Author's Notes: Here's the second part of November, as promised. Thanks once again to Eledgy for allowing Ed to make another cameo appearance, and also thanks for listening to my muddled desires concerning this chapter's title and somehow being able to pull together the perfect four words. You're definitely the marshmallows to my sweet potatoes.
And while I'm saying thanks: Thanks to Amy Sherman-Palladino for thinking up Stars Hollow, the mother and daughter living there, and all of the other quirky residents of the town. Thanks to whoever cast such amazing actors in all of the roles. Thanks to TPTB for giving us seven - uh, six - no, uh, maybe five-and-a-half years of...Ah, hell, thanks for a memorable show! Thanks to the incredibly talented fanfic writers who were here long before I was, who shared their stories and hooked me into this world. And thankful hugs to all of you who are still reading these stories and following along.
Dark Day, Silver Lining
There was something about turning down the lane leading to the Tallman farm that made Luke feel about 14 again. His feet always felt too big for the rest of his body and he sometimes had a moment of panic, wondering why he was the one driving. It took him a few minutes to remember that he was an adult and this was his truck and he had a perfect right to drive it anywhere he wanted.
Pulling into the barnyard, he saw that the door leading to the workshop was open, so he walked in there to begin his search for Ed. He found him sitting by the toolbench, tinkering with a thermostat.
Ed barely glanced up, not appearing surprised to see him. "Guess you didn't party too hard last night, since you're up and about already this morning."
Luke leaned against the bench, watching Ed dismantle the electronic device. "That's the problem when you party with 11 year olds," he said with a grin. "Their curfews are too damn early."
"Let's see it," Ed said, pointing at Luke's wrist. "Didn't get to see the final product."
Luke held out his wrist and Ed looked over his glasses at the watch. "Looks brand new. Hard to believe it's as old as it is. It's a shame ancient farmers can't be refurbished the same way. I could use some new gears myself."
"I couldn't believe what I was seeing last night, when I was opening it up." Luke slowly shook his head. "Thanks for offering it back to the girls. Seriously, I can't thank you enough."
"Thought it was time you had it. And even if I hadn't been thinking that, Lorelai probably could've charmed it right out of me anyway."
Luke chuckled dryly. "She does have that way about her, doesn't she?"
"Pretty persuasive," Ed agreed. "Pretty pretty, too, in case you hadn't noticed that."
"Pretty hard not to notice that," Luke said with a sigh.
"Those girls think the world of you," Ed observed. His comment seemed casual, but Luke knew it was the threshold to something more.
"Rachel called last night," he blurted out, to stop Ed from continuing.
"Huh." Ed went back to his tinkering. "Is she coming home?"
Luke took a big breath, ready to launch into a lengthy explanation, but instead all he said was "No."
"Then nothing's changed, has it?"
"You could at least ask how she is," Luke snapped.
"I expect she's just fine," Ed said mildly. "She just called to stick the knife in you again?"
"She called to say happy birthday," he pointed out irritably.
Ed just looked at him, from over the tops of his glasses.
"Look, it's not a crime that she decided to leave Stars Hollow! She should be able to separate herself from here and go do whatever she wants!"
"True. Unfortunately, it appears that she's been able to 'separate' herself a whole lot easier than you've been able to. You're stuck, Luke. And I don't mean stuck here in Stars Hollow. You've been stuck in your life since she left. Maybe it's time you turned to the next chapter. Seems to me there might be some around here who'd be happy to help you do just that."
"Yeah." He put his hands in his jacket pockets and aimlessly looked around the shop. "I'm aware."
Ed meticulously placed each piece of the thermostat on a torn piece of grocery bag lying on the top of the workbench. "Lorelai know about Rachel?"
Luke paused, fighting an internal debate over how much to say, then merely nodded.
"Fair enough, then." Ed's concentration didn't stray from the task in front of him. "I've already pointed out that she's mighty pretty. Funny, too. I doubt a girl like her will be available for very long."
Luke shook his head, but otherwise didn't reply. He started to wander around the small room, picking up and putting down a succession of tools. He came to a stop in front of the partially constructed bookcase he and Rory had been working on for the past few weeks.
"Must be time for you to get back," Ed commented. "I'm sure you need to make sure the diner hasn't burned down in the 30 minutes you've been gone."
Luke couldn't stop the wry smile that sprang to his lips. Ed knew him well. "I should, probably. Yeah."
Ed put his hands flat on the bench and began to stand up. "Next week's the hard one. You going to be OK?"
"I thought I'd get out of here again. That worked last year."
"You do whatever you need to, son." Ed walked up closer to him, put on hand on his shoulder. "Grab a pretty girl to take with you, if that'd help. Or come talk to an old man. You do whatever it takes to get through the day. No one's judging you about that."
"Thanks, Ed." Luke pulled his hand out of his pocket and flexed his wrist, showing off the watch again. "Thanks for this, too."
"My pleasure. Makes me satisfied, somehow, to know you'll have it with you next week."
Luke wanted to say something, to confirm that he felt the same way, but a familiar lump formed in his throat. Instead he nodded, and waved goodbye as he walked out the door.
The day Luke went out to the farm was the last of the nice fall weather. It rained continuously every day after. The wind picked up and plucked the remaining leaves from the trees. The temperature dropped to the point where it was hard to believe people had been content to wear sweaters or light jackets only the week before.
Luke's outlook became more morose every day, too. The joy from his birthday night seemed far away now, like something he'd once read about in a book. His father's watch no longer buoyed him up, but instead seemed to be made of lead, dragging him down into the depths of despair.
He'd worried about how to act around Lorelai, but that turned out not to be a problem. She'd solved the discomfort for both of them by simply removing herself from his daily life. He realized she'd done the same thing after the 4th of July, disappearing until the drama between them resolved itself. He wondered if vanishing was her usual way of dealing with things that made her uncomfortable.
However, Rory became another matter completely, because the reason Lorelai was able to stay out of sight was by unapologetically using her daughter as a go-between. And Luke soon learned that dealing with an inquisitive Rory was not going to be easy.
Every morning, Lorelai would stay in the car, but send Rory into the diner to grab danishes for them both "because they were running late." Or she'd phone in a to-go order – conveniently at a time when either Larry or Jolene would answer the phone – and then dispatch Rory to pick it up. Plus, if Rory was walking home from school, she almost always stopped by the diner for a minute, either to buy a snack or check up on him.
Rory didn't seem to realize that there was a point when concerned questions turned into unwelcome prying.
The first morning after his birthday she'd jumped up on a stool at the counter, watching him bag up their pastries and pour her mother's coffee. "Have you had time to look at a calendar, Luke? You probably just got confused about the dates, right? You'll really be able to come to hear my speech at school on Wednesday, won't you?"
He tried not to look at her. "Sorry, Rory. I'm going to have to skip it."
"But why? I told you about it weeks ago."
"I have other plans that day. I'm sorry."
"But –" Thankfully Lorelai honked the horn at that moment. Rory scrambled down off the stool, traded the money in her hand for the bag he'd filled, and ran out the door. "I'll talk to you about it later," she promised, waving goodbye.
Those words turned from a promise into a threat as the days passed by. Why he couldn't come to school to watch her recite her speech became the only topic she wanted to discuss.
"But why?" she kept asking, first in confusion, then as a plea, and finally as a sulky demand. He was proud of himself, the day she hit him with the big tearful puppy dog eyes, that he was able to stay in control and not give in, even when her lips puffed out in a pout. "Just tell me why," she whined.
At one point he almost did. It was another gray, gloomy day, his spirits were dragging bottom, and the mere idea of unburdening himself made his shoulders feel less encumbered. But then he looked, really looked, at the person he wanted to treat as a confidante, and saw no one there but a little girl. Her hair hung in two tails on either side of her head. Plenty of loose strands snuck down her neck and drooped over her forehead as well, with some of the fly-away ends regularly getting caught in her eyelashes. Her shirt was partially untucked and one shoe was untied. His memory bounced back to summer and he recalled how she'd played with Lane, all dressed up in the fairy wings. He stopped himself from telling her anything. There was no need to weigh her down with adult concerns. Besides, it was too sad that practically his closest friend in the world was just a kid. He ended up distracting her with a milkshake that day.
But none of her previous meddling compared to what happened on Tuesday afternoon, when she came in after school and saw the notice he'd stuck on the door earlier in the day.
Luke was in the storeroom, making sure that all of his supplies for Thanksgiving had arrived, when a little brunette spitfire materialized in front of him.
"Now the diner's not even open tomorrow?! Luke! What the heck is going on?"
He had to blink at her a couple of times before he could believe that his even-tempered Rory had flaunted his rule about not being in the storeroom.
"Rory, you can't be in here. I've told you, it's not safe, what with all of the cans and boxes stacked up back here."
She sprang away from his outstretched hand, her eyes angrily flashing back at him. "Do you think I care about that stupid rule of yours? I just want to know what's going on with you! Why is the diner closed tomorrow?"
He stopped and put his hands on his hips. He knew better than try to chase her around the packed room. "It's no big deal. I've got stuff to take care of tomorrow. That's what I've been telling you."
"Stuff," she sneered.
"Yeah, stuff."
"Stuff that you won't tell me about."
"Rory, it's nothing, really. Just some things that I need to attend to occasionally. It's boring. You know, business stuff." He cringed at what he heard himself saying. He really was a terrible liar.
"And you have to shut the diner down to do it."
Luke sighed, let his eyes rest on the industrial-sized cans of green beans stacked on the shelf behind Rory. "No, I wouldn't have to, but closing gives the rest of my employees an extra break. They'll have tomorrow off, I'll come back in the afternoon and start Thanksgiving prep, and then they'll each take a turn helping me for a couple hours on Thursday. It gives them a day off before the holiday."
Her hands formed fists and her face turned stormy. "But it's all no big deal," she taunted him.
The remarkable patience he'd been able to maintain with her so far was rapidly deteriorating. "It's not."
"It's just grown-up stuff, right?" she asked in a mocking tone.
"Pretty much, yeah."
"So if a grown-up asked you, you'd tell them?"
"No."
"Right. Even if Mom asked you, you wouldn't tell her?"
Luke paused, imagining that, for a moment. "No," he said, but too slowly for her liking.
"You would! You would too! You'd tell Mom, but you won't tell me!" Rory looked close to angry tears. "You'd tell Mom, but she's too stupid to ask!"
"Rory!" He rebuked her sharply.
"Never mind." Her chin quivered but her eyes still flashed. She began to stomp back over to the door. "I thought we were friends, but I guess we're not. I'm just a dumb kid, so what do I know about it, right?"
He didn't try to stop her. He listened to her running footsteps in the back hallway, then heard the bell over the diner's door chime out abruptly a few seconds later.
For some minutes longer he stood there feeling lost, staring at diner supplies, and wondering what he could do to make things right. But then he decided the best course of action would be to get through the dark day looming ahead of him, dive into preparing Thanksgiving for the town, and let things with the girls run their course. Lorelai would eventually come back to the diner. Rory would soon become his little buddy again. Eventually it would all be OK. He just needed to be patient and let it happen.
Because sometimes, he'd learned, it was smart to just let things be.
A few minutes before 5 AM, Luke gave up pretending he was still trying to sleep. Between the scene with Rory the day before, his ongoing feeling of guilt over Lorelai, and the dread of facing this day, his sleep had been fitful at best, nonexistent at worse. He reached over and turned off the alarm he wasn't going to need.
He put the teakettle on and let a cup of tea steep while he went into the bathroom and shaved. Shaving was normally not part of his daily grooming routine, but today he thought he should make more of an effort to look presentable. He sipped the tea while he slowly got dressed. He thought about wearing his new plaid shirt, but realized he wouldn't want it to get ruined at the job site today. He put on old, faded jeans and a green-plaid shirt he'd probably owned for the best part of a decade.
When the phone rang it didn't even startle him. All he did was glance at his dad's old watch on his wrist, to confirm that it was still too damn early for anybody to be calling. As he reached for the receiver his thoughts again strayed to his sister, wondering if she'd perhaps remembered what day this was too.
"Hello?" he asked softly, as if he needed to be quiet since it was so early.
No one spoke for a few seconds. Then, "It's just like that girl in California," someone whispered, sounding distracted.
"What?" He didn't recognize the low voice at first.
"You remember, right? Polly something. You remember? She was just gone. Gone. No trace of her in the morning."
"Lorelai? What are you talking about?"
"I can't…I can't find her. She's gone, Luke. Just…gone."
"Lorelai," he said gently. "Are you asleep? It sounds like you're having a bad dream. Why don't you go back to bed? I bet everything will be OK when you wake up again."
"I'm not –" He heard her suck in some air, and somehow he could sense the panic and the terror lying just below her rambling words. "I'm not dreaming! Rory's not in the house. She's gone. She's just…gone! I can't find her!"
"That's impossible." He ignored the fear skittering through his own stomach. "Calm down. Tell me what's going on."
He heard her gulping for breath for a few seconds before she could explain further. "I woke up. I was hungry. I came downstairs to eat a piece of cold pizza, and on the way to the kitchen I checked on Rory, because I always check on Rory. She wasn't in her bed. So I thought, oh, she's in the bathroom. But she wasn't. Then I thought, oh, she's in the upstairs bathroom. So I went upstairs. But she wasn't there. So I figured she'd climbed into my bed, but it was empty. I've looked…I've looked everywhere, Luke! Everywhere! I even went down in the basement with the scary spiders but she's not there! She's not here, Luke! She's not here!"
"She has to be." His brain refused to engage and his hands felt so cold he could barely hold onto the phone. "She has to be there. She's – hiding, or something. Where else could she be?"
"She's not! She's not, she's not!" He could hear, now, how close to hysteria Lorelai was, and that deepened his own terror. "God, why won't you listen to me? She's gone! I've lost her!"
"Lorelai –"
"God, it's all my fault! I lock the doors at night when we go to bed, but I must have forgotten last night, because the front door wasn't locked this morning. And he got in, don't you see? Just like with that poor little girl in California, he walked right in and took her. Luke – oh my God – Luke, he took my baby –"
"No –"
"You know I've always worried that one day I'd lose her, because I'm not a good enough mother, I don't deserve to be her mother –"
"Stop! Lorelai, stop!" he broke in desperately. "I'll be there in two minutes, do you hear me? Two minutes! Just hang on, and I'll be right there!"
She gasped for breath again. "Hurry," she begged, and he thought he heard a sob before the line went dead in his numb hand.
Luke snatched his jacket and thrust his arms in the sleeves as he flew down the steps. He'd parked the truck in the alley behind the diner and he barreled out through the back door, the keys ready in his hand.
Through the early morning darkness he could see that the tailgate was open on the truck. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that was wrong, but he didn't care. The truck could go with the tailgate down. He'd worry about why it was like that later, after they'd found Rory, after he'd made sure Rory was OK…
Oh, please, God, please…
As he raced to the truck, a slight breeze made some sort of quilted fabric flutter out from the open tailgate. Something dark. Purple, maybe. Something like a…a sleeping bag?
A sleeping bag!
Before he could even process his thoughts he was at the rear of the truck, his arms pulling out the soft bundle of little girl wrapped in the downy material.
"Don't," Rory complained, sounding half asleep, having a hard time standing up on her wobbly legs.
"Are you all right? Are you hurt?" He dropped to his knees and ran his hands over her arms and legs, checking for signs of trauma.
"Stop it." She leaned against him, trying to go back to sleep.
He wanted nothing more than to hug her, but he needed answers. "No, Rory, wake up!" He took her firmly by her shoulders, tried to get her to look at him. "How did you get here? Who brought you here? Did they hurt you?"
Her eyes opened. She frowned, looking as petulant as she had the day before in the storeroom. "No one brought me here. I walked."
"I don't understand. What do you mean?"
"I mean, you wouldn't tell me anything, so I waited for Mom to go to sleep and then I came over here and hid in the truck. That way you couldn't leave without me knowing what was going on." She looked at him with a sleepy smugness, quite pleased with her sneakiness.
Luke rocked back on his heels, flabbergasted at what he'd just heard. He glanced back at the diner, calculating how long it would take him to unlock the door, get to the phone and dial, versus speeding over to Lorelai's house. "Get in the truck," he ordered Rory, getting to his feet.
"Why? I want –"
"Get in the truck!" He had the driver's side door unlocked and Rory hadn't moved. Didn't, in fact, look like she had any intention of moving. He took the two steps back to her, grabbed her up, sleeping bag and all, and stuffed her in through his open door.
"Luke, stop it!" She scrambled to get herself untangled from the bulky material wrapped around her. "What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?!" he yelped in frustration. He cranked the key and the truck roared to life, and for once he floored it, peeling out of the alley, not caring if seatbelts were fastened or not. "Your mother is out of her head with worry, that's what's wrong!"
Rory made a 'tsk' noise. "Well, I don't know why."
"You don't –" He cut himself off, anger flooding over him, taking away the relief he'd experienced mere minutes before.
"But I'm fine," Rory pointed out calmly. "I don't know why she would have been worried."
Luke ground his teeth as the truck whipped around the corner onto Lorelai's street. "It's probably better that you don't say anything else. Just stay still until I get you home."
Rory sighed in annoyance and Luke braked to a stop in front of the garage, throwing up some gravel. He saw Lorelai race out of the front door.
He opened his door and stepped out, reaching back in to haul Rory out. "I've got her!" he yelled, not caring if he woke up neighbors or not. "I've got her!"
Lorelai tried to run down the steps, but her legs didn't seem to be working. She put an arm around the porch column for support, pressed her other hand over her mouth. He could see the fear and joy and disbelief fighting for supremacy on her face.
He carried a struggling Rory all the way to the front porch, where he sat her on her feet in front of her mother.
Lorelai sank down to her knees, the same way he had in the alley. She wrapped her arms around Rory and held her tightly, crying silently, rocking the two of them back and forth.
"Mom, stop it," Rory said, trying to get loose. "I'm not a baby."
"Oh, God. Oh my God," Lorelai began to murmur. She leaned back, but kept her hands on Rory's shoulders, her eyes quickly darting over her daughter's face. "Are you OK? Rory, tell me. Are you OK?"
"I'm fine," Rory said impatiently.
"Thank God. Thank God." Lorelai held her tightly to her chest again. Finally she looked up at Luke. "Where was she? How did you find her?"
"She was sleeping in the back of my truck," he said tersely.
"What? What do you mean?" Lorelai pulled back again, looking puzzled. "How did you get there?" she asked Rory.
"Tell her," Luke ordered, when Rory didn't start talking immediately.
Rory sighed, as if it was all such a bother to explain it again. "I thought I'd hide in the back of Luke's truck, and that way I'd find out where he was going today."
"Wait. Are you saying…?" Lorelai scrambled up to her feet, still looking confused. "You mean you left this house on your own?"
"Of course I did," Rory said with a shrug.
"But why…?" Lorelai looked from Rory to Luke, wiping the spent tears from her cheeks. "I don't understand. Why would you do that?"
"Because you wouldn't listen to me! I told you something was wrong with Luke, and you wouldn't help me find out what it was! And he wouldn't tell me! So what else was I supposed to do, huh?"
Luke could tell that Lorelai was still scrambling to make sense of what Rory was telling her. "Rory. You left this house, in the middle of the night, and walked into town, and…hid in the back of Luke's truck?"
"Yeah," she said carelessly.
"You didn't think…what would happen…how I would feel…when I found you gone?"
Another casual shrug. "I left you a note."
"You left –" Lorelai bit down hard on her lips. "Rory, you're a smart girl. You didn't realize that it was dangerous for you to be out wandering the streets in the middle of the night?"
"It's Stars Hollow, Mom," Rory said patronizingly. "That's what you always say."
"Why did you think that if you came to me, and told me how worried you were about Luke, that I wouldn't take you seriously?"
"I did try to tell you! You didn't take me seriously! You said it was his business whether or not he told us!"
Lorelai glanced swiftly over at him. "It is his business, Rory. He gets to choose what he tells us."
Rory was irritably shaking her head. "But he's our friend! He's Luke! That's not the way it's supposed to be!"
"Yes, it is," Lorelai said firmly. Her mouth set in a straight, angry line. She looked at Luke again. "Luke, I'm sorry that you got dragged into our little drama here this morning. I'm sorry we've gotten in the way of your plans for today."
"Well, I'm not sorry," Rory said scathingly.
Lorelai's head whipped around to her daughter. "Rory, get in the house."
"Why? Why are you acting like I've done something wrong?"
"Rory, get in the house. Now!"
"But –"
"Listen to your mother," Luke growled, supporting Lorelai a hundred percent.
Rory flounced over to the door. "It's not fair that you're mad at me! I didn't do anything wrong!" she insisted, right before she slammed the door shut behind her.
The porch grew very quiet. Luke could hear Lorelai's ragged breaths as she turned from one way to another, trying to quell her jangled nerves.
"OK?" Luke asked in worry, putting a hand on her arm.
"Yes. Sure. I'm just…" She shook her head. "I'm angry. So angry. But yet, she's home, and she's safe, and that's good; very, very good. I'm so relieved. But I'm angry. I wanna…I wanna…" She began pacing as she rambled, her hands balling up into fists as she tried to find words to express her range of emotions.
"Yeah, I know. I feel the same."
She turned to face him again. "I'm so…confused. I can't…" She put her arms out towards him, and he saw how badly they were shaking. For the first time his eyes registered that she was dressed for bed, not for standing outside. "My heart won't slow down. And my head…my head's so fuzzy…I can't think straight, about what I should do next…"
Without hesitation he walked over to her, put his arm around her shoulders. "I think maybe you're in shock. Come here," he offered, leading her down the porch steps.
"But Rory –"
"Let Rory have some time to think, too. Come on." He led her to the truck and boosted her up in the cab almost like he had with Rory. He climbed in after her. Rory's sleeping bag was still draped over the seat, and he covered her with it from head to toe. Then he turned on the truck and put the heater on full blast.
Next he folded her up in his arms, and pressed her face against his chest.
At first she only shivered and trembled. Once she got warm, she began to cry, her fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt under her face.
"That's right," he told her, his chin gently rubbing over the top of her hair. "Let all that get out."
Eventually the tears subsided enough that she could talk. "I was terrified."
"I know."
"I was so convinced she was gone. In my head, I was already hearing what I was going to have to say to my parents."
His arms tightened around her and he dropped a kiss to the top of her head without any reserve.
"What I'd have to tell Chris. What the rest of my life would be like –"
"Shh," he told her, rubbing her back through the quilted material. He could still feel her shaking.
Finally she sat up, wiping off her face again. She tried to straighten out his shirt, where she'd been mangling it with her hands. She leaned tiredly back against the seat, with a shuddering sigh. "I was so scared, and now I'm so angry at her."
"I think that's perfectly understandable."
"And…I'm also angry at me."
"Why?"
"Because what she said was true. She tried to tell me about you. I wouldn't listen to her."
"Was there…a reason why?"
"Because…" Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard. "Rachel is real."
Luke was surprised to hear himself snort a short laugh. "Of course she's real. Did you think I made her up?"
A little color appeared in Lorelai's drained face. "No, of course not. But she wasn't here, so that made it easy for me to pretend she wasn't a part of your life. Not really, anyway. But then I spoke to her, and she sounded nice. Funny, even. And that made me realize…that I'd been completely oblivious. About everything. "
A painful silence filled up the cab, seeming to even cover up the noise of the warm air blasting out of the heater.
Luke shifted and cleared his throat. "You know, I tried to tell you from the very beginning –"
"You did," she quickly agreed. "It was me. I was the one who thought…Well, I'm not sure what I thought. I guess that I could change how you – I don't know. But I was wrong. And after I heard her voice on the phone, I realized that I needed to put some distance between us. Not between you and Rory, but between you and me. That I needed to make sure I wasn't…leaning…on you too much."
He looked straight out the window. "But I don't mind if you lean on me. I like for you to lean."
She took a sharp breath. "I can't, Luke." She shook her head, looking out her side of the truck. "I just can't let that happen. Not now, when I know better."
He slowly let out the air that had been trapped in his lungs. After a minute of silence, he reached over and turned the heater down a couple of notches.
"Rory was right about me, too," he confessed, twisting in his seat so he could see her. "I could have told her what was going on with me today, but I didn't."
"Why didn't you?"
"Because I thought it was too much to tell a kid."
She turned in her seat, too, and then leaned over to put a hand on his knee. "Will you tell me?"
Luke nodded, and then tried to find the best way to ease into the story. "Three years ago today…my dad died."
She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a gasp. She said nothing, but her grip tightened on his knee.
"About a year after he died, I was busy doing the finishing work on the diner. I hadn't opened it yet, but it was just about ready. I was shooting for the beginning of December, hoping to cash in on the Christmas shoppers wanting someplace to chow down when they were too tired to go home and open up a can of soup. To tell you the truth, I wasn't even thinking that it'd been a year already since he'd died. I mean, I knew it, but I wasn't actively thinking about it, you know?"
Lorelai slowly nodded. Her fingers gently massaged his kneecap, expressing her sympathy through touch alone.
"And then the town newsletter did an article about the diner, about the renovation I'd been doing on the hardware store. And in it they mentioned how it had been almost a year since my dad died. They gave the date of his passing. It was a great article, really. Very…kind to his memory and very encouraging to me and my efforts on the diner." Luke stopped and considered how to phrase the next part. "My dad was really well-liked in town. I mean, everybody loved him. You can probably tell, by Ed's stories alone, that he was quite a character. And even though he could be pretty gruff, he was funny, too. And kind, even though he tried to wave that off, if anybody brought it to his attention."
"Sounds like somebody else I know," Lorelai murmured.
"No, I'm not half the man my dad was. There was something about him…People absolutely gravitated towards him. They'd come in the hardware store and wouldn't want to leave." He motioned with his chin towards her. "He was a lot like you, in that respect."
Lorelai's fingers stopped circling over his kneecap. Her tear-reddened eyes went wide.
"Anyway…" Luke tore his gaze away from her and tried to finish up his explanation. "I thought the piece in the newspaper was nice, but I certainly didn't expect there to be much of a reaction to it. I was wrong. On the anniversary of his death…" Luke paused again. "I think almost everybody in town stopped by the diner, even though it wasn't open yet. Everybody wanted to pay their sympathy to me. Everybody had stories they wanted to tell. They all…wanted to hug me, or to tell me what a hell of a job I was doing, how proud my old man would be to see what I was doing…" He stopped, needing a moment to pull himself together.
"I'm sure they were only trying to be supportive," Lorelai gently commented.
"Oh, yeah, they were," Luke agreed. He put the fingers from his right hand on the steering wheel, tapped them against the hard plastic. "When he died, I was so tired. So numb, and just plain worn out from the hospital and everything. I got through the funeral and all of the days after just because I wasn't really there, not mentally. I was basically sleepwalking through it. Does that make sense?"
"Sure."
"But that next year, I was fully aware of everything. And having to listen to everyone talk about him all day, it was like he'd just died. Like I'd lost him all over again. That day…pretty much broke me down. At the end of it, I locked the door and went upstairs, and just laid on the floor for hours." Luke cleared his throat again, ashamed to have admitted such a weakness to her, even if it was the truth. "I just couldn't handle it."
"Oh, Luke." Fabric rustled, and Lorelai stretched over to put her arms around him. "I'm so sorry."
He patted her arm and she sat back again. "The next year – last year – I didn't know if anyone would remember the date or not, but I didn't want to take the chance. Seemed like the best way to avoid a repeat was to get myself out of town, so that's what I did. That worked so well, I thought I'd do the same thing this year."
"I understand." Lorelai thought for a moment. "And I understand why you didn't tell Rory. In fact, I appreciate that you didn't tell her."
"Yeah, well – she's just a kid."
"She is," Lorelai nodded. "A kid who practically killed her mother today."
"And the local diner owner," Luke added dryly.
Lorelai chuckled briefly. "Ah, hell." She rubbed a hand over her face. "I'm going to have to punish her, aren't I?"
"Well, she doesn't seem to be aware of the disruption she caused this morning."
"Or to be sorry in the least for what she put us through."
"Or even mindful that she did anything wrong at all."
"It's like she thinks she knows better than we do."
"Or that what we say doesn't actually apply to her."
Lorelai groaned loudly. "What am I supposed to do? I've never had to punish her before. Not really. How do I know what to do?"
Luke shrugged. "I don't know. Take away something she cares about?"
Lorelai chewed her lips and studied him, thinking. "Yeah. Like her books, maybe."
"Or don't let her come to the diner for a week."
"That would punish me, too," she pointed out.
"Maybe not that, then."
Suddenly Lorelai gasped. "If I really wanted to punish her, I should make her miss school!"
"Oh yeah. That would totally do it," Luke agreed. Then he chuckled a little bit. "For most kids, that would not be a punishment at all, but it would be the worst thing ever for Rory."
"Then that's what I'll do," Lorelai nodded. "I'll see if I can get off work today."
"No, don't bother." Almost immediately Luke saw what he could offer. "I'll just take her with me today."
"Luke, no. That's not fair to you. This is your day. Your day…of remembrance. You don't need to be babysitting my kid instead."
"It's fine," he insisted. "I'll still do exactly what I had planned on doing today, I'll just do it with Rory tagging along. It won't cause a problem at all."
"You're sure?"
"I'm positive. It might even help me, to have her along. You know, it'll keep me from getting too wrapped up in my own head."
"Maybe." He could tell she was wavering, so he pressed his case.
"Besides, it might do both of you good not to be around each other today. Give you a chance to calm down some more."
"Hmm." She stared out the windshield. "It might, at that."
"Then it's decided." He started to open up the truck door. "You ready to go throw the book at her, mom?"
"More like Mommy Dearest," Lorelai said grimly, sliding over the seat after him. "No more wire hangers," she muttered as they walked to the confrontation waiting for them inside the house.
Luke was pretty sure he could see the pout on Rory's face all the way from the street. Undeterred, he pulled into the drive.
Lorelai marched Rory out to the truck, both of them looking like they were escorting the other to the gallows. He shared a look with Lorelai when she opened up the door, and he could tell that nothing had improved in the two hours since Lorelai had told Rory she'd be missing school today and Rory had promptly had a complete meltdown.
Rory gave him a death glare and climbed up into the seat. Lorelai leaned past her and handed him some money.
"To defray your expenses with her today," she explained.
He held onto her hand, not wanting to accept the money. "That's not necessary."
"Yes, it is. It's bad enough that you're giving up your time. The least we can do is to pay her way."
"It's my money," Rory grumbled. "I'm paying, not you."
Luke quirked an eyebrow at Lorelai and she smiled with grim satisfaction. "Yes, it is. Since Rory has been so pleasant about this whole situation, I thought it was only fair that she give up some of her savings to compensate you."
"That was money I was saving for the book fair at school," Rory said. She sulkily settled down into the seat, her arms crossed over her chest.
"Good luck," Lorelai offered to Luke. She straightened up and pulled back, preparing to close the door and send them on their way.
Rory flared up again. "This is so unfair! What are the other kids supposed to do when I'm not there to do my part?"
"I'm sure they have understudies," Lorelai replied derisively.
"You don't even understand! Just because you thought it was cool to cut school doesn't mean I feel that way at all! I know you didn't care about school, but I do!"
"That's not true –"
"What kind of a mother makes her kid miss school?" Rory was rocking back and forth in her seat, almost wailing. "You are the worst mother ever!"
The hurt was instantly visible on Lorelai's face. "I'm sure I am," she said woodenly. She shut the truck door firmly and walked away, not looking back.
Luke backed the truck out of the drive and started them down the street. "I don't ever want to hear you talk to your mother like that again," he said sternly, feeling like he couldn't overlook that last comment to Lorelai.
Rory snorted contemptuously. "Like you have anything to say about it."
He cringed as the dagger was shoved into his own heart, and felt even more sympathy towards Lorelai. "I see you being mean to your mother and I can't say anything about it?"
"If we were friends, maybe you could. Because, you know, friends tell each other things. Like why they're going away. Or if they have girlfriends." Her voice was icy.
Luke clamped his mouth shut, concentrated extra-hard on driving.
"Does Mom know where we're going today?"
"Yes, she does now."
"But you hadn't told her before?"
He shook his head.
"Are you going to tell me?" she demanded.
If she'd asked nicely, if she'd sounded even slightly like she was trying to make amends, he would have told her at once. But instead she still sounded like it was her every right to know his business, and that he should of course bow to her bidding.
"Guess you'll find out when we get there," he said, almost matching her snotty tone.
She fumed and glared. "How about the girlfriend? Does Mom know about her?"
"Yes."
Rory looked a little taken aback. "Since when?"
"Since the 4th of July."
Shock soon turned into more anger. "Nice. And neither of you told me. That's super. Makes me feel really special."
Luke shook his head, stayed silent, watched the road.
"Is she…" Rory struggled with her words. "Are you, like, in love with her?"
He waited a pause, then nodded.
"Are you guys getting married?"
"I don't know."
"Well, that's crazy. Shouldn't you know that?"
Luke fell back on the same explanation he'd given Lorelai. "It's complicated."
"Why?"
"She isn't here."
"Where is she?"
"India, at the moment."
For a split second, the real Rory was back. He could see the interest in her eye. "India? Wow, cool. Why's she there?"
"She's a photographer."
"Really? Like, her pictures are in magazines and things?"
"Yeah."
"Can I see them?"
"I've got a couple of things. Yeah, I could show them to you someday."
Rory sat back in her seat, contemplating what he'd said. "Why don't you talk about her?"
Dozens of things whipped through Luke's head, such as the last horrific fight between them, the pain and heartbreak he'd endured after she'd left, the long lonely months he'd spent waiting for her to return. And none of that was anything he wanted to share with the girl sitting beside him.
"It's all…just sort of private," he finally said.
"You want to know who all my friends are," Rory pointed out.
"Well, yeah –"
"And you always want to know where I am too, and where I'm going, what I'm doing every day!"
"Yeah, but –"
"So why is it any different when I ask who your friends are and where you're going?"
"Rory," he sighed. His head was beginning to ache. "Rory, you're eleven."
"So?" she asked belligerently.
"So…you're a kid."
"So?" she dared him again, her voice issuing even more of a challenge.
"Rory, there are some things that are just adult, grown-up matters. Things that aren't appropriate to talk about with you. And frankly, things that I don't want to talk about with you. Sorry, but that's the way it is."
"Because I'm a kid," she scoffed.
Luke glanced over at her, noted her scowl and felt her disdain again. He turned back to the road, then nodded briefly.
"Well, then I guess you won't mind if I act all childish today, will you?" she mocked him, and deliberately turned to face out the side window, ignoring him for the rest of the ride.
"We're here," Luke said, pulling into a parking space.
Rory sat up and rubbed her eyes, because she'd been dozing in her seat for the past 20 minutes or so. "We drove all this way just to go to another diner?"
"Yep."
"Looks like a dump," she observed sourly, opening her door.
Luke sighed. He had planned on telling her that this was the diner his dad had taken him to on his 21st birthday, trying to explain to her what this day was all about, but her dismal mood was going to preclude that.
"Karl's Kafé? That's a stupid name," she sneered as they walked up to the entrance.
"Sit anywhere!" a guy working behind the counter called to them when they walked in.
Unlike his own diner, this one had booths lining the walls and bumping up against a shoulder-high partition running through the center of the room. Luke spotted an empty one and tried to usher Rory towards it, but she shook his hand off of her shoulder and kept a chilly distance away from him.
They slid into opposite sides of the booth. The menus were on a holder at the far edge of the table, and Luke handed one to Rory, keeping one for himself.
"The omelets are really good," he advised her.
She opened her menu, pretending not to hear him.
A waitress soon made her way over to their table. "Good morning! Do you know what you want, or do you need a few more minutes?"
Luke glanced at Rory. "Probably a few more."
Rory closed her menu and sat back, crossing her arms over her chest. "I can order."
The waitress flipped open her pad. "Go ahead, hon. What'll you have?"
Rory shot a quick, triumphant glare Luke's way. "Bread and water. That's all prisoners get, right?"
Luke stifled a groan and rubbed a hand over his eyes.
The waitress quirked an eyebrow and looked back and forth between them. "Uh, I can come back…"
"No, it's fine." Luke decided to just power through the ordeal. "I'll have the regular omelet with toast. A mug of hot tea. Rory, what would you really like to have?"
She shrugged. "I already said what I'm allowed. Bread. Water."
The waitress hovered, her pen poised.
He tried to outwait Rory's snit, but after a few moments of awkward silence, he could tell that wasn't happening. "OK, great. Just bring her an order of toast, too. And…cocoa," he said, hoping he sounded decisive and not like he was trying to bribe her out of her bad mood.
"Be right back with your drinks," the waitress promised. As she turned to leave, she gave Luke a little wink. "Don't worry, dad. It gets easier again in a couple more years."
"He's not my dad!" Rory burst out, loud enough that all of the people sitting close to their booth stopped talking.
It took every bit of strength Luke could find not to respond. Because he could think of a lot of things he wanted to say to that statement. Like, Yeah, I'm not your dad, because look, I'm actually here with you. Or, Damn right I'm not your dad, because I care that you're safe and have a roof over your head. Or even, Yeah, I sure can't be your dad, because I talk to you every single damn day. Or, channeling his own dad, Good thing I'm not your dad, or your behind would be sore right now.
He took an extra-deep breath. Leaned a little way over the table top, towards her. "I'm not trying to be your dad, Rory."
She picked up a bottle of hot sauce and studied the label. "Well, you're not, that's for sure. You're not even trying to date my mother. And now I know you're not my friend, either. So I guess maybe all you are is the guy who feeds me sometimes."
Luke thought about the hurt look he'd witnessed on Lorelai's face a little bit earlier and wondered if his now looked the same way. He leaned his back against the upholstered booth.
"Maybe I am," he muttered, feeling defeated.
When the waitress brought their food, both of them only picked at their respective slices of toast.
He didn't even try to talk to her as they drove to Hartford. He recalled his sister throwing similar fits during their younger years, when they were growing up together. He remembered that there wasn't any way to talk her out of her perceived torment.
'Let her stew in her own juices,' he heard his dad say, plain as day.
Right, he thought, glancing over at his sullen passenger. More easily said than done. He just couldn't believe that this bad-tempered, disrespectful girl was his normally angelic Rory. Surely this wasn't the first time she'd acted this way. He wondered how Lorelai had become brave enough to withstand the heartaches of motherhood. Or at least strong enough to resist the temptation to blister someone's bottom.
Or…maybe this was the first time she'd acted out this way. Maybe he'd broken her. Maybe it was his obsessive need for privacy that had caused her to flip out. Maybe it was his fault.
He shook his head. No. Kids needed rules and boundaries. He'd done nothing to deserve this treatment from her. Neither had Lorelai. And the sooner she realized that, the better.
"You know, you just about gave your mom a heart attack this morning," he began, breaking their uneasy silence.
Rory sighed tragically and rolled her eyes. "It's not my fault she was too blind to find the note. I really don't see what the big deal was."
"She woke up at 4:30 in the morning and you weren't in the house. You don't think that was a reason for her to be concerned?"
"It's not like anything bad could've happened to me."
"Rory, a million bad things could have happened to you!"
"Whatever."
Luke gritted his teeth. He hated 'whatever' more than anything. "For starters, it was still dark and you had on all dark clothes. A car could have hit you without even knowing you were there."
"I know how to walk down the street, Luke."
"Someone could have snatched you up."
"No way. I would have run away."
Luke shook his head at her naiveté. "Rory, the whole world is not like Stars Hollow. You have to know there are bad people out there. You read the news, watch TV. You have to know this stuff."
She looked a little less sure. She turned to look out of the window again. "I was careful," she finally whispered, almost to herself.
He decided to drop that train of thought. "Let's get back to your mom. Maybe you don't know, but when she called me this morning, she was really trying to call the police. The only reason she didn't was that she was shaking so much she hit the wrong button on the phone and got me instead. Otherwise, there would have been a full-fledged manhunt going on by the time I would have finally found you in the back of the truck. Is that what you wanted?"
She turned shocked eyes his way. "No," she said, shaking her head hard. "I just wanted to talk to you before you left."
"What if I hadn't known you were missing? What if I hadn't spotted you in the truck bed and had taken off instead? What if you'd slid out of the truck as I drove off?"
"I guess…" She nervously rubbed her palms over her knees. "I guess I would have gotten hurt."
Luke didn't want to bring up how he would have felt if she'd gotten hurt that way. How he'd never be able to forgive himself for it.
"And let's talk about the folly of that whole plan of yours. For a girl who didn't want to miss school, how was that going to work out for you? You were hiding in the back of the truck, thinking I was going to take you with me? You'd miss school that way for sure, wouldn't you?"
"No," she snapped, and he realized he'd made a mistake, bringing up the issue of missing school. "I wasn't going to go with you, I just wanted to make sure you were OK. I just wanted you to finally tell me what was going on. Then I was going to have you drop me off at school." She suddenly looked hopefully at him. "You could still take me to school. Mom wouldn't even have to know."
"Rory, that whole idea was dangerous and silly and unnecessary. And no, I'm not doing anything behind your mother's back. Your punishment for sneaking out of the house is missing a day of school, and that's that."
She sulked back into the seat. "You're just as stupid as she is."
Luke stomped on the brake and threw the truck over to the shoulder of the road. Once they'd come to a grinding stop, he turned to confront a cowering Rory. "That's the last time I ever want to hear you call me or your mother stupid, you got that?" he ordered. "You messed up. Now you're paying the price. It's not your mom's fault. It's not my fault. It's yours. Understand?"
Rory still had enough righteous indignation left in her to coldly stare back at him. "Yeah, well, just remember that if you would have told me what was going on, I never would have snuck out. It is too your fault!"
Luke just shook his head in disbelief.
"And so far all you've done is go to some junky diner. Big whoop. I don't see what the big secret is," Rory continued to complain.
Luke could see he just didn't have the strength for child-rearing. Not at all. His already high estimation of Lorelai rose by about another thousand points. Still shaking his head, he put the truck in gear and pulled back out onto the highway, once again heading for Hartford.
"This is it? This is where we're going?" Rory peered out the windshield at the construction site. "What is this?"
"It's a house that's being built," Luke said brusquely, no longer willing to explain anything to her. He got out of the truck, not caring if she followed him or not. Well, he did still care – but he didn't want to.
Rory hustled to keep up with him, jumping over the ruts left in the mud surrounding the work area. "Is it your house? Is that the secret? You're building a house and moving away?" She sounded anxious.
"It's not my house."
"Then whose house is it?"
"It's a house for a family who couldn't otherwise afford a home. A bunch of people give money, and other people volunteer time and materials to build the house for them, and the future homeowners help with the construction too. And then someday, they'll help someone else build another house. Sort of passing it on."
Rory looked like she was a little impressed, but didn't want to admit it.
"And today," Luke continued, "I'm volunteering to help build this house. And since you're with me, you are too."
"What if I don't want to?" she crabbed. "I mean, I'm just a kid," she said sarcastically.
"Too bad," he told her unsympathetically.
"Geez," she groaned.
And in spite of his foul mood, Luke had to turn his face away to hide a smile. Because when she'd said it, she'd sounded just like him.
He made his way over to the sign-in table, Rory following unwillingly at his heels.
The woman presiding over the table greeted them cheerily. "More helpers!" she said, beaming a big smile their way.
Luke introduced himself and Rory. "I hope it's OK that I brought her along; I realize a work site isn't the best place for a young girl. But she does know some woodworking skills, I've been teaching her some things. Is it going to be a problem?"
"No, not at all." The woman got up from the table and motioned for them to follow her. "We always have need for some extra hands. Don't worry, we'll keep her busy!" They reached the house and she handed them hard hats. "Make sure you keep those on the whole time you're here. Now Luke, we have you helping to put drywall up here in the living room. And Rory, come with me, and I'll turn you over to Yvonne. We actually have another girl here today, and I think she might be just about your age. Isn't that lucky? You two can work together!"
"Yeah, lucky," Rory groused.
"Oh, here she is now!" The woman motioned for an equally sullen-looking girl to come and join them. The other girl, who had a long blonde braid trailing down her back, looked at Rory suspiciously.
"Rory, this is…Parrish?"
The other girl gave a long-suffering sigh and rolled her eyes. "Paris," she corrected. "You know, like the city in France? It's pretty famous. Maybe even you've heard of it?"
"I apologize, Paris. Isn't this nice? You'll have a helpmate today!"
"Peachy," Paris said darkly.
"Perfect," Rory snarked back.
Luke instinctively took a step away.
"Yes, Luke, go get started, and I'll take the girls to Yvonne. She'll get them going on their next assignment."
Rory turned her head to glare at him over her shoulder. He turned tail and almost sprinted to the living room, happy to hand the Rory problem off to someone else for a while.
Losing himself in the world of measurements and sawing and fitting was a balm to his soul. Eventually that was the only thing on his mind and Rory and her disagreeable temperament faded away. He caught glimpses of her occasionally, sweeping up or fetching supplies for other workers. Once she and Paris brought around drinks for everyone, but she made sure that Paris was the one to offer one to him.
He worked hard, concentrated hard, and the time flew by. He'd only signed up for a 4-hour shift, to make sure he had time to get back and work on prep for the next day. He said goodbye to the other volunteers and went to look for Rory.
She and Paris seemed to have grudgingly bonded. When he located them they were sorting through nails, trying to see who could fill a box faster.
"Rory, we need to go."
"Now?" she whined, putting a few more nails into her container.
"Yeah, now. I need to get back."
"Bye, Loser," Paris taunted her. "Come back, if you're up for more disappointment. I'll be here again next week. Probably."
"I might." She cast a look at Luke. "Maybe?"
"Maybe," he nodded.
"Not like I actually want to see you again or anything," Paris hurried to add. "But it was not bad today, having you around."
"Yeah," Rory said with a shrug. "See you, Paris."
"Bye, Rory."
"So it wasn't too bad?" Luke asked Rory as they climbed into the truck, treading carefully with her.
"Eh, it was OK. Kind of interesting. Paris is weird."
"Was her dad there working? Or her mom?"
"I'm not sure." Rory fastened her seatbelt, frowning. "I think she said it was her nanny who was there painting today or something."
Luke stopped and looked at her strangely. "Her nanny?"
"Yeah, that's what she said."
"Wow. How the other half lives, huh?"
Rory looked at him quizzically. "I guess."
Luke headed them back towards Stars Hollow. Rory was quiet, pensive even. He didn't talk, not desiring to get her provoked again.
When they got closer to Stars Hollow, he cleared his throat, drawing her attention. "There's just one more thing I want to do, one more stop to make. But it's nothing you have to do."
"OK," she said, sounding serene for the first time all day.
Luke pulled into the cemetery, easily navigating through the small, winding paths that led him to a familiar stopping point. "I'll just be a minute," he told Rory, his hand on the door. "Sit tight."
He'd almost reached his destination when he heard another set of footsteps crunching through the leaves behind him. Quashing his desire to groan, he continued on, wishing that she would have listened to him just once today.
He stopped in front of a pair of gravestones. Rory stayed a step behind him.
"Luke?" she finally ventured.
"Yeah?"
"Do I…am I supposed to cross myself or something?" she asked quietly.
He almost chuckled as he turned his head to look at her solemn little face. "No, we're not Catholic."
She took a step closer to him. "I've never…This isn't anything I've ever done before. I'm not sure what's the proper way to act," she confided to him. "And I don't…I wouldn't want to be disrespectful."
He chanced putting his hand on her shoulder. "There's no right way to do it. Coming here, standing here…it's just a way to remember."
Rory nodded and stood silently for a moment beside him. Finally she pointed at the tombstone. "That's your dad, right?"
His hand tightened on her fragile, little girl shoulder. "Yeah."
She leaned against him, studying the information etched into the stone. He heard her gasp; knew what was coming.
"He died today?" she asked in a pitiful little voice.
"Yeah," he said softly, rubbing her shoulder soothingly.
"Oh, Luke…" She turned and put her arms around his waist. "I'm so sorry!" She tipped her face up to look at him. "That's what today was all about? Why did you want to keep that a secret?"
"Because…" He bent over a little bit, to get down more on her level. "Because sometimes hearing how sorry others feel for you makes it worse. And…it is a sad thing. I didn't want to have to tell you yet another sad thing. You shouldn't have to feel sad for me all the time."
"I don't, most of the time. But today is special. I think it's OK if we both feel sad today." She hugged him again, and this time he hugged her back wholeheartedly.
They stood up straight again and solemnly regarded the tombstones in front of them.
"You know what?" Luke said to Rory, a few moments later. "I'm glad you're here with me. Having you here is cutting down the sadness level a lot."
Rory beamed up at him, then leaned against him contentedly. He put his hand on top of her head.
"That one says 'Danes' too," she said a minute later, pointing to the neighboring stone.
Luke broke it to her as gently as he could. "That's my mom."
He felt her startle against him. She looked up at him sympathetically, but didn't say anything. Instead she gave him another squeeze around his waist, and then pulled away from him. She walked a little closer to his mother's memorial.
"Her name was Katherine?" When he nodded, she continued. "That's a pretty name. Sounds like a queen's name, like she should have been royalty."
Luke chuckled. "That's funny, because Katherine's my sister's middle name, and she's about the most unqueen-like person I know."
Rory smiled back at him. "Your sister has your mom's first name for her middle one?" She pointed at his dad's stone. "And your first name is your dad's middle name. That's really nice."
"I've always thought so," Luke agreed. "What's your middle name? I don't think I've ever heard."
"Leigh."
"So you're Lorelai Leigh? That's pretty, too, Rory."
"I guess my dad used to call Mom 'Lorelai Leigh' sometimes, to tease her. She pretended to get upset when he'd do it, but secretly she thought it was kind of sweet. So when I was born, she gave me that as a middle name."
"That's a really nice story."
"It is…" Something distracted Rory. She took a step closer to his mom's gravestone. Her finger reached out towards the date and she leaned even closer. She suddenly went perfectly still.
"Rory?" he asked, concerned.
She whipped her head around to stare at him. Her eyes were wide with fear. "You're thirty," she gasped. "You just turned thirty."
"Right," he said slowly, not understanding her meaning immediately.
She gulped. "You were ten," she said brokenly.
Now he understood. "Rory –"
"Oh, Luke, you were only ten!"
"Yes, but –"
Her chin was quivering. "I'm eleven!"
"Right, but –"
Her emotions spilled over. "I want my mom!" she cried out, hugging herself.
"Rory, it's OK." He reached for her, tried to fold her into his arms, but she broke away, unable to be pacified.
"It's not OK! I want Mom! I want to see her right now!" She was beginning to sob as if her heart was broken.
"Of course, of course. Come on, let's go," he said soothingly, trying to get her back to the truck. "You'll see your mom in just a couple of minutes," he promised her, once again helping her get up into the cab.
Rory was still fretting, sniffling back tears. "But I was terrible to her, Luke! I said awful, awful things! And that's exactly what happens in stories and movies and stuff – the kid's a brat, and then one of their parents dies, and they never get to make it right! Hurry, please hurry! Drive fast, OK?"
"I will, but it's OK, Rory. Your mom's fine, you'll see."
"You don't know that! You don't know that at all!"
"Calm down, sweetheart. We'll be there in just a few more minutes, and you'll see she's OK."
Rory spun her head from side to side. "You're going the wrong way! This isn't the way home!"
"She's not at home, remember? She's at work. I'm taking you to the Inn."
"Oh. Oh, right." Rory sat up straight and leaned forward, as if she could make the truck go faster that way. She'd stopped crying, but her eyes looked like the tears could flow again in an instant.
As soon as Luke pulled into a parking spot she flung open the door and hopped out, about giving him a second heart attack for the day. He tried ineffectually to grab at her, but she landed with both feet on the pavement and took off running towards the Independence's big front porch.
"Damn it," Luke swore under his breath. He took off after her.
Rory burst through the double doors and ran up to the man at the reception desk. "Where's Mom?" she yelled at him.
The well-dressed man looked from the frantic little girl to Luke rushing up behind her. "Pardon?" he asked, in a French accent.
"Mom!" Rory cried out in frustration. "Where's my mom?"
The commotion brought Mia speeding out of her office. She stopped dead, seeing a panicked Rory standing there. "Darling, what's wrong?" she asked at once, holding open her arms.
"I want Mom!" Rory begged her.
"She was down C hallway, the last time I saw her," Mia said, and Rory ran off. Mia turned a curious, troubled look Luke's way, and then they both sprinted after her.
"What in the world has happened?" Mia asked him.
Luke shook his head, dodging a cleaning cart in the hallway. "My mom."
"What?"
"At the cemetery. She saw her stone. She did the math."
"Oh, my dear. Oh, poor thing." Mia reached over and took his elbow, and they both slowed. "You poor thing, too."
Lorelai was stepping out of a room, a clipboard in her hand. Rory let out a cry, put on a burst of speed, and almost knocked Lorelai down when she barreled into her. The clipboard went flying.
"Rory! What…?"
Rory locked her arms around Lorelai, buried her head in her stomach. "Don't die!"
"I'm…I'm not?" She looked helplessly at Luke and Mia, completely at a loss. Rory was squeezing her so tightly she could barely breathe. "Sweets, what's wrong? Can you tell me? What's the trouble here?"
Rory buried her face deeper into her mother's middle. "I don't want you to die," she moaned.
"I'm not planning on it." She tried to soothe Rory, rocking her back and forth, kissing the top of her head. She looked to Luke and Mia again. "Can somebody tell me what's going on?"
Luke stepped forward, rubbing his forehead as he tried to fashion what to say. "It's my fault, Lorelai. She found out how young I was when I lost my mom, and it set her off. I'm sorry."
Lorelai's eyes melted into his, telling him everything she wished she could say, but then her focus returned to her distraught daughter.
"Rory, I know that must have scared you, but it's OK, Sweetie. I'm right here. I'm fine."
She was still trying to burrow into her mother. "But I was awful to you today. I was such a brat all day. I'm sorry, Mom, I'm so sorry! I'll never act like that again, I promise! Just don't die, OK?"
Lorelai firmly took hold of Rory's chin and forced her to look up. "Calm down, Sweetie. It's all OK. I'm OK. We'll talk about what happened this morning and as long as you promise to never do anything like that again, we're good. I'm not mad at you, it's OK."
"But I was hateful!" Rory whimpered, still berating herself.
"Yes, you were, but I think Goofus is gone now, right? I think I've got my Gallant back, don't I?"
Rory pulled away, still looking heartbroken. "What would happen to me?"
"Well, I think you've already been punished enough –"
"No, no! What happens to me if you die?"
Lorelai looked dumbstruck. "Well, I, uh…I don't know exactly. I mean…there would be a couple of options, I guess –"
"I want Luke!"
All three of the adults in the hallway looked in nervous confusion at each other. Rory, however, knew exactly what she meant, and wasted no time in flinging herself bodily at Luke.
"I want Luke! If something happens to you, I want Luke!"
"Oh…Oh, Rory…" Lorelai and Luke exchanged another one of those soul-searching looks, while Luke's hand began to smooth over Rory's head, which was now buried into his middle.
Lorelai came over to stand beside them, her hand also reaching to caress her daughter. She was obviously fighting to stay in control of her emotions. "Rory, that's a…a lot…to ask of Luke. And, you know, legally and all, I'm not even sure if that's a possibility –"
Rory finally released her hold on Luke, turning around to show a defiant face. "I don't care! That's what I want! Can't you, like, write it down? And then take it to a lawyer? Isn't that the way it works? Can't we do that?"
Lorelai and Luke blinked at each other again over the top of her head until Mia broke in. She walked towards the three of them, her arms outstretched. Gently, she herded them towards the empty room behind them.
"Why don't you go in here and have some privacy while you…handle this," she suggested.
Rory held on to both Luke and Lorelai and they settled onto the couch in the room, Rory tucked in the middle between them. Mia reached in and took the "do not disturb" sign off of the doorknob, hanging it on the outside. "Take your time," she told them gently, closing the door as she left.
Luke deliberately said nothing. But he reached around Rory and put a hand on Lorelai's shoulder. The other one began to pat Rory's knee.
Lorelai took a deep breath, and gave Luke another desperate look. "OK, here we go," she murmured. "Rory. Let's talk about this. You have to remember, you have some other people in your life. You've got your dad. You've got Grandma and Grandpa. And legally, they probably all have a right to you, if something should…happen to me."
"But I don't want them! I don't know them! I want Luke!"
"Oh, boy," Lorelai sighed.
"Doesn't that matter, what I want?"
Slowly, Lorelai shook her head. "Rory, I'm sorry. I just don't know. And…that's my fault. That's something I probably should have looked into a long time before this, but it's something no one wants to think about, and I let it slide. So I'll find out, OK? I'll go talk to a lawyer, and I'll find out what our options would be. But, as far as Luke goes…Sweetie, that's still not something we can ask him to do."
"Luke?" Rory turned tearful, pleading eyes his way.
He looked at Lorelai, trying to read her mind. Then he put his arm under Rory and lifted her up onto his lap, so that she could easily look at her mother. And then he swallowed hard, finally ready to say a portion of what he'd been thinking.
He put his hand under Rory's chin, turning her so she'd look at him. "I want you to listen to me here, Rory. I want you to hear what I'm going to say."
"OK," she whispered.
"First off, nothing's going to happen to your mom, because you and I are going to take real good care of her. We're going to make sure she eats right, and we're going to make her exercise, and if she even starts to sneeze, we're going to take her the doctor."
"Don't I get a say in this?" Lorelai put in a token protest, but she didn't really sound very upset.
"Nope. That's just the way it is."
"Yeah, Mom," Rory added.
"And here's the second thing I want you to remember. You've got me, Rory, always. I'm in your life, and I'm not going away. I don't care what the courts say or anybody else. You'll never get rid of me. Legally, maybe I don't have a claim to you, but that doesn't matter. Listen to me now, because this is the important part." Luke let his thumb graze against her cheek. "I'm going to be watching over you for the rest of your life. And if I thought you weren't happy, or weren't being provided for, I'd move heaven and earth to change that. I will always make sure you're safe." He ducked his head, looking into her face. "Do you believe me?"
Rory looked at him straight on for a few moments before nodding seriously. And then she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
He hugged her right back, reveling in this moment with her, until he heard something to his side. He looked and saw Lorelai biting her lip hard, trying not to cry. He put a hand on her face, too, touching her cheek. "The same goes for you, too," he said gruffly.
She nodded, a tear breaking loose and running underneath his thumb.
Rory's emotional day seemed to finally catch up with her. She gave a shuddering sigh and collapsed against him, drained and exhausted. Luke continued to hold her. Lorelai leaned against him, her hand on Rory's leg. The three of them huddled together, recharging.
The sweet moment ended when Rory's stomach growled. Loudly.
She sat up on Luke's lap and giggled, putting her hands over her tummy.
"There's my girl!" Lorelai said proudly, reaching over to tweak her nose.
"Sorry, I'm hungry!"
Luke nodded. "I'm not surprised. She sort of had a hunger strike going on today," he explained to Lorelai.
"Aww. Hey, Sookie's still in the kitchen. I bet there's some leftover lasagna from lunch. Do you want to run down there and ask her to warm some up for you?"
"Yes!" Rory jumped off Luke's lap. "That is, if that's OK?"
"Sure. Scoot," Lorelai told her.
Rory hugged her mother. Then she hugged Luke. And then she hugged Lorelai one more time.
"I'll be there in a minute or two," Lorelai promised. "Now get going before your tummy mutinies against you completely."
Once Rory disappeared out the door, Luke and Lorelai sat in silence for a little bit, trying to regroup.
Lorelai eventually scooted nervously to the edge of the couch, folding her hands down between her knees. "Luke, I'm so sorry about all of this. I'm so sorry about this morning, and that you've had to deal with her all day, and now this…this custody drama thing yet on top of it, I'm so sorry –"
Luke reached over and silenced her by putting his thumb over her mouth for a second. "No," he told her.
"No?" she repeated, her eyebrows shooting upwards.
"No." He sighed. "Especially not about that last thing."
"But Luke, that was terrible! What a thing to drop on you! I feel awful that she put you in that situation. Please don't think that I'll hold you to –"
"Lorelai, stop. Just stop."
"But –"
"The only thing terrible about it was that I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying 'yes' about a hundred times as soon as she said it. Because I'd take her in a minute, if it came to that. If the courts would let me, I'd scoop her right up. You know that, right?"
"But Luke, that's asking too much of you!"
"No, it's not. What would be asking a lot would be expecting me to just walk away from her. She's…You've…" He shook his head, helpless to explain. "Both of you have totally infiltrated my life, don't you see? I couldn't stand losing her. I just…I love her, I guess. I mean, she's just completely taken over…" He was aware that saying what he wanted to say would sound too corny, so he settled for briefing putting a hand over his heart.
"Yeah, she does that," Lorelai said softly.
He turned towards Lorelai and took her hand. "I'll come with you to see the lawyer, if you want me to. If that would help, to have me say I'm willing, I'll do it."
Lorelai looked flustered and he dropped her hand. "Unless you'd rather I not. Maybe you think it'd be better if her dad, or your folks –"
"No, that's not it." Lorelai looked bemused. "It's just weird, a little, since all of this presupposes me being dead and all…"
Luke opened his eyes wide, appalled. Without thinking, he grabbed Lorelai and pulled her close.
"Hey, it's OK." She pulled away, patting his chest. "It's just been a pretty weird day, huh?" She grinned at him.
"You can say that again."
"I'll tell you what. Tomorrow I'll be in Hartford, and I'll try to get a name of a good family lawyer out of my dad without arousing too much suspicion, OK? And…we'll go from there."
"Sounds good," Luke agreed, nodding.
"And in the meantime, we'll both do some serious thinking about it. Deal?"
"Deal."
She stood up, turned and offered her hand to him, pretending to help him stand up. "Do you want some lasagna, too?"
"No. I'd better be getting to the diner, I've got turkeys to stuff."
"Dirty!"
"Stop."
"Well, you said it."
"Yeah, but you're the one who made it dirty."
Lorelai snickered. "That sounded even worse."
He shook his head at her. "I'll walk down to the kitchen with you, to say goodbye to Rory."
"She'll like that."
As they walked out the door, Luke touched Lorelai's elbow. "And what I said before, about watching out for you, too – you know I mean that, don't you? No matter what else might happen in our lives, I'll be there for you."
Her eyes shone out at him. "Yeah. I know." She shrugged. "Even with Rachel in the picture, I know that."
"Good," he said. "Then…we're good."
"Good," she echoed, teasing him now. "So…to the kitchen?"
"Yeah, that sounds…good," he said, grinning back at her.
"Luke, hi!" Rory apparently no longer had any qualms about being behind the counter. She almost skipped behind it, in order to give him a quick hug.
"Happy Thanksgiving," he said, trying to juggle the tray of plates filled with turkey and all the trimmings he was carrying.
"Wow, that smells great," Lorelai said longingly. She had dutifully stayed on the proper side of the counter.
The girls trailed behind him as he delivered the plates.
"You look really pretty," he told Rory. She had on a dressy coat with a brown velvet collar. A matching brown velvet bow held back her hair.
"Grandma likes to see her dressed up," Lorelai explained with a slight scowl.
"You look nice, too," Luke told her.
"Eh, I'll do." She smoothed down the cinnamon-colored skirt that swirled inches beneath her knees.
"Are you guys ready to head over to Hartford?"
"Yeah, the bus should be here in a few minutes," Rory said.
"The bus?" He turned to stare sternly at Lorelai. "Why are you taking the bus?"
She started to reply but Rory spoke first. "Something's wrong with the car."
"What's wrong with the car?" he demanded of Lorelai. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have driven you over!"
Lorelai gave him a look he couldn't quite decipher. "Oh, look, Rory – there's Babette waving to you! Why don't you go over and tell her and Morey Happy Thanksgiving?"
"Hi guys!" Rory made a beeline to her neighbor's table.
Instantly Lorelai whipped around to Luke. "There's nothing wrong with the car," she said quickly.
"But then why –"
"I made it up, OK? I made it up so Rory wouldn't question why we're taking the bus."
He tiredly shook his head at her, knowing instinctively this was going to make his head hurt. "Why are you taking the bus?"
"Because it makes my parents crazy."
"Lorelai," he growled.
"Oh, come on! Luke, I'm being really good here. I've got Rory dressed in the ridiculous outfit my mom sent over for her. I'm wearing clothes that even Mrs. Kim would approve of. I'm not going to drink too much and I'm not going to talk about politics with all of my dad's right-wing buddies. I deserve a little fun, OK?"
"OK," he conceded. "But if you don't want to come back on the bus, you call me. I'll come get you."
"You've got enough to do today. But yes, I promise, I'll call if I need to."
"Just do me a favor. Don't teach Rory all of the ways you drive your parents crazy, OK?"
Lorelai chuckled. "I'm a fan of self-preservation. I won't teach her everything." She twisted around to check the clock. "We'd better go. Rory!" she called, waving over at Babette and Morey.
Luke walked with them to the door. "I hope it goes better than you think it will."
Rory patted a bag over her shoulder. "I'll have fun. I've got a couple of books in here to show Grandpa."
Lorelai tugged on his arm. "Save us some pie for when we get back?"
"You know I will."
"Yay!" She briefly leaned against him, beaming that bright smile of hers right up into his face. For a moment it held him mesmerized, frozen in place.
"You'd better get going," he said, shaking off her spell.
"Bye, Luke!"
"Happy Turkey Day!"
And with that the girls rushed out the door, heading down the street to the bus stop.
Luke started back for the kitchen but after a few steps he stopped, rubbing at his eyes. He wondered if clouds had covered up the sun, because the whole diner seemed dimmer, somehow. But when he turned to check, the sun was still shining in the windows, casting shadows on the floor where it hit the tables.
He walked into the kitchen and filled a couple more plates with traditional Thanksgiving food. The diner sounded quiet to him, so quiet that he wondered if everyone had gotten up and left. But when he went to the kitchen door to check, everyone was still sitting right where they had been, talking and joking amongst themselves, chowing down on his food.
A strange feeling washed over Luke as he stood there. He felt alone and abandoned, a hundred times lonelier than he'd ever felt when Rachel had left over and over again. Which was completely crazy, because there was no reason for him to feel alone. What in the world was wrong with him? The diner was packed. He had plenty of people right in front of him to keep him company.
Plenty of people…except for the only two he actually wanted to be with.
"Whoa," he murmured, stunned, as the truth hit him over the head.