep breath and glanced at her wife before she closed her eyes and waited for the beat to begin.
I'm on my knees
only memories
are left for me to hold
Don't know how
but I'll get by
Slowly pull myself together
I'll get through this
It felt like she was singing to herself, trying to convey that she'd get through this horrible time on her life.
Theres no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal
Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace
During the pause in her song, Callie finally looked out into the crowded room. Every seat in the house was full as well as some people standing in the back of the room. She couldn't believe all the people that showed up.
I feel the cold
Loneliness unfold
Like from another world
Come what may
I wont fade away
But I know I might change
Aria placed her hand on her sister-in-laws shoulder when she saw the blonde well up. Taking the younger Latina's hand from her shoulder, Arizona held it between her hands as she continued to listen to Her wife sing.
Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace
Nothing comes easily
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace
Ive lost everything
At those words, Callie saw that there wasn't a dry eye in the building including herself.
I just want to feel your embrace
She sang the last sentence in the song, but it felt more like a wish or a plea. She just wanted to feel her Nana's arms around her one more time. She quickly placed the microphone on the stand as she went back to her seat where she met her wife with open arms to fall into and cried. "So beautiful, Calliope. So, so beautiful." She whispered.
Soon after the song, the priest brought the memorial to a close and before she realized it, they were standing at the graveyard while the man was talking about her grandmother yet again. Callie tried to place the man, but just like many others she saw near, she only knew them as strangers on the street. She seemed to fad in and out of her surrounding. She remembered her mother taking Charlee from her while the funeral director released a white dove in honor of her Nana's spirit being set free. She also remembered her wife and how gentle Arizona had been through her whole ordeal. She couldn't remember a time that the blonde had been more supportive, not that Arizona wasn't ever not supportive, but there was just something different, maybe more tender than ever this time. She also remembered a few times where she hugged her wife while she cried as they stood there. Callie was there for everything, the private viewing, the funeral service, the graveside service and the kind words of support from strangers, family members and other people, but she couldn't handle what was to come next. Whispering something to Arizona, she took her daughter from her mothers arms as she and her wife left the area. She learned in the past two days she could do a lot of things, but she couldn't stand there and watch her grandmothers body be lowered into the ground.
Arizona and Callie had went upstairs and laid down with their daughter after they arrived home from the funeral, exhaustion sitting in with both ladies. Arizona had been asleep for close to an hour when she woke up alone in the bed, so she set out to find her family. After talking to a few people out by the veranda, she noticed her wife down by the ocean staring off into the sunset with her arms wrapped around herself.
"Hey." Callie softly said when her wife came and stood beside her as she was seated in the sand.
"Hey." Arizona replied, sitting down next to the brunette. "I woke up and you and Char were gone."
"Yeah, she needed a diaper change and I knew you had to be wore out, so we let you sleep."
"I was tired, but missed you when I woke up." She said, leaning her heard on the brunettes should and circling her arms around the Latina's arm.
"I missed you too." Callie laid her head on the blondes. "Drink?" She asked, holding up the tequila bottle she had sitting on the other side of her.
"Where's Charlee?"
"She's with my mom and dad. They asked if they could keep her tonight." She said, taking a drink of the warm liquid. "I hope you don't care, they have not really seen her since she was born and I thought... why not." She shrugged. "I ahh.. I can tell them no if you don't want them too." She said when her wife didn't say anything.
"No, it's fine." She said, watching her wife drink. "Have ahh... have you drunk all of that bottle?"
"If I said yes, would you be mad?" She offered the glass to her wife again, not even talking her eyes off the crashing waves.
"No." Taking the glass from her wife, Arizona studied the bottle as she thought about whether she should say something or not. "But you know this isn't the answer." She asked anyway.
"Feels like it." Callie said, bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them as she stared out into the sea.
"I know it does." She whispered with a sigh. "It feels good now, but tomorrow you'll want to do it again because it helped today and then the next day you'll do it again and so on, and then we'll have a problem on our hands."
"I'm not an alcoholic." She mumbled as she continued to stare.
"I know that. And I also never thought I'd never run away from my family or problems and I did when my brother died." She said seeing her wife take a deep breath before burying her face in her lap. "We all handle things different, Calliope, and I'm not going to tell you how you should act, but I don't want you to feel comfort from a bottle. I'm not saying there's a problem. I just don't want it to become a problem because I know how easily it can get out of hand just as I let myself when Tim died." She said taking the tequila and sitting it down in front of her wife. "If you want to drink and cry tonight and just feel sad, you can drink, cry and feel sad. I'll be here while you do so, but it stays here."
"I don't want to cry." She mumbled into her legs. "I'm so fucking tired of crying and being sad."
"What do you want me to do, Callie?" Arizona's voice started to break. Callie was breaking her heart and she was getting mad at herself because nothing she did seemed to work. "Just tell me what you want and I'll do it. I can't stand seeing you like this honey. You're so broken and it hurts me bad to see you like this."
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you, but can't tell you what to do, Arizona. I don't know. For the first time, you can't give me what I want." She shook her head as tears started to fall.
"But I can give you what you need, sweetie." She said, tightening the hold she had on the brunette and pulling her closer.
"Oh, Ari." Callie cried as she fell into her wife's body as the blonde rocked them. She had been sitting down by the shore thinking about the past few days and her last conversation she had with her Nana. "She told me not to be sad." She said after a few moments.
"What?"
"Monday morning." She sniffed into her wife's chest. "When she called, she told me not to be sad. I thought she was talking about me going back to work and leaving you and Charlee at home, but later I remembered she didn't know." She told Arizona about her conversation with her Nana. "She didn't know I was going back to work yet. It's like she knew Ari." She looked up at her with tears in her eyes.
"They say that you know. I've always heard older people could sense when their time's up."
"Why didn't she tell me then? I could have helped." She asked, with tears streaming down her face. "I'm a doctor for God sakes, she should have told me."
"How could you have helped? You were all the way across the country."
"I could have told someone. I could have made Daddy to take her to the hospital." She cried.
"I don't think that would have helped. I think when it's your time, it's your time and not even the best medical staff will save you." She whispered into her hair while Callie sobbed. "You're dad said it was natural causes. It's just like you said, you're a doctor, you know that there was nothing anyone could do."
"How can she say that though?" She knew her wife was right, but it still didn't help matters. "How am I not suppose to be sad that she's gone?"
"I don't think she wanted to be the cause of your pain. And maybe she thought if she told you that, you wouldn't be mad at her for leaving."
"But I am mad at her." Callie sobbed. "Why did she have to leave." She cried on her wife's shoulder as her emotions took over her body.
"Oh, Calliope." Tears instantly pricking her own eyes at her wife's breakdown. "Please baby, you have to calm down. I know it's hard love, so hard." She held on tight as she tried to sooth her wife as she cried into her chest.
"It makes... me feel so selfish... at the same time." She said through deep breathes as she held onto the blonde for dear life.
"I know, baby." Arizona kissed her hair. "You have to think positive. You're lucky Cal, not many thirty-four year olds can say they were lucky enough to have a living grandparent. I'm not. You just have to be thankful for the time and the memories you had with her. She got to see your baby. Charlee was able to meet her."
"I know." She sniffed. "And I am.. I'm grateful, but I feel like.." She breathed. "I feel like a piece of me is gone now."
"That is because it is." The blonde mumbled into her hair and kissed the brunettes head. "It feels like a piece of your heart is gone, because it is. There is a place inside that no one will ever fill because it will always belong to Maria."
Nodding. "I'm.." She sat up and dried her eyes with her sleeve. "I feel like I'm no ones granddaughter now. Never again will I bed." She shrugged. "Does that make any sense?"
"Absolutely." Arizona agreed. "But you're wrong."
"How?" Callie asked, grabbing a handful of sand and slowly letting it fall between her fingers.
"You'll always be her granddaughter just like she will always be your grandmother. Death doesn't change that."
"But it does. When someone asks me who I am, I can say I'm a doctor, a friend, daughter, sister, wife, and mother." She looked out into the ocean again when she was able to keep herself under control somewhat. "But I'm no ones granddaughter now." She whispered.
"But you are. It's like you told me, Tim will always be Charlee's uncle." Arizona said as she tried to dry her tears. She was crying for their loss, but also because Callie was breaking her heart and she couldn't stand it. She was hurting so much seeing her wife like this. "The things I am trying to tell you Cal." She sniffed. "You've already said to me in some way, but you don't understand them right now because you're grieving and I understand that." She said as Callie laced their hands together when she heard her wife's voice breaking. "You told me that."
"Yeah, I did." She remembered telling her wife when she got upset during her pregnancy. "And I meant it then." She whispered looking over to the blonde.
"And I mean it now. That helped me so much when you told me that and I can only hope it helps you."
"You're helping me." She said, cupping the blondes face and wiping her tear away with her thumb.
"Good." She sighed in relief.
"Now that everything's over." Callie said dropping her hand from Arizona's face and turned back to the ocean. "I just feel so empty. It's like these past few days have been about her, you know? But now it's time to pick up the pieces of what's left of my heart and go on and I don't know if I can do that."
"I'll help you." She whispered, leaning her head on the brunettes shoulder again. "Charlee and I will be here to help you, that's what family is for."
"I know, but It's hard to explain. It's like I've had to deal with this twenty-four seven for the past four days and now it's over." She said, wrapping her arms around herself. "She's laid to rest and I feel like I have to leave every memory I have of her behind. It's like I just leave everything I've ever known right here and I have to go back home to Seattle like everything is fine." She shrugged. "Like I'm suppose to just move on now." She shrugged. "But everything is not fine."
"I know. Life seems hard and impossible right now, I've been through it and I can promise you, it will get better. It will, honey." Arizona leaned over to catch her gaze. "You'll never move on from Maria. She'll be with you everywhere you are because she's in here." She placed her hand on her wife's chest. "And she's in here." She said placing Callie's hand over her heart. "And she's in our little Charlee Maria."
"Yeah." Callie whispered. "She's awful cute isn't she?" She smiled thinking of their daughter.
"Yeah, she is. Just like mommy."
"That day... she told me that I'd need you and Charlee. I didn't really know what she meant until now." Callie sighed and looked over to her wife again while her blonde hair whipped in the air as the ocean breeze rolled off the water. "If it wasn't for you and our baby, Arizona, I think I'd loose my shit." Her voice breaking again. "If these past few days have shown me anything, it's that I need you so much, Arizona. You're the only thing that's helped me stay sane. Well... as sane as I can be." She shrugged with a laugh. "I just want to thank you."
"You don't have to thank me, babe." She wrapped her arms around the brunettes waist when she hugged her around her neck. "I'm here. I'll always be here for you." She whispered into her ear. "Just as you've been for me."
"I love you so much." She whispered as she kissed her wife's cheek.
"I love you too." Arizona reciprocated the kiss.
For the first time in days, Callie felt the pull of her wife's touch. Looking down at her lips, she licked her own before slowly leaning into her wife's touch.
Arizona smiled when she saw her wife's eyes turn dark chocolate when she licked her lips. That was her old Calliope, and it was a comforting site to see after she had been disheveled for so many days. Returning the kiss, she cupped the back of the brunettes head to deepen the intimate moment.
Wanting to take if further, Callie gently laid her wife down on the blanket as her tongue roamed the inside of her mouth. It felt good to get lost in her wife right now, but there was another pressing need at the moment that couldn't go ignored any longer.
"I heard that." Arizona giggled when Callie's stomach growled.
"I'm hungry for you." She laughed into her neck. "And food."
"I'm glad you're getting your appetite back." She said, squeezing the brunettes sides. "In more ways than one."
"Me too." She whispered. "Let's put this on pause and go say goodnight to Charlee and get a pizza delivered and eat it down here?" She asked, sitting up on her knees.
"That sounds good."
"I'm feeling one with everything. I want pepperoni, sausage, bacon, onions, peppers and anything else they have."
"You really are hungry." She laughed. "Oh.. Breadsticks. I want breadsticks too."
"Okay. I'll order and we'll go say goodnight to our baby girl." She said pulling out her phone.
"You can't order until we get back to the house. I don't have any cash on me, we'll have to put it on the card."
"That's okay. I know your card number." Callie said, quickly googling nearby pizza restaurants.
"My card number? Why don't you know your own?" Arizona asked.
"Because I like spending your money more."
"It's the same bank account."
"Yeah, but using your card feels like I'm spending your money." She laughed and dialed the number. "Love you." She leaned over and kissed her wife's cheek.
"I love you too." Arizona, laughed. "You okay?" She asked, wrapping her arm around the brunettes waist and slipping her hand in the back pocket of her shorts.
"For now, thanks to you."
"Then that's all that matters." She said as they walked back to the house, both feeling more at ease than they had in a few days.
This is a personal chapter to me. I based Callie's loss and reactions off of my experience and loss of my own grandmother and writing this was very cathartic. I hope you liked it.
Now, it's time for some lighter moments, don't you think?
Follow me on Twitter as usual at Anatomyofgreys1 for pics and more of The River. I recently reposted a lot because a few requests and there's few new photos to come shortly.
Ohhhh. P.S. I received a notepad that the studio makes out of used Grey's scripts a month ago. I was scanning through the pages and found a deleted Calzona scene (no one knows about) from 11x06. Follow me on Twitter because I will be posting it sometime today to celebrate the cast returning to work this week on season 12.