The next day was a Tuesday, and that was the day I was supposed to go with the others to school. But when I woke up, I just didn´t wanna get out of bed.

"Sophia." Melanie came into the room, this was the third time she tried to get me up. "Get up now, you´re going to school today remember?"

"I don´t want to," I mumbled.

"What´s going on?" Mike came into the room too and sat down on my bed. I rolled over and looked straight into the wall.

"Just leave me alone," I said. "I´ll go another day."

From that day on, and a week forward, I changed. I barely left mine and Tee´s room at all. I almost stopped eating, and I barely talked to anyone. Mike tried to ask me things, about why I was doing this, and if I could tell him what was going on, Gina tried, Melanie tried, Tee, Carmen and Lily tried. But I still just laid on my bed, staring straight into the wall. I came up just a few times a day, and when the others were eating I was just pushing food back and forth on the plate. But I still wasn´t crying.

Let me cry
Everything is gonna feel so much better then
Let me be sad
And I´m gonna be happy again

I just couldn´t understand why, I hadn´t cried at all since that day we both got shot. Though I had always thought that crying was a bit weak, that it would be emberrasing to show others I was hurt, that I was falling. I now understood that crying in front of others, or crying at all, was a sign of being strong for a very, very long time. But now I just couldn´t cry, no matter how much I tried.

Let me be weak
I can´t always be the strongest one around
Let me fall
But catch me before I hit the ground

I felt like if I ever laughed or even smiled again, I would let Sophie down. Because that would be me being ok with that she was dead, and I didn´t wanna be alright with it, I didn´t wanna laugh without her, I didn´t even wanna cry without her shoulder to cry one, while I thought back on a poem we had written together, only a couple of days before she died.

Let me laugh
And I would like you to laugh too
But let me have your shoulder to cry on
Because I can´t do this without you

How was I gonna make this without Sophie?

"I´m getting tired of this." Mike said, when I had just been laying in my bed for a week. "You are going with the others to school today and that´s it."

"I don´t want to." I mumbled.

"You´re going anyway. Come on, get up." I sighed, and realized I had no choice, so I sat up and made myself ready to go to school with the others.

Three hours later, maths lesson.

"Mr. Morrison." Tyler raised his hand and shouted for the maths teacher to get some help.

"Hold on a minute, I just gotta help Derek first. I leaned against the wall, I had jumped up on some low lockers by the wall in the classroom, and sat there through half the maths but now, when Tyler needed help I stood up, leaned against his bench and looked at what he was doing.

"Can I lend your pen?" I asked. "This is easy, you just, move that one over there, add three to fourteen, and then… voila, the answers twenty one."

"Good job Sophie," Mr. Morrison came to Tyler´s bench. "That´s right. It is Sophie is it?"

"NO." I screamed, I ran over to the book shelves by the wall, pushed down a row of books and grabbed the thickest and heaviest books I could reach.

"Sophie what do you think you´re do…" Mr. Morrison ducked under a bench when I threw the English word-list towards him.

"I am not SOPHIE" I shouted, and then I ran, I ran out of the classroom, and out of the school. I didn´t stop, I didn´t even know where I was running. But without my knowledge, my feet were carrying me back to the dumping ground.

So, that poem, is mine. The original is called "låt mig få gråta" (let me cry) And it got five verses with four rows in each, but I couldn´t get the two other parts to rhym when I turned the poem into English, it just went.

Let me be afraid
I can´t always be brave
Let me dwell
SO I can understand what´s happened

Let me be angry
I can´t control what I´m feeling
Let me shout
Without us to getting foes

Not really rhyming huh?