INT: GARY AND ANDREW ARE SAT IN THE FRONT OF THE VAN. - They are playing cards.
ANDREW: They did see us turn off right?
GARY: I think so, but they have been a while!
ANDREW: Shall we go and have a look for them?
Gary and Andrew get out of the van and walk towards the services. They walk all around the services but can't find the girls. They walk back to the car.
ANDREW: I'm guessing that they didn't!
GARY: I'll ring Miranda!
Gary gets out his phone and dials a number.
INT: MIRANDA'S CAR - Stevie is driving. The two of them are singing along to "Billy Joel - Uptown Girl"
MIRANDA\STEVIE: Uptown Girl, she's been living in...
The music stops as Gary's picture appears on the car monitor. Miranda accepts the call.
MIRANDA: AN UPTOWN WORLD!
GARY: What?
MIRANDA: We were singing! You interrupted our sing-a-long!
GARY: Anyway, where are you?
MIRANDA: On the motorway!
GARY: Very funny! Did you not see us turn into the services?
STEVIE: Obviously not!
GARY: Do you know where you're going?
MIRANDA: We have a welsh woman shouting directions at us!
GARY: What?
MIRANDA: The SATNAV Gary, the SATNAV!
GARY: Oh right! Well you carry on, we'll catch up!
SATNAV: (Welsh Accent) Continue for 10.1 miles, then turn off at Junction 15, towards Marlborough/Swindon.
GARY: We'll see you there!
MIRANDA: Over and out!
Miranda ends the call. Billy Joel resumes.
MIRANDA/STEVIE: I BET SHE'S NEVER HAD A BACKSTREET GUY!
Stevie stops the music.
STEVIE: Do you have anything other than Billy Joel?
MIRANDA: NO! Why would I? Billy is all you need!
STEVIE: Can you scan the channels please?
Miranda turns onto the radio. First up is a piece of classical music. Miranda looks to Stevie. They start singing in operatic voices.
MIRANDA: I haaave nnnoo iddeaa what they'reee saying!
She switches it over and it goes to a Rap/Hip Hop song.
STEVIE: YO!
Miranda turns it over. This station is called "Cheese" Walking on Sunshine is playing.
MIRANDA: I think this may be the channel for us! How long does the SATNAV say is left?
STEVIE: About 55 miles!
MIRANDA: In that case I'm going to sleep!
Miranda adjusts her seat and grabs a pillow from the back.
MIRANDA: Wake me when we get there!
Stevie looks stunned.
INT: GARY'S VAN - He is driving, Andrew is slumped against the window.
GARY: Penny for them?
ANDREW: Huh?
GARY: You look as though you have something on your mind!
ANDREW: Oh no it's alright!
GARY: Come on! Spill!
ANDREW: What's it like being a dad?
GARY: Why? Do you and Stevie have a little one on the way?
ANDREW: Oh no! Not that I know of!
GARY: Well parenthood is both stressful and rewarding. The sleepless nights, the endless dirty nappies, the tears, the screaming. Never having a moment to yourself, but seeing their smiles and hearing their little laughs evens it up!
ANDREW: Now that Stevie and I are married, I think children are the next step!
GARY: It doesn't have to be! Take a few years to settle into marriage! Enjoy being a couple!
ANDREW: Do we have a few years? We're no youngsters! We'd already be the oldest parents in the school playground now!
GARY: Mate, that stuff doesn't matter! Miranda and I will be fifty six when the twins turn eighteen! Its just a number.
ANDREW: Suppose so!
GARY: Have you spoke to Stevie about it?
ANDREW: In passing, but we've never sat down and had a conversation about it! Here, we need to turn off here!
They see a sign for Tewkesbury.
EXT: IN AN EMPTY FIELD - Miranda, Gary, Stevie and Andrew are stood in front of the van.
MIRANDA: I'm not an expert on Food festivals, but I have an inkling that we are in the wrong place!?
GARY: You think?
ANDREW: What day does the festival start?
GARY: We had to be here for 9am, the tents etc were being erected...
Miranda and Stevie burst into giggles.
ANDREW: Really?
GARY: It was all being set up at eight o'clock.
ANDREW: 9am on Thursday 12th!?
GARY: No, 9am on Friday 13th, which is today!?
ANDREW: No mate, that's tomorrow!
Gary puts his hands on his head.
MIRANDA: So we are early by a whole day?
STEVIE: Seems that way!
MIRANDA: Which also means our hotel isn't booked for tonight!?
GARY: Hotel? What hotel?
MIRANDA: What hotel? The hotel that we are obviously staying in throughout our time here?
GARY: There is no hotel, we're staying in the van!
STEVIE: What now please?
GARY: The top deck transforms into a bedroom! There's room for all of us!
MIRANDA: Please say you're joking?
GARY: Why would I fork out on a hotel when we already have a hotel on wheels?
MIRANDA: This van is in no way a hotel on wheels! This represents a chicken coop! I am not sleeping in that!
Miranda and Stevie storm off.
MIRANDA: I am going to find a hotel and get their best and most expensive suite for me and my little friend here! You will not find us in that!
INT: INSIDE THE VAN - TOP DECK. Gary and Andrew are in a bed either side of the van. Suddenly there's a knock at the door. Gary gets down and opens it. There stands Miranda and Stevie.
MIRANDA: Please can we bunk with you? All of the hotels are full!
GARY: Oh so now my van, which I remember you saying resembles a chicken coop, is okay for you two is it?
STEVIE: Gary, we are very sorry to have insulted your van. We are very cold out here and very tired! Please can we come in!
GARY: Andy, shall I let them in?
Miranda brings out a bag from behind her back.
MIRANDA: I brought beer!
GARY: Well why didn't you say so!?
Gary let's them in, then shuts the door. The sun sets behind them. A lot of laughing comes from the van. The stars come out and finally the lights go out inside the van. Suddenly a cockerel sounds. The sun rises.
MIRANDA: Someone shoot that bird please?
Andrew and Gary emerge from the back of the van.
ANDREW: What time is it?
GARY: 6am!
The cockerel sounds again.
MIRANDA: Seriously, someone get hold of that bloody bird!
Miranda exits the van.
GARY: We're going to get things for breakfast, if a man turns up in a high vis jacket. Do as he says!
MIRANDA: Yes your majesty!
Miranda curtseys as Gary and Andrew walk off. She goes back into the van and closes the door behind her. The cockerel starts again.
MIRANDA: I feel roast cockerel is going to feature heavily this weekend!
The cockerel stops.
MIRANDA: That made him stop!
Snoring resumes. A man appears at the van, he knocks on the door but no one answers. He signals across the field. Suddenly a crane appears and they lift the van up.
SCENE ENDS.