AUTHOR'S NOTE: Welcome to the last chapter of Becoming a True Invader. It took 4+ years but hopefully I didn't make you suffer that much. I wanted to thank anyone who read a single chapter of my first fanfic. I want to especially thank everyone who left a comment or review, it was great motivation for me to continue writing.
Well, this will probably the last long fic I write, it was exhausting but I'm proud of every chapter. Most definitely this will be the last long epic I write about Invader Zim, but I would like to write a few oneshots, I already got a few ideas for stories in mind. Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy the epilogue.
"Hey! I'm gonna need two more fried burgers for that order of fried ice cream!"
"Yeah, yeah, it'll be out in a minute."
Two gray-faced beings worked tirelessly serving customers at Shloogorgh's Flavor Monster, Sizz-Lor's old establishment before the invasion of Foodcourtia. The restaurant was left in one piece during the invasion, the same couldn't be said about its former owner. Despite the death and destruction, the devastation of Foodcourtia only fueled the insatiable hunger of the beings. Finally, the rush was over and the duo retired to the backroom to take their break.
The beings were short in stature, having no legs, but to make up for it they moved around on hover-pads, allowing them to reach any reasonable height and speed they wished. With the doors closed and out of sight of the other beings, the two removed their gray-faced masks.
"Who knew working would be so much work, Red."
"I know why Zim ran away from this now."
The former Tallests had escaped Irk using a secret escape pod they stored for emergencies. They had to crawl to the secret launch pad since Zim had sliced off half their bodies. They had originally only planned to temporarily hide on Foodcourtia, stealing snacks from vendors and waiting until Zim and the crazy bio-organic killed each other to make Irk safe for them to return. They were very inconvenienced when they learned of their planet's demise.
"I hate how uncomfortable these masks are," Purple said, "The sauces keep getting stuck behind it whenever I eat."
"That's your own fault for not cleaning it," Red said.
"We used to have servants for that."
"And now they're dead, and we would be too if we didn't wear these masks. Remember the last time someone saw your actual face?"
"Don't remind me, after what we had to do to that guy, I still can't smell cheese without gagging."
"All these beings are looking to blame Irkens for all the destruction in the universe, and with almost all of the Irkens dead, we can't really object to those claims."
"But to go from ruling an empire to forever pretending to be some weird-looking Vortian, we've fallen so far."
"Well, look on the bright side; we commandeered shelter, have this giant, cool monitor, and all the fries we can consume!"
"The fries do make this all worth it. And all our enemies were probably consumed by that black hole anyway!"
"I'm willing to bet one still survived."
"Gee, you think he'd be good enough to escape a black hole?"
"He probably caused it, unknowingly, but as long as we keep up appearances, this will be the last place we'll ever see him."
"I would die happy if we never deal with him again." Purple tossed Red a refreshing fizzy liquid and toasted to their future, "To a new, Zim-less life!"
"And our sanity!"
"Hello, I am a new student from...Aus-Ausutorailo?"
A tall being was giving his introduction to a group of human teenagers in a class. His voice was monotone as he was reading off notes given to him by his only friend in the class. He wore long sleeves and jeans, hiding what most of the class believed were really thin limbs. Despite that, his torso looked liked it belonged to an athlete and he wore really big shoes. His jacket's collar raised to hide the lower half of his face. Finishing his look was a pair of gloves, sunglasses, and a hat; only his purplish skin on his face wasn't covered.
"Uh, please ignore my scaly-looking skin, it is sensitive to the sun, as are my eyes." It was fortunate for him that the other teenagers were more excited about having a new foreign student than his appearance.
"Wow, a guy from Australia! I thought they quarantined that area after the drop bear incident?"
"He's so mysterious."
"His pet is so cute too!"
"Oh, um, this is my personal assistant cro-crako...thingy," The being pointed to the beast that was sprawled next to him. It wore a knitted sweater and a pair of pants that had their edges taped to its feet, but the teenagers didn't care to notice. "He's here for...medical reasons. Uh, I think that's it."
"You forgot to tell everyone your name," spoke the class's teacher. She was a lanky, old lady with sickly, pale skin, but she had instilled the fear of death to her students throughout her years.
"Oh, right. My name is Daj, uh, pleased to meet you, I guess?"
"Very good. Now shut up and go take that empty seat over there, the student who used to sit there hasn't been to school for days now. Such a shame, she had such a bright, non-pointless future as a meat heiress. And that will lead us to today's lecture, class, how quitting school will ultimately condemn your life to eternal doom. Forced to live each day by doing things like janitorial duties in the presence of beings you despise."
Daj made his way to the empty seat, right behind the only person in the class he could call a friend and diagonally behind the only being in the class that glared at him with his mouth open and his finger pointed the entire time. Daj's appearance was a surprise to him.
"Insolent lizard! What are you doing here? How dare you infiltrate the class of Zim!" The Irken yelled.
"Hey, back off, Zim. Don't make fun of the new kid just because he's new!" One of the other students said.
"He is no kid! He's here for Zim! I know he is! You can't fool me, lizard-stink!"
"Wow, how conceited. Why would he care about a loser like you?"
"And you shouldn't be calling anyone stinky when you smell like that." Said another student.
Zim shot the class a death glare, but he backed down after so much opposition. He also sneaked a sniff of his own body to know what the other student meant by calling him smelly. Meanwhile, Dib was getting a good chuckle over the ordeal.
Once class was over, the other teens crowded Daj, preventing him from leaving his seat and bombarding him with questions.
"Hey, what's Australia like now?"
"Did you catch your crocodile in the wild?"
"Why is your hair so hard?"
"Do you know my cousin? He was in Australia that one time!"
"Have you punched a Kangaroo?"
Daj never knew fear like this. This was the most intense interrogation he had ever experienced, none of Dib's note-cards had answers for these questions, and missions of espionage were foreign to him. He didn't even have his new Giant Fraction Blaster to comfort him, Dib had strongly insisted to never bring it on the school grounds.
"Dib! Help me, what do I say?!" Daj frantically asked.
Dib wasn't sure what to tell him, but the situation was quick to remedy itself.
"Oh, you're friends with Dib?"
"Ew, he's probably another monster geek like him."
"Great, another weird freak in the class."
Within moments, the crowd around Daj dispersed. Their curiosity of him vanished and he was now invisible to them.
"Amazing, Dib. You were able to repel all of them without even saying a word!"
"Yeah. Great." Dib said, irritated by the others' attitude, but that didn't matter to him now. He had to deal with another troublesome student.
"What is your purpose here, lizard! To kill Zim? Don't think you could fool me!" Zim shouted, slamming his fists repeatedly on Dib's desk.
"Stop it," Dib grabbed Zim's hand with his robotic one. He had to build it himself in his Dad's lab, it didn't hide a laser-blade, but he felt like he did a good job with it considering he had to build it with one hand. He wore a glove over it to avoid questions, even though no one would've asked him questions anyway.
"Believe it or not, drone, but I'm not here for you," Daj said. "There's actually a giant bounty for any living Irken. I saw the postings on Fuelia Portia. Apparently a lot of people would like to make your race suffer after all the war, invasions, and pollution of the galaxy with junk food."
"So you've come to abduct Zim!"
"No, were you listeni-no, you probably weren't. Look, the only thing better than a large bounty, is the large bounty on all the criminals and hunters looking to get rich quick."
"How would they even know I was on Earth?"
"Uh, someone might've leaked a rumor. Anyway, point is, the hunters will come here, I shoot the hunters, I get riches and targets, and you live, drone! Everyone wins! Also I promised Dib he can take pictures of the aliens for his help."
Zim glared at the human boy.
"What? Every time I try to get proof of aliens through you, I always fail!" Dib said, "This time, I'll have probably dead aliens to take pictures of."
"You gave up on trying to expose me already? There are brain cells in that fat head of yours!" Zim had more insults ready to fire at Dib, but he was interrupted by an urgent call from Skoodge. "What? Infiltrated!? Exterminate them Skoodge, and don't send Gir into defensive mode!"
Zim ran out of the class, leaving Dib, Daj, Kry, and a room of teens who had even more proof that Zim was a giant weirdo.
"Hey, Dib, were you serious about giving up on Zim?" Daj asked.
"Of course not!" Dib exclaimed, "I'm just tricking him to letting his guard down. It'll be easier to spy on him that way."
"Didn't you tell me that everyone thought you were crazy? Even if you get evidence of Zim as an alien, would they really believe you?"
"Probably not. It's mostly for pride at this point. Also, admittedly, it's kind of fun to watch Zim lose to me. Speaking of which, it's about time for my daily stakeout of his house."
"You have a schedule for that?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Is that normal?"
",,,Is it not?"
Zim's return to Earth wasn't as calm as he had hoped it would be. When he went back to his old house, he learned that his computer had turned his lab into a freak show attraction. He spent two weeks locating everyone who saw it and using his Vortian Amnesia Hammer on them. Unknown to Zim, his computer had sold the Amnesia Hammer as a souvenir and Zim had used a real hammer instead, the results were the same but involved more brain damage.
Fortunately, Zim's base didn't receive that many visitors. According to his computer, they were only gone for three Earth days. When Dib asked how that was possible, Zim just called him ignorant and stupid and told him that they probably hit a few wormholes on their way back. Truth is, he didn't know exactly how time and space worked either, but Zim accepted any chance to call Dib ignorant and stupid.
Zim spent the first day back prepping his old lab and setting up his base's defenses. He wasn't completely finished with them, but an infiltration of his base shouldn't be possible. He was running nonstop ever since he got out of Skool. He slammed open his front door, ready to confront the infiltrator.
The house was empty, or at least appeared to be. Zim heard a muffled voice coming from the robo-parents closet. He walked up slowly and opened the door. Inside he found Skoodge with a rubber pig in his mouth and Gir with an entire rubber pig engulfing his head. Zim wondered who was strong enough to overpower both his minions in such a short time, but when he turned around he got his answer.
The infiltrator was lying down on the sofa, holding a Game Slave between her hands, a device he had built for her. She didn't say anything when he walked in, and most likely she wouldn't have said anything the entire time if Zim had stayed silent as well, but silence wasn't something Zim utilized often.
"Gaz, were you the one who tied up Zim's minions?" Zim asked.
"Skoodge kept bothering me, saying stupid stuff about how he had trained in Irken combat and how he could break my finger bone in twenty-seven different ways, so I stuffed a pig in his face," Gaz said, her eyes never leaving the game screen, "And Gir just did that to himself."
Despite Zim knowing that Skoodge does indeed possess great combat skills, Gaz's story was very plausible, especially the part about Gir. "What are you doing in my base?"
"My teacher got in a rabid hamster accident and we got to go home early. Unfortunately, my dad's actually home, for once. He didn't even know Dib and I were gone for so long. Apparently he went on another expedition in Antarctica during the time. I didn't want to bore myself listening to his great discovery about some shape-shifting pudding," Gaz turned off her Game Slave and sat up, facing Zim, "Besides, I need new batteries for my Game Slave."
"Foolish Gaz! Why would Zim fulfill your demands?"
"Cause we have an agreement. You do what I say and I don't punch your face into your neck." Zim glared at Gaz for a few seconds but he knew the type of pain Gaz liked to cause. He went back to the closet to locate the batteries Gaz required. "So, how's your PAK doing?"
Zim had already contacted Crax about it once he had his communications running. They found several small fixes and workarounds instead of overall repairs. Crax even helped Zim identify nutrient substitutes on Earth the would guarantee at least a few more years of life for both him and Skoodge. The downside was that he had to continue eating Earth food.
"Why are you asking, do you care about Zim or something?" Zim said tauntingly. He found the batteries Gaz had wanted and was about to turn around to give it to her, but when he did, she was standing right in front of him.
"So what? What would you do if I said yes?"
Zim paused for a bit. He wasn't expecting such a reply. "I-I'd say you were stupid for caring about others."
"So does that mean you're calling yourself stupid too?"
Zim was getting nervous. Gaz was too close to his face and she kept staring at him, as if she saw through his lies, but he wasn't lying, maybe. Usually at this point her stares would cause fear to rise in him, but this time her stare was different. She wasn't trying to intimidate him, and her face lacked any sense of disgust or scowls, he was unsure how to react.
"Hey, Gaz, what's this yellow stuff? It's delicious!" A female teenager walked into the room from the kitchen. She stopped in her path once she saw the two, "Uh, I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
Gaz quickly took the batteries in Zim's hand and moved back to the sofa before she spoke, "No. Zim and I were just agreeing that we're both stupid."
"...Right," Zim said calmly. He went back into the closet and released Skoodge and Gir from their piggy restraint.
"Why are you drinking mustard?"
"So it's called, mus-tard." The teenager had pale skin and long black hair. She was slightly taller than Gaz and shared her love of the color black. Despite the considerably warm weather, she looked like she was dressed for a snowstorm. She had a thick, black jacket, black jeans, gloves, and even a scarf that covered half her face, all topped off with a black beanie with a skull along the rim. When Gaz first asked her about it she said she had preferred the layers, it gave her a sense of comfort and protection. It wasn't as if she needed so many objects obscuring her features either, Tak's stolen hologram already disguised her well.
"Kor, humans don't drink mustard."
"I can't help it! The texture, the taste! Earth has such a variety of food! On Fefa, it was just left arm or right arm."
"Why is the Tinkerer in Zim's house?" Zim questioned, "I thought we raided Tak's base so that she could fester inside of it!"
"We raided Tak's base because you wanted the tech inside," Kor said, "It was just a convenient outcome that I got a place to live. Besides, I wanted to see the house of my fearless leader."
"Well you saw it, now leave, both of you! And stop sipping Zim's mustard! Gir makes waffles with that."
"It's okay, I can use love instead!" Gir interjected, "Love makes the waffles very red though."
"Fine, we'll just come back whenever we feel like it," Gaz said, "Come on, Kor, and put the mustard back."
Kor pretended to put the mustard bottle in the fridge, she placed the actual bottle within the layers of her jacket. Gaz was already waiting by the front door when Kor walked back into the room.
"Alright, I'm good," Kor said. As she passed Zim, she quickly whispered to him, "You know, Gaz has a weakness to being embraced, just in case you need the upper hand on her."
"Why are you telling me this?" He asked.
"Because I'm your loyal minion." Kor bowed to Zim, but it was done so nonchalantly that even he knew she was condescending him, however he kept what she said in mind.
Zim walked with them and opened the door, pointing the two girls out.
"What did you say to him," Gaz asked.
"That I'd help him build a ship that's better than the trashcan he's piloting if he asks nicely."
"As if Zim would ever be polite."
"Which is why I offered." Kor left the house first, but Gaz stopped in the doorway and faced Zim.
"Hey, I just wanted to tell you...you're the most crazy, delusional idiot I know, but...you aren't the worst thing to happen to me. If you ever need, like, help or something, and I'm doing nothing...you can call me." Gaz kept her eyes averted from him as she spoke, it was also to hide the slight shift in redness on her face. Before Zim could say anything back, a digital clicking sound caught their attention.
"Haha! I got a picture of Zim!" Dib rose from Zim's lawn, having used camouflage to blend in.
"Are you wearing grass?" Kor said.
Dib ignored her and looked more closely at the picture he snapped on his phone. He was disappointed, "Damn, you're still wearing you human disguise and-Gaz?! What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to make you eat your phone if you don't give it to me!" Gaz threatened.
"Wait, Gaz, you can't! I just got this phone!" That didn't matter to Gaz. Any evidence of her being awkward in front of Zim needed to be destroyed. She ran towards Dib, who promptly ran away in terror. "Daj! Run!"
Daj appeared from his poor tree disguised and hopped on Kry, who had made no effort to hide or disguise himself. Dib got on as well and they ran off. Gaz still pursued them, followed by Kor who had nothing better to do anyway.
"Skoodge!" Zim yelled for his minion. The short Irken appeared wearing his own human disguise, a boy in overalls of Zim-level quality.
"Yes, Sir!" He yelled.
"Retrieve the Dib-worm's phone!"
"I'm on it!" Skoodge's spider-legs shot out from his PAK and he trailed the human. Zim wished Skoodge would chase after them more indiscriminately, but he was already too far for Zim to tell him, so he just closed the door.
"Gir." Zim called for his second minion, who appeared in front of him normally. "It's time for us to begin the next part of our Earth conquest!"
"Are we going to cause more doom?" Gir asked playfully.
"It wouldn't be a genius plan if we didn't!"
Zim walked towards his lab as Gir bounced around him. He was already plotting his next move as a sinister smile crept onto his face.