(flashback set when Hanna and Emily were together)
The water splashes and hits her face repeatedly, she accidentally tastes the water because of her smiles and laughter. "Em!" She slaps the water back at Emily. Emily continues splashing the water at Hanna with laughter as well and swims towards her.
She tries to escape Emily but since Emily was a swimmer, she beats Hanna and trapped her to the corner of the pool.
"Okay, you're a cheater." She flicks the water from her hands at Emily's face.
"I'm just a better swimmer than you," Emily chuckles.
She softens and smiles at Emily. They lean in for a kiss, but since they were floating water entered along the kiss. She backs her head away, "Ew."
"Yeah, I thought that was going to be cuter too." Emily said as she makes her way out of the pool and sits on the ground, with her feet in the water.
Hanna follows and grabs a towel. She wraps the towel around her and Emily and rests her head on Emily's shoulder. "Do you think we can even be here late at night?" She asks.
"Probably not."
"Then why do you always come here around night?"
Emily looks down at Hanna and she wonders that for herself too.
"I like to come here to think. Swimming makes it easier to think and coming here at night makes it better. The stars and the moon shining the water as you're floating in it.. It's just relaxing and it makes me feel free."
(Hanna's pov)
A wanderer. That's what she is. She wonders what life would of been if one thing didn't happen, things like, Emily hurting her. What if she stayed in Rosewood instead of leaving for so long? What if her heart stopped beating rapidly every time she's around Emily?
She tries her best to quietly close the door behind her so it won't wake Emily up. Words cannot explain how ready she was to go home and go to sleep. "Han?" She hears the voice of Aria's as she came down the stairs.
"Hey," She says, "I was just making sure she slept well." She points behind her facing Emily's room door.
"How is she?" Spencer asks, as she comes through the front door.
"Pretty drunk or high," Hanna scratches her head, "Maybe both."
The two exchanged looks and raised an eyebrow at each other. It was like a silent communication they were having, leaving Hanna just standing there confused. "What?" She speaks up.
"Nothing." Spencer said.
Hanan crosses her arms and glares at the two of them. "If you had something to say about me and Emily, you can say it." She didn't want her own friends hiding their thoughts on her and Emily.
"She still loves you, Han." Aria said slowly.
She stares down at the floor and nods. "I know." Of course she knows that. She just doesn't want to hear it. She thinks about it all the time and hearing it would just make her want to run away from the world. "I should go, I'm pretty tired anyways." She said, which wasn't fully an excuse just to leave, she really was tired. She walks right past them and makes her way towards her car.
"Do you think she still loves Em?" She hears Aria say.
"Hard to say," Spencer responded.
Another thought and wonder came into her head..
What if she just breaks down her walls and allows herself to be loved by Emily again?
The next morning she find the table counter full of bridal magazines and her mother looking stressed out on the seat. "Mom?" She said pointing at the table, "Are you and Ted getting married.. Again?"
"No, Han, I took a job from Jessica and she wanted me to help her host for a Bridal charity event." Ashley says as she takes a sip from her cup of coffee.
"So what's the problem?" She asks.
"I was supposed to look for models a week ago and the show is tonight," Ashley groans and buried her face in her hands.
She didn't want to see her mother stressed out about this so she goes ahead and says, "I'll do it," Even if she hates things like this.
"Thanks honey, but I need more than one model."
"Okay, I'll get Spencer, Em, and Aria to help too," She offers.
Ashley smiles. "That would be perfect. And I'll be right back. "
"Where are you going?"
"We are out of milk and eggs!"
Emily's Pov (the next morning)
Her head throbbed and pulsated along with that came a dry and scratchy throat. There was a glass of water on the drawer on the side of her bed. She drinks the water and for once water was really amazing. Then, she remembers that there was a blond helping her. A second later she realizes it was Hanna. She mentally slaps herself in the face and then buries her face in her pillows feeling nothing else now, but embarrassment. Last night was not so much of a blur, but she couldn't remember every detail. She rolls over to her side and notices a half smudged number written on her arm.
That she remembers.
The pretty older looking woman, who was probably only what three years older than her? Though, she didn't have a phone at the moment because she dropped it in coffee so she was going to have to buy a new one. The timer she had next to her bed read, 3:30pm and soon after that the doorbell rang downstairs. The one time her mother wasn't home people come knocking on the door. Oh, she wishes she could just stay in bed for a few more hours or days even.
She forces herself to get up, then pushes her messy hair out of her face to make herself at least a little presentable. Her head shakes as she makes her way downstairs to the door. Another knock hits the door and she can feel herself breaking down from tiredness. "Hold on!" She tries to say loud voice through the door but fails. As she opens the door she sees Spencer and Aria with a box of doughnuts.
"We thought you'd be hungry after last night," Spencer said, walking inside Emily's house, then setting the box of doughnut on the kitchen table.
"Thank you guys so much," She basically lunges herself towards to sugary dough.
"How are you feeling?" Aria asks.
"A little hungover, but I'll be okay."
"We came by to check on you and Hanna already took care of you well," Spencer adds, grabbing a coffee flavored doughnut from the box.
"Yeah I remember.." The first thing that comes to mind is the little strip she did in front of Hanna. She takes a bite of a doughnut, to hopefully cover the burn she felt on her cheeks. "Wait what is today?" Work popped up into her mind. God, she could be late right now for all she knows.
"Friday-"
"Oh shit I'm really late for work," Emily jumps up stairs to her room. She needs to get out of her pajamas as soon as possible.
"The Brew is closed for today!" Aria shouts from the bottom of the stairs.
"What?" She muffles because she was in the middle of taking her shirt off. She pulls her shirt back down and walks back down to her friends.
"I heard Zack got arrested for some harassment, we don't know for sure but Ezra is buying the place and so you have some work off while he remodels," Spencer said.
"How long?" She sounded nervous. She couldn't handle the thought of doing nothing. She needs to do something. Anything to keep her mind occupied from thinking and thinking. She had too much of that.
"Like two weeks, it's not that long," Aria said.
"Let's hope not." She sighs.
There was a buzzing coming from Spencer's pocket, it was her phone. Spencer takes it out of her pocket and answers, "Hello?.. Yeah.. Really?.. Fine, we'll be there." And that was that.
"What was that about?" Emily asks.
"Hanna called and she said we had to come over her house right away," Spencer said, "She used the 'SOS' saying and I guess now we have to go."
"Why?" Aria asks with a confused look.
"I don't know, something about wedding dresses," Spencer said as she makes her way towards the door. "Oh and Em," Spencer turns around.
"Yeah?"
"Make sure you brush your hair first," Spencer said. Emily rolls her eyes at Spencer.
"We'll be waiting in the car," Aria said as she follows Spencer out the door.
Emily stands still at the spot she was standing and scratches her head. Out of all days, now is the time where she has to do something? And wedding dresses? She was lost but if it was a favor Hanna was asking, she would drop everything and help. So she goes upstairs to her room, brushes her hair and even puts on a different shirt on.
"Wait, you want us to do what now?" Aria questions the blond in the kitchen where they always seem to have their conversations at whenever they were at Hanna's house.
"It will be a quick three hour event-"
"Quick?" Spencer cuts Hanna's voice off with a bitter chuckle.
"It's for charity!" Hanna tries to convince her friends more.
"Why do you need us to model?" Emily asks.
Hanna sighs. "My mom forgot to hire some models for Mrs. Dilaurentis charity show and she could lose the job if she doesn't have the models tonight."
The three girls exchanged looks. Emily would do anything to help out Hanna, even if she has a awful hangover, so she stepped up and said, "We'll do it."
An 8 mile came across Hanna's lips. "Okay I'm in too," Aria said.
They all turned to Spencer, who hasn't made a decision yet. "Fine. Only to help out your mom," Spencer said which causes Hanna to cheer a little.
"Great!" Hanna grins. "We have to get ready and get fitted in some dresses so we should head over there now."
"Now?" Emily crosses her arms.
"Yeah Han, Emily looks like crap." Aria points at the dark circles under Emily's eyes. Spencer laughs quietly and Emily just rolls her eyes.
"Maybe just a little makeup will save you," Hanna said and starts to walk towards her room. Emily follows her but Spencer and Aria stay behind. "We'll meet you guys over there," Aria said. And with that they leave out of the kitchen door.
"And then there's two," Emily mutters.
She sits on Hanna's bed, this is the first time in a long time ever stayed in this room. All the moments they shared in here are just sweet memories now.
"How are you feeling?" Hanna sits on the bed beside her with her legs folded together.
"Pretty awful actually," She chuckles. "I'm sorry about last night.. Don't worry about it happening ever again."
"No problem," Hanna said as she takes out a makeup brush and softly reaches over to Emily's face. The space between them was very apart, so she scoots over closer to Hanna.
She thinks she heard Hanna gulp but she wasn't sure. "Thank you," She softly says.
"For?"
"Putting me to sleep, having water by my side, and getting me down from that table-"
She get cut off by Hanna's laugh. By instinct she bites her the inner of her bottom lip down. The sound of Hanna's laugh was always her favorite thing to listen too.
"You're welcome.. And that was something Em," Hanna said as she finishes the any final touch up's on Emily's face. Hanna hands Emily mascara, which at first Emily groans towards at but she takes it anyways. She walks over to the mirror and sit in front of it, using the mascara brush and running it through her long eyelashes.
Once she finishes she sees Hanna going through a shoe box on the bed. She sits on the edge of the bed and looks at old photos scattered around the box. "What's this?" She picks up one of them and it's a photo of the four of them at Spencer's lake house. She remembers that time, it was a hot spring break and they all decided to spend together.
"Old stuff I found while unpacking, I haven't looked through this stuff in so long," Hanna skims through the box with her hands slowly. "Remember this?" It was a old photo of who Hanna used to be and Emily before they dated. It was back to her 'Hefty' Hanna days.
Emily takes the photo and smiles softly at it. She had her arm hanging down from Hanna's neck and smiles hard. It brought a nostalgic feeling in her. The doorbell rings downstairs and Hanna jumps off her bed to get it. "You can look around the box if you want," Hanna said walking out the door.
"Okay," She nods. She sees a thin gold chain at the bottom of the box on a white paper. As she takes it out to view it for herself she recognizes it. The cold chain wraps around her hand and to the end of it, where she holds with her fingertips is engraved, "H.M + E.F" Her heart warmed. It was the christmas gift that she gave Hanna and then after that they had their first time for each other together. A moment she could never forget, basically. She was also surprised that Hanna even still had it. She remembers the smile on Hanna's face when she gave it to her too, it was beautiful.
At the bottom of the box, she looks again to see the paper. The crumpled folded paper which had the necklace rested on top of it. She opens it and read the first line in her head, "Dear Em," This is a letter?
"Hey Em!" She hears Hanna yell from the bottom of the stairs it sound. She digs the letter in her pocket and puts the necklace back in the box.
"Yeah?" She walks down stairs to see what was going on.
"My mom came home with some groceries can you help out for a second? I said she was only going to get milk and eggs but I guess she's making pasta and other stuff," Hanna chuckles softly with arms full of grocery bags.
"Yeah, of course," She makes her way to the front door.
"Okay.. 1..2..3!" Spencer counts down and all of them comes out the dressing stall at once. They all smile and stare at each other, each and every one of them is speechless.
"Wow, I would make a hot bride right?" Hanna smirks.
"This is really tight," Spencer says while trying to make the dress more comfortable by pushing the sides of it higher.
"I know," Aria said.
"Spencer!" Ashley calls from the other side of the room, "You're the first one up. Aria, You're after!"
"I'm going to get ready," Spencer sighs.
"Right behind you." Aria laughs. The two leave to the mirrors, leaving Hanna and Emily alone. Hanna looks at Emily at smiles at her, all out of instinct. But she bites her inner lip down and tried to hide smile.
"What do you think?" Hanna smiles widely as she twirls in the dress. What doesn't Emily think should be the question. She was blown away. Hanna looked beautiful in so many ways it hurt because she couldn't just grab Hanna's face and kiss it. She wished she could though, but a dark thought came across her head. What if one day Hanna was going to walk down the aisle with Caleb? She envied Caleb for that. He had Hanna's heart and she didn't. "Em?" Hanna waves her hand in front of Emily's face.
"Sorry," Emily snaps out of her thoughts.
"So?" Hanna looks down at the dress and back at Emily.
She sees the way Hanna's hair fell carelessly on her shoulders and how much the white colored dress complimented her blue eyes. Her mouth opens and she says, "You look beautiful." Though in her thoughts she knows Hanna was more than that. Her eyes gazes Hanna's and the blond stares back. And for what had felt like an eternity breaks down as a cough entered the room.
"Hey," It's Caleb.
"Oh, hey!" Hanna turns to Caleb, breaking her longing gaze with Emily, and greets him with a kiss on the cheek. "What are you doing here?"
"You weren't answering your phone, so I called your mom- And wow you look.." He sounded like he didn't have the words to explain it.
"I'm going to go, I think I might of heard your mom call for me," Truth is, Emily just couldn't stand being in a room alone with them two at all.
*at the end of the day*
Her feet makes small waves as she sits on the edge of the pool. She still comes here most nights, only to think and enjoy the way the water calms her like it always has. The sun had already went down and her only light was the moon and the stars shining around it.
Thoughts take over her head and images of Hanna walking down the runway flash in her mind. The letter she took from the shoebox earlier was folded in her pocket. Deep down she feels guilty for taking it. Maybe Hanna was going to give it to her eventually or maybe Hanna didn't want her to find it at all. But the curiosity takes over and she reaches in her pocket for the paper.
Hesitantly, she unfolds it.
"Dear Em,
/
Here we go.
/
It's been a whole year since I had left.. I still think about you. Almost everyday. It hurts because you're probably not thinking about me at all since you might be with Ali now. I had dream about you last night, it's been awhile since that happened. It was the same thing.. It was that night where I caught you..
I shouldn't even call it a dream.
It was a nightmare.
/
Her stomach turned and her chest sunk. She recalls the night Hanna jolted from some dream at Spencer's house. Hanna had a nightmare about that night. The pain she caused became Hanna's nightmare.
/
Crazy how I can see you even if my eyes are closed. But what keeps me up at most nights are the actual dreams. God, they feel so real to me. Your lips softly pressed against the corners of my lips repeatedly. Your hands held mine tight and later your arms wrap around my waist. The feeling kept me safe.
/
She wishes she could hold Hanna like that right now.
/
It hurt so much that you didn't care what I would think. I don't even know how it's possible that I still care after all this time.
You're my weakness.
I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about you because I'm in love with the thought of you. The thought of your head resting on top of my lap, or your hand gripping my knee every time you were excited about something- just everything about you.
/
Her jaw clenched.
/
I hate that you broke us. I hate the way I thought we were going to together forever. I hate the way you smile because I can never get that imagine out of my head.
But I don't think I'll ever hate you.
I miss you so much.
And writing this is useless."
Teardrops stain the bottom on the crumpled letter. Her hands were shaky but she manages to fold the letter and puts it back in her jacket pocket. She takes her feet out of the water and hugs her knees tightly. "Fuck!" She curses loudly as hot tears comes watering down her eyes.
Softly, she cries a little longer with her forehead against her knees. When she opens her eyes, she stares at the water. The dark blue water with a reflection of glowing stars. A sigh escapes her lips.
Only if she could start over.
Thank you for reading this chapter, make sure to leave a review! And I'm so sorry for updating in the middle of the summer when I said the beginning, I had been caught up with things and had writers block. Btw if the end is confusing, the italics text is the letter and the normal text is Emily reading it.
And to the guest that called me a slut and a fake hannily shipper because of the way I write the story: I never laughed so hard before oh my god *inserts laughing emoji 20x* :-)