Chapter Seven

Bonded

Needless to say, the Einzberns—Acht in particular—were very much taken aback at Irisviel's informing them she and Kiritsugu had made plans to bear a child between them. Kiritsugu didn't even think it needed to be brought to their attention, but Irisviel knew better, as it soon became clear: as far as Jubstacheit went, nothing concerning his homunculi ever transpired without his knowledge, and in this case, a homunculus bearing a child was a big deal indeed.

With that said, Gretel von Einzbern, the closest thing the family had to a matriarch, was instantly of the opinion that if Acht was going to allow this, then it must be under the condition that Kiritsugu be asked to marry Irisviel. That was the "proper" thing to do. Here, it was Kiritsugu's turn to be taken aback, not because he was outright against the idea, but because he wasn't particularly for it either. But then he supposed he oughtn't have been surprised that that was the conclusion the traditionalist Einzberns would come to. In the grand scheme of things, he himself didn't consider it to be of too much importance, but then he was such a rebel of convention.

Still, it could be in his favor to be legally considered Jubstacheit's son-in-law. But what irked him about Acht ultimately agreeing to all of this was the expression he cast both Kiritsugu and Irisviel as he gave his consent when the proposal was brought before him in the Einzberns' main drawing room: it was one purely of a man who saw this all as nothing more than an opportunity to further observe his creation that was Irisviel, to see what would happen if she were to give birth to a child like a "real woman".

That, and—

"In addition, what also attracts me to this idea is the possibility it presents for a new kind of 'backup vessel', as it were."

Kiritsugu and Irisviel, already a bit thrown for a loop by the Einzberns asking for a marriage out of all of this, looked at each other, their expressions of shock reflecting the other's as if they'd both been struck dumb.

Then Irisviel squeaked: "You mean you'll—?"

"Should you happen to fail to reach the Grail, then the child you conceive can step in as the next in line to serve Irisviel's purpose in the Fifth War. Obviously this will be different to how you were created, Irisviel—this homunculus will be born rather than made, but all the same, we will in fact, create her as a being that is quite literally a cluster of Magic Circuits. She will be extremely powerful as a Master in the Fifth War, should she be required to step forward as the next one, and perhaps an even more powerful sacrifice as the Grail Vessel because of it, which may be in our favor. This, I have decided, in part because of the convenience, but also in the hope that this may serve as extra incentive for the two of you to win this Fourth War at all costs. If you are victorious, then you need not worry, and your child may live out the rest of her days as normally as one such as she can. If not, well then, at the very least what will come of it is an opportunity in the War that would follow to see just how far our potential with homunculus creation can really go. It's almost as though we are creating an entirely new life form. I must admit my brain positively thirsts to know what would happen."

Kiritsugu clenched and unclenched his fists. He knew that after all this he and Irisviel were just Acht's puppets, but for the child they wanted to have, utterly ignoring the principle he had set for himself that all lives were equal, that not even one of his own flesh and blood could be counted as any greater than another—

"Elder, you—"

But then Irisviel reached out and grabbed Kiritsugu by the arm. "It's fine," she said, both to him and to Acht. "As you wish, Grandpapa, that's how it will be."

"Good." Acht steepled his fingers together. "We'll make the legal preparations on our end for the marriage, and as far the conception of the child is concerned, I give you leave to handle the process as you wish, but I do ask that the two of you deliver your cells to me such that I may apply the necessary alchemic procedures to Kiritsugu Emiya's and then implant them in Irisviel's and reinsert them into her functioning womb," and the smile he gave was a strangely lecherous one that caused the knife blade of anger drilling into Kiritsugu's heart to twist.

Even so, Irisviel remained obedient to Jubstacheit and ushered the two of them out of the drawing room, whereupon they retreated to Kiritsugu's office as Kiritsugu broke free of Irisviel's grip and stormed up there in his growing fury. The moment she closed the door behind them he turned on her.

"Why did you stop me?" he demanded. "I know you have no experience yet with such things, but do you have any idea what you're doing, allowing a being that will be our child before it's even born to be—?"

"Please don't say a word against Grandpapa," Irisviel cut across him, her tone strangely dark. "He'll cast you out if you do, and you know it. You'll lose everything you've fought for to get this far. I won't let that happen, not after everything you've been through."

"But at the cost of a child's life? Our child?" Kiritsugu kicked the leg of his desk, as angry with himself as he was with Acht, because if he had to face the truth of himself, it was the fact that the part of him that worked to always balanced the scales completely agreed with Acht's strategy, and he was unable to not be disgusted with himself for it.

He sought to cleanse himself of that deep and painful guilt by lashing out against the Einzbern family head. "You don't understand now, but I guarantee that when you have that child, the truth of all of this will weigh on you more than—"

"We'll win," Irisviel cut across him again, very quietly, her eyes regaining that steely shine when she became grittily determined in herself. "We will. We must. Now, more than ever. And then you'll come home, Grail in hand, and the world will be healed, and you can take our child far away from this place and love it with all you have in your heart."

Kiritsugu's anger vaporized as he stared at the tears that began to fall like drops of rain from Irisviel's crimson eyes. He realized then that the mere idea of bearing Kiritsugu's child was already creating a change in Irisviel, unprecedented by anyone. She had come up with this idea for his sake, and now all that could shatter into nothing but more dark despair if failure to obtain the Grail was all they could accomplish. Now he felt nothing but chagrin for having vituperated Irisviel so. True, he had a point, she had yet to actually have the child they planned, but still…the personality she had acquired was far too pure for him to expect her to ever consider acting on an impulse of cruelty.

Not like him. He who could still very well be the sort of man that would kill his own child without hesitation if it meant saving the entire world in exchange.

"Iri…I…I'm sorry."

Softened, Kiritsugu closed the gap between them and took Irisviel in his arms. Only then did she allow the full breadth of her anguish over this situation to break free, and wept into his shoulder as hard as she had the day she'd wept over the dead baby birds, if not harder.

Maybe it was because of that day that she could already comprehend what it meant to give birth to a child she knew could very well be doomed to an ill fate from the start. As he realized this, Kiritsugu held this woman whom he loved even tighter, loving her all the more dearly for it. That and the fact that in the way she clung to him, it was clear that there hadn't even been a need for him to apologize in the first place, for she had already forgiven him. That was how it would always be between them, it seemed.

And even as anger over Jubstacheit's decision to make their child into a tool like its mother throbbed in his chest, what won over that was his far greater desire to comfort Irisviel. When she cried as much as she could over it, what he wanted most in that moment was to coax out of her that smile he loved so much to see.

He leaned over and touched his lips to her soft, tear-stained cheek. "So then…I suppose this narrows down my options as far as thinking up a name, since the child's guaranteed to be female, am I correct?"

Irisviel nodded. "That's always been the tradition."

"Good. Then I'll make her a girl as happy as I'll make her mother."

"Kiritsugu…."

"And in the meantime, why don't you and I take one our walks outside, while it's still daylight?"

Kiritsugu could sense her inability to speak for her gratitude towards him as he took her hand in his. Or maybe it was from his behavior. He himself was a little surprised. Not long ago, such simple acts would have been so difficult and foreign for him, but just as he had taught her to be human, in so doing she had taught him to remember to be human, to remember the reason why he loved mankind such that he wanted nothing more than to save it, despite its flaws.

For now, his anger was wiped entirely clean from his heart as he thought of nothing but Irisviel's happiness. So the two of them donned their coats and sought the solace of each other's company outside, away from the stuffy oppression of the castle.

Despite her melancholy, Irisviel could never deny that she was happy being with Kiritsugu as much as he was with her, and he got her to smile far more quickly than he did when he made his efforts to make her feel better after she got upset over the dead robin chicks, because, as if in answer to her longing to see real flowers growing, amongst the white the two of them spotted a fleck of beautiful red. Only for a moment, Kiritsugu was reminded of when he'd picked up Irisviel's trail of blood in the snow from when he'd rescued her, and then he grew flushed with as much delight as Irisviel did when the two of them realized that it was an actual rose growing, intertwined with a thorny shrub, in defiance of the cold. It was the first flower either of them had ever seen growing out here.

"You see that, Iri?" He reached down to pluck the rose with his gloved hand. "It's a rose. A real one."

"It's so pretty," Irisviel marveled. "But wait: won't it wither and die if you pick it?"

"We can keep it alive for a while in a vase of water," Kiritsugu told her. "It'll wither one day out here too, but if we bring it with us, we can enjoy how lovely it is for a little while."

And there the smile appeared, and Kiritsugu realized with a leaping thud of his heart that Irisviel's eyes were quite as red as the rose's petals were. From then on, he would no longer think of blood when he looked in her eyes, but of roses. That thought was far more sweeter than anything he could have imagined.

"Okay," said Irisviel, and having gained her approval, Kiritsugu picked the rose and attached it to her coat with one of the spare pins she'd slid into her silver hair to keep it out of her face in case of wind.

As he did, it began to snow very softly, with great tufty flakes that sprinkled them both. Everything became quiet and peaceful, and Kiritsugu felt more like a youth than he had in years, to the point that the thick flakes of snow became enticing to him. He seized the opportunity to do something he'd never had the chance to do in his childhood, tipped his head back, and caught a flake on his tongue.

"What're you doing?" Irisviel asked him, giggling even in that way Kiritsugu couldn't help finding adorably endearing.

"Catching snowflakes on my tongue." Kiritsugu gave a laugh that reflected the sheepishness that came over him. "It's always fun for kids to do it, though I couldn't tell you why. It's like something that's just…innate in children."

"Hmmmm." Irisviel decided to give it a try, and tipped her head back to catch a few flakes herself. Upon doing so she quickly swallowed them, giving a squeak of surprise. "Ooooh, they're cold."

Kiritsugu laughed again, and looked up at the sky, spying a couple of winter birds winging overhead like tiny arrows. Then he said to Irisviel, suddenly inspired by different images coming together in his mind: "Here's something else I've seen kids do in the snow."

Stepping away from her, he settled himself on the snowy ground and stretched out on his back so he could fan out his arms and legs enough times that when he sat up, he left the impression of a person with wings.

"What is it?" Irisviel peered at the shape inquisitively as Kiritsugu regained his feet.

"It's a snow angel." Kiritsugu surveyed his handiwork with some satisfaction as he brushed the snow off his coat. "Now you make one," he invited.

Irisviel raised an eyebrow at him before taking him up on his offer, but she was as pleased with her results as she had been with everything she had made, from her attempts at hiragana and kanji writing to her painting with both watercolors and acrylics. She laughed when Kiritsugu helped her to her feet to show her just how well she did.

"It's better than mine," Kiritsugu declared.

"Oh, I think they're about the same," said Irisviel, and Kiritsugu noticed that she was paying him more attention than the two angel imprints in the snow.

He felt that quickening thump of his heart again as she surveyed him with a tenderness that had gained something new, an almost sultrily dreamy quality. Maybe it was an effect of the growing cold around them and the relentless fall of the thick, gentle snow.

"I think…I hear music," she told him. "Or rather…I'm remembering it. That song you played on the—what was it? The…vic-tro-la…you showed me when you taught me the waltz."

"Ah…."

Now the look in Irisviel's eyes made more sense. In fact, he didn't even need to ask what she wanted from him. As the snow went on falling so peacefully, he took her in his arms as he did when they first danced together, and led the two of them in a slow box-step, seeing and knowing nothing but the vision of each other's eyes and the sound of each other's breathing and the feel of each other's closeness. It was enough to tell Kiritsugu just how much he had fallen for this woman who was not human, and yet…he had helped make her so, and in so doing she had reminded him that he was still human too.

When the memory of the music ceased for them both, so too did their dance. The cold had grown such that their exhalations were almost bright silver in the approach of early twilight, mingling together like entwining fingers.

"Iri…."

There wasn't much more Kiritsugu could say as the two of them shared a tender kiss, surrounded by all that snow. When they broke free, Irisviel's face was red with both cold and happiness, and she giggled just to let some of that happiness bubble out before she embraced him, both for warmth and for closeness. Kiritsugu hugged her back with equal enthusiasm, though as he did so he spotted someone in one of the high windows of the castle spying on them.

With his keen magical abilities with vision that made it capable for him to see quite clearly even at night, he recognized the person as Malte. He must have just returned from his "trip". With resolve he held Irisviel more tightly, determined that for now he would do what he knew he wouldn't be able to do forever, and watch over the woman he knew he cherished with all his heart as any other man in love would do.

"I feel much better, Kiritsugu," Irisviel mumbled into his shoulder with a soft sigh. "For once, you were the strong one. And I'm glad for that." She clung to him all the more fiercely. "I hope that you feel better too."

"I do," Kiritsugu murmured truthfully into her ear, pressing his rough cheek against her smooth, sweet one. "And it's because…right now…I can be alone with you."

"I'm so glad." Irisviel's voice became watery, yet Kiritsugu sensed that she was still overflowing with happiness. "That being said, I feel no shame in telling you that now, for you and you alone do I work towards my purpose as the Vessel for the Holy Grail."

Kiritsugu stiffened, but went on holding her, and she ran her hand down the length of his back, pressing even closer to his beating heart.

"Don't think of it now: think only of the fact that for your sake, I have no interest in what Grandpapa and the other Einzberns dream of in their fight for the Grail. Now…I can only think of you, and how proud I am that I can help you achieve your wish. It's your dream I'm fighting for now. Yours and mine. Together."

Kiritsugu became easy at her tone, even as he felt new tears from her soak through his coat. Burying his face in her iris scent, he stroked her hair with great affection.

"Oh Iri…" he sighed. "Thank God for you."

As Irisviel was asked not to take Kiritsugu's surname Emiya out of the Einzberns' pride in their own name, and as they did away with apparently excessive things like exchanging rings, the only physical evidence of their marriage that was ever produced were the legal documents that Jubstacheit witnessed Kiritsugu and Irisviel sign in the summoning chamber. Other than that, everything was left to the insubstantiality of air, and the abstract, as with Kiritsugu's and Irisviel's spoken vows to each other, and what they felt for each other in their hearts. If he had to be honest with himself, that was what Kiritsugu cared about most in all of this, but he knew that the paperwork was Jubstacheit's main priority, because the fact that Kiritsugu was marrying into the family, to him, just presented another assurance of the mage-killer's loyalty to the family's pursuit of the Grail.

Even so, Irisviel reminded Kiritsugu very much of paintings and icons of the Holy Virgin in churches he'd seen people pray to out of desperation when she arrived wearing a simple gossamer veil draped over her silver head along with her usual gown of white and gold. It was a terribly fitting image for one like Irisviel.

The whole thing was being rushed and treated as very business-like by the Einzberns, which suited Kiritsugu fine. The only thing that bothered him about it was that Irisviel herself was even being denied having the simple opportunity of being able to have the kind of bride's dream wedding that many women, at least once in their lives, dream about, even if only for a brief moment. Still, he was glad to see that for what she got, she was happy enough just being able to take his hands in hers and declare her love and loyalty to him for all the Einzberns to hear in that ancient chamber. The same went for him when he did the same, squeezing her hands back gently and making a vow of love and loyalty of his own, speaking with such urgency and power as though he were actively defying in any way he could the very fact that the day would come when he would betray these vows with one very simple act of sacrificing her life to the Grail. Everyone assembled there knew that, and yet he saw even such an ice queen as Gretel von Einzbern give an odd sigh when he spoke thus, as though even she were moved. Even Malte appeared entranced by it, beaten into submission by it.

Only Acht remained his usual stoic self, very much winter incarnate, but that was to be expected.

Perhaps that's what prompted Kiritsugu to let his eyes flick in the old mage's direction once during his vow as a kind of act of defiance to him as well, secretly satisfied in knowing that with his success in obtaining the Grail, these senseless, bloody Grail Wars would no longer take place, and such fools as Jubstacheit von Einzbern could abandon such ridiculous ambitions like attaining the Third Magic.

The fact that Irisviel's love for him had, as a result, garnered her loyalty to his cause rather than the Einzberns' increased his pride in her, and bolstered his spirits as far as any qualms he harbored previously about how he would go about winning the Fourth Holy Grail War. That and, regardless of how rushed and mostly unromantic it was, the wedding proceedings themselves still had the sense of the two of them officially binding themselves and each other to their private pact to reach the Holy Grail in order to carry out Kiritsugu's dream, and it felt so powerful to Kiritsugu that despite what would have to be sacrificed in order to obtain that dream—Irisviel's life—there was hope in that bond of love, perhaps because of the child Irisviel promised to give him.

Shortly thereafter, Irisviel no longer dwelled in a little room branching off the alchemy workshop where she was created, but with Kiritsugu, by his side. Nothing felt more natural than having her with him. When they returned to his rooms as husband and wife that night, Kiritsugu felt for the first time since that morning that he could actually breathe freely. In fact, in his mind, he stripped away all of the Einzbern castle save for this room, because this, for him now, was home, which was strange because it had been a long time since he'd had such a thing.

Irisviel crossed immediately to the window, amazed as she always was now with the brilliance of the moonlight. Kiritsugu watched her, doing everything in his power to simply be happy in this moment. His heart reached for her, and he joined her at the window, where she turned at his approach, as though the two of them moved in harmony with each other, mutually attracted and in tune with each other.

With great care and reverence, Kiritsugu took Irisviel's lovely face in his hands, smoothing the pads of his thumbs over her soft, ivory cheeks, so warm and so beautiful.

"Now…you are my wife."

His throat grew thick at the whispered utterance, and she stood there, speechless with love for him. He felt his soul fall deep into the crimson paradise of her eyes, as he leaned in and kissed her sweetly in the light of the moon streaming through the window.

When he pulled back, Irisviel sighed, glowing with contentment.

"I have a gift for you," he told her, running his fingers through strands of her silver hair. "Just something I thought you might like." He nodded to a package waiting on the little writing desk, net to the rose they had picked the other day sitting quiet in a crystal vase of water.

Curious as ever, Irisviel inspected the package briefly before unwrapping it. When she lifted the lid, she gave a tiny gasp of awe. Her crimson eyes sparkled like rubies as she carefully removed a beautifully made silk kimono covered in a pattern of iris blossoms.

When she put it on, she was radiant in her joy at wearing it. She twirled in front of the mirror, and she seemed to become a true iris blossom right in front of Kiritsugu's eyes.

"I love it!" she cried. "And it's so soft and cool…like wearing porcelain made into fabric! The Einzberns have one too buried in a closet full of treasures they've collected over the years, one covered in those cherry blossoms from those sakura trees you told me about, but the pattern in this one is so lovely. Is it custom made?"

"It is." Kiritsugu braced his palm against a post on the new four-poster canopy bed as he bent over to untie his shoes.

When he'd kicked them off, Irisviel had withdrawn from the mirror. He looked up at her, and thought her such a pure vision that it hurt him.

"You came up with this beautiful pattern?"

"Well I chose it. I thought of you, and that one felt right."

Irisviel's smile grew brighter. "You know my name has nothing to do with irises technically, even though the word is in it. 'Sviel' is the ending. Otherwise, you wouldn't drop that and call me 'Iri' the way you do."

"No…but coincidentally…it's your scent," Kiritsugu admitted, taking her hand tenderly in both of his.

Irisviel's crimson eyes rounded out in her puzzlement. "I smell…like irises?"

"Maybe…I just imagine it…because of your name…even though it has nothing do with those flowers…but…still…." Kiritsugu found it in himself to look at her, and he could see in her wide-eyed, pale face that he was giving her an expression that while it was happy, it battled fiercely yet elegantly with the sentiments of grief and guilt.

Iri…though I love you, though I've married you, though I mean to father a child with you…one day…I must…kill you….

Irisviel became entirely gentle and solemn, reaching up and taking his face in her hands, fixing her with eyes full of that same steely resolve he had seen before. And then she pulled him close, running her soft fingers through his dark hair. He slid his arms around her and held her with everything he had in him, surrounded by that iris scent.

In the gloom of their bedroom, stark in contrast to the silver moonlight spearing through the window, Kiritsugu felt that this wordless exchange was an entirely different vow, one in which they promised each other that they would reach the Holy Grail no matter what. And in the sobriety of that vow, love throbbed fiercely in his chest to the point of pain. He held Irisviel tighter, and coupled with this overflow of love that was nearly killing him yet at the same time making him more alive than he had felt in a very long time, there was also a suppressive darkness waiting in the wings, reminding him how fragile this was.

And he made his own personal resolution then and there that not only would he reach the Grail for the sake of the world, but for his sweet Irisviel's sake too. She was willing to go so far for him, a broken soul. He would do everything in his power to repay her for all of that, love her with everything he had in him, even beyond her inevitable demise, unto his own dying breath.

After a time, Irisviel's scent intoxicated and enthralled Kiritsugu such that he grew restless, no longer content with touching his new wife so reservedly. He pulled back, and he saw in her reaction to him that she could see a new kind of soft light in his dark eyes.

"I know Acht has particular instructions for us, and we'll carry those out, but to a point. I still want to have you as any husband would want to have his wife…if you'll have me just the same way."

Irisviel's lips parted in a silent gasp. Indeed she had read much on the subject of acts of intimacy, and after all of Kiritsugu's wondering how much she thought about it concerning their relationship, the expression she gave him now was all the answer he needed.

He picked Irisviel up and carried her to the bed, laying her there gently before seating himself on the edge of it, bending over her, all his senses heightening with hers. He was very careful though, as if in the back of his mind he was afraid he would break her now, as he reached over and traced his finger down the side of her face, the line of her throat, to the curve of her breasts hidden beneath the silk kimono.

This was nothing like what he experienced with Maiya. And for Irisviel's sake, he wanted her to know, without the benefit of experience, just how beautiful he was going to make this for her. It was enough to quicken his breath and pulse in seeing how such a simple beginning touch from him could make her tremble like this. And he knew that the new, starlit gleam in her bright red eyes reflected the one that had appeared in his own.

"Kiritsugu…."

After that, there were no words, save for what Kiritsugu whispered in Irisviel's ear deep into the night. And he knew he'd given her something that she could perceive as preciously wonderful when at the end of it all, she sighed so happily against him, the both of them drowsy in their love. When morning came even, it felt as though the preamble to a new world had broken free.

Kiritsugu panicked for only a millisecond when he felt that he was alone in their bed, for he quickly sensed Irisviel near at the new vanity that the Einzberns had had installed in the room as one of their "wedding presents". He saw her seated there from behind, as well as her reflection in the mirror. She was wrapped up in the kimono again, her silver hair more delightfully ruffled than he'd ever seen it before, and she was tracing her fingers across her lips, and down her body, as with each touch she remembered where he had touched her the night before. He was glad to see that she appeared gently pleased with herself.

Allowing himself to secretly smile into his pillow, it was another "first-time-in-a-long-time" for Kiritsugu as he allowed himself, for once, the indulgence of sleeping in just a little bit longer.

Later that morning they extracted and delivered his and Irisviel's cells thusly as instructed by Acht, but even so, Kiritsugu and Irisviel knew without having to say it to the other that because of what they had shared the night before, not even this could take away what they had together. And in that simple truth, Kiritsugu finally felt a little bit more like the man of strength he had always wanted to be.