In the beginning, there was nothing. However, as with most things, that got boring pretty quickly so the whole ordeal was dealt with over tea and biscuits where it was decided that the nothingness was just a waste of time for everybody involved, even if they were unsure whether or not they could even exist within the nothingness. Whichever way their existence went, they wrote a very stern letter to their congressman who, until being blackmailed with information about a homosexual lover did nothing, executed an order to have the nothingness bulldozed and replaced with a shopping mall. Of course, this turned into a lot more letter writing when the contractors explained it to be very hip and natural to have this big empty space and thus went on strike to protest the building of the mall. Truthfully, they were just terribly lazy and loathed their jobs.
While this massive debate of absolutely no importance was going on, a young child being dragged to cricket practice by a recently divorced mother who was not having any shit about 'not understanding the rules of the sport' felt rather bad for the nothingness, as it had literally nothing, while this girl at the very least had the cricket shoes on her feet; no matter how stupid she thought they looked. In this moment of pity, she produced forth the last quarter she had left of her allowance and tossed it in the nothingness' general direction and felt rather satisfied with herself when the whole thing exploded rather violently into a confused state of something. She would be sure to remember throwing money at other things the forthcoming week to see their reactions.
The state, quickly finding itself not to be something much special, sighed and went out to the pub where it drank four pints of Guinness before getting some sense and two adolescents beaten into it by a burly Irishman name Ahmed. Ahmed went door to door and sold door knobs, fulfilling his childhood dream of being in the most unappreciated and pointless line of work since the fellow in charge of banging rocks together to please the ears of listeners. Coincidentally, this person was the original discoverer of fire and was, in an ironic twist of lemon in a martini glass, later burned at a palm tree for being a witch.
"Oh, god; what happened?" Marie slumped down to a seated position and grabbed her head, dizzy from the surprising change of location. One moment, the world had been ending around her, the next she was sitting in what appeared to be a white room stretching endlessly in every direction. Luckily, Double-D was still on his feet and seemed to be capable of being displeased enough with the situation for both of them.
"I knew it; I knew it would be this demented place again?" The beanie wearing Ed let out a sound, a morbid combination of a grim sigh and an exasperated groan, and gently clasped his face upon the realization that he had returned to one of the few places he certainly would not recommend for a family vacation.
"You see this place too?" Marie found her strength returning with each passing breath and she allowed herself a moment to observe her surroundings. Not that there was much to observe in this white, spaceless space.
"I see it, I feel it, I know it." Double-D looked left and right expectantly, as if waiting for a car to pass so he could cross the road.
"Hang on, you've tripped before?"
"What?"
"You've tripped so hard you've been to this place before?"
"Tripped?" Double-D blinked twice in confusion. "Are you suggesting I was to have willfully ingested or inhaled some sort of drug to-"
"No, that's what I'm asking you." Marie frowned. "So we're not tripping right now?"
"Not to my knowledge, no."
"So the world ended?"
"On some level."
"And we're dead?"
"Far, far worse, I'm afraid." Faint memories began to rapidly connect to their proper places in the brainy Ed's mind and he grew more and more irritated with each one popping up. "The only thing to do is wait."
"Wait for what?" Marie jumped to her feet and gave him a puzzled look. "Shouldn't we at least explore this place for some kind of exit? Find out how we got here?"
"No, we wait." Double-D said, a bit more sternly than he had intended to.
"For what?"
"Something to happen."
"Like what?"
"Like that, for example." Marie followed Double-D's gaze, which had landed upon the spot where she had been sitting a few moments previous, and she spun around. Her mouth fell open, unsure how to take this sudden development of events.
"KANKER." A crudely designed robot, made from scrap metal usually found in a junkyard, sat in the exact same place and position she had been sitting, its head hanging sullenly, created using a toaster and Christmas lights. The single word it had uttered with its distorted, screechy voice echoed throughout the empty plains, causing a lemon tree to sneak in from another browser tab in the hope that the robot would speak again in that pleasant, inhuman tone.
"What." Marie was so flabbergasted by this, she didn't even bother to pose the word in the form of a question.
"Yes, this tends to happen." Double-D arched an eyebrow. Something about the robot felt all too familiar, yet seemed so distant, like trying to remember a dream you had three weeks prior to tea time.
"Where the fuck are we?" A loud gasp was heard from the lemon tree which slumped over, using its branches to prop up what would be a tree's equivalent of a human chin.
"Look what you did now!" A creature, four feet tall with a purple striped body, fell out of the tree's foliage and threw an accusing glare in Marie's direction, which could very well have been nothing more than a regular glance; the creature's eyes were weighed down by enormous rainbow-colored eyebrows groomed into letters. It quickly jumped to the tree's side and started to massage its roots with maple syrup, granting him an appreciative groan.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" Marie completely ignored that the tree keeled over and landed on its side, moaning horribly in pain.
"Would you stop with the swearing?! And can't you read the eyebrows?!" The creature rolled its eyes and took a split second to race up to the Kanker sister, jump up into her direct eyesight to provide her with its name and race back to tap different places of the tree's bark with different kinds of satisfied "Ahs" and horrified "Hmms".
"You ever heard of something so fucking ridiculous as a 'Flabbergast'?" Marie muttered the question to her human companion but the tree reacted nonetheless; flailing its branches around wildly and wailing loudly before collapsing completely.
"My word, he's saplining!" The Flabbergast hollered and pulled out an enormous ax. "CLEAR!" With a mighty swing, the ax connected with the bark and a large explosion followed, sending the sullen robot to spiral away into the distance and the two teenagers holding on to each other to avoid following the metallic creature's path. When they dared open their eyes again, the Flabbergast sat in a canoe; paddle in one hand, a jug of lemonade in the other and a deep frown weighing down his eyebrows even more. "I hope you're happy!"
"I haven't the faintest clue what is going on here so not really." Marie shrugged nonchalantly, taking all of this with a pinch of salt since she wasn't yet convinced they weren't just tripping balls.
"Well, you should consider somebody else's feelings for once then!" The Flabbergast raised the paddle to its mouth and blew violently, playing a clarinet solo of the 'Anvil Chorus' at double speed as the canoe rose and floated away, though not before dumping the container of lemonade over Marie's head.
"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF-"
"I would probably lay low on the swearing after what just happened." Double-D placed a comforting hand on Marie's arm as she shook her fist in the direction of the levitating canoe which soon disappeared off into the unknown.
"Didn't you see what the fu- What happened?!" Marie spun around, showering him with lemonade from her soaked hair, and gave him a pleading look, searching for some sort of sane explanation.
"All in due time; our host should arrive soon."
"I say- Oh, it's you!" A voice cried out behind them. Turning, they came face to face with a gigantic yellow machine suspended in midair, its engine purring pleasantly.
"A yellow submarine; how original." Double-D deadpanned. Marie on the other hand felt transfixed by the person who had addressed them who hanged out of one of the many circular windows; it was a spitting image of the Double-D standing next to her but very much differently dressed, much more leaning to the fashion favored by those in the Victorian era.
"Do you like it? Built it myself." The newly arrived Double-D patted the side of the seaworthy vessel. "I dare say, we appear to have taken a wrong turn somewhere; you wouldn't happen to know the way to Dimension 42? Lovely little shop on the corner of Penny Lane and Abbey Road, planet of Lucy in the area of Arcturus and the Boos?"
"Unfortunately not, no." Double-D replied, inwardly groaning at the barrage of references the universe would apparently use for the naming of places.
"Hmm, yes, I can understand that; our dials are having a jolly good time in here trying to figure out where we are relative to the spacetime continuum."
"SOCKHEAD! You figure out where we are yet?" An irritated voice shouted from within the submarine, so not unlike their friend Eddy McGee's that they weren't at all surprised when a copy of said Ed appeared in the window next to the goggle-wearing Double-D.
"No, I'm afraid we have encountered those who are even more lost in reality than we are." The steampunk inspired Double-D gestured to Double-D and Marie. The Eddy, whose clothes seemed to have originated from a crash between a '50s science fiction movie's wardrobe and the lost and found at the original Woodstock concert, glanced over at them and stared silently for a moment.
"Oh, HELL NO!" Eddy exploded and threw a threatening finger in his Double-D's direction. "WE'RE NOT GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN! ED, FIRE HER UP; WE'RE GETTING THE HELL UP OUT OF HERE!" Eddy popped back in and slammed the window shut.
"Ah, it appears we must be off. Pleasure to meet you." The nautical Double-D offered them an apologetic smile.
"Likewise." Double-D mustered up a polite twitch of the corners of his mouth. Marie was still too shocked to speak. "Hope you find your destination."
"As I hope you will." With that, the submarine roared to life and shot off, looking like an arrow on fire before it blinked out of that particular level of existence.
"Right. Well, someone's bound to come along soon." Double-D, the one left standing there in the vast whiteness of the something, looked over at his friend, if such labels still existed, and hummed to himself.
"I give up." Marie threw her hands up in the air like she just didn't care anymore and started to walk away. "I'm just gonna pretend this is a dream and wait to wake up. That's what I'm gonna do."
"Before you embark on an adventure I'm fairly certain would lead to frustrated confusion and severe annoyance, would you do me a favor?" She stopped and sighed heavily.
"What?"
"Could you please search your pockets?" Double-D asked, having rummaged around in his own pants pockets and finding them disappointingly empty.
"Fine, whatever." Reluctant hands reached into the pockets of her hoodie, finding nothing noteworthy to speak of, and moved on to her pants. "Nothing; there's nothing in them, just like when I checked them before the world sorta- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" She jumped back, as if that would somehow separate her from whatever it was she had felt inside her left pants pocket, and stared down at her leg with wide eyes. Double-D hurried up to her.
"What? What is it?"
"I don't know, but whatever it was, it fluttered!"
"May I?" Double-D took her shocked nod as an approving answer and he slowly slid his hand into the aforementioned pocket. He smiled slightly as his finger made contact with what had frightened her. "Marie, I do apologize in advance for this."
"What? What?!"
"Is that a penguin in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" She turned her head and gave him a look questioning his remaining pieces of sanity.
"... Are you shitting me?"
"I would avoid the expletive alternative for 'excrement' in this place if I were you. But let's have a look, shall we?" Double-D took a firm grip of the object that rested snugly inside Marie's pants, a sentence which caused an unannounced breeze to go by carrying with the giggling of five fangirls, and pulled as hard as he could, sending him flying backwards when he finally succeeded. "This was unexpected. It's your wallet."
"Yeah, if it was covered in feathers." Sure enough, Double-D had produced forth the exact same model wallet that Marie had once had before the world had seemingly ended, except for the fact that it was fully decorated with pink feathers.
"Curious." An idea formed in his mind, one that normally would seem insane but most likely wasn't anymore. "I wonder if- There we go." He flipped the wallet open and they both, or at least Marie, looked on in mild surprise as a long strip of pink feathers unfurled itself, much like a rabbit's wallet sized family photographs would. The backside of the wallet let out a series of hacking coughs and took a deep breath. So deep, as a matter of fact, that the long strip of feathers inflated until the whole coin purse could be likened to the form of a flamingo.
"What the- You know what? I'm not even gonna ask."
"You're learning." Double-D released his hold of the bird's beak, having once been the backside of the wallet, and it flopped majestically to the ground. Finishing its breath, and coughing up enough feathers to make a pillow fit for a king of a self-proclaimed nation consisting of an IKEA brand pillow fort and a little shop on the corner, it bowed deeply to both of them. "You wouldn't happen to know where to find the custodian of this place?" Double-D asked.
"Did you just ask the flamingo where the janitor is? Hell, did you just talk to the flamingo?"
"I did indeed." He ignored her lack of illogical thinking and refocused his attention to the pink bird which nodded in response to his question. The flamingo balanced gracefully on one leg while the other reached up and combed through its feathers in search for something. Dropping the comb, which manically began to request a box full of floss with its newly formed tiny voice, the bird grabbed a hold of and held out a cup of tea. "Oh. Thank-" It completely disregarded Double-D's stretched out hand and turned the cup upside down, showering the comb with scalding hot tea. The comb leaned back unhurt in nostalgia though, having spent its summers as a young mustache wrangler for lava surfers.
"I say-" The flamingo held up a wing to interrupt Double-D and began to shake it violently, feathers falling off and floating downwards with soft sounding pops. One feather in particular took an instant liking to the tea soaked comb and made a dive for it, resulting in a breathtaking collision of such romantic proportions that a devout group of nuns in a small Italian village felt the repercussions in the form of a slight tingling in their hats. The result?
"Right, are you telling me this is what we were waiting for? A mustache?" Marie crossed her arms and blinked her eyes tiredly, the process of constantly trying to update one's current version of reality quickly wearing her out.
"Partially." The flamingo bowed deeply and promptly turned into a metal bucket which tumbled over and spread out its contents across the area which they were standing on. The tea that had been spilled didn't remain spilled for long though as the result of the aforementioned romantic encounter, a very stylish and very pink mustache, was quick to soak it all up. Having contained the spillage, it jumped up into the air and landed on the face of a weather-worn old man, drenched in tea from head to toe, who frowned slightly.
"I gotta get me a new alarm." He reached into his dark blue jumpsuit and pulled out a deck of cards, discarding more than half of them by tossing them over his shoulder where they quickly assembled into a house big enough for seventeen fratboys and a donkey. Kicking the bucket into a standing position, he dropped the remainder of the cards into it where all of them melted together into a liquid almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. He took notice of the two out-of-place looking youngsters, one with blue hair and a gaping mouth while the other wore a beanie and a bemused expression, and squinted. "Oh. Someone will be with you shortly."
"Yes, Joe; I'm familiar with the procedure." Double-D extended a hand out of habitual politeness. The man, Joe, examined it for a moment before shaking it gruffly.
"Didn't think I'd see you again, Eddward."
"Nor I you, Joe." Double-D gestured to his companion. "This is Marie Kanker. Marie, Joe."
"Pleasure." Joe nodded curtly in Marie's direction and held up the metallic bucket. "Cup of tea?"
"What; drink that?" Marie's upper lip curved in disgust.
"We'll pass, thank you."
"Suit yourselves." The janitor shrugged and proceeded to empty the contents of the bucket out over the surface one could almost mistake for a floor, took off his fabulous pink mustache, extended a handle from it and began to mop. Absentmindedly, he began to rummage around in his pockets and pulled out a packet of Jammy Dodgers. "He's rather busy, but here's his calling card."
"Okay?" Double-D accepted the packet and turned it over, looking for some sort of clue to guide him through the uncertainty of the situation.
Joe sighed drearily. "Open it, put one in front of you and follow the instructions."
"You're on your own here." Marie said, reaching for her pockets before hesitating; who knew if her cell phone would turn up and decide to turn into a vampire alligator or a herd of stampeding bison?
"Very well then." Double-D carefully opened the packet and took one of the biscuits out. Observing both front and back of it, he did indeed place it in front of him, where it was dutifully suspended in midair, and pushed it much like one does a button, having followed the inscription which did indeed read 'PUSH ME'. A *ding* rung out from nowhere in particular and a soundbite of a smooth jazz song followed, giving the impression of an elevator in an upscale hotel.
"Seriously, I'm about to punch somebody if we don't get somewhere soon." The blue-haired teen aimed a frustrated kick at nothing in particular, causing the crudely designed robot they encountered earlier to soar through the air with a hurt "KANKEEEEEER!" as it didn't take lightly on being called 'nothing in particular'.
"I believe a suitable target for your frustrations will be with us shortly." Another *ding* marked the end of Double-D's sentence like punctuation and the space in front of them slid apart to reveal the inside of an elevator. A man, much younger in appearance and clothing than Joe, stumbled out of the doors and quickly spun around, frantically waving the sword in his hand against a barrage of knife wielding tentacles. Every other metallic twang was followed by him frantically ranting into his watch.
"No, I told you- Bloody hell, almost got me- It's not- I'm just- WOULD YOU STOP EATING THOSE DAMN RAISINS?!" Dodging a particularly energetic appendage, he noticed his surroundings for the first time and frowned. "This isn't my floor."
"Hello, Ish." Double-D waved, seemingly unimpressed by the curious battle going on.
"I'll call you back, unexpected development." Ish lunged and drove the tentacles back through the doors before placing a heavy kick on the Jammy Dodger which shattered into a fine crystal powder. The doors closed, upwards, with the sound of a zipper and a pained yelp when one of the tentacles got stuck. Resting on the sword, the strange young man extended a gloved hand towards Double-D. "I swear, say you want to write and they end up sending you here... You're the one from before? You know, with Kevin and the tea?"
"I am becoming convinced of it, yes." Double-D grabbed the hand and shook it.
"Welcome back. As you can see, business as usual."
"This what we've been waiting for?" Marie arched a skeptic eyebrow; whatever problems they were having, she didn't expect this guy to be the solution.
"Ish, this is Marie."
"Well aware." Ish nodded politely and smiled pleasantly. "How do you do?"
"Expletive alternative for excrement." Marie shot back.
"Marie, this is Ish. He sort of..." Double-D turned to Ish in confusion. "What exactly is it you do here?"
"Nobody knows." Ish paused. "Seriously, my business card reads 'Nobody knows'." Ish folded the sword into a sheet of paper that read in a feverish lime green:
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT
(Well, the name's John, but it's not important. I've also been known as "that self-inserting asshole", "Gary Stu" or just a plain old "asshole". So call me Ish)
NOBODY KNOWS
FLYWHEEL, SHYSTER AND FLYWHEEL
"I believe you."
"Hang on." Marie interjected and held up her hands. "You're in charge here?"
"Indeed I-" Ish's answer was quickly cut short when Marie's furious fist connected with his jaw, catapulting him a couple of feet into the air where he then promptly stayed.
"What the flying fuck is wrong with you?!" She grunted and swatted away the group of foulmouthed, amorous flies that appeared. "What in God's name caused you to be so fucking twisted that you'd come up with something like this?!"
"Boredom, mostly." Ish said, rubbing his sore face. "So, Double-D, I presume you haven't given her the rundown of this place?"
"No, I thought I would leave that honor to you." Double-D said bemusedly.
"You knew she was gonna sock someone, didn't you?"
"It was a possible outcome, yes."
"You're too kind to grant me that pleasure."
"Look!" Marie interrupted the two and put up a threatening finger. "There's gonna be another knuckle sandwich coming someone's way if you don't start talking!"
"The short answer? This is Limbo."
"You said we weren't dead!" Marie's finger focused menacingly on Double-D who calmly shook his head.
"We aren't."
Ish climbed down a foot or so but stayed defiantly in the air, leaning against the big toe. "The slightly longer answer, but still short enough so not to bore those who have read 'Rusty Worn Nut'-"
"Shameless plugging doesn't suit you, Ish." Double-D rolled his eyes.
"Fine, fine." Ish sighed and reached down to untie his shoe which he swiftly removed and impatiently spoke into. "Miss Vu?"
"Yes, Mr. Flywheel?" A thin, nasal voice escaped the sneaker.
"Could you pull the file on my previous encounter with Peach Creek inhabitants and-"
"Certainly, Mr. Flywheel." The voice responded instantly.
"Lights, please!" The environment complied with Ish's request, the white dimming to a dull gray, while his shoe promptly turned inside out, reshaping into a midnight blue sphere which jumped out of his hands and floated freely in the air.
"Double-D?" Marie asked under her breath.
"Yes?"
"You realize how ridiculous this is, right?"
"All too much."
"Oh, but that's the beauty of it, kids." Ish stared up at the now rotating sphere and grinned widely, as if it was the most beautiful thing he had ever witnessed. The sphere chirped, reached out and swallowed the three youngsters. Joe grumbled about peace and quiet. He received an invitation to their wedding the following week.
"This... Is Limbo." Ish, Double-D and a very bored looking Kevin were seated at a large table, seemingly in the space they had just left.
"Marie, listen!" Ish's voice echoed around her, though not originating from the Ish sitting in front of her. Marie tried to turn her head but found that she had lost it in all the commotion of being eaten by Ish's shoe. So, she followed the instruction and listened since the mouth she would usually use to tell him to go fuck himself was otherwise occupied with being just as lost as her head.
"We're dead?!" Double-D, the seated one, spat out a sip of tea. She couldn't really make out where her version of Double-D was either so she made a mental note to lay some serious hurt on Ish if they made it out of there.
"Let me tell you, this feels more like hell." Kevin said flatly. Marie felt the need to agree with him.
"Oh, no, no, no; not that sort of Limbo." Ish waved his arms around and laughed shortly. "We just call it that because of limbo nights on Tuesday. No, this is the space that contains everything existing between those split seconds before an idea and the final touches on a story."
"I'm not following." Kevin muttered, trying his best to stay awake.
"This place is essentially a creative nebula; ideas and plans are born here. Some develop into these massive creatures with lives of their own and escape, some wither up in abandonment here over time and some are just plain stuck here from the get go. Anything can happen here, if you have the willpower to try." Ish smiled apologetically and stirred his tea with a pen he pulled out from behind his ear. "Of course, you were never meant to return here as you and your story had already escaped once. Quite an unusual case. Not unheard of, but unusual."
"So what happens to us then?" Double-D wondered. "Is there any way of us... 'escaping' again?"
"Oh, if there is, we shall find it. It might take a little while, but we shall find it."