Boys Don't Wear Dresses

by keisan

Notes: Thank you readers! I appreciate the likes, follows, and reviews! Ah just a note, Feli sometimes does the whole getup, not just the dress. There are more sexy times to be had in this chapter too. (wink) I look forward to hearing your thoughts, wonderful peeps!

Part 2

He didn't come over the next day but he called and we talked for over an hour. He came over the following day. It wasn't always a good idea to ask Ludwig things when he was high on sex, his brain didn't work the same as it usually did and he was nothing if not perfectly organised. He'd often come over and clean up my room, my kitchen, the living room, even the bathroom. It was annoying at times but he said the habit wasn't really anything to do with me.

His brother had been right when he said he had pretty bad OCD. Well, it was actually OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder, which was a little different, or so Ludwig said). Sometimes I felt like I enabled his disorder with my messy habits, though at times I convinced him getting messy wasn't always the worst thing. Once we even incorporated food during sex. He wasn't a fan at all at the beginning but he said it might grow on him as I dotted his chest with whipped cream and licked it off him. Afterward however, he went on a cleaning frenzy and said that if we were going to do that again, it would have to be in the bathroom so it would be easier to clean up. It frustrated me because it made me wonder if we were even a good match. When I broke down crying one evening after an argument, he took me in his arms thumbed my tears away. He asked me what this was about.

"What if I'm too opposite for you to be with? I know I can be a bit of a slob. But I'm trying. I don't want to make you anxious. I just want you to come over and have a good time with me, eat dinner, sing while we cook pasta and sausages, let me sit on your lap and kiss you while you try to read or watch a movie..." I released a breathy sob.

"Schatz, no. You're not, you're you and I love that. I don't want you to be anything than who you are. I care about Feli, the gorgeous yet adorable, slightly imperfect, discordant Italian I fell for when I found him in the grocery store lying in a puddle of milk," he said sincerely, looking me straight in the eye.

I laughed through my tears, "That was so messy."

"Ja, now that was a mess. And if I could walk away from that to clean you up and take you to the door before dealing with the mess on the floor, I can handle anything when it comes to you."

I nodded, "Si. Okay. Just tell me how I can help, if I can. I want to help."

"I know, Liebling. I know. Just be you, that's all I want."

I kissed him soundly after that, I wasn't sure what I'd done to deserve him. Maybe surviving the drama with my family had been worth it after all. Maybe I could be myself and it wouldn't make him leave like it did everyone else (Nonno, Mama, Papa...). I didn't want to take the risk though. I was scared.

One rainy afternoon found me sketching a new dress. It was relaxing to feel the toothy surface of the paper as I marked it up with my graphite pencil. In my mind, I saw the fall of the dress layers, the scrunch and sheen of the fabric, and colours that shifted from one hue to the next. I imagined myself wearing the very dress I was designing. I imagined myself putting a barrette in my hair and telling Eliza what kind of stitch I wanted to see on the sleeves and agonizing over my errors.

I imagined walking onto the dance floor in that dress and smiling when Ludwig took my hand. I gazed out the window and snapped out of it when a rumble of thunder echoed in the distance.

I was building a portfolio that I planned to send to one of my favourite fashion design companies. Convocation was coming up and I was ready to go into the world as the next big name in fashion design. That was at least something to look forward to. Lovi had connections in several different industries, including fashion, although I had to wonder what methods of persuasion he'd employed to get me an interview. Ludwig knew I was in clothing design but he didn't know how much I loved making the dresses or that in reality, I really just wanted to wear them.

A moment later my phone went off, startling me. I dropped my pencil and checked the call display. Eliza. I smiled and took the call.

"Pronto!"

"Feli! Hey, congrats!" Eliza's excited voice came through.

"Grazie! I can't believe it's already graduation."

"I know! I'm so proud of you, sweetie. Those designs you sent me were spectacular. God. I love them!"

"Si, grazie! I think you'll really like the overall look. I bought the fabric yesterday. It feels so nice to touch!" I told her.

"Mhm," I could hear the smile in her voice. "Almost enough to try it on yourself?"

"Cosa? No... Not me," I swallowed.

"Feli? You know, it's okay. More people are okay with that. Gender isn't the same as sex..."

"Eliza, stop. It's not okay. You really don't understand what I had to deal with back...then. I'm done with that part of my life, si?"

"Fine, okay. I understand. But look, please hear me out, there's no honour in denying who you are. You'd be surprised at how many people would be okay with you being yourself," she insisted.

"Eliza! Stop!" I rubbed my eyes getting graphite all over probably.

"Okay, I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"I know you're trying to help, but it's not helping... It's over and done with and I won't let my being...weird... ruin anything else for me," I said.

"Oh Feli..." she sighed and paused. "Well, send me pictures of the completed dresses. And call me when you want some help with those stitches you seem to struggle with. I know you're getting better though but you know how much I like making that stuff with you."

"Si, I will."

"Drinks tomorrow?"

"Si, I'm inviting Luddy. Do you mind?" I asked.

"Of course not! I'm bringing Roderich," she sang delightedly.

I smiled, "Si, well see you then! Ciao!"

"Bye bye hunny!"

Eliza was amazing. She was a good friend and very talented. It was funny though because she wasn't always a fan of dresses, she hated being put into the traditional femininity box and often went out of her way to challenge the stereotype. Every so often she liked to dress super feminine, but for the most part, she was a total tomboy. Mind you, she scared me at times because she could be semi-violent when it came to defending her honour and putting misogynists in their place and then she could suddenly switch and become this gushy fangirl who loved seeing boys in dresses. She was amazing though. She stuck by me when Nonno threw me out. She made me pasta, pizza, and tiramisu the weekend after I was thrown out and we had a dress party just for the two of us. I had to hold her back from marching over to Nonno's and giving him a piece of her mind and a smack over the head with her frying pan (it was weapon of the family, or so she said). She was nearly as fiercely protective and loyal as Lovi was.

I would always have her back too though like the time that her aunt came over and made some rude comments about how unlady-like she was and that if she wasn't careful she'd end up as a spinster. I took her out to the mall and I paid for us both to get a spa treatment. It was a lot of fun and although I never imagined myself going for a spa treatment, it was nice to spend that time with Eliza. We were best friends for life. Six months after all of that happened, she met Roderich and they'd been inseparable ever since. She didn't change herself for her silly, small-minded relative though, she didn't need to. Roderich liked her just how she was so I liked Roderich.

I wandered over to the kitchen to make myself an espresso. Ludwig was coming over after his shift at the store for dinner. I promised to cook tonight since he made dinner for us last night. We took turns going to each other's homes. He liked coming to my place more because it was quieter and he didn't have to listen to Gilbert prattle on and interrupt us. I shook my head fondly. Gilbert was quite the character.

As I sipped my beverage I looked around to see if I needed to clean anything up before my boyfriend arrived and my eyes landed on my closet. It had the dress I'd gotten so long ago from Eliza. I sometimes fantasized about Ludwig coming over and seeing me in that dress. I imagined a positive reaction but I knew I never wanted to test that. He did say he cared for me no matter what but I had my doubts. Boys wearing dresses were for drag queens in the gay village on stage hidden behind a mask. Not for boys like me. I envied those drag queens and laughed at the thought of myself going out like that. Silly, I thought.

I shifted my gaze over to the door and glanced at the clock on the stove. I still had a half an hour before Ludwig got here. Maybe I could just look at my dress. The conversation with Eliza had me half-reconsidering. I shook my head firmly, no definitely not a good idea.

My feet found their way over to the closet anyway. I stood up on the little stool and reached into the top of my closet my fingers brushing against the box still sitting there hidden under some folded blankets. I pressed my lips together and pulled the box down and placed it on my large canopied bed. The silence in my apartment was only interrupted by the occasional noise from the street, honking horns or a fire truck passing by. I swallowed and pulled at the tape on the edge of the box and tore it. Anxiety bubbled up in my throat and my palms were sweaty. There was fear but also excitement.

I lifted the top of the box off and unveiled the pale green maid dress complete with a white kerchief, leotards, and the shiny black Mary Janes. I licked my lips and looked up toward my bedroom door. I walked over swiftly and closed it. No one was in my apartment except for me, but I was still paranoid.

I went back to the bed and brushed my fingers over the soft fabric. I picked it up and smelt it, it smelt like the perfume Eliza had spritzed on me that day she gave it to me. It was like pears and vanilla. I smiled in delight and pulled the dress against me. I stood in front of the mirror played with the skirt. I felt reckless. Maybe I could just put it on for a minute. Just to feel it again. Just to pretend that all the stuff that happened before was just a terrible nightmare and it didn't really happen. That Nonno and I still spoke and went to the vineyards in Italy every year and picked olives off the olive trees and grapes off the grape vines. Maybe that could all just come back and be real instead of everything that happened that day.

I swallowed and undid the dress zipper. I pulled off my t-shirt, skinny jeans, and boxers and carefully pulled the dress over my head. I struggled to zip it up and put the apron on. Then I put on a silky pair of white lacy panties that I'd hidden away in the box and pulled up the leotards, the sheer fabric moving against me making me smile. I still loved that feeling. I adjusted the dress to make sure it wasn't snagged anywhere and slipped the Mary Janes on. Dio, it was cute! I loved this dress!

I went over to my iPod and turned on my favourite classical music, not too loud but enough that I could escape from this reality to the world I fantasised about. I gazed at myself in the mirror and put my hands on my hips. I curtseyed and ran my hands over the skirt with a smile.

"Oh signore, you want to dance? Si, I'll dance with you!"

I closed my eyes and imagined the dance floor, the mask over my face, and a strong, warm hand taking mine. I imagined looking up and seeing a pair of piercing blue eyes and slicked back blond hair. Strange, this fantasy never had anyone I knew in it, but the idea of dancing with Ludwig at a party in my best dress was an appealing thought. He would place one hand on my lower back and take my hand in his leading me on the dance floor. I might surprise him and lead him every once in a while too. I laughed at the thought as I twirled around in my room falling in step with the music and humming to myself.

Ludwig would tell me how beautiful I looked and how much he loved me. I'd gasp and shake my head, "But we only just met!"

He would say, "I don't care! I'm crazy for you, schatz."

I'd laugh and tell him he was sweet before kissing his cheek and telling him he had to prove it to me. I would come back every week and we'd dance the night away. I would give myself a chance to fall in love with him and if he agreed to my conditions, he'd get to know me and decide if he really did like me as much as he thought he did.

I hummed and danced for a little while longer completely lost in the music and the fantasy. I lost track of the time.

Suddenly the illusion shattered and I heard a voice, "Feli? Why are you wearing a dress?"

I turned around quickly and blinked. Merda! This was real life. And my boyfriend, Ludwig, was standing in my room at the door. My eyes widened and I panicked. I turned and ran to my closet and slammed the door behind me.

"Feli!" Ludwig called as I heard him run to the closet. I locked the door and stood there panicking, shaking and new tears were bubbling up in my eyes. Dio, what now? Oh god, he knew! He knew! And fuck! My breathing increased and my vision blurred, I was hyperventilating.

"Go away!" I cried. "Leave me alone!"

"Feli! What? What's going on? Can't we—can't we talk about it?"

"Leave me be!"

I heard him move, still standing at the door, he dropped his weight so he was sitting in front of the door.

"Please come out Feli? That's a dark closet. I know you hate being in the dark," he said softly.

I bit my lip, my whole body shaking and my breathing still coming out shallowly. I shuddered and let out a sob. "I—I can't."

There was a pause. "Why can't you?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just because! Then it's real. Then—then... I can't!"

"Feli, do you want me to call your brother instead?" he asked gently.

"No! I just... I can't."

"Please come out Feli. I-I don't care if you like to—dress up," he said quietly.

I swallowed, my breathing was still rapid but it was slowly down little by little. I blinked and sat down on the floor. If I did come out, I'd have to tell him. He knew now anyway. He saw. He knew and he was still here. But if I came out we might break up and I just didn't want to lose him! I didn't want to lose him because I was a freak.

"Feli? Please?"

I pressed my lips together and nodded. I would go out and I would face him. And if Ludwig hated me...then. Well, I couldn't really blame him. I never told him about this. I told him a lot of things but anything about my family that wasn't about Lovino I never told him. He never pried. We'd been going out for over six months and he still didn't know my biggest secret. That I was a crossdressing freak. A few more tears slipped out. I reached up and unlocked the door. I heard him shift on the other side and turn the handle. A sliver of light came in and I squinted. Ludwig was there, his severe yet somehow still fond blue eyes caught mine. He was on his knees and opened the door a little wider and sat in front of me.

I looked down, intently avoiding his gaze tears still coursing down my cheeks. He handed me a tissue and pressed it into my hands. I dabbed my eyes and blew my nose.

"Feli? Can you come out and sit with me?" he asked.

I nodded slowly. He reached for my hand and pulled me out of the the closet. We went over to the turquoise vintage couch in my room and sat next to each other. He clasped his hands together and leaned forward looking down. He glanced at me and my cheeks reddened. My shoulders and hands were still shaking with nerves and adrenaline.

"Can you take a few deep breaths with me, schatz?" he asked as he hesitantly put a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded and few more tears slipped down my cheek. I breathed with him as he counted how long to breathe in and how long to breathe out. I dabbed my eyes again and slowly my panic ebbed away. My eyes were heavy after a few minutes but my head was clearer and I didn't feel like I was suffocating.

A moment later, he took one big hand and slowly wrapped mine in it. He rubbed my knuckle soothingly and cleared his throat, "Do you feel like you can talk? Or do you want to talk later?"

Truthfully I didn't want to talk about this at all but I swallowed and steeled myself to say yes. I knew that if I didn't say it now, I wouldn't be able to.

I looked down at the floor and spilled my story.

"I always liked dresses. I—my nonno—grandpa Roma, he's a proud man. But he... he's a homophobe. He has very stringent and traditional ideas of how boys are supposed to dress and who they're supposed to be with. Lovi, he came out a long time ago and Nonno threw him out. I was scared. Lovi had always been there for me and then he wasn't—couldn't be. And I had no one. Lovi called sometimes but it wasn't the same. I had Eliza I guess. And we...she made dresses and she made me this and...when I finally got to put it on on my eighteenth birthday, Nonno saw. It was an accident!" I said as steadily as I could. I touched my wrists where the bruises had been. I could still see them there in my mind.

Ludwig took one of my hands back and squeeze it gently.

"He—he was so mad! He yelled and said he didn't want any faggots in his home. I tried to—I tried to explain...but then, he didn't listen. He didn't hit me but he grabbed me and yelled and said I had to get out and never come back. He—didn't want a freak for a grandson," I said and touched my wrists again.

Ludwig's eyes narrowed and took my hands. He kissed my wrists gently and rubbed them soothingly. I shuddered out a breath. "What happened then? Did anyone else find out?"

"I called Lovi and he let me stay with him and Toni, so they knew, but after that, I never told anyone else. I just—I didn't want you or anyone else to ever know be-because if you knew I was a freak...you wouldn't want me anymore."

"Feli. Feli, please look at me," the blond asked sternly.

I lifted my chin and met his gaze. He took one hand and caressed my jawline moving his fingers through my hair and tucking it behind my ear. I swallowed half fearful of what he would say.

"First of all, nothing could make me not want you anymore. What your grandpa said was wrong. He was dead wrong and I wish I'd known sooner so I could pay him a visit and tell him exactly how I feel about this situation. And second of all, you're not a freak. Please never let me hear you say that about yourself again."

"Okay but don't, I didn't want Lovi to do anything, I definitely don't want you to either. Not on my account."

"Feli, most things I do for you are on your account. Because...because I—I love you. Ich liebe dich."

I blinked. I wondered if I had just imagined it. Ludwig loved me? We liked each other sure, well more than that, we were crazy about each other but he'd never said that before.

"Cosa?"

"I love you, Feliciano Vargas," he said again.

I felt my eyes tear up again as I looked into his eyes to make sure everything he said was true. He'd never lied to me. Sometimes he told me the brutal truth about things which he wasn't always that tactful about but he never lied.

Tears ran down my cheeks and he thumbed them away with a small smile.

"I-I love you too, Ludwig. Ti amo," I admittedly quietly and leaned into his chest. His arms came around me and pulled me close. He smelt like aftershave and Ludwig.

"Gute. Now, no more hiding in closets," he said with a chuckle.

I laughed damply and nodded. "Si, I promise."

He ran his fingers over the fabric of the dress, touching the sleeves and rubbing my arms.

"So will you show me?"

"Huh?"

He touched my leg and the fabric of the skirt. "Uh I don't know...you were twirling when I came in, listening to music..."

My cheeks flushed, dio that was mortifying. I laughed despite myself, well, it was just Ludwig after all. I stood up and turned to look at him.

I extended my hand and curtseyed, "Dance with me, signore? Per favore."

"Ja. Of course," he nodded and took my hand. He wrapped one arm around my waist and took my hand in the other hand. We swayed to a classical song for a while. It seemed like hours had passed. I leaned my head against his shoulder and he held me close.

"Sometimes I pretend I'm at some Renaissance dance wearing a mask. No one could see who I was and I could dress any way I wanted," I admitted.

Ludwig stopped our slow dance and moved me away from him slowly so he could look at me. "You can, Feli."

I shook my head, "Not in the real world."

The blond swallowed and said, "Well with me you can. I don't care what anyone thinks of me and I won't let anyone get away with saying disgusting things to you."

"Would you...would you want to go to a real dance with me? If I dressed this way?" I gazed up at him hesitantly.

He nodded, "Of course I would. You're beautiful no matter what you're wearing. You're kind and you make me laugh and you're talented. I love so many things about you, Feli."

He leaned down and caught my lips in his. I wondered what it would feel like to have his hands tracing over the fabric of my dress and along my leotard-clad legs. The thought made me hot and I deepened the kiss.

"What if I wore makeup too?" I asked, breaking away from the kiss.

"Ja, anything," he responded before he kissed me again.

I pulled away, "You promise, Luddy? You're sure?"

"Ja, nothing could make me change my mind. I don't care. I want whatever makes you feel most comfortable," he said breathily. "And I think you're beautiful no matter what."

I moaned as he pressed his mouth to my neck sucking a mark into the skin. Ugh it was sensitive there.

"Hmm I think you are too, Luddy," I gasped out.

Suddenly he pushed me back on the couch and moved over me. I brought my legs up around his waist and pulled him close to me and ran my fingers through his hair kissing him hard on his mouth. He took the cue and moved his hands down to my thighs and buttocks squeeze the flesh there through the silky leotard.

"Gott, that feels good," he groaned and rubbed his hands along my legs.

I smiled at him and drew him back down into a kiss. I took his hand and led it to the waist band of my leotard and helped him pull it down. He stopped when he realised I was also wearing panties. Yeah. That was the less obvious detail, at least until now. He caught my mischievous gaze and licked his lips, his heated expression intensified. He pulled the panties down and my hardness sprung up between us. He rubbed head firmly using precome to make it a little more slick.

I moaned loudly, "Ohhhh Ludwig! Please!"

He smiled and moved down to lick at my cock and take it in his mouth. I was so surprised by the move I couldn't stop my hips from bucking up into his throat. He pushed my hips down and held them there firmly. He licked and sucked and laved and swallowed and hummed.

I was going crazy with want and need. I wanted something else but I couldn't think.

"Luddy! Luddy! I want—I want! Ohhh!" I gurgled out as he squeezed the flesh of my thighs in his hands. Those big hands.

A few seconds later he pulled off carefully and moved away, "What? Luddy? Please?"

"Just wait a second," he said placatingly and rubbed my hip before running to my bedroom. He came back less than ten seconds later with the lube. Thank god.

I looked down at him and saw his hardness pressing up against his trousers. I sat up on my elbows and reached for them quickly undoing the button and zipper. He stood for a second and removed them quickly along with his boxers.

"Do you want to do it here or—" I cut him off and pulled him down on top of me.

"Stop talking, Luddy. Just be with me right here right now," I said.

He reached his hands around me and undid the dress zipper and pulled the bodice forward. I stretched my arms up and let him pull it off me carefully. He folded it neatly and put it on the coffee table. He smiled as he took each of my feet and pulled each of my shoes off followed by the leotards. He left the panties though. I grinned at him slyly.

He moved his hands under the waistband and only pulled them down to my mid thighs.

"If these get ruined, I'll buy you more. I want to buy you more," he said lowly as his hands moved across my ass and circled my shuddering hole.

I moaned and nodded, "Si, si!"

He moved me onto my side and brought my knees up to my chest and lubed up a finger.

"Is this okay, Feli?"

"Mio dio! Si! Per favore!"

He moved his finger around my entrance and slowly inched inside. He moved in and out slowly going a little deeper each time. I gasped when he reached that spot and brushed a finger against it. Then two. Then a third.

It seemed like forever before he finally took them out and I objected, "Luddy!"

"Just a second, Liebling."

He put slick all over his hardness and placed it at my opening, rubbing it teasingly. He moaned and pushed it in me slowly, inch by inch. I gasped. It wasn't the first time we had had sex this way, but it had been at least a week and that was without all the build up of this time.

When he was finally seated in my ass, he stilled and breathed deeply waiting for me to give the go-ahead.

"Luddy! Luddy, move!"

He gasped out a yes and started that endless rhythm brushing my prostate every other thrust. He moved one hand around me and circled my hardness stroking it in time massaging the tip as he went. He kissed my neck and moved slowly inside me.

I hissed out, "Mmhm faster!"

That was all he needed and he sped up still stroking me, speeding that up too.

"Don't stop, keep going, per favore! Ah!"

He didn't need to say anything, he kept that undulating rhythm and it wasn't long until I was unravelling. Falling apart as starbursts shot across my vision coursing throughout me again and again and again. He stroked me a few more times still moving in me, getting closer and closer to his release. My insides clamped down as he shouted out his release. Warmth was shot across my ass cheeks and my breath stuttered. He took his hand off of me and pulled my mouth to his kissing me.

My eyes fluttered and I pulled his arms close around me. He rested a moment behind me before he stood sluggishly to find some tissues. I smiled lazily when he came back a second later and cleaned us both up. He tossed the tissues into the trash by the couch and looked at me.

"Want to rest in your bed, Feli? I locked the door earlier."

I nodded. I knew he'd curl up around me. He picked me up and carried me into my bedroom, closed the curtains, and laid down behind me putting one hand on my hip and covering us with a blanket.

"Dinner?" I murmured out when he finally settled.

"After. Sleep now, schatz," he replied sleepily.

"Hmm si, late siesta," I agreed. I closed my eyes and kissed one of his hands that was curled around me.

~ end part 2