"This… is amazing." The doctor said, I was attached to a monitor and checked my EKG, after being hit by a lightning. The doctor continued. "This is amazing. But everything seems normal. It seems to me like you survive without any damage."
"Well…" I began. "I didn´t, I died, and then Mike did…"
"Yeah, I know, but still… I mean, first you survived being shot, and then this."
"Shot?" Gina began, she had come with me to the hospital, and now sat in a chair beside the bed I laid in. "What happened? … Were everyone ok?"
"Shut up." I said. "I don´t wanna talk about it, and you´re not telling anyone else about it… not even Mike or Melanie."
"Okay… okay." Gina seemed a bit confused, but I guessed that it wasn´t so unusual about her.
"Yeah about that," the doctor sat down in a chair next to the bed. "I´d like to check that wound of yours,"
"Do you have to?"
"No, but you are gonna check it before you go home anyway, could as well do it now," he put his glasses on his nose, and started to pick some stuff from a locker, I sighed and turned to Gina.
"You can go home," I said. "Go back to the DG I mean, I don´t need you here."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Call if you need anything."
"Yeah." Gina walked away and I laid my head down on the bed.
"Why couldn´t I just have died?" I thought. "Then I would be with Sophie now, and with mum, and dad, and Aaron." I sighed. Actually, I didn´t wanna die, but somehow it felt like, if I had lost Sophie what had I then got to live for.
"Does this wound hurt you anything, with the painkillers you got."
"It hurts when I move."
"Yeah, I´ll give you some stronger painkillers, so that you´re gonna be able to do, almost whatever you want without being in pain." He grabbed a notebook and pain from his chest pocket and wrote something. "Go with this… to the drugstore," he ripped out a paper from the notebook. "and give it to someone who works there. You won´t have to pay for it, and you´ll get some stronger painkillers. We don´t want you to be in pain do we?"
"No painkillers heal a broken heart" I mumbled.
"Pardon?" the doctor looked up, he had started to rip of the plaster from my stomach.
"Nothing."
"Look, Sophia." The doctor sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know what happened back in Gota, and I know you´re going through a rough time now. I want you to know that if you want to; I can talk with the physiologists at this place, and get you a time to talk with them."
"No."
"Loads of people go to them, and say it feels a lot better afterwards."
"I said NO" I turned my head and looked him in the eyes. "It doesn´t make any sense, it´s not like it would bring Sophie back." The doctor nodded slightly, and then stood up and continued to clean the wound on my stomach.
That night I had nightmares again. But it was different from before. This time, I stood in the door frame looking into a room; I tried to walk into the room, but my legs wouldn´t move. Inside the room was five people I knew as the back on my hand, everyone had dark, almost black hair. The boys hair were short and spiky, and the woman and the girl had straight hair down to their wastes. Though they were pale, they all stood with their backs towards me. The one to the left, was a boy, about two years old.
"Aaron," I said. "Aaron" But he didn´t turn around and look at me. I looked over to the next person in the row. A tall- grown man in his later forty´s.
"Dad?" I tried. "Dad?" No reaction, I looked over to the next person. A woman, about the same age as the man before.
"Mum?" I tried. "Mum, please." No reaction. I looked over to the next person, a muscular man, about nineteen or twenty years old.
"Luce" I tried. "Luce? There´s only you and me now, I need you more than ever." No reaction. Over to the next, and the last person.
"Sophie?" I almost shouted. "Sophie… please, you and I were always best friends. Twins, sisters and best friends do you remember? You can´t leave me now. I need you more than ever." I heard a ticking, and the worst happened. Something exploded, and I was pushed backwards, when I got back on my feet, I felt the door. But it was locked.
"NO" I screamed. "NO, SOPHIE, LUCE, MUM, DAD, AARON."
"Sophia," someone had grabbed my shoulders and was now shaking me. "Sophia wake up, it´s just a nightmare." My eyes flew open, I was soaking wet of sweating, and the doctor stood and leaned over my bed.
"You´re ok?" he asked.
"I´m fine." I mumbled and laid back, and tried to relax, I pretended that I was sleeping. But I could hear that the doctor was still there.
"I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better." He sighed after a while, and then left. I sighed and opened my eyes, rolled over to my back and put my hands under my head. I sighed again, why wasn´t I able to cry? I wanted to, I knew crying was the only thing that maybe, could make everything feel a little bit easier. But I couldn´t. But deep in, I knew why I didn´t cry, I knew it exactly.