Dear Readers: I really need to apologize to you. This turned out to be one of those months when real life raised its ugly head and demanded to be put first. My 91-year-old mother had to be hospitalized, and although she's remarkably improved, it really threw my life for a loop for a while. I'm sorry that this chapter is so delayed. My second apology is because I've had to break this chapter in two. I really didn't want to, but it was becoming so massive I didn't know what else to do with it. Dividing it up means that this part is ending on something of a cliffhanger, which again, is NOT something I wanted to do! The good news (besides my Mom being so much better!) is that I have at least half of the next part already done, so I hope to get it posted soon. Thanks for your patience. Believe me, I'm just as anxious to get this story finished and Luke and Lorelai happy as you are!
The one thing Luke knew was that on this crucial morning he couldn't afford to miss Lorelai's entrance into the diner. No matter what else he was doing, he kept one eye on the door and at least one ear listening for the chords of her laughter. When he absolutely had to go into the kitchen he did it at lightning speed, trusting that the sixth sense he seemed to be developing about her would come through when he really needed it.
No extraordinary powers were necessary however, since it turned out he was standing behind the counter when she stepped through the door. He looked up just as she paused to shake the drops from the first April shower off of her umbrella.
She seemed to bring spring inside with her. Her yellow skirt brightened the dim diner and her pink blouse highlighted the rosy glow on her face. The floral scarf he remembered from Valentine's Day was tied around her hair, and when she looked up and found him watching her, her smile did indeed light up his whole world.
His feelings for her were close to being overwhelming. Luke could barely believe that her smile was for him; that he was the man responsible for that look on her face. He felt powerful and proud. Then in the next moment he recalled what he was going to have to tell her and his self-satisfied mood vanished.
"We need to talk," he told her urgently, meeting her halfway across the dining room, having grabbed several steaming plates of food to deliver. "Wait, where's Rory?"
"It's Lane's birthday. Mrs. Kim invited her over to have birthday muffins before they go to school." Lorelai shuddered delicately. "But don't worry, I stuffed Pop Tarts in her backpack for later, in case it's the same indigestible ones she served last year."
Luke nodded, feeling thrown off by Rory's absence. One of the plates wobbled on his forearm and he shifted, keeping it steady. "I really need to talk to you," he repeated somewhat darkly.
"I bet you do," she said with one of those awkwardly adorable winks. She smiled slyly and headed for the curtain.
Now Luke felt even worse, knowing that she had the wrong idea about his intentions. He placed the eggs and bacon at the proper places, yelled to Larry and Jolene that he'd return in a minute, and then rushed to the back, flinging aside the curtain impatiently.
Lorelai jumped on him instantly and his resolve disappeared. He kissed her hungrily but guilt made him set her aside far too quickly. "Listen, we do need to talk."
Her smile was a sultry one as she wound her arms around him again. "I thought that's what we were doing."
He shook his head and loosened her arms from his shoulders. "No, really Lorelai, you need to hear this."
"Oh, OK." She took a step back, her head tilting in concern.
Stalling for time, Luke pinched the skin between his eyebrows with his thumb and forefinger. "I don't…I don't know how to say this, all right? So I'm just going to say it so it's out there and then we can deal with it." He took in a fast, deep breath. "Rachel's back," he said quickly, and then braced himself for her reaction.
Her eyes grew big and dark, searching his face, and she took another step away from him. Then her mouth puckered and her forehead creased. For a second he feared she was about to cry, but laughter tumbled out of her instead.
"What?" he snapped, a little miffed at her response.
She couldn't stop the giggles bubbling out of her. "Oh, my God, Luke! And here you said you couldn't prank me. That you weren't any good at April Fool's jokes!" She put one hand on his arm, using him to keep herself upright as her helpless laughter continued. "Rachel's back," she said in a deep, serious voice, mimicking him. Then she laughed boisterously again. "You got me good!" She playfully smacked his arm.
"This isn't…" He shook his head, still dismayed over her carefree take on the situation. "I'm not joking here, Lorelai. Rachel's in Stars Hollow!"
She choked on her last chuckle and looked at him uncertainly. "You mean really?"
"Yes! Of course I mean really!" He began to pace in the small area of floor between the stairs and the curtained doorway. "I came home last night and she'd left me a message, telling me that she's here for a week. She came home for her brother's wedding." He stopped and looked at Lorelai, who hadn't moved. "She wants to see me."
Lorelai came back to life. "Of course she does," she said weakly. She shuffled over to the steps and sat down. "Of course she wants to see you. I mean…of course." She seemed dazed.
He put his hand on the stair rail and looked down at her. "I don't have to."
She gave her shoulders a shake and seemed to pull herself together. "Luke, don't be silly. You haven't seen her in forever. You two need to talk, that's a given."
"Not if it bothers you." He sat down on the step beneath her and put a hand on her knee.
"It's not going to bother me." She played with the fringe on the end of her scarf and gave him a half-hearted smile. "Let's use the correct term. It's going to drive me insanely jealous." She forced her smile to go bigger. "But it's fine. You need to see her." Her focus drifted off and she absently patted his hand on her knee.
"What?" he asked, pulling her away from her thoughts.
She tried to smile again. "It's just…this is almost exactly my scenario. Rachel coming back as soon as we…" The smile turned a little naughty. "Well, we didn't do that. But you know what I mean. I almost feel like this is my fault. That I put the idea out there and now it's coming true."
"You're being ridiculous. It's her brother's fault, if it's anyone's."
"Oh yeah. Getting married, you said?" Lorelai shifted her attention. "Older? Younger?"
"Younger, by a couple of years." Luke sighed. "Can't believe Adam is old enough to get married."
"Oh…God…" Lorelai reared back, looking stricken. "Not Adam Randall?"
"Yeah. How did you –?"
She leaped to her feet, pushing past his perch on the step, and took her turn pacing. "Oh, my God!"
"Lorelai, what?" He got up too, reaching out to try and stop her erratic movements.
"They're getting married at the Inn!" She shook him off and continued marching around the tiny space. "This weekend!" She groaned. "No wonder the groom's whole family acts like I'm an ax-murderer! They hate me!" she wailed.
Luke was still trying to touch her, to calm her down. "I'm sure they don't hate you."
She stopped abruptly, flailing her arms. "Well, they sure don't think I'm funny. They just stare at me when I make a joke."
"That doesn't mean they don't like you. It just means that your jokes aren't always as funny as you think they are."
"No, they hate me." She shook her head in remorse. "He even told me that his sister was a photographer and was coming to take their pictures, but it just never clicked."
"There was no reason it should," Luke insisted.
She groaned again. "Why didn't Mia tell me?"
"I don't know." Privately, Luke wondered why Mia hadn't warned him, too. "Maybe she thought it would be easier this way."
"Oh yeah, easy," Lorelai scoffed, glaring at the wall behind him.
"Look, it's going to be fine." Tentatively he cupped her elbow, squeezed it in support. "I already know what I'm saying to her. We'll get through this."
Vulnerability broke over Lorelai's face, but quickly she straightened her spine and composed her features. "There's no script you have to follow, Luke. You can say whatever you want to her."
"I know that, but I do know what I'm telling her. That's what I mean. And there's nothing for you to worry about."
She looked at him as if she had something more to say, but changed her mind. "I should get to work," she decided, stepping away.
"Now?" he asked, confused. "You don't want breakfast?"
"Not today." She touched her hair and straightened her skirt, preparing to walk out.
"Wait." He grabbed her around her waist, immediately bending forward to reach her lips.
"Don't," she implored, pushing him away.
"Don't what?" He felt worry fade into anger. "Don't kiss you? Don't touch you? Don't what, Lorelai?"
"Just…don't." She looked at him pleadingly. "Not while she's here. It just seems…wrong. Weird. Don't you think?"
"Oh, for crying…" He pinched that spot between his eyebrows again. "Then I'm going to do everything I can to hasten her exit out of town."
"That's a good idea," she praised him, teasingly, and for a moment her eyes sparkled. But then she turned pensive and left him with only a sad nod of her head.
Smoldering with anxiety, Luke stepped out into the dining room, thinking how much easier today would be if he'd never purchased an answering machine.
Later in the afternoon, when Rachel did walk into the diner, it took Luke a few moments to realize it was her. She was taller than he remembered. The sun had broken through the morning's storm clouds, and the meager rays caught the golden strands he always forgot were hidden in amongst her reddish curls.
It was her smile that jogged his memory the most. Her open, honest, and always kind smile.
"Hey, stranger," she said softly, with one of those forgotten smiles.
Luke anchored himself behind the counter. "Welcome back," he said, his voice much gruffer than he'd intended.
She stopped for a moment and watched him, possibly waiting to see if he was going to come around and give her a hug. When he made no move, she tucked a curl behind an ear and proceeded to the counter, swinging up onto a stool in front of him.
"The place looks good," she told him. She took another look around. "Business is thriving, I see," she teased him, grinning.
Luke shrugged. "This time in the afternoon there's always kind of a lull."
"I know." She smiled gently again. "That's why I thought this might be a good time to come by and say hi, without the whole gossip brigade being present."
The silence spooled out uncomfortably between them. "Coffee?" Luke offered, a little desperate to break up the quiet.
"I don't think so." Rachel peered past him at the beverage choices. "Would you make me a milkshake?"
"You want a milkshake?" he asked, surprised.
"Yeah. I want something a little…decadent."
"Um, sure." He turned away to get it started. "Chocolate or vanilla?"
"Vanilla."
"OK, just a minute." He was happy to have something to do instead of stumbling through their awkward conversation. He poured milk into the silver cylinder, added a splash of vanilla, dropped in a couple of scoops of ice cream. While the blender whirled, he tried to plan what to say next.
"So Adam's getting married, huh?" he asked, placing the shake down in front of her.
She smiled her thanks, taking a quick pull on the straw. "Yeah, hard to believe, isn't it?"
"Anyone I know?"
Her smile got wider. "Candy."
Luke gave a short laugh. "You're kidding! What happened to –?"
"Lucy?"
"Yeah."
"He moved to New York with her, they got an apartment together. We thought everything was all settled, but then he suddenly started coming back to visit Mom and Dad all the time, and then next thing you know –"
"Candy," Luke finished, grinning.
"Yep."
"So he's back with his first girlfriend."
"Looks that way." Rachel played with the wrapper from her straw. "That's kind of nice, huh?"
Luke rocked back on his heels. "Rachel…I'm not…I'm with someone now."
Rachel bent her head, nodding. "Yeah. I heard."
"It just sort of happened recently. She's…wonderful, you know? And I'm – I'm happy," he said in a rush.
"Luke, it's fine. I wasn't lying when we talked last fall. That's exactly what I've always wanted for you, to be happy."
"Well, I am. She's great," he said, sort of lamely.
"I'm sure she is." Rachel turned the tall milkshake glass around in a circle. "The girl from your birthday, right?"
"Right. Her." He forced himself to take a breath, wanting to sound confident. "Lorelai."
"Pretty name."
"Unusual. But it fits her," he hurried to say.
"I'll look forward to meeting her," Rachel said graciously.
The silence stretched out again. When the chime over the door sounded an interruption, Luke was grateful enough to kiss whoever was walking in. The fact that it was Rory was just a bonus.
He rushed over and greeted her with such enthusiasm that she stopped and looked at him warily.
"Hey, how was school?" he asked in sort of a fake heartiness.
"Fine," she said in bemusement. Then she spotted the stranger at the counter, the one watching her with great interest.
Luke put his hand on Rory's back and guided her over to the counter. "Rory, I'd like you to meet someone. This is Rachel."
Rory had been leaning forward to smile shyly, but the name made her go still. "Rachel?" She turned around to stare at Luke. "This is that Rachel? Your Rachel?"
Luke's voice froze in embarrassment, but Rachel took over. "Yep, that's me. Hi, Rory." She smiled and reached out a hand to shake Rory's.
Rory gave her hand a perfunctory shake, but looked once again back at Luke. "Does Mom know?"
"Yes." Luke cringed, but floundered on. "Rachel, this is Lorelai's daughter."
"Ah." Rachel nodded. "I see."
In the stillness that came next, Rory looked between an ill-at-ease Luke and a clearly uncomfortable Rachel. "So…Luke told me you took pictures," she stated.
"Yeah." Rachel drew a quiet breath. "That's what I love to do, and I've been lucky enough to be able to make a living from it."
"That's neat." Rory dropped her backpack and climbed up on the stool beside Rachel. "You were in India on Luke's birthday."
Rachel glanced at Luke, her rigid posture easing. "Yeah, I was there for about a month."
"Then where did you go?"
She grinned, first at Rory, then at Luke. "Israel. I was hired to take pictures there at Christmas time."
"So it was like a religious thing?"
Luke had forgotten Rachel's slow chuckle, too. He cleared his throat. "Rory, I'll go get your snack, OK?"
"Sure. Great," Rory said, not really paying any attention to him. She put her elbow on the counter and turned, the better to listen to Rachel's travel stories.
Relieved, Luke sliced up an apple for Rory, spread it with peanut butter, and sat it before her with a glass of milk. He leaned against the back counter, arms folded over his chest, listening to the two of them talk until Lorelai pulled up outside, tapping the horn to get Rory's attention.
"Oops, there's Mom." Rory gulped the last of her milk and hopped off the stool. "Nice meeting you, Rachel." She grabbed her backpack. "You're not going to be here for too long though, are you?"
"No, not too long," Rachel said, grinning knowingly at Luke. "Just for a week."
Rory nodded, then raced to the door. "Bye, Luke!"
"Bye," he called after her. He raised his arm, hoping Lorelai would see him.
The silence returned as soon as the door closed, but it didn't seem as oppressive this time.
"That is one not-annoying kid," Rachel observed.
Luke chuckled. "She's something, isn't she?"
"Yeah." Rachel reflected for a moment. "Is she like her mom?"
"In some ways. In other ways, Lorelai's like an 11-year-old hopped up on sugar and caffeine."
"Really?" Rachel laughed. "That surprises me."
"Why?"
She shrugged, still smiling. "Doesn't sound like your type, that's all."
That rankled. "She's exactly my type."
Rachel spread her hands, indicating she meant no harm. "I'm sure she is." She sighed a little bit and looked around the diner again. "So tell me how things are going around here. And how's Liz?"
Feeling like it was now just a normal conversation between two old friends, Luke leaned his elbows on the counter and began to fill her in on almost everything that had altered during the months she'd been gone.
Luke checked his watch – his dad's watch – as he leaped up the steps to the girls' front door. He rapped impatiently.
Lorelai pulled open the door, looking surprised. "Hey, didn't expect to see you." She stepped aside to let him enter, but he shook his head.
"Can't," he said regretfully. "No time. I just thought I'd run some dinner over to you. My evening guy's leaving early tonight, so I've got to get back."
"Oh, well, thanks." Lorelai reached out for the bag he was offering.
He leaned against the door, putting his hands into his jacket pockets. "And I wanted to let you know, the talk went really well with Rachel. She understands about us and…Well, that's that."
Lorelai chewed her bottom lip and looked down at the floor for a second or two. "Rory was quite taken with her. Says she's really pretty."
"Yeah, she's not bad," Luke said, relieved to be able to joke about it. He leaned forward, close enough to brush his lips against her hairline. "You know, for a redhead." He smiled, fingering one of her dark curls.
Her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "Well, thanks again for dinner."
"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, OK?"
"Sure. Tomorrow."
He was almost to the steps when he remembered, and spun back around before she could close the door. "Shoot, I forgot to make us dinner reservations for Saturday. I'll call as soon as I get back."
Lorelai shook her head firmly. "Don't bother."
"Why? We'll need reservations somewhere."
"Let's postpone that."
"Why?" he asked again, stubbornly, already knowing what she was going to say.
"For one thing, I won't have the night off. I told Mia I'd work the wedding so she didn't have to rearrange the schedule. And for another…let's wait on starting us until everything's back to normal."
"Things are normal now," he insisted, fuming slightly.
"Then let's wait until they're more normal," she suggested, not looking at him.
"Lorelai, I don't like this."
"I don't either. But…this is the way it is." She shrugged. "It's just a week."
"This is stupid," he grumbled. "Why should we change our plans for her?"
"It's not that." Lorelai's eyes darted around nervously and she shifted the diner bag in her arms. "I just don't want to rub her nose in it, you know? That's bad karma."
"OK, fine," he sighed. He leaned over to kiss her, but as soon as his lips touched hers, she stepped back, staring down at the floor again.
"You were sweet to bring us dinner," she said, subdued.
"Gotta feed my girls," he said somberly. He headed back to the diner with a heavy heart, wishing it was possible for the next week to pass by in just a day.
The next afternoon, at about the same time, Rachel bounded into the diner again. She seemed happier and the atmosphere between them was instantly more relaxed.
"I met your girl," she announced cheerfully, sliding onto a stool again.
"My girl?" Luke asked mockingly.
"Lorelai," Rachel clarified. "I went over to the Inn to scout out picture-taking areas, and I bumped into her. We introduced ourselves."
Luke nodded, adding on a strained smile.
"She's wonderful. So full of life. And very pretty."
"I agree, on all points," Luke said mildly.
Rachel smiled up at him. "I can see now why she's your type." She kept on smiling, almost as if she didn't dare stop. Her smiled seemed somehow too bright. It was almost aggressively agreeable.
Luke frowned, distrusting that smile. "Maybe it's not completely obvious, just from knowing me and seeing her, but we do make a pretty good team."
"I can believe that," Rachel agreed, being deliberately affable, pretending to look him up and down.
Luke wasn't sure he was completely buying her 'I'm OK with your new girlfriend' act. Rachel had always been a generous, warm-hearted girl, but her enthusiastic acceptance of Lorelai seemed a little over the top, even for her. He made the decision to say as little as possible and let the whole situation settle.
At that moment, Rory burst into the diner. "Luke," she sniffled, wiping a hand under her eyes.
"Rory? Geez, what happened?" He sprinted over to her.
She leaned against him, choking back tears. "I got tripped. These eighth-graders –"
Luke put a hand on her shoulder, then tipped up her face so he could see her. "Somebody did this to you? Who?" he demanded, ready to go exact justice if needed.
"No, not like that. There was some sort of fight going on between them, I guess, and one of them went down, and I was right there and tripped over his foot." She took in another shuddering breath.
"Then what happened?" He pulled out a chair and had her sit down on it, wincing when he saw her skinned knees.
"I jumped back up and pretended I was OK."
"Why did you do that?"
"Because I didn't want anyone to know I was hurt."
"But you are hurt."
"But I didn't want anyone to know that!"
"But –"
"Luke," Rachel calmly interjected. "Don't you remember what it was like, trying to be cool in front of the big kids?"
He sighed. "Right." Rory gasped as he scooped her up. "I'm taking you to clean up those scrapes."
"I can walk," she protested. "I walked all the way here from school."
He didn't even bother refuting her. Once in the kitchen, he sat her on the counter, next to the sink, and brought over the first aid kit stored on top of the refrigerator.
Rachel came and stood in the doorway, watching without comment.
As he washed off the dirt, squirted on the antiseptic, and finished by carefully placing two big Band-Aids over the worst of the torn skin, he got the rest of the story out of Rory.
"Sounds like you were in the wrong place at the wrong time," he surmised, satisfied that the rough-housing boys had meant her no harm.
"Yeah, they're just idiots," Rory sighed, examining the adhesive pads on her knees.
"In other words, just your typical eighth-grade boys," Rachel volunteered, startling both Luke and Rory with her presence.
"Pretty much," Rory agreed.
Luke helped her down from the counter. "Wash your hands, then let's get you a snack." He washed up, too, before slicing off a piece of banana bread and filling a glass with orange juice. "Sit at a table out there, that'll be easier for you than climbing up on a stool."
"OK," Rory agreed, sitting gingerly down on the chair he'd pulled out for her earlier.
"So remind me what the plan is for today? Am I running you out to the Inn?"
"No," Rory said, chewing a bite of the still-warm bread. "I'm supposed to go over to Lane's to work on homework. I just didn't want Mrs. Kim to see me all bloody, so I came here first."
"I'm glad you did. Otherwise I would have worried."
Rory nodded, reaching for the orange juice, but then some other thought arrested her movements. "And I've got another problem." She reached under the table and pulled up her backpack. "When I fell, I think I broke this."
Luke examined the gaping zipper. "I don't think it's ruined, I think the zipper came apart when you fell on it. I I'm pretty sure I can fix it."
"Really?" Rory looked hopefully up at him. "I don't want Mom to have to buy me a new one. This one was pretty expensive."
"Let me work on it." Luke went behind the counter and found a pair of pliers he kept there to work on the toaster when it got cranky. "You want anything? Coffee?" he asked Rachel. She'd been silently watching them from her perch on the stool.
"No, I'm fine," she said, even more quietly than normal. When he looked at her questioningly, she gave him a slight smile and shook her head.
While Rory finished her snack, Luke eased the zipper teeth back into the pull. "Success," he told her, demonstrating.
"Luke! You're amazing!" She jumped up, forgetting her sore knees, and gave him an enthusiastic hug. "Ow," she complained, sitting back down and carefully rubbing around the scrapes.
"Yeah, be careful. You're going to hurt for a couple of days."
Rory ate the last crumbs of the banana bread. "I'd better get over to the Lane's. Mrs. Kim will call Mom if I don't show up soon."
Luke walked with her over to the door, lovingly tousling her hair as he went. "Be careful," he warned her, opening the door. "Don't let any of those mean antiques throw you to ground and stomp on you."
"I won't!" she giggled. She gave him another hug. "Thanks, Luke! See you later?"
"Sure," he said, making the hug last just a little bit longer, relieved that she hadn't been hurt any worse. He stood in the doorway, watching her until she'd safely reached the Kim's threshold.
When he turned around, the disbelieving, almost angry look on Rachel's face made him stop. "What?" he wanted to know.
She turned away for a moment and laughed, and the laugh wasn't a nice one. "It's the girl," she said incredulously.
"What are you talking about?" Luke walked back behind the counter, dumping Rory's used plates into the dirty bin.
"It's the girl," she repeated. She looked at him suspiciously. "Lorelai's lovely, but it's the girl who's got you all tied up in knots, isn't it?"
"I really don't know what you're getting at."
"Yes, you do. It's your default position, Luke! Fixing people."
"Rory doesn't need fixing. She's perfect just the way she is."
"Where's the dad?"
"He's not in the picture."
"Ah. But you are, aren't you?"
"Rachel, I don't have a clue where you're going with this."
"Don't act dumb. Of course you know! Because this is so you, Luke! You're getting a thrill out of playing daddy, aren't you? St. Luke, riding in on his white horse, making sure that everyone abides by his rules of conduct!"
Luke swallowed hard, but he could feel anger beginning to bubble up. "I can assure you, all three of us are aware that I'm not her dad."
"Oh, that's even better, isn't it? That way you get to show everybody how superior you are to the real thing!"
"Rachel," he said in a low voice, warningly.
"Here you are in your favorite role again, playing savior."
"Stop it," he growled.
"Come on, how many times did you try to fix me? How many times did you try to fix us? How many times did you think that staying here instead of coming with me was going to fix William?"
Pain tore through him. He bit down on his lips, hard, not wanting to give her further fuel.
Rachel gasped. "Luke…Sorry. I'm sorry. That was too much. I shouldn't have said that."
He shook his head. "You have completely misconstrued this. This isn't me fixing anything. Nothing about Lorelai or Rory needs fixing. I'm helping them, filling in the gaps, that's all."
Rachel looked at him frankly. "But still, you're taken with that idea, aren't you? With being a faux father to Rory? She's the real draw, isn't she?"
"No," he said wearily. "They have become a family to me, I readily admit that. It turns out I didn't know how much I wanted that until I had it again."
She laughed again, that same bitter laugh. "You want a family?"
"Yes. I do."
"You? Luke, come on! That was the one thing we never fought about. You really want a pre-teen daughter?"
"I want Rory in my life any way I can." He paused, considering. "If I can make it official sometime in the future, that would make me a very happy man."
"Why stop there? Why not have oodles of little rugrats toddling around, grabbing at you with sticky hands?"
He didn't reply, just looked at her meaningfully.
"You're kidding." She jumped down from the stool and paced in agitation. "You want babies now?"
Luke felt uncomfortable, admitting that to her before discussing it with Lorelai. "Yeah. I do," he nevertheless conceded.
"No, you don't!" She turned to glare at him, holding out her hands. "That was our agreement! We never wanted kids!"
"Rachel…I've changed. What I want has changed. Who I want it with has changed. I'm sorry, but I'm not that guy you used to know anymore."
"Obviously." Angrily, she started towards the door.
For a moment, Luke thought about calling her back, about trying to make amends for old time's sake. But then he realized this could be the solution to the whole Rachel mess, so he stood silently behind the counter and watched her go.
Luke's hopeful optimism that the blow-up with Rachel would eliminate Lorelai's anxiety about the situation was short-lived.
For one thing, since the resolution revolved around his desire to be a father someday, he didn't really feel comfortable explaining what had happened in too much detail. And without that crucial piece of information, Lorelai continued her polite, wary avoidance of him and the diner and all things Rachel.
He remembered back in the summer, when she had been embarrassed and confused and hid away instead of trying to talk to him or fix what was wrong. He sighed, suspecting that habit of hers might be unbreakable.
Rory showed up in the diner frequently, both after school and at other times, picking up carry-out orders for her and her mom. Luke tried calling the house and stopped by when he could, but Lorelai was so clearly uncomfortable that he cut the visits and calls short, and pinned his hopes on everything going back to normal on the day Rachel left town.
He missed Lorelai desperately, but he wasn't completely in despair, mainly because Rory was her usual cheerful, loving self with him. He figured that if Lorelai had given up on him, Rory's demeanor would show it. And since that wasn't the case, he simply hoped for the best.
When Saturday morning finally rolled around he was shocked to see Rachel open the door and step inside the diner.
She followed him to a table and waited patiently until he'd sat down some plates and topped off the diners' mugs of coffee. "Hey," she said, once he turned around to look at her questioningly. "You'll let me in here long enough to apologize, won't you?" She smiled but quickly ducked her head, obviously feeling some residual shame over her behavior.
Luke shrugged. "Rachel, you're always welcome here. I'm sure you know that." He headed for the counter, and she came too.
She sat at an empty stool and he filled a mug of coffee for her, not waiting for her to order one.
"Thanks." She took a sip, savored it, then gave him a smile. "Still excellent. I don't know how you can make such good coffee when you don't drink it yourself."
"I just go by the smell."
"Good nose, then."
"Guess today's the wedding, right?" He leaned against the counter, waiting while she swallowed another sip of coffee.
"Oh, it certainly is. Mom's got about a hundred things for me to do before the ceremony, though." She ran a hand through her still-damp, rapidly curling hair. "But first thing on my agenda was seeing you and telling you how sorry I am about the other day. I was completely out of line with what I said to you, Luke. I feel terrible."
"It's forgotten," he tried to say as breezily as possible.
"No, it's not. At least, not by me. I was horrid about it all. I want you to know how ashamed I am, of the things I said and how I acted. "
"It's fine," he insisted again, wanting it over and done with.
"Only because you're a really nice guy."
He nodded sagely. "Yep, that's me. The last of the nice guys."
She ran her a finger around the edge of the cup. "I guess I didn't expect it to throw me the way it did, to see you moving on with your life. And I'm glad about that – I really am – but still, it hit me right in the heart." She glanced up at him and smiled a little sadly. "I guess I've always assumed everything here would stay just the same when I wasn't around. You, the town, my little brother. But, boy, have I been proven wrong on all counts!"
Luke put his forearms on the counter and leaned closer to her, feeling the tug of the old companionable friendship they used to have. "Do you remember how fed up we'd get at the town meetings? Hearing the same arguments year after year? How we boycotted those crazy festivals, because nothing ever changed?"
She grinned back at him. "I still can't stand to eat anything on a stick."
Luke chuckled, nodding.
"So…listen." She fidgeted nervously. "Why don't you come to the wedding?"
Luke scoffed and straightened up. "No."
Rachel laughed. "Good to know at least something hasn't changed."
"My dislike of dressing up never will."
"OK, how's this? Don't come to the actual wedding," she suggested. "Come over for the reception. You know Adam would love to see you, he's always looked up to you. And my parents adore you. I'm pretty sure they liked you more than me at one time or another."
"That's definitely not true."
"Eh, maybe." She grinned again. "I'll sweeten the pot. You don't even need to wear a tie."
"Wow, that's so tempting, but yet…no."
She chuckled, then grabbed another sip of coffee before she stood up. "Think about it, OK? You know you'd be welcomed with open arms."
"Thanks, Rachel, but I don't think so."
"But maybe?" she asked, turning hopeful eyes his way, still looking sort of uncertain about where they stood on the friendship scale.
"Maybe," he said, not wanting to disappoint her completely.
"Well..." She stood uncertainly for a moment. "If I don't see you tonight, I'll probably see you sometime before I leave, right?"
"Sure," he said, feeling that he could afford to be generous now that things were back on the right track with them. "Tell Adam congratulations from me."
She waved on her way out the door, he waved back, and he was foolish enough to think that settled everything.
Later that night, Luke found himself restlessly moving around his apartment. He'd arranged for some of his part-timers to fill in for the evening, back when he thought he was going out on a date and drooling over a little black dress. Once Silas and Annie had changed their schedules to suit him, he felt foolish asking them to change again. But now he was pacing through the close quarters of his apartment, feeling useless and antsy.
He looked out the window, over the treetops, out towards where the Inn was, and sighed.
He really wanted to see Lorelai, black dress or not, and he found himself thinking about how nice it would be to surprise her, maybe spend a few minutes alone with her. He'd see Rory, too, because she was going to be there with her mom, 'helping' with the wedding chores as needed. And now he realized, thanks to Rachel, he had the perfect excuse to show up.
Smiling, he stripped off his clothes and showered as fast as he could. Looking in the mirror, he decided not to shave, since Lorelai had never hidden the fact she liked him a little scruffy. He put his suit on over a nice blue shirt, but left off the tie as Rachel had suggested.
The parking lot at the Independence was filled to capacity, which didn't surprise him. Rachel's dad sold insurance and had a friendly, easy temperament that drew people to him, and her mom served on practically every committee in town. Luke parked his truck along the grass at the edge of the lot and hiked up to the Inn.
Once inside he was relieved to see that the dinner was over and the less formal part of the reception was underway, which meant he was less likely to stick out. He skirted around the edges of the crush of people, saying hi here and there to the people he knew.
He spotted Rachel taking pictures of the cake at the same time as she saw him. She beamed at him, and gave him a thumbs-up for deciding to come. Then she pointed over at the entrance to the dining room, where her family was congregated.
As he walked over to them, Luke wondered why he hadn't maintained his relationship with the Randalls. What Rachel had said was true, they liked him, and he had always gotten along with them, too. It was probably only in his own mind where no longer dating their daughter would make visiting them uncomfortable.
"Luke!" Mrs. Randall trilled, seeing him first. She stepped over to meet him, giving him a warm hug. "It's been too long. I'm so happy you stopped by!"
Mr. Randall clapped him on the back. "There's our diner owner. You've sure made that restaurant into an important part of the town. Wouldn't William get a kick out of knowing that?"
"Well, he'd probably wonder why I just didn't keep the hardware store open, but I hope he'd be pleased that I'm earning a living out of it," Luke replied, instantly feeling at ease in their company.
Adam turned his head upon hearing Luke's voice. "Luke! Hey, man!" He gave Luke a hug, which was something Luke noticed more and more guys seemed comfortable in doing. Luke wasn't sure he was one of them, though.
"Congratulations, Adam," he said, shifting the hug into a handshake. "Are you and Candy living here in town?"
"No, I transferred to a job in Hartford, so we're living there. Candy's got a teaching job lined up at one of the elementary schools in the fall."
"Well, that's great news all around." Luke shook his hand again, aware of the fact that other guests were lined up behind him, waiting to greet the family.
But Adam wasn't quite through. He launched another man-hug Luke's way. "Listen, I don't blame you for not waiting any longer on my cuckoo sister," he confided in a low voice. "Lorelai's great. Seriously great. I don't blame you at all."
"Well, uh…thanks." Luke wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to that.
"Hi Luke," Candy said shyly, leaning up against her new husband.
"Candy, you look just like a bride should. Pretty and happy."
She grinned and offered her cheek, so he gave her a quick kiss of congratulations. "I always did like you best," he whispered to her, and she giggled in delight, patting his shoulder.
His social duties done, Luke wandered away, searching for Lorelai, his seriously great girlfriend. When he finally saw her, his heart felt like it stopped for a moment.
Adam was absolutely right. She was seriously great.
She was so pretty he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. She was wearing a deep purple dress that made her skin look like polished alabaster, and he could tell even from half a room away that the rich hue was enhancing her blue eyes in a spectacular fashion. The dress was beautiful, but in a totally different way than the sexy black one. The neckline had a lacy, scalloped edge running across her chest, cut so that her shoulders were bare. Her hair looked raven-dark in the low lighting. It was minus all the usual curls, caught with a clip in the back, and the front part was somehow angled across her forehead almost like bangs.
He didn't think he'd ever seen her looking so pretty, and that was saying something. As much as he longed to be beside her, he took a minute longer just to ogle and appreciate.
Lorelai must have felt his eyes on her, because she turned his way, frowning. He expected that the frown would disappear once she realized it was him, but instead she kept on frowning and began to look irritated as well.
"What are you doing here?" she hissed, making her way over to him.
"Looking for you," he murmured, still entranced by her appearance. He put a hand on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing over the spot where her bra strap should have been.
"Really?" she scoffed.
"Yeah, really." He took a step closer to her and was happy when she didn't shy away. "Rachel invited me to the reception, to see her family. I wasn't going to, but then I realized that coming here gave me a good excuse to see you tonight."
"You saw Rachel?" Lorelai tried to ask it as if she didn't care.
"Just for a little bit this morning. She stopped by to apologize for the fight the other day."
"You guys made up, huh?" she asked, a decided edge to her voice.
"Lorelai, it's not like that and you know it." He put both hands on her shoulders. "We're old friends, and neither of us wanted to let it end with anger between us."
She breathed in deeply. "Yeah, I know."
"OK, then." He stroked his knuckles against her cheek and shifted his thoughts to what was right in front of him. "Geez, you are so beautiful."
She smiled, pleased. "Yeah?"
"Dear God, yes." He pressed his lips against the edge of her forehead. "What's the chance of us finding some secluded corner and doing what we were supposed to be doing tonight?"
"Considering the fact that I'm working, and my daughter is right over there watching us like a hawk, probably not too great," she informed him, but she laughed as she said it.
He groaned in disapproval. "Where is Rory?" he asked, taking the disappointment in stride.
"Over there," she pointed.
He turned and saw Rory passing out crayons and coloring books to a small contingent of younger kids sitting at a low table. He chuckled, seeing the way the little kids were looking up to her. "She's in her element, isn't she?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
He moved behind Lorelai and wrapped his arms around her waist, encouraging her to lean back against him. "She's such a great kid."
"Yeah, she is."
"Just like her mom."
"Luke…" She turned slightly, so she could tuck her head against his shoulder. "I know I've been weird about this whole Rachel business. I'm sorry I've been sort of…distant. I've let this freak me out more than I should, I suppose. You have to understand, this is my nightmare coming true. The main reason I was worried about getting too close to you all along was wondering what would happen when Rachel came back."
"I understand you're uncomfortable with her being here, but I promise you, you don't need to worry. It's been dealt with. And if anything, I guess we should be grateful that she came back when she did. Now it's over and done with. We can move on. There's nothing left to worry about."
Lorelai sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a minute. "You're probably right. No waiting for the other shoe to drop."
"We're already barefoot," Luke muttered, not caring if he was making sense or not. He tipped her face up and kissed her lightly on the lips. She moaned in approval and he tightened his grasp around her waist.
"Lorelai! There you are!"
He automatically dropped his hold on her and she stepped away from him.
The new guy, Michel, delicately stomped up in modest rage, waving a clipboard at Lorelai. "You told me you were going to be right back," he said huffily. "The bridesmaids are being impossible!"
Lorelai grinned, then put her hand on Luke's chest. "I'll see you later, OK?"
He touched her shoulder one more time. "OK."
Michel sneered at him and then both he and Lorelai disappeared in the direction of the kitchen.
Feeling at loose ends, Luke made his way over to Rory. He stood and observed her for a minute or two, smiling at the way she firmly but enthusiastically herded her small charges together.
"Hi!" she cried out, finally spying him. She jumped up from the little chair she'd been perched on and came over to give him a hug. "Boys and girls, this is Mr. Danes."
"Nah, he's Luke!" a little boy disputed, obviously a regular at the diner.
Rory fixed that kid with a stern stare. "Tonight he's Mr. Danes."
"I think Luke's fine," he said.
"You're too dressed up to be Luke," she teased him. "You look as fancy as you did on Valentine's Day."
He took her hand and spun her around. "And you look just as pretty as you did that night. Is this a new dress?"
"Yeah, for Easter." Rory fluttered the sky-blue skirt of her spring dress. "Hey, Mom said you might be going to Easter with us!"
"Yeah, I might." He smoothed back a strand of her hair that had escaped her headband. "Your mom is going to clear it with your grandmother."
"That would be so much fun," Rory said approvingly. "I bet Mom would behave better if you were along."
Luke grinned. "Maybe." He chuckled knowingly. "Or maybe it would make her worse."
Rory giggled too, in agreement. "Hey, come sit with us for a little bit." She pulled a full-sized chair over beside her miniature one and patted the seat invitingly.
It wasn't until Luke had been sitting there for a good ten minutes, listening to Madison lisp about her favorite colors, and Colton explain that he was drawing a truck that could beat up all the other trucks, that he realized how surreal it all was. Here he was, calmly sitting amongst the little jam-handed rugrats, continuously helping Rory to wipe up spills and crumbs, and not minding it a bit. In fact, he was actually enjoying being right where he was.
Rory leaned back against his knees, watching the little ones be creative. He bent his head down to hers, feeling lighthearted and perfectly happy.
Suddenly he sensed that they were being observed. Moving only his eyes, he spotted Rachel, watching them through her viewfinder.
Normally Luke despised having his picture taken. But tonight the experience felt different. He felt like he was exactly where he needed to be. He knew Rachel was an excellent photographer, and he knew with certainty that this picture of himself and Rory was going to be one of her best. He beamed, already imagining the awestruck look on Lorelai's face when she saw it. So instead of scowling as he normally would, he smiled gratefully. He looked straight at the viewfinder and smiled warmly at his friend taking the picture.
And then there was an abrupt disturbance in the force, so strong that he turned his head to locate the cause.
Lorelai was standing by the kitchen entrance into the dining room, frozen in place, watching the photography session with a fearful, sick look on her face. He straightened, preparing to go to her, managing to dislodge Rory in the process, but she shook her head harshly at him and went back through the door to the kitchen.
"Crap," he muttered.
"What?" Rory twisted around to see.
"I think I need to do some damage control." He stood up, absent-mindedly patting Rory's head. "I'll come back and check on you later."
Luke searched everywhere on the ground floor that wasn't specifically labeled 'employees only.' He had no luck locating Lorelai, but he eventually found Sookie checking on the appetizer table.
"Luke, hi! I didn't know you were here tonight."
"Yeah," he said, for some reason sounding guilty even to his own ears. "Hey, have you seen Lorelai?"
"No, not recently." She stopped taking a tally of the trays and peered at him. "Everything OK?"
"Sure. Just…tell her I'm looking for her, OK?" he requested, before continuing on.
"There you are," he heard a few minutes later, but his heart sank, because it was Rachel's voice, not Lorelai's. "Do you have a couple of minutes?"
"I guess." He scanned the area one more time, a little desperately. "I'm looking for Lorelai."
Rachel pressed her lips together, then sighed. "Well, this won't take long."
"Uh, sure, then." He was still searching for that purple dress.
Rachel was looking around for a different reason. "Do you think Mia would mind if we'd duck into her office?" she asked, pointing at the open door.
"Probably not." Luke shrugged, resigned to having to give up looking for Lorelai for the time being.
They walked into the room. He stepped in front one of the bookcases lining the side wall and folded his arms, still worrying over that look on Lorelai's face. Rachel partially shut the door, blocking out some of the party noise, and leaned a hip on Mia's desk, watching him.
He became aware of her silence and he forced himself out of his funk. "Sorry," he said. He rubbed a hand over his face and tried to focus on the present. "By the way, you look great. That shade of aqua has always been your color."
"Thanks. Guess I should be grateful it's Candy's favorite, too."
"It's good with your hair."
She smiled fondly. "I see you took my advice about the tie."
He pulled on his open collar, smiling back at her. "So what did you want to talk about?"
Stress appeared on her face and she started to fiddle with the lens on her camera. She started to talk and then stopped. Several times. Finally she blew out a big breath of air. "OK. So…this is hard."
"What is?"
"Asking you…for another chance."
"Another chance for what?"
She looked at him pleadingly. "Another chance for us."
Stunned, Luke stood up straight. "You've got to be kidding me."
"No, Luke, I'm not. I really think we should try again."
"Rachel, you know I'm with Lorelai! And you've got to know that you and I are way past the 'trying again' stage."
"But you're not really with her, are you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I mean, you're not together-together yet, are you?"
"We would have been," he snapped, "but you showed up!"
She shut her eyes tight for a second. "Well then, maybe there's a reason why I showed up when I did."
"No. No, no, no!" He was walking angrily back and forth in front of the bookcases now. "I am totally committed to Lorelai, no matter what stage our relationship is at. I've made promises to her and to Rory. That's not changing!"
"But Luke, listen to me!" Rachel took a few steps closer to him. "You've changed. That's what I want to talk about."
"I know I've changed. I told you I've changed!"
"Yes, but that's the thing, I didn't think you could – I didn't think you were capable of changing. That's why I left!"
He stopped and turned to stare at her. "What are you talking about?"
"Luke, you are so stubborn. You always have been. You see the path you think you should be on and you don't waver from it. That's why I gave up, because I decided you were never going to change for me."
Luke snorted. "I don't recall you being very anxious to change, either."
She shook her head, coming nearer. "But I would have been willing to work out some sort of compromise, if there was even a hint that you'd meet me partway. But you were so dead-set on me staying in Stars Hollow, I didn't see that I had any choice."
"No choice but to leave me here," he muttered.
Rachel sighed again. "You've completely changed your attitude about family. About kids."
"Yeah, well, I'm the one who told you that!"
"And even if you hadn't told me, I've seen it with my own eyes." She tentatively put a hand on his arm. "Think about it, Luke. What made you do a 180 on that?"
"Well, I…" He hesitated, feeling like he was being led into a trap he didn't yet recognize. "I guess once I met Rory and Lorelai, and started being drawn into their lives, I found out that I liked it. More than liked it. That I needed to feel like part of a family again."
Rachel nodded eagerly. "You tried it, right? You tried it and found out you liked it. You liked the family part. You liked being a sort of father to Rory, didn't you? It made you happy, even though you never thought it would."
"Right," he said slowly, still suspicious of where her words were leading.
Once he agreed, she looked relieved. "So that's why you need to try again with me."
"Rachel, that's – that's insane!" he exploded. He started pacing again.
She kept step beside him. "No, it's not! All you need to do is try it. You thought you didn't want a family, but you tried it, and now you do! You think you don't want to travel or be with me on the road, but you haven't ever actually done it, have you? Stop being so stubborn and try it, Luke! Just one time. That's all I'm asking."
He stopped and glared at her. "No. Freaking. Way."
"You owe it to me," she fumed, holding her ground.
"I owe it to you? I owe it to you?" he roared. "Oh, that's rich!"
"You owe it to me to give us an honest chance for once. Let go of that damned stubbornness and at least be willing to try!"
"I owe you nothing!" he shouted. "I gave you everything I had, and what good did it do me? It wasn't enough! I wasn't enough! Nothing was enough. Love, stability – it wasn't enough! You left, Rachel! You left me. You left me here, bloody and hurt, without one backward glance. And now you think I'm going to forget all that and risk getting hurt all over again? You seriously think that I would ever go away with you now?" He was forced to stop the mad deluge of words in order to pant for breath. His eyes snapped at her, daring her to deny any of what he'd said.
"You should go." A different voice suddenly broke into the tense atmosphere between the two of them.
Luke and Rachel both spun around to face the door, where Lorelai stood, looking as if her world had just collapsed.
"Lorelai," Luke said wretchedly. He took an unsteady step towards her. "Look, I don't know how much you heard, but –"
"I heard enough to know that Rachel is right."
Rachel looked gobsmacked at that pronouncement, and Luke felt a new wave of irritation flood over him. "Lorelai –"
"No, she is absolutely right." Lorelai tipped her chin up, and courageously looked at Rachel straight on. "You're sure right about how stubborn he is."
"He always has been," Rachel replied faintly, then cleared her throat. "One of his father's traits I wish he hadn't inherited."
Lorelai looked directly at Luke. "You need to go," she said again, then abruptly left the room.
"Lorelai!" Luke took one moment to glare accusingly at Rachel before he ran out of the door, determined to find her, determined to make it right.
Once out in the lobby, his desperately searching eyes saw the big entry doors swinging shut. Taking a chance, he rushed to them and ducked outside.
Luckily she couldn't move very fast in her heels. He caught up with her just past the steps off of the veranda.
"You have to know I didn't instigate any of that," he insisted, loping along to keep up with her.
She shook her head. "That doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters!" He reached for her arm, got her to stop walking, but she refused to look at him. "I had no part in that back there – that was all Rachel!"
She slowly moved her head from side to side, as if any movement hurt. "Luke, what matters is that what Rachel said is absolutely true. You set your mind on something and you don't deviate. That's what worried me when you said you'd settled on me."
"I – What?"
"When you came to check on me and ended up telling me that you'd figured out the answer, and the answer was me. I told you I wanted you to be sure, and you said you were. You said once you make up your mind about something, it doesn't change. And I told you that was what worried me. Well, this – this is exactly what I meant."
"You were worried that I wouldn't change my mind about you? Lorelai, that's crazy talk, even for you."
She shook her head again, a little more forcefully. "No, I was worried that you'd switched that dogged devotion of yours from Rachel to me, and that no matter what happened, no matter what you really felt, or wanted, or – or loved, you'd be too stubborn to ever admit it." She breathed in, shakily. "That once you'd made the decision it was me, you'd never question it."
He was ready to explode from pent-up frustration. "And devotion, steadfastness, that's a bad thing in your world of relationships?"
"No, Luke…" She stopped and turned away, hanging her head in misery. "But I don't want blind devotion, do you get that? If it's me because of something genuine, then that's great. But I don't know if it is. I saw how you burrowed into the idea of Rachel being your soulmate, and now suddenly you've switched your allegiance to me instead. I just don't want you to ignore what you could have, just because you think you're with me now."
"I think I'm with you?" he seethed. "How can you possibly have doubts about that?"
"Because…basically…" She shrugged. "I don't believe you."
Luke was sure his head was about to explode. "You don't believe me? How can you – You think I'm lying to you?"
"No." She chewed her lips, looked at him sorrowfully. "I think you're lying to yourself."
"About what?" The rage building up inside of him was making him turn first one way and then another. He was helpless to control his movements, let alone this impossible conversation. "You think I want to go with Rachel?"
"Maybe." There again was that sad, sad look, the one that tore at his heart. "I'm not sure you ever let yourself think about your wants. You only concentrate on the shoulds."
"Well then, thank God I've got two women in my life who are willing to make these decisions for me!" He spun around again, furiously wishing there was something he could kick. "So, what? I'm just supposed to go off with her? Leave my business and go gallivanting across the country? Leave you here? Leave Rory? Is that what you want me to do?"
"Don't worry about Rory. I've got her covered already. I explained all about dating to her. She'll understand."
The hot fury he'd been experiencing morphed into something cold and potentially more deadly. "And just what explanation was that?" he asked, his voice now controlled and icy.
"I told her that when people start to date, it doesn't automatically mean happily ever after. That dating is sort of like a free trial period. Or like seeing a movie trailer, so you can decide if you actually want to spend two hours of your life watching the whole film." She looked at him, a little rebelliously. "I told her that just because you and I were going to date, there was no guarantee it was going to last."
He was now so angry he really couldn't form words. He took two steps away and hung his head, fighting to take a deep breath, fighting to keep from lashing out the way he really wanted to. "You are unbelievable," he finally muttered. He turned back around to stare at her balefully. "How could you do that? You told her that we were doomed before we even got started? That's just…" He shook his head, so miserable he felt sick. "That's the cruelest thing I've ever heard."
"No, Luke. No. That's not…that wasn't what I was doing." She stepped up to him and carefully put a hand on his arm. "All I wanted to do was manage her expectations. She heard 'Mom and Luke are dating' and instantly went into Disney mode. I just wanted her to understand that even if the dating went bust, we'd still all be friends."
"Admit it. You never thought we had a chance."
Lorelai sighed in exasperation. "Luke, you've been around us long enough that you know Rory is my number one concern. It's my responsibility to safeguard her happiness. When I allow anything – or anyone – to change our lives, I'm going to make sure it doesn't damage her in the process. Of course I'm going to try and ease the blow if things between us don't work out. Isn't that what you'd want?"
"No. I'd want you to work on keeping us together." He looked around blindly. "And you can't – you can't safeguard her happiness, Lorelai. Geez, nobody can do that. You can give her a good home, you can keep her well-fed, you can love her. But being happy is up to her."
His vision cleared enough that he saw a bench a few yards off the path. He lurched over to it and sat down, feeling broken. He hunched over, dangling his hands between his knees.
After a moment, Lorelai cautiously joined him on the bench. She was unnervingly silent.
"I'm just…I'm so confused here, Lorelai. I thought…" He shook his head. "I thought you were with me on this. I thought you felt…Hell, I know you felt the pull between us. When we kissed, when we were together – I know you wanted that as much as I did." He looked over at her, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. "I thought you wanted that." He swallowed hard, trying to clear the hurt away. "Wanted me."
"Oh, Luke." Even though she looked as sad as he felt, there was a small, rueful smile on her lips. "I've never been any good at hiding my feelings. Of course I want you, in any way you want to take that. I've wanted you for a really long time, in all ways. You know I have."
"Then I don't understand why you're doing this. I don't understand why you're pushing me at Rachel."
She turned towards him and picked up his hand, holding it tenderly in hers. "Because you've loved Rachel for a really long time, and it's hard for me to believe those feelings just suddenly vanished. I even wonder if your refusal to listen to her and subsequent insistence on sticking with me is just for spite."
He jerked his hand away. "Geez, of course not! That's not what I'm doing."
"I know you wouldn't," she placated him. "Not on purpose, anyway. But our heads do funny stuff, Luke, sometimes without our permission or knowledge, even. Tell me the truth, don't you want to get a little revenge on her? Wouldn't that feel good, to see her suffer a little bit for once?"
"You really think that's the way I live my life? Scheming and plotting?"
Lorelai's shoulders slumped and she sighed again. "No, I don't. And I think that's my whole point here. You always do the right thing, and that's admirable. But this one time, I want you to go the other way. I want you to ignore what you think you should do and see if there's anything else that makes you happier. I want you to honestly give Rachel's way a go without any preconceived doubts or self-imposed standards. There are no shoulds you have to do, Luke. There's just a big open world with places to explore and other people to be with. And I believe you need to go experience them."
At a loss, he briefly buried his face in his hands. "I don't know what I can do to get you to understand. I don't want to go experience anything else! I'm not going with Rachel. I'm staying right here, with you and Rory. How can I make you believe that?"
"You can't." She suddenly stood up. "Go with Rachel, Luke. Make sure, one way or another, that deep in your heart you know what you want. Go and find out. Then, if you come back, we'll talk and see where we are."
"If I come back?" He was dumbstruck. "Of course I'm coming back!"
"Bingo." Lorelai looked pleased and devastated at the same time. "See? You're going."
"I am not!"
"You are. You just said you're coming back. How can you already know you're coming back if you don't go to start with?" She took a small step away, but Luke reached out and captured her hand, keeping her tethered to him.
"Lorelai, please. There has to be another way."
He could see her waver as she looked for the right words. Her hand was freezing and he held it tightly.
"There isn't, Luke. Think about it. How can I let you stay here with me when I don't believe that's what you truly want? The only way you can prove to me that I'm your choice is by going with her first."
It bothered him terribly that he could actually follow her logic.
"Lorelai…" He whispered her name, still pleading. "I don't want to go."
"I know, babe," she said softly. She took a step closer, wrapped her arms around his head and shoulders and pulled him into her. He circled his arms around her hips and buried his face in her chest, never wanting to let go.
After a moment, Lorelai bent down and placed a swift kiss on the top of his head. "You have to go, Luke. It's the only solution." She pulled out of his embrace and backed away, trying to act as if she was perfectly OK. "I've got to get back inside, get back to work. And…Well, you need to go make travel arrangements."
With that, she turned and walked away, leaving him on the bench by himself, distraught and shattered, his once-ordered life in complete upheaval.
He sat there until he became aware that people were walking by him, going to their cars and leaving the reception. He pulled himself together as best he could and walked back into the Inn.
He found Rachel pretty quickly, since the crowd was thinning. She looked alarmed as he walked up to her, as if she was expecting to hear the worst. Or maybe he just looked so terrible that he frightened her.
He knew what he had to say, and finally he found the strength to force the unhappy words out.
"When do we leave?"
TBC...ASAP!