music: Cry- Thomas Bergersen
Shay was upset, for lack of a better word. The woman was sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest as she watched the medical staff finish off the repairs. No outward sign gave a clue to her internal conflict; face bland but eyes sharp, her mouth pressed into a thin line. The only tension was in her shoulders bunching just slightly.
During the last day or so she'd spent most of her time resting and eating next to the spark container while watching the repairs take place. First Aid had come over at one point and asked if she wanted him to explain exactly what they were doing. He seemed really nice but the mechanical gibberish had been above her head so she had politely declined. The few times she had left was to either go the the bathroom or take a pillow from the guest room before returning to nap on the table. It was actually okay in the medbay. The temperature was warm enough and the smell of machinery wasn't too strong. That disinfectant scent you get in hospitals wasn't there, which was always a plus in her book. Only occasionally were there loud noises, mostly from what looked to be welding tools and a small machine that used lasers to cut up sheet metal.
She marveled at how much better the Twins looked now that their frames were almost completely fixed. The lack of mud, energon stains, and gaping holes helped, not to mention the reattachment of limbs. Only a few weld marks now told of their previous state and even those were going to disappear. The young woman watched them silently.
They were almost done. And then the Twin sparks would be returned to their frames. And after that...
'Are you going to go back then, to your dad? Once the Twins wake up?' Bluestreak had asked. She really should go back. She needed to call him and tell him she was okay. He was probably really worried, not to mention mad. But what if she didn't want to go back?
What am I going to do? Internally she mulled over and over about the situation. Shay knotted her fingers together around her knees and frowned in thought. I don't want to go home again. Just the thought of it made her wince. It wasn't that she was avoiding anything,...but if she went home then what? She'd go back to doing what she always did; home, work, taking care of the house. It had been nice traveling around. It had been fun. No having to talk to a lot of people, no one looking over her shoulder asking why she was goofing off or not being productive, getting to see new places and explore.
But she couldn't stay either. Slowly she reached out a work-roughened hand and laid it against the side of the container, not looking toward them. A warmth spread through her.
Curiosity. Joy. Something?
The woman felt the question and thin lips deepened the frown. They wanted to know why she was upset. Shay briefly closed her sky colored eyes before sending a reassuring feeling to them.
It's alright. Comfort. Warmth.
She felt like crying. Not that she would. Shay didn't cry, at least not where people could see her. But her insides seemed to crash against the walls of her being, ripping, tearing, quivering. It hurt. Damn it. She was so good at keeping everything in, but once it started to come out there was no stopping it. A torrent would build itself up until she either buried it under control or let it pour out and stood back to see what would happen.
I can't stay here. I can't. A panicking feeling kept rearing it's head inside, making her feel the restraints that were holding her here. The link that kept tugging and pulling at the short woman to stay next to the sparks. It wasn't natural, it wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to be here and she kept fighting that pull, because Shay wasn't good at dealing with things that tried to restrain her. You brought them back. They'll be okay. And what will happen when they wake up? They are fighting in the middle of a war and you have to go home. It will hurt worse if you have to say goodbye. The whole confusing mess kept tangling itself in her thoughts. And trying to figure out what to do just kept knotting the threads. What Shay wanted to do, what was the right thing to do, what needed to be done, what was going to work.
Shay wouldn't admit it but she was also afraid. Social interactions were never her forte. Dealing with people was something she did because she had to, not because she wanted to. The thought of trying to be friendly towards all these people made her twitch. And she was afraid of what would happen once the Twins awoke. What are they going to think? Are they going to remember this? Jazz said they didn't like humans, especially Sunstreaker. This is a mess. She was worried about how they'd react. Opening up and trusting people wasn't in her nature. She was so used to doing everything on her own, putting that sort of control in someone else's hands...
"Just the junction clips on the elbow's and Sideswipe's done." Wheeljack was speaking to the CMO, head fins lighting up, while First Aid ran diagnostics over the yellow twin's finished frame. They had forgotten she was here and that was honestly the way she preferred it. But the engineer's statement had the effect of another dose of constricting panic winding it's way through her. She could not deal with this. The best way was to leave now, before they woke. Best to let this end before it turned into a disaster. A creeping dead feeling settled in her core.
Ratchet gave a nod and looked over Wheeljack's work, "Good. One last scan to make sure we didn't miss anything and we'll start the transfer." He pulled up charts on his scanners and then sent First Aid to get the energon lines. They would need it. The medic stalked over to the table with the sparks and glared at the woman.
Shay looked back blandly, dark honey brown strands falling into her face, and moved her hand off the container. Shifting, her posture indicated the Ratchet could pick up the sparks now. He did so and then frowned down at her.
"What's wrong with you?" She looked back at him and tilted her head just a little. After a second her eyes moved to the sparks before she stood and walked to the edge of the counter. Slowly, almost robotically, she climbed down and landed on the chair set below. Another ledge and another small jump and she was on the floor. Without looking back she walked quietly out of the medbay, face never changing or looking at anyone.
The red and white medic stared after her and then huffed, 'why are some humans so weird?' Pushing that thought away he started the procedures for spark transfer. They had to be very focused on the task at hand, not worrying about some people's behavior.
She drifted past any Autobots that may have been in the halls. If there were, she didn't notice. A fog of some sort seemed to be in her head, and she reacted on autopilot.
What are you doing?! An internal voice in her head shrieked. But it didn't stop nor slow her steps as she ghosted toward Prime's office. Bluestreak had pointed it out to her earlier when she'd left the medbay for a run to get food. She was running. That's what she did. If the best way to deal with something was to run, than that's the way she would go. And it's better this way. Less complicated. They'll go back to their lives and I'll go back to mine.
You have trust issues. Her head was fighting the growing feeling in her chest, two sides gripping each other and trying to drag the other down. I do have trust issues. She could deal with people being aggressive to her, could deal with giant alien robots, and even stray dogs that attacked in the middle of the night. But when it came to personal issues, she avoided them like the plague.
The static in her head blurred out all the words and without even realizing it, she had stopped before the leader's office. Standing still she paused. I need to do this. It's the right thing to do. It will only be worse if I stay. Not that those words affected the ball of numbness growing inside. With a deep breath she raised her fist and knocked on the big metal door. There was a dull pounding. It sounded quieter than she'd meant it to be.
"Enter" came a baritone voice, and the door split open.
Slowly walking in she found a huge desk before her, and above it she could see the Prime's head and shoulders. Tech of some unknown use sat in the corner. It wouldn't have surprised her if it was actually a filing cabinet. An odd sort of computer was hooked up to the wall on the other side of the desk. Optimus looked down at her with surprised ultra-marine optics.
"Would you like to come up?" he asked kindly, lowering a servo for her to climb on.
He had been expecting Jazz with the data links about the 'improved' blasters they had started testing last week. The Prime had been curious when he'd heard the quiet knock, as Jazz never did that. The saboteur either knocked in some sort of beat or just came in unannounced. But Optimus hadn't expected the human, maybe one of the other bots, but not her. Hadn't she been staying in the medbay almost the whole time?
"Is something a matter?" he asked aloud, studying her.
Ms. Carpenter looked haggard, like someone had just put weights on her shoulders. It seemed she didn't know where to start either. Her mouth thinned a little and brows furrowed before she started slowly.
"I...I'm leaving. Your medic is putting the Twin's back in their bodies. I need to go now." Her voice came out rough and almost monotone, as if she wasn't quite awake or all there. Optimus frowned. He'd known Ratchet had started putting their sparks back, but he'd assumed the woman had wanted to meet the Twins. He couldn't figure out what was driving Shay to leave right now. But they couldn't hold her either, it was her right to leave if she chose.
"Are you certain you don't want to stay to seem them? I know they are not some of our more friendly Autobots at times, but I think they'd like to speak with you..." She shook her head, gray-brown hair brushing against her shoulders.
"No. I need to go." Hollowed eyes drilled into his. Something very important was going on. Perhaps she was needed back at her home, or she was worried about her father.
"If you are sure," The blue and red bot finally sighed.
A sharp nod and then she seemed to pause. Tired eyes turned contemplative. Nervously she stuck her hands in her pockets.
"Actually...Can I leave a note?" A hesitant request.
"Of course." Optimus turned and pulled a piece of paper and a large pencil from a drawer. Why he would have those things in there, she didn't know or care. Handing them to Shay he asked, "Would you like me to give it to Sunstreaker and Sideswipe for you?" It was the least he could do, considering she'd brought back two of their best warriors.
The young woman gave another nod before taking the large pencil and carefully writing on the paper. It didn't seem to bother her that the Prime could read it even though he turned away to politely give her privacy. Once done, the note was folded in half and handed to Optimus.
He held it gently in his servos and looked up as Jazz waltzed in the office, "Ah, Jazz. You have those data links?"
The TIC nodded and grinned, "Here ya are. All nice an' neat thanks to Prowl. Hey there girl." His blue visor flickered as he tipped his head, a 'Jazz wink'.
She just looked at him blankly. It hadn't even surprised the woman when he'd walked in. The spy looked curiously at the paper in his leader's hand and then back at the silent human.
"Jazz, Ms. Carpenter would like to return home. Perhaps you could give her a ride..." He got cut off, something that rarely happened to him.
"The train station. If you could just drop me off there, I'll be fine." Sharp flat words.
Jazz tilted his helm, "Well sure thing. Ya got some money fer tickets?"
She nodded and he put out a servo. Shay gave a look to the note and then Prime before climbing into the spy's palm. Optimus rose, his metal chair scraping back.
"Thank you Miss Carpenter, for returning the Twins to us." He briefly bowed him helm in gratitude.
"Sure," she mumbled, "Take care of them." Shay gave off a low growl as Jazz turned to go out the door.
Optimus watched them leave and stood still for a second before passing the threshold as well. Thinking, he headed toward the medbay. The red and blue Autobot wanted to be there when the Twin's woke up. He had a note to deliver.