Author's Note: Sorry for the late update! I been busy in school and such, also I had a small writers block for this story. I just needed to figure out how I wanted it to go out for you guys. I know I said before that this story will probably last around 10 chapters, but it won't. I decided to take you more into the journey of the past and their life in the present. Sorry to keep you guys waiting!
One more thing: In this chapter, where I describe Hanna's clothing, it's basically what she wore in 5x19. (or 5x18?) Anyways, I just thought she looked super pretty in that. && All flashbacks are told through Emily's eyes in this chap.
Song Insp: I don't know why but, The Weight by Shawn Mendes and One by Ed Sheeran has inspired me to write this chapter and have ideas for the next ones. You guys should check it out!
Emily's Pov
After a feeling of the need for air after holding our lips together, I open my eyes to see Alison. Alison, aka the girl I shouldn't be having a moment with at all in this empty hallway so I turned around and made my way to my class as fast as I can.
What did I just do?
How could I do that? Especially to Hanna? I have to tell her as soon as I can, but she's in class right at the moment.
The moment I walk inside my class, tardy, mostly everyone turned to face my way. "Take a seat, Emily, you're late," Ms. Montgomery said. And so I did make my way to my seat.
I couldn't pay attention at all to the notes or the lecture in class at all today. All I could think of is Alison and Hanna. I thought about how the kiss with Alison felt like, and how it felt so good. Feeling her lips against mine brought up so many feelings I had for her before that I couldn't control. Then, Hanna popped in my head. Hanna, my girlfriend. Hanna, the one I love. Hanna, the one that would be broken if she had found out about the kiss.
It wasn't until after school when I can see Hanna. I have to tell her what happened. The guilt was killing me and I couldn't focus in my classes all day because of that. I waited at her locker, because she usually goes here to put her books away, so I could see her. Not to long from now, is the gorgeous girl that is mine, walking down the hallway with teal jeans and a leather jacket. When she looked up and once she saw me leaning against her locker, she smiles. As she walks closer to me, I get to see her smile more clear. If I tell her, I''ll probably never ever see that smile towards me again. "Hey," She greets me with a kiss on the cheek.
I can't tell her.
It'll destroy her.
Hanna's Pov
"Okay, we can take a break now," I pant, stopping my tracks with my hands resting on my knees.
I start to hear him stifle a laugh. "Han, we only ran past seven houses so far," He said as he hands me a Gatorade.
It's been two weeks since I told Emily to choose Alison. I told myself over and over again to not let it get to me, and instead, move past it. So I started running. Being active and exercising was never ever a Hanna Marin thing to do, but it felt good to just let some steam off and just run... With Caleb. Aria didn't seem up for running at all and Spencer was busy exploring new ways to make paint out of scratch or she was going on dates with Toby. I would of called Emily but I still feel like we are at a stage that maybe it's too early for that, so that's where I called Caleb. "That" As in, seeing Emily sweaty in a tight tank top where I could see her chest. Just imagining her like that is still a guilty weakness of mine. He knows what is going on with my life at the moment he has been nothing but supportive. It's just what I needed.
I didn't need any relationship to handle at the moment and I didn't need the tears with the over thinking. I just needed a friend.
"Seven houses? It felt like thirty!" I exclaimed as I tightened my ponytail.
"So Spencer invited me to that bonfire outside the barn, are you going tonight?" He asks continuing his tracks by walking.
Standing up with better posture first, I follow him. "Yeah, it's at around nine," I said.
"Do you want to go together? As friends?" He said, slowly and apprehensively. It was sounded exactly how someone nervous would ask you on a date. All slow and trying to figure out the next word. It was cute.
"Yeah, sure," I said with a smile. He returns a smile then started to run. I roll my eyes and run right behind him saying, "Too fast!"
Emily's Pov
"Hi," I force a smile back at her.
"What are you doing here, don't you have swim practice right after school?" She ask whilst putting the combination in her locker.
"I-I," I what, Emily Fields? "I just missed you, that's all," I said. Tell. Her. You. Asshole. My heart suddenly pounded and I felt like my head was going to explode.
She bites her lip down through a smile and said, "How about you skip practice today and we can hang out?" She kinks her eyebrow. I know that sign. If my body didn't feel so much weight because of this guilt, I would say yes, but I couldn't.
"Uh, I can't. Coach would just kill me," I said as I run my fingers through my hair.
"Okay, I'll just see you later then?" She asks, then wraps her arms around my neck.
"Maybe," I gulp. She leans in and presses her lips against mine. I couldn't back out of this one, her arms trapped me. I slowly kissed back, tentatively. We both slowly pull away and she opens her eyes with a disappointed look.
"Are you okay, Em?" She asks.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Because you kissed back Alison! My thoughts screamed.
"I don't know, you just seemed weird today," She shrugs.
"I'm fine," I force yet another smile. "I'll see you later, Han," I gave her a quick kiss on her cheek and particularly speed walked away from her as far as possible.
After that long and tiring run, I practically pass out on the couch and then woke myself up to get up and shower before leaving to Spencer's. I had on a black circle neck shirt with gold studs on the designed on the shoulder part of it, with a dark purple colored skirt. I had to almost break down my whole house to find my favorite black knee length boots. The doorbell rings and I open the door to see Caleb, who was picking me up to go to Spencer's.
The first look on his face looked frozen, but his eyes where just looking at my outfit and me in it.
"You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, you just.." He pauses, "Look dainty" His teeth flash in a smile and his right hand rubs the back of his neck.
I laugh at his use of words and walk towards his car. When we go to the Hastings' house, Caleb and I walk into everyone watching movies. Everyone as in Aria, Spencer, Toby, Emily, and Alison. "Hey, you guys made it," Spencer stands up to greet us, "We're setting up the bonfire later when the stars take over the sky."
"Sounds good," Caleb said.
Alison and Emily were sitting on the couch together. Emily's right hand was interlocked with Alison's, but it clearly looked like they were hiding it. Looks like she chose Alison, after all. As my eyes travel, I meet eyes with Alison. Being the new and mature me, I put on a smile and give her a wave. She waves back and Emily turns her head around to look at me. I couldn't stand the awkwardness so I just made my way to Spencer's kitchen, only to break away any stares. I look over my shoulder and everyone looked comfortable. There wasn't much space on the couch since Toby and Spencer were also sitting there with Emily and Alison. Though there was pillows around on the floor so both Caleb and Aria just sat on the floor, using the pillows for comfort.
The movie World War Z was playing. It probably Emily's choice. I know how much she loves the action and zombies in films. I look back at my surroundings in Spencer's kitchen and take the cheesy puffs. I sat in between Aria and Caleb where we faces the left side of the couch, and Emily sat on the right.
Emily's Pov
"Choose her." It was as if Hanna's words were repeating over and over again in my head. A part of me would consider going back to Alison but there was a bigger part of me that just wanted no one but Hanna and to just start over again. Then there's that feeling I always get about Alison. I couldn't let go of Alison. She's my first love. She's special to me. The past two weeks I haven't really spoke to Hanna, but I seen her around a lot. Especially with Caleb.
Are they back together, again? Is the same question that always seems to pop up in my head when I see them. I would just see them jog around Rosewood from the window in the Brew. A stinging pain of jealousy hit my stomach every time, then I got to thinking that maybe they are together and that's when I decided to get back together with Alison. I went over to her house and she was standing right in front of me, then I rest my hands on her cheeks, my lips pressed against hers right after. It didn't feel the same like before. We decided to be together but on the down low.
Right now, Hanna and Caleb just came to Spencer's. I can't keep myself to looking away from the movie and then bringing my attention to Hanna. She has a cheesy puff in her right hand, slowly feeding it to Caleb. She laughs quietly then brings her attention back to the movie. But Caleb didn't. He looked at her and smiled. He looked at her like she was the ocean and he was desperate to drown. He still loves her.
There it is again. The stinging and the turning feeling in my stomach. I start to feel Alison's thumb caressing my hand and it felt relaxing. I turned to face her and give a warm smile to her.
When the night gets darker and the stars take over the sky, like what Spencer was waiting for, we all made our way outside Spencer's barn. Caleb and Toby were both setting up the firewood and the bonfire set and Spencer and Aria were setting the drinks. It felt cold so I need my jacket that was inside Spencer's living room. As I made my way back inside, I see Hanna in the kitchen.
She was preparing herself a bowl of cheesy puffs and I suddenly felt deja-vu. I swiftly walk behind her and said, "Hey there."
She jumps and then turns around. "You scared the crap out of me!" I laugh at her and she just playfully rolls her eyes. "Not funny," She shakes her head.
"What are you doing in here? The bonfire is going to start any time soon," I said.
"Spence asked me to get some marshmallows and then I found more chessy puffs," She smiles at holds the bag up. I take the bag out of her hands and look at the bag. My eyes go back to her and I hold it up with one hand, "You do know that the orange powder's chemicals will make you break out right?" I said.
She takes the bag back and said, "When has that ever stopped me?" She then takes out a cheesy puff and holds it between her teeth as she pours more into the bowl. I suddenly found myself smiling at her. She turns around with the bowl in her hands and the cheesy puff still in between her teeth.
"What?" She said, catching my stare.
"I just remember that face that's all," I shrug my shoulders, trying to keep cool. Her eyes look down at the cheesy puff and her cheeks turn pink.
"Oh," She laughs shortly.
When I woke up in Spencer's room, I found Aria and Spencer still asleep, but Hanna wasn't inside here. Where could she be? Before getting up, I stretch my arms. As I got down stairs I find Hanna opening a bag of cheesy puffs where her back was faced to me. Quietly, I tiptoed over to her. I got closer and closer to her, and once I was right behind her, I slowly snake my arms around her waist with my neck resting on her shoulder.
"Don't you think it's a little too early for that?" I said, adding a kiss on the side of her neck.
"Never too early for chessy puffs," She said. She turns her body and her beautiful self was now facing me. She had a cheesy between her teeth, I lean in and bit down half of it. We both chewed down and ate it first before closing the gap between us with a kiss. My hands went down to her hips and I pulled her body closer to mine. Our lips dances together in deeper passion. Her hands were in my hair and I could just feel her hands getting lost in it's tangles.
We slowly pull away from each other, but our faces still close. "Emily," She slowly said. My eyes locked into her blue ocean eyes. "I love you," She said quietly but enough for me to hear her. It was as if she didn't want me too. It sounded like she was afraid. Why? Was she afraid to lose me with those three words? My face lit up and my eyebrows raised. "Never mind," She tries to escape but the grip of my hands made her stay.
"Hey, it's okay," I smile, "I love you too." And there it was. The feeling of a new step because we both had said it. Those three small words but they weren't that small if it can make a whole new difference to somebody.
"No you don't," She pouts, "You're just saying that."
I smile wider and interlock our hands together. "You're really insecure, you know that?" I said.
"What if you think what I just said was too early? Two months isn't long enough," She looks down. My other hand lifts her chin up.
"I said it back, didn't I?" I said. She smiles and presses her lips against mines.
And that was the face with the cheesy puff between her teeth that led to our first "I love you." Her eyes finds mine and for the moment there time stopped. My heart beats slowly but it picked up fast as she tucks her lips in and the dimples in her cheek pop out through a smile. Out of nowhere a hungry pair of lips crash against mines. Arms were wrapped around my neck so I'd be trapped in this kiss. "Okay.." I hear Hanna mutter. My eyes peek and it was Alison.
I push away at her suddenness. Hanna left and now it was just me and Alison in the kitchen. "What was that?" I raise my voice.
"What? Can't kiss my girlfriend anymore?" Alison said sarcastically with a smirk.
"I thought we were going to keeping it low key for a while, Ali?" My eyebrows furrow at her. "And what was that about?" I asked.
She sighs and said, "I'm sorry. Seeing you and Hanna made me jealous, okay?"
My eyebrows raised and I didn't know what to say. Alison Dilaurentis? Jealous? Of anyone? That barely comes around.
"Hey what are you guys doing in here? Come out!" Aria called. Alison and I made our way to the Barn, quietly. We didn't say a word to each other at all. The only noise was the leaves being kicked as we walk.
There were seats around the bonfire and everyone a had a red solo cup with alcohol in it. I made my way to the alcohol first.
"To summer," Spencer said with her cup held up high.
"To summer!" Everyone else repeated and drank.
Two hours in and the bonfire was still strong. Also the alcohol in my system was kicking in also. Alison decided to go home early since she was having a headache or something. She lived right next door, so she walked her way. Once, Caleb left to the bathroom, I stole his seat next to Hanna.
"Hey," She said.
"Hi, sorry about earlier-"
"Save it," Hanna cuts me off with a soft smile, "Em, don't apologize with being with her. It's okay, I just want you to be happy." I tried to look for all signs for her lying. I listened closely for a stutter and I paid attention to her eyes, trying to see if her eyes wandered. Usually when she lies, her eyes would wander and she would stutter the first word that would come out of her mouth.
This Hanna is so mature it felt scary. Could she have no feelings for me at all, what so ever?
"Okay," I nod and smile back at her. I went back to my seat and wrapped myself around a mini blanket to give myself warmth.
I didn't know why, but I was gluing myself to the alcohol. I needed all the stress to be washed away and I know it was a bad solution but the alcohol was the only option.
Stress as in, I still have feelings for Hanna and I still have feelings for Alison. After all this time, it was still difficult for me to choose. I hear laughing, it was familiar. It was coming from the other side of the bonfire, it was Caleb and Hanna.
Again. The feeling of jealousy, but this time it feels more worse because of the alcohol in me that allows me to feel more sensible into emotions. Like laughing or being happy. For example, have you ever seen a movie or a person that is super kind but when is drunk, they would fight with whomever? It was that kind of thing with alcohol with me. The alcohol just allows me to feel more. And in this case, I feel more angry. My eyes were glued to the floor as my head was down. I didn't want to see no more.
They both stand up. "Good night, guys," Caleb said.
"Hanna you aren't staying the night?" Spencer asks.
"No, tomorrow my mom and I are going to spend some time together in the morning. Sorry," Hanna said, with her hands giving herself warmth. Caleb then wraps his jacket around her. At that same moment Hanna met eyes with me.
"Okay, drive safe!" Aria said.
Hanna's Pov
"Han, wait up," I hear Spencer call behind me. Caleb and I stopped and turned around. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
I turned my head to Caleb and asked him to wait in the car for me. He walked away and Spencer looked so anxious and her eyes watched Caleb until he was far.
"You okay, Spence?" I asked.
"You guys are back together?" Her eyes are wide but it's a smile at the same time.
"What?" The sudden question surprised me. What would make her think that? "No, we aren't together again, Spencer" I laugh.
"Hanna, honest question," She starts.
"Okay.."
"Did you date anyone at all after Emily? Like a real relationship?"
I knew where this was headed. I was going to say no, which was the truth and she would suggest me to get back together with Caleb.
"Spencer, I know what you're going to say and I'm just not ready to be with anyone yet," I said.
"Okay," She says with her hands up, "Just think about it, Han. It's been two years.." She says, with a wink. All I did was roll my eyes and smile at her attempt to get me back out 'there' in the dating world. "Good night, Spencer" I said before walking away.
As I got in the car, Caleb said, "Ready?"
"You didn't drink that much did you?" I asked.
"Don't worry, Han. I made sure I didn't have a lot to drink so I could drive you home safely," He said, as he turned on the radio.
"Okay," I smile.
He walked me all the way to my front door. Maybe Spencer is right. Maybe I should get back out there? Maybe since I'm different now, being in relationships would be different with me? Besides, Emily is with Alison now. Aria was still with Ezra and Spencer was still with Toby. It had been two years. What is holding me back from being with anyone else, but Emily? Nothing.
"So, goodnight," He said before pulling me into a short hug. As soon as he let go, I softly pulled him back in by his neck and sealed a kiss. Our lips moves together, perfectly. Then there was a sudden large sound of a crash that made us break the kiss.
Emily's Pov
Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was me, but seeing Hanna walk away with Caleb made me realize so many things. The main thing was, finally realizing how much of a terrible decision maker I am. I got back together with Alison, when really, I should of been fighting harder for Hanna.
"Aria!" I practically ran to her.
"Yes?"
"Drive me to Hanna's, please," Every part of me wanted to just to see her closer, even if she was right in front of me the whole time.
"I'm just starting to sober up, Em, I can't"
"It'll be quick, Aria, please," I begged.
"Okay, fine" She said, "We'll be back," She says to Spencer and Toby.
We walked over to her car and when we got in she asks, "Why are we going to Hanna's?"
"I just want to see her," I said. I want to see her and I want to kiss her. I want her. And when I have her, it'll all be right. Tomorrow, I'll just tell Alison the truth and being with Hanna could finally feel right.
We parked in front of her house. I quickly took off my seat belt and almost ran all the way to her front door. But I didn't. From a distance, I can see Caleb's hands were on Hanna's sides and her arms were wrapped around his neck.
My heart immediately dropped, then and there.
I turned around and walked back inside the car. "What happened?" Aria asks.
"I was too late," I said quietly. "Can you just take me home?" My sound of my words sounded broken.
"Yeah," She said. Right as Aria started the car and drove, we didn't make it far. The car suddenly pushed us both forward, hard. It case me to hit my head forward , but my body stayed because of the seat belts.
Slowly my vision went away..
Slowly everything went black...
AND DONE. In case you didn't understand that last part, another car hit the back of Aria's car. Sorry for going back and forward with the point of views! This chapter was pretty long, but it was long because it was just following up more event in the story.
I hope you guys liked it! Leave a review, please.
Also, I might have half or the full next chapter where it's only flashbacks, well technically the first chapter but told through Emily's eyes. Is that okay with you guys?