Notes: First of all, thanks for the feedback on the previous chapter! I had been waiting for a long time to write Emily's POV of the first chapter myself also. As for this chapter..I had always wanted to write a college au things... ;)
"Where's Emily?"
Instead of answering the question, Spencer and Aria glance over to each other. Aria raises her eyebrows to Spencer, signaling her to answer the question.
"Hello?" Hanna said, wondering if her friends became deaf or maybe that they didn't hear her over the loud muffled music blasting behind the closed doors.
Spencer didn't say anything, but opened the door. "She's.." Spencer said, but couldn't finish because Hanna walked right passed her and into the Frat house. The house was big and nice but trashed and filled with wasted people. To the far right, there's a crowd surrounding a table where a standing, but stumbling girl- Emily was on top of it. She walks towards it, scratching her head.
"Let's get this party fucked up in here!" Emily shouts as she takes her shirt off and the whole crowd cheers louder, with the bass drop of a song pumping louder. Her eyes grow wide, not just because Emily was wasted on a table and took off her shirt, but took it off while she had the front row view of it. God, she's so fit.
Earlier
"Em?"' She hears Aria call from the staircase, walking towards her with Spencer at her side.
She doesn't answer back. Instead, she stares at the door where Hanna stormed out of. How could she be so reckless? She felt a whole new low hit her. She knew Hanna didn't want to talk about the past because it would end up hurting her a lot. But she talked about it anyways and it did hurt Hanna. It caused Hanna to walk away and all she could do was watch.
Of course she wanted to stop her.. But what would happen after that? Hanna was with Caleb and she was happy. She knows nothing would happen between them if she stopped Hanna right there. Plus, she knew Hanna needed a breather. She didn't know where Hanna was headed but she knew it was best to give her space at the moment with all the information from her point of view, two years ago when she cheated on Hanna. It hurt her. She brought pain to her.. Again.
"Hey," Spencer kneels next to her, with a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"
She had that lump in her throat. That lump that hurts so much that she could barely get a word out without it bringing pain and causing hot water to drop from her eyes, so she didn't speak. She just shook her head, tucking and biting her bottom lip down.
"I don't.. I don't know what to do," She finally said something but with a change of voice. Her voice was shaky and quiet. "I want to be the one who stands by her side and make her happy but I can't do that when I'm the whole reason why I bring her pain." She stares into the fireplace, clenching her jaw.
"Em," Aria says softly, "You love her. You need to fight for her, by moving forward and not being stuck in the past. You fight for the things you love-"
"No." Spencer interrupts Aria, shaking her head. Emily turns her sight to her left where Spencer was sitting. She looked at the brunette with wide eyes, waiting for an explanation. "If you love her so much," Spencer starts slowly, hoping she wouldn't regret what she was going to say, "You need to let her go."
"What?" Aria said
"It's been two years. And yes Aria, you're right, they can't stay stuck in the past," Spencer turns her sight to Aria then back to Emily, "But she's not the only one getting hurt, you are too. If you want her to be happy, Emily, you need her to make her own choices without feeling any pressure."
Emily realizes that everything Spencer was right. She told herself before that she wanted Hanna to be happy, but she was the one who was holding that back.
"You're right," She sighs.
She thinks about it more and realizes to herself that she was awful, well at least that's what she's telling herself. Then, she stands back on her feet. She takes her dark blue hoodie off the couch and slips her feet in her Nike free runs.
"Where are you going?" Aria asks.
"Zack says that I could come anytime early for a small bonus." She said
"Right now?" Spencer scratches her head.
"I just need to get my mind off this," She said before walking towards the door. Ignoring the last things that Spencer and Aria said. She wasn't even sure what they said. Did they offer her a ride to work or breakfast? One of those.
Once she gets to the Brew she pours herself a cup of coffee. At this point of working here, Zack didn't mind at all. The coffee was strong. She hated strong dark coffee but just felt like she needed to keep herself up with an awful taste besides alcohol.
It's somewhere around 4 in the afternoon now, and Zack already her that's she could go home. He saw how tired or sad Emily looked and he felt like it was the right thing to do but she didn't want that. She wanted to stay and move around- just do something to get her mind off Hanna. She did a lot just to keep herself moving. She washed dishes, wiped tables, and even tried to cook pastries. (Which didn't work out at all, but hey she tried.)
Then the evening came where it was almost time for Zack to lock up or maybe lock up a little bit more earlier since most of their customers left.
"Fields, you can lock up for tonight," He throws her keys. She catches them with one hand and waves goodbye to her boss as he walks out the door. As he leaves, Hanna walks in. They immediately catch each other's eyes. She notices Hanna gulp.
"Hey," Hanna said walking over to the counter, standing on the opposite side where Emily stood.
"Hi," She could just feel the awkwardness float in the air. She remembers Spencer and her advice, putting Aria's to the side. So the least she felt like she could do was apologize. She had enough of herself of hurting Hanna. It was never her intentions to bring Hanna that feeling ever again."I'm sorry about-"
"Earlier when-"
They both say at the same time. Hanna curves her lips and gives a soft laugh. "You can go first," Hanna offers.
"I'm sorry.." She starts slowly, mainly because she was nervous. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to hurt you. It was something I never wanted to repeat."
"It's okay, Emily."
She nods her head. "Where did you go after?" She asks, hoping to change to conversation.
"Um." Hanna's eyes wander around, "I kind of went to Caleb's."
"Oh."
"It was the first place I thought of going to. I didn't know what I was doing-" It sounded to Emily like Hanna was trying to explain herself after getting in trouble.
"Han." She cuts Hanna off. She didn't want an explanation for Hanna going to her boyfriend for comfort or whatever she went for him for. "It's okay," She says. "I'm sorry for bringing you down earlier. I want you to be happy and in order for that to happen I shouldn't do anything that affects you and Caleb's relationship." This is it. This is her finally admitting or finally deciding to let Hanna go.
Oh and there's that painful lump in her throat again.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying," Emily starts and gulps, hoping the lump would go away. "I need to let you go.." She continues causing a some change in Hanna's eyes. "Like you said, we'll find our place again one day, right?"
"Yeah," Hanna nodded.
Emily tries to put on a smile. She's good at hiding things so her broken smile looked real. Usually Hanna could tell, but this time she didn't know. "It's getting late, I have to lock up soon," She said.
"Yeah.. Right." Hanna nods again, back walking to the door. Emily faces her back away from Hanna to prevent herself from watching Hanna walk away. "Hey Em," Hanna said. Emily turns around and raises her eyebrows at her.
"That doesn't mean that we can't be friends anymore, right?" Hanna said, sounding like there's weight on her shoulders.
Emily walks over to Hanna with her pinky finger sticking out. "Friends. For real this time.. Just friends," She wasn't quite sure if she was convincing Hanna or herself or not.
Hanna locks her pinky finger with Emily's. "Okay." Hanna gives her a smile before walking out the door.
As the next couple of days go by, Hanna couldn't help herself but feel down. She couldn't tell why she felt like this and she keeps telling herself that there isn't anything to feel down for. Emily made that decision and it was right and mature thing to do.
So why was she feeling some disappointment?
I shouldn't be feeling like this. This was the right choice. She tells herself once more then gets up to make herself breakfast. Her phone buzzes on the kitchen table. She looks down at her screen and receives a text message.
Emily: Okay are you dead? (12:43pm)
She raises one eyebrow. Why would Emily be asking that?
Hanna: why would I be dead (12:46pm)
Emily: you havent stopped by for your daily coffee in a while :/ (12:48pm)
And it was true, Hanna hasn't been going out lately. She just decides to stay in her room and most times, Caleb would come over and they'd watch movies together.
Hanna: I've just been feeling sick lately (12:50pm)
Hanna: I'll stop by later, make sure you have coffee ready then! (12:55pm)
Emily hasn't replied, leaving Hanna feeling a little bored.
Hanna: emily are YOU dead (1:05pm)
She stares at her phone for a reply or at least the the little bubble that pops up where she knew that Emily was typing but then that goes away, making her wonder how Emily was doing at the moment.
Hanna: emmmm (1:09pm)
"Shit!" In the middle of typing, Emily drops her phone straight down into the coffee mug. "Great." She mutters to herself. Not only that she now has a broken phone, she had to remake somebody's espresso. The coffee was new and hot so she didn't take her phone out of the mug right away. She takes a stack of napkins, and pinches her phone out of the mug, burning her hand slightly.
"Careful," A familiar voice said from the other side of the counter.
She looks up and raises her eyebrows in surprise. "Maya?"
"I'm pretty sure I ordered that," The cocoa-colored girl said.
She chuckles. "I'm pretty sure I would've remembered-," In the middle of that sentence, she remembers she wasn't the one working the cashier today, it was her day to make and serve coffee and pastries. (Well not making the pastries, part.) "Actually.." She looks over to her coworker at the cashier.
"Yeah," Maya chuckles.
"How are you? And sorry about your coffee-"
"It's okay," Maya said, gradually. "Maybe you can buy me a cup to make up for it sometime?"
She gulps but smiles. Maybe this is a sign. A sign to move forward?
"Maybe."
"Okay," Maya said. "By the way, me coming here wasn't very coincidental."
"What do you mean?"
"I was in town for a while and the parties at Hollis are pretty great! Then I thought, maybe I should bring a old party friend?" Maya offers, reminding Emily that she would smoke pot with her all the time and have fun when they were together, in sophomore year before she was with Hanna.
"I'll think about it," She wasn't sure about going a party.. At all.
"Oh come on, Emily. It's summer! Have a little fun, why don't you?" Maya encourages, "Besides, what have you done this month?"
This month, aka the first month of summer. She really didn't do much but have sleepovers at Spencer's, work, and think about Hanna. A lot. Maya is right, she thinks. She needs to get out more or else she's just wasting her summer doing nothing exciting.
"Fine." Emily rolls her eyes playfully.
"Yay!" Maya cheers, "It's tonight at 8. Find Noel Kahn, he's the one hosting it. The party will be at some frat house near the college."
"Got it," She laughs because it was no surprise that Noel Kahn was the party host. She pours Maya a new cup, in a large size.
"I ordered small," Maya said.
"It's on me." She said, handing Maya the coffee. Maya smiles softly and thanks her before leaving.
"Em?" She heard Aria's voice on the other side of the door as she gets ready to the party in her grey v neck, blue ripped jeans and black boots.
"Come in," She says, ruffling her hair so her tight curls loosens.
The door slowly opens and Spencer and Aria walk into her room with a concerned expression on their faces. "Going somewhere?" Spencer asks, curiously.
"Got invited to a party near Hollis. What's up?" She looks up to them.
"We were just checking up on you," Aria said with a warm smile, "How are you?"
"Hanna and I are friends now, and every once in a while it hurts but hey, it's time move forward." She shakes in an accepting way.
"That's good, Em," Spencer reassures her.
Aria sits on the bed besides Emily. "Let me guess, Noel Kahn is throwing this party?" She said like it was nothing new.
"Ever since high school," She chuckles. "Maya invited me by the way," She mentions.
Spencer furrows her eyebrow, "The one who got you stoned most of Sophomore year?"
She nods as a reply. "Tonight I just want to have fun and be happy." It was nothing else she wanted at the moment. Just the thought of the bitter taste of alcohol with that burn when you drink it, comes along a happier person made her crave it,
"Do you want us to come just in case?" Aria offers.
"In case of what?"
"In case you need your best friends holding your hair up while you gag in a toilet." Spencer laughs. Emily smiles at the two, admiring that she has them in her life and that they didn't leave her at all.
"Fine," She gives in. "You two can come, but I don't want a chaperone."
"Want us to... Invite.. Hanna?" Aria said slowly and awkwardly.
"I think I need this night to not think about her," She sighs.
Once the three of them entered the frat house, there was many drunk and friendly guys greeting them.
"Welcome to Kahn Kingdom! Drinks are in the kitchen!" It was shirtless Noel with a crown on and #52 painted on his skin.
"Hottest. Chicks. Ever." Said that one basic stoner with a voice low and raspy voice who's also at every party.
It was the only two things they heard clearly, because of the loud music in the background. From across the room, she sees Maya. She didn't know what to do though, did she want to go up to her and get her a drink? Or did she just want to be in the kitchen giving herself a taste of freedom and stay in there the whole night?
No. She can't do that. Summer should be the best three months in your life when you're in school. She reminds herself that she didn't want to be stuck doing nothing and regretting that as she studies for an exam or final she'll have to take eventually when second year of college comes back on for her. She wants to have fun and what's in fun? Satisfaction.
"Well," Emily said, "Let's not waste summer." And with that, she walks over to Maya.
It started with a hello and then getting introduced to Maya's friend and next came the shots. Spencer and Aria were off socializing with old friends and making new ones, it was all going really well as they stayed longer.
Spencer's phone rings and it was an incoming call from Hanna.
"Hello?" Spencer was loud, she had to be because of the music in the background.
"Hey Spence, where are you, Aria, and Emily? I called their phone but I got nothing." Hanna said.
"Um we are at some frat party near Hollis," Spencer said as she turns her head to see where Emily was. Once she spotted her, she sees Emily taking body shots off of three different girls.
"Thank for the invite?"
"Sorry," Spencer said elbowing Aria.
"Hey, ow!" Aria said. Spencer points over at Emily's directions and Aria's eyes widen, but she grins.
"We assumed that you had a date with Caleb or something," Spencer said instead of telling her that Emily just didn't want to see her.
"Caleb started working night shift as an IT guy for a while in some big building," Hanna says, "Can I go over and crash the party and hang out with you guys? I'm pretty bored."
"Uh," Spencer looks over to Emily and notices that Emily was having such a great time hanging out with Maya, that maybe she won't notice Hanna. "Yeah, it's near Hollis. It's noticeable, the house has greek letters on it."
"Okay, thank you for saving me from boredom, Spence," Hanna said with a lighter voice.
Emily and Maya were beyond wasted after the group shots. "Let's dance!" Maya suggested, pulling Emily into the living room where the music took over any other sound there could be.
Before Emily makes her way in the dance floor, Maya stops her. "Here, take this." Maya said, handing Emily a tiny plastic sealed bag.
"What is it?" Emily shouted over the music.
"Let's just call it a 'Happy Little Pill'," Maya grins. At this point of the night, Emily was drunk but not drunk enough where she uncontrollable with her decisions. "Come on, it's not going to kill ya," Maya encourages, "I'll take one too." Maya takes the pill, throws it up, and catches it with her mouth.
Emily takes the circle shaped pill with a happy face carved on it. She looks around for Spencer and Aria, who weren't in sight. Fuck it. Her last thought before she swallows it. Maya takes a cup out of a random person's hand and give it to Emily. "Hey!" The person said, but leaves anyways. "Wash it down," Maya said.
Emily sips the drink from the solo cup, it was water. Once she turns around, she bumps in someone else, spilling the water all over them.
"Oh my- I'm so sorry!" Emily said.
The older looking girl with dark hair just brushed it off and laughs. "It's okay," The girl said. "If you weren't so pretty I would make a bigger reaction, though"
Emily smiles. "I'm Emily," She has her hand out.
"Talia." The older girl said, "You should call me after this party is over?" She takes a pen out of her pocket and takes Emily's arm, writing her number on it.
"Do you always have a pen in your back pocket?" Emily asks.
"In hopes to running into someone who I might take interest in," Talia smirks.
"You do this a lot?"
"This makes you my first." Talia winks before disappearing into the crowd.
Almost a half an hour goes by. It only took that long when Emily's head was spinning, but not in a way where you need to throw up, but in a way where you just want to keep it spinning. The music was her adrenaline. Her hands were thrown in the air, fist pumping along the beat of the music. For no reason she would just burst out laughing.
She felt like she floating, and since she had dance lessons when she was a kid, she was free styling in the middle of the dance floor where people circled her and cheered. "That's Emily Fields!" Some guys cheered.
Spencer furrows her eyebrows in full confusion but laughed along with Aria. Maya steps out the crowd, stealing another person's drink from their hands and giggles. "Spencer and Aria? Hello!" Maya greets at them while skipping towards them. "How are you guys?!" Maya said, very loud and excited.
"Good," Aria laughs. Spencer looks at her Maya's eyes and noticed how dilated they were and the ways Maya kept rubbing her hands together.
"Maya, are you on something?" Spencer asks.
"No!" Maya said, "I'm sorry I take that back. Lying is bad!" She giggles as she starts to walk away. "Emily took one too so don't be mad at just me!" Maya's voice fades.
Spencer and Aria look at each other at the same time with wide eyes. "I think you should get her-" In the middle of that sentence, Spencer's phone ring. "It's Hanna." She said to Aria, before answering.
"Hello?"
"Okay, I'm here, can you guys meet me outside or something so I won't feel weird looking around for you guys?" Hanna chuckles.
"Yeah.. Sure. Bye" Spencer said. She takes Aria with her and walk towards the door.
Emily has the urge to stand on top of something, anything. She wanted to feel superior, like a god or something. At the moment, the crowd was in love with her so they follow her into the kitchen where she climbs on top on the table in the center of the kitchen.
As she stood on top of it, she recognizes the song that was blasting.
I won't I won't
I won't let you fade away!
The beat was climbing up slowly then faster, getting ready for the bass drop. She looks around and smirks, feeling amazing, but feeling sweat hit her skin.
I won't I won't
I won't let you fade away!
"Let's get this party fucked up in here!" She shouts.
I-I-I-I won't let you!
Screw this shirt, I have more at home! She thinks to herself before taking it off and throwing it to the crowd, letting herself dance along with the beat of the music with just her black laced bra.
She jumps down the table and finds a blond, with her arms crossed standing in front of her. Everything was still spinning that she couldn't recognize the girl. "You have a lemon head," She says loudly to the blond.
"Shit, Emily are you on something?" The blonde said, looking into Emily's dilated eyes.
"I had this pill! It was happy and it was little!" Emily laughs cupping her own cheeks.
"Come with me," The blonde wraps her jacket around Emily bare arms, and takes her hand leading her outside.
Once they go outside, Emily instantly felt how cold it was and it made her scared. "Elsa is here." She mutters as she walks further outside, sitting on the floor with her legs and feet out for comfort.
The blond sits besides her and says, "Why did you take a pill? You would never do something like that."
"Maya said it was happy and I wanted to be happy," Emily grins, staring out to the night sky. "Everyone is so happy. Even Hanna, now I bet." She yawns.
"Emily, I'm Han- Oh forget it," Blondie said.
"I'm glad she's not here tonight," Emily slurs her words. "All I do is think about her and it makes my head hurt. But Spence said that if you love something you let it go. Pretty sure she learned that from someone really smart like Beyonce or something."
"God, Emily, I'm sorry that I'm- She's making you feel like this," The blond girl sound sorrowful. "Did you drive here?"
"No, Aria drove," Emily said, "How do you know my name?" Her vision was blurry and it looked like the blond had a twin through her eyes. She also started feeling a little dizzy.
"I'm taking you home." The blonde sighs.
The whole car ride home, Emily was just dancing along the music playing on the radio. Hanna didn't say anything because she didn't know what to say to begin with. Once they got to Emily's house, Hanna walks Emily to her room. She first had her hand around Emily's wrist in case Emily goes around the house jumping around, but Emily doesn't resist. Instead. she takes Hanna's hand and lines their fingers together,
Emily has no clue what she was doing right now, so she doesn't look to see the flushed face on Hanna's face. Hanna opens the door to Emily's room and sets her on the bed. "Be right back, I'll get you water," She said before going to the kitchen.
Stop feeling like this. She tells herself. Every time she's with Caleb, she forgets everything else and it did make her happy, but this feeling she has.. The feeling of wanting to explode and give in and just get lost in the moment when you know you can't is a feeling she hasn't ever picked up with him. But Emily, on the other hand, it's like she gets it all the time.
She gets a glass cup and fills it up with water before making her way back to Emily. As she walks up at the door frame, she sees Emily stripping clothes off. Hanna turns around quickly so she doesn't face Emily. "Hey Em, whatcha' doin?" She said nervously.
"My skin's on fire, blondie." Emily mutters. Hanna look over her shoulder and almost stares at Emily's perfect body.
"Um, you should get in bed. You know, sleep off the effects of the pill?" Hanna said, apprehensively.
Emily laughs and Hanna could just feel Emily getting close to her. Hanna turns around slowly and Emily was so close to her, that it made her heart beat so fast. "What if I don't want to sleep?" Emily said.
Hanna glances down at Emily's lips. She couldn't tell if Emily was leaning in or if Emily was just that close. She mentally slapped herself in the face and takes a few steps back, accidentally looking down examining Emily's half naked body right next to her. "Let's get you into some clothes," Hanna mumbles setting down the glass of water, walking passed Emily and going into the clothes drawer to find something for Emily to wear.
She finds a black Dare t-shirt and slim sweatpants for Emily. "Here," Hanna hands Emily the sweatpants. WIth a sigh, Emily takes it and puts it on. Then, Hanna hands Emily the shirt, which Emily clearly didn't want to wear because of the pout she had across her face. She sighs as well for herself and said, "Arms up,"
Emily raises her arms up high then Hanna puts the shirt over her head, along with her arms next. Emily gives Hanna a soft grin, which causes Hanna to have a tiny smile. She tried to hide the smile because she should be upset with Emily instead. She should be mad that Emily made bad choices and could of got hurt or lost or anything. "Come on," Hanna hold on the Emily's wrist and sets her down on the bed. Emily tries make herself comfortable in her own bed, before Hanna tucks her in with a blanket.
She gets the water that she had put down near Emily's dresser and she sets it near Emily's bed."There's water right here in case you need it," She said. Emily rests her face on her hands against the pillows, revealing numbers written on her skin. She stares at it longer and figure out it was someone's number. Oh. Why is she getting that painful empty feeling in her chest, suddenly?
"Um, call me in the morning and let me know if you're okay," She said, beginning to walk away towards the door.
"Wait," Emily mumbles with her eyes closed.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
Her face softens and she lets herself smile. "Goodnight, Emily."
"Night blondie. You're really nice, you should call me sometime," Emily mutters before drifting away to sleep. Hanna rolls her eyes, feeling a burn on her cheeks, and leaves.
What a night.
Long chapter because I haven't updated in so long. Sorry for the late update I didn't mean to keep you guys hanging, it's just that school has been really busy and I have been through a lot the past couple of weeks. You guys should check out the song, Fade by Adventure Club and just imagine the part where I wrote Emily on the table, wasted.
I will do my best to update soon, I have plans for this don't worry about me getting into some writers block for this story at all! Please leave a comment or a review! By the way, Hannily is always going to be endgame. I just like making things tough and making them come a long way so you guys can enjoy reading their journey.