Chapter 30

"I was stupid. I made a series of bad choices. The guy I was seeing turned his back on me...For a while, I kept wishing it would go away," Olivia's eyes adopted a far away look, searching for the right words. "One morning, ", she swallowed hard, "I woke up and I was bleeding. " She felt a wave of guilt wash over her anew. "I wished my unborn child would die and it did."

"You don't have that much power, Olivia..." he mumbled.

Tears filled her eyes. "I prayed so hard. I'm a bad person...in truth, I don't deserve Aaron... nor I deserve this baby, that you and I made together." She was thinking that perhaps her current condition was some kind of cosmic punishment.

"You're not a bad person, Liv," he replied adamantly, shifting in his seat, leaning closer to her. "You had a miscarriage through no fault of your own...a bad person wouldn't care. "

Olivia knew in her heart that Fitz was right, yet the guilt (although to a much lesser degree as time went by) still lived on.

"I don't judge you. How could I? You were young and vulnerable," he took a deep breath. "You're pretty hard on yourself, you know that?"

Her lips curved into something that resembled a smile.

"Liv, listen...you're not to blame... blame comes with a deliberate action...and you didn't lose that baby on purpose, "he said stroking her jaw ever so slightly, thinking that it had been for the best but knowing that would have been the wrong thing to say.

Olivia's heart lifted, relieved to see that Fitz did not appear to think less of her. Still, she needed to make sure that Fitz would stay with her for the long haul but not just out of obligation. "Fitz, the time we have spent together has been truly wonderful..." she paused, hesitating, turning her face away.

Fitz cocked his head. "But what? I can certainly hear a yes- but- no- thanks sneaking in..."

"You know I'm gonna need to get back to San Diego..." she met his eyes briefly and then looked away. "San Diego is my home," she shifted in her bed and brushed an imaginary piece of link off her gown. This was not an easy conversation to have...in fact, she would very much rather schedule a visit to the dentist just for the heck of it.

"Your home is with me," he quickly countered. The truth was that he wanted to marry her, the sooner the better. But this was not the right time for a proposal. A proposal was supposed to be romantic: with a ring and a well thought-out speech and not in a rush in a hospital room. "I want us to be together, always," he said with a charming smile. "I want to be with in your bed when you wake up in the morning... I wanna see your face every night before I drift off to sleep," he reached out and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.

She moved her cheek closer to his touch and closed her eyes.

That sounded sweet but still...she still needed to give him an out. She didn't want him to feel trapped by the responsibilities of having a family. "Fitz, " she met his gaze steadily. "I was thinking we can still make this work. We can still see each other over the weekend..."

"No, long distance relationships don't work. I want us to live together here in Santa Monica, " he spoke with emotion, "When I commit, I give a hundred percent. That's what I want, I want to be there for you one hundred percent. "

He lifted her chin, searching her eyes.

Olivia broke eye contact and glanced over at Aaron who was still asleep in the hospital bassinet. "Are you sure about this? I know you want to do the right thing...but how about Aaron?

"What about Aaron?" he moved even closer to her so that their faces were only inches apart, pressing his forehead against hers, making it hard for her to think.

"It might be a lot to ask...biologically he..."

He leaned back some so that he could look into her eyes. "Olivia...would you do me a favor? He paused and continued prompted by her almost imperceptible nod. "Stop trying to throw obstacles in my way, his intense gaze taking on a hint of annoyance." "I want us to be together more than anything...in fact, I can't imagine being separated from you or Aaron." He glanced over Aaron in the bassinet. "Guess what? he actually smiled at me earlier this morning...and frankly, I plan on being there for every major milestone in his life."

Olivia looked up at him, beaming. He wanted them to be together for the long haul...thrilled that Aaron was included in this... certainly NOT as a part of a package deal or a sense of obligation.

"So, what do you say, sweetheart?" he murmured so softly that she intuitively leaned in closer to hear. "Will you make me the happiest man alive and agree to live with me?"

"O- okay," she mumbled with a lump in her throat, her heart pounding with excitement. She couldn't wait to get back to the beach house...the place she already thought of as her home.

And he captured her lips in a long sweet kiss that marked a brand new beginning- the shadows of yesterday forever becoming a thing of the past.